Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about the most common mistakes that people make in the bedroom. How can you create passion and meaningful sexual intimacy even when you have been together for years? How can you make sex special on a regular weeknight when the kids are down the hall and there are still dirty dishes in the sink?From understanding the different ways that men and women approach sexual pleasure to getting in touch with what you really want in the bedroom, Dr. Berman explains that the most fulfilling and passionate sex is often born out of self-knowledge and a willing to go beyond the surface.“When we think of exciting sexual encounters or passionate hookups, we tend to imagine a very Hollywood image of what that kind of sex looks like. We picture a couple stumbling home from their date night or a night out at the bar, pulling each other’s clothes off as they trip down the hallway and then land in bed together. The sex feels very spontaneous and unplanned,” says Dr. Berman.“But what I have found throughout my years as a sex therapist is that the best sex really happens when couples consciously do the work necessary to make uninhibited, whole-hearted sex possible. It’s not about a drunken hookup where you’re struggling to pull off each other’s close as fast as possible. It’s about slowing down, feeling what’s really happening inside, and knowing that you are safe enough and loved enough to show your whole self.”Dr. Berman explains that this type of sex is also so special because it requires no preparation or extra window dressing.“You don’t need the lingerie or the date nights or the candles,” says Dr. Berman. “Those things are wonderful and special, but if you’re having conscious, whole-hearted, enlightened sex, or some form of conscious physical connection (even if it’s just for 10 minutes), that means more than a whole night of bells and whistles without any emotional depth or real intimacy.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down for an intimate conversation with husband Neal Allen. Neal Allen is a coach and writer who studies and practices traditional and contemporary spiritual paths. His book “Shapes of Truth: Discover God Inside You,” is one of Dr. Berman’s favorite new books and she is eager to share how you can apply the deep wisdom within this book to your life.Neal Allen will help listeners discover how to find the divinity within, including what divinity means and how even a non-believer can connect with a deeper meaning and purpose. Allen explains how his time at the Hameed Ali's Diamond Heart group helped to awake him to the false stories about himself and his reality that he had been stuck in, and how he was able to ‘burn down his house’ discover how to see the many colors of divinity within them.“There are 35 colors that you can find within yourself,” says Allen. “And each of them has to do a way in which you are divine.”Allen explains what these colors mean and how you can learn to find your colors in yourself and in others.During the episode, Dr. Berman also gets a chance to speak with Neal Allen’s wife Anne Lamott. Anne Lamott is the New York Times bestselling author of “Bird by Bird,” “Help, Thanks, Wow,” and “Stiches.” She is also a public speaker and writing teacher, and one of Dr. Berman’s favorite writers.Lamott talks to Dr. Berman about dating when you’re middle-aged, and how one should approach the process of looking for love. How do you know when he’s “the one” or when he just ticks most of your boxes?“Hold out for the person you would want to be best friends with, even if they aren’t going to your romantic partner,” says Lamott.You can find Neal Allen’s “Shapes of Truth: Finding the Divinity Within” on Amazon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman discusses one of the most common issues she sees in her sex therapy practice: Mismatched libidos.“Whenever one partner has more desire than the other partner, you’re looking at a powder keg,” says Dr. Berman. “It may not seem so at first. But as one partner keeps saying ‘no’ and the other partner keeps dealing with that rejection, over time it can really become an explosive situation.”Dr. Berman says one of the main reasons mismatched libido can lead to divorce is because lack of sex often leads to lack of physical intimacy and then lack of emotional intimacy as well.“When sex falls by the wayside, what often happens is that cuddling, kissing, hand-holding, and snuggling often go away too,” says Dr. Berman. “A woman may reject being cuddled or getting massaged because she fears it is going to lead to sex, and if she’s not in the mood, she may just want to shut down any physical intimacy altogether.”Dr. Berman says that when cuddling and physical touch disappear, then romance tends to follow suit.“Then, the pet names disappear and the little signs of affection, like bringing home flowers or going on date nights or making her a special dinner just to surprise her,” says Dr. Berman. “His needs are getting met in the bedroom so he can’t meet her needs outside the bedroom. It becomes a vicious circle.”Dr. Berman says it’s not just women who suffer from low libido, but men as well.“When men have low desire, it presents differently from women,” says the sex therapist. “Oftentimes, stress or shame or fear of performance issues can lead a man to avoid sex. If he is struggling with erectile dysfunction, he may try to avoid sex because it is humiliating for him. Or if he is out of work or not able to provide for his family, I find that this kind of stress also leads men to shut down in the bedroom. When men feel stressed or emasculated, they often cope by turning to porn and masturbation instead of wanting to connect with their actual partner in the bedroom.”So what can couples do to address mismatched libidos and ensure that both sex and romance stay alive in their relationship? Listen to this very important episode of “The Language of Love” to find out! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman continues her conversation with the transformative author and energy guide, Lee Harris. (See the previous episode for Part One of her interview with Harris).In this episode, Dr. Berman and Harris talk about how you can heal from a breakup and find self-care. What does self-care really mean? Is it about splurging on a massage or taking a hot bath with expensive bath bombs? Or is there more to self-care than meets the eye? Harris and Dr. Berman look beyond the commodification of self-care and our current understanding of how self-care often means external things (like shopping or going on vacation), and how self-care can actually be much deeper than that.Harris suggests spending 10 minutes a day with yourself, and how this simple, easily applied practice can totally overhaul you whole day and our whole mood. The truest form of self-care is about being with yourself, honoring yourself with your whole awareness and consciousness. And then without judgment or condemnation or allowing anyone else’s needs or desires overtake you, you sit for that 10 minutes and honor what is happening right now inside of you. It’s a small but powerfully significant way to change your life.“If you are trying to recover from something or replenish yourself, place a hand on your heart and say to yourself, “I give myself my own love.” It is a powerful statement. I give myself my own love. Some of you will feel it going through the hand back into the heart recycling what it is you send out. A lot of love escapes your body from this point, so send it back in. The heart is a magnet when it is full,” writes Harris.Later in the episode, Harris and Dr. Berman talk about how our challenges and setbacks actually hide our most important invitations from the universe, and how our darkest times can offer us the chance for finding the true light within. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down with energy expert and transformation guide Lee Harris. Harris is the author of “Energy Speaks: Messages from Spirit on Living, Loving, and Awakening,” and on today’s episode, he talks about how we can get in tune with our energy and help use our consciousness not only to heal ourselves but to heal the world.Harris explains to Dr. Berman how we can better raise boys and help them to get in touch with their emotions. Since our society encourages men to be stoic and never cry or show weakness, many boys grow up being unable to cope with or even identify their emotions.On this episode, Harris shares his important insights on raising emotionally healthy boys, but also emotionally healthy kids in general. How can you better tap into your child’s emotions? How can you parent in a conscious, vulnerable way? These questions are so complex, but the answers are already within us, if we can just let our egos and expectations get out of the way our intuition and our inner wisdom.When we connect to the source of unconditional love and our true power, we can parent in a way that allows our children to break free from painful family patterns, even those that may have existed in our family legacy for generations.“The heartbreak of this planet is healing. It may not seem so, but it is. Heartbreak is healing on a planetary level. That is why hearts are breaking. So, lead with your hearts both for yourself and for others,” says Harris. “Where you share your love with others, you lead with your hearts. None of you acknowledge yourselves enough for this. And where you lead with your hearts, you the lead the way for others to open their hearts.”Don’t miss this insightful episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about what men really want in the bedroom, and why men seem to have higher desire than women when it comes to intimacy.Dr. Berman reveals that the most common issue that she sees in her clients is the fact that men want more sex than their partners, and how those mismatched libidos can wreak havoc on your relationship. When sex falls by the wayside, it can lead to less affection, less physical touch, and less romance in general. When a woman doesn’t want sex, she may brush off her partner if he tries to cuddle her or kiss her, because she thinks “Oh no, he is just going to want sex, and I don’t even want to go there right now.” Or maybe she even feels guilty accepting affectionate touch since she isn’t ‘keeping up her end of the bargain’ and being the passionate, hands-on partner that she knows her partner wants her to be.Yet the more these things disappear (the cuddling, the hand-holding, the pet names, the snuggling under the sheets) in a relationship, the more her desire will continue to plummet as well because she needs these forms of affection to help fuel her libido. So, it becomes a vicious cycle in which less sex means less romance, and less romance means less sex, and in the end, both partners end up feeling very isolated and disconnected.Dr. Berman’s advice for couples is simple: Start by being honest about the fact that you each have different levels of desire, but make room for the possibility that this can change in the future. Every sex life has ebbs and flows, so even if you are not currently where you want to be in the bedroom, make room for the possibility that this can change and that you and your partner have the power to create the passion, fulfilling sex lives you both desire and deserve. Listen to today’s episode of “The Language of Love” to hear Dr. Berman’s best sex tips for couples struggling with mismatched libidos. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down with Janne Robinson, a feminist beat poet, speaker, and visionary. The two women talk about life, love, trauma, open-heartedness, and finding ‘the one.’How do you know when you have found your forever soulmate? And how do you know when you have found someone who is just here temporarily to help you deepen your journey and continue your soul-work? They also delve into the idea of “you spot it, you got it” and how you can claim those parts of yourselves that might scare you or even trigger. How can you claim your ‘wild’ and embrace your shadow-self? Robinson explains that most of us constantly live in a state of conformity, always trying to blend in and achieve concrete milestones in order to prove our worth.Robinson also talks about the feelings of jealousy and inferiority that can plague us when we don’t feel as ‘enlightened’ or as ‘free’ as other people around us who are living consciously and seemingly fearlessly. She explains that the best way to get over that envy is to actually spend time with those we admire and wish to emulate, because it will help to draw out that energy and what we wish to create in our own lives.They also talk about body wisdom and how you can tap into your body’s innate needs and desires. How can movement and physical activity help us unlock our self-worth and intuition? How can you ‘be in the body’ even when you are dealing with deep grief and trauma, and are frightened to face those feelings buried within you.“If we must have milestones—mine will be measured by how much joy I have collected at the end of each day and how often in this life I have truly, deeply, opened,” writes Robinson. “Seek, see, love, do.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about self-love and how self-love can help to heal the world. She tackles the difference between self-esteem and self-worth, explaining that self-esteem is conditional. Self-esteem is often based on other people’s perceptions of us and that external validation, such as whether you can perform well enough or achieve enough in the world’s eyes. Only then can you have pride in your accomplishments and feel confident in yourself.But, as the sex therapist explains, self-worth is completely different. It