Pillow Talks

Do you and your partner go to bed at the same time? In the same bed? In the same ROOM?   It’s easy to get stuck in the stereotypes of what a couple “should” be doing, and what it means if you and your partner have unconventional sleep habits. After polling our Instagram audience, we found that many of you are worried that “different” is spelled t-r-o-u-b-l-e, so in this grab bag episode, we address a collection of sleep-related topics that we hope will put your minds at ease. We’ll tell you all about the choices we’ve made about bed times, bed arrangements, to cuddle or not to cuddle, and what to do with the dogs when it’s time for lights out.   Now, we couldn’t talk about sleep habits without talking about the ever-popular subject of sex dreams, so don’t miss out on the hilarious revelations of what really gets our subconscious motors running and how we feel about not always co-starring in each other’s fantasies.   (Heads up: At the very end of the episode, we define sexsomnia, how it can be a game-changer, and how it can bring up tricky issues around consent.)   Links & Resources: YouTube Video:  What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-Ux8UMSiMg/)  Our Instagram:   Vanessa + Xander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/)    If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode96 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mental Load sucks. But are you accidentally making it even harder?   We originally talked about Mental Load way back in episode 4, and in today’s episode, we’re going to zone in on two nuances that can make or break your attempts to balance your partnership: perfectionism and male Mental Load.   Do you have a specific way that you like tasks to be done around the house? Maybe you find yourself feeling frustrated at your partner because they never do things the way you would do them. Or you get upset when they try to “help” because they bombard you with so many questions that you end up just doing it yourself? Perfectionism is hard enough to deal with on its own, but when you combine it with Mental Load, it’s a recipe for disaster and resentment.   Or maybe you’ve tried to talk to your partner about your Mental Load, but now you find yourselves in a competition about who is carrying more. You could list all the things you do for the house, for him, for the kids, but what would he have on his list? We asked the men in our community to talk about their Mental Load, and some of their answers may surprise you! (One answer was shocking enough that you’ll get to hear first-hand how to navigate a Mental Load conversation when your male partner carries a Load that’s invisible to you.) Men may not always know how to put into words what they carry, but the weight is still there, and it’s throwing off the scales of your partnership.   Let us guide you through the minefield of gender roles, socialization, and the burden of perfectionism in this second edition of Mental Load. Grab your partner or play it loud enough for them to hear it in the other room, because this is the one episode your relationship can’t afford to miss!   Links & Resources: Guide:  Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/)  Podcast Episode Callback:  Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship (https://vmtherapy.com/episode4/)  Podcast Episode Callback:  Fine, I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Danger of Weaponized Incompetence (https://vmtherapy.com/episode35)    If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode95 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to Pillow Talks! Is this your first time listening to our podcast? Maybe you bought our book Sex Talks and you’re just starting to dig into our episodes. Or maybe you’ve been listening for a while, but still don’t really know our story. Whatever the case may be, we’re so glad to have you and can’t wait to tell you a little more about who we are and what we do!   It seems like a good time for a reintroduction into our backstory and all the content we have to offer. Ever wonder how a sex therapist and a regular dude partnered up to change to world one orgasm at a time? We’ll go into all of that and more in this episode, as we talk about building our brand on IG, spilling our secrets on the podcast, and changing as many relationships as possible with our classes and guides.   So whether it’s your first time or your 50th, take a listen as we stroll down memory lane and share some great advice from the OG’s that have been here with us from the beginning. We promise, it’s gonna get weird!   Links & Resources: Our #1 recommended guide :  The Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/)  Our most comprehensive course:  Better, Hotter, More (https://bhm.vmtherapy.com/)  All our courses:  The Courses Page (https://vmtherapy.com/courses/)  Our book:  Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://vmtherapy.com/sex-talks/)    If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow).   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode94 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ready for the most epic game of Would You Rather?   We’ve done Would You Rather on Instagram a few times, and it was such a hit that we decided to bring it to the podcast. We asked you for your best Would You Rather questions, and sat down to play without discussing our answers beforehand. You’ll get to hear our genuine reactions and honest responses as we giggle our way through the submissions you’ve sent in. Stay tuned to the end to hear our immediate buyer’s remorse that sent us over the edge.   Spoiler alert: Would You Rather is a silly game, but it’s also a sneaky and effective way to start genuinely useful conversations with your partner!   Would you rather listen to a sex therapist and a regular dude dig into some thought (and laughter) provoking questions, OR miss out on the funniest hour of your life?   Links & Resources: Our Book:  Sex Talks (https://vmtherapy.com/sex-talks/) Guide:  Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Past Episode: Episode 83 How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument (https://vmtherapy.com/episode83)    If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. (http://RocketMoney.com/pillow) Rocket Money could save you hundreds a year! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode93 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It’s official… Sex Talks is a New York Times INSTANT Bestseller!   But to be totally up front with you, the process of getting here has been pretty wild. There have been SO many surprises, frustrations, and downright heartbreaks.   So we decided to pull back the curtain and get brutally honest about this journey has really been like. We’ve been keeping a secret journal of all of the ups and downs of the last few months. Stories we couldn’t tell you here or on Instagram. Stories we’re finally able and ready to reveal.   So pull up a seat and sip your tea while we spill all of ours!   Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/)    If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode92 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever had a question that you were too embarrassed to even Google? You know, the kinda stuff that you don’t even talk about with your best friend. The stuff that makes you ask, “Is this normal?”   Well we have, and that’s why we decided to make an episode covering all the topics you can’t ask anywhere else. We asked you for your most embarrassing questions, then polled them all on Instagram. We collected enough evidence to prove, definitively, that no matter how you feel about any of these topics, you are certainly not alone!   Tune in to hear us reveal some surprising outcomes, some hysterical hot takes, and the truth about what it means to be “normal”.   Links & Resources: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)⁠⁠  Guide: A Year of Creative Dates Masterclass: How To Know What You Want In the Bedroom YouTube: Is Your Vulva Normal Podcast Episode 48: How To Get Out Of (And Prevent) Dry Spells Podcast Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Podcast Episode 43: How to STOP Getting Distracted During Sex! Podcast Episode 44: How To Get Your Partner To Open Up   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode91 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is it OK if you and your partner keep finding yourselves coming back to the missionary position during sex? Does that make your relationship - gasp! - vanilla? Missionary often gets judged as being boring, predictable, or beginner, and a lot of us feel embarrassed to admit that we like it.   Well, take it from a sex therapist… vanilla is popular for a reason. Missionary can be wildly intimate, erotic, and even kinky when it’s done right. In this episode, we show you all the different ways to spice up Missionary. You don’t have to step outside of the box every night to have a smoking hot sex life; just a few tweaks can majorly turn up the heat!   Links & Resources: Next Level Intercourse Dirty Talk Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode90 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you want more intimacy in relationship? If your answer was, “Yes, but HOW?”, then you’re in the right place! We’ve been together for 15 years and know from personal experience how a relationship can ebb and flow right into a rut. You’re too tired, too overwhelmed, too embarrassed by how stale things have gotten, and you find yourself in the land of stagnation.   Good thing we’ve come up with the cheat code!   Whether you’re looking for more emotional or physical intimacy, or BOTH, we have you covered. This episode is jam packed with tips for rekindling the connection, how to get your partner on board with creating more intimacy, and even some real-life feedback from couples who have used our advice to find their way back to each other.   Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (available for preorder until Feb 7th) Challenge: Intimate or Nasty (Preorders get $30 off this challenge) Free Guide: How To Get Your Partner On Board For Intimate Or Nasty   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks ZocDoc. Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode89   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When we revealed in Episode 37 that we’re child free by choice, it became the most popular episode in Pillow Talks’ history, hands down. Talking about it publicly was challenging, emotional, and the most intimate we’ve ever been with our audience… until now.   After listening to the episode, so many of you reached out to share that you’re struggling with whether or not to have kids. You’re having a hard time identifying your own desires under all the layers of pressure and expectation. In this episode, you’ll find a roadmap to guide you through this weighty, personal decision process, along with some great advice from those in our audience who have been on either side of the fence. Whichever way you go, we’re here to help make sure it’s the right choice for YOU.   Links & Resources: Sex Talks Episode 37 - The Truth About Why We’re Child Free   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off site wide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode88 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve been following us for a bit, you probably know that we have a book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, coming out February 7th with Simon & Schuster. We’re so excited for you to get your hands on this book, and bring more connection, pleasure, and fun into the bedroom! But do you want to know the real story behind the book?   In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtains on what it really means to write a book, get it published, and then get it to your audience. There were moments that shocked us, some that terrified us, and some that completely changed the way we see our business. Join us as we break down the numbers, lay out the timeline, and explain just how much of a village it truly takes to publish a book. By the time you finish with this episode, there won’t be anything left to do but click the link to preorder!   Links & Resources: Sex Talks   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode87 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices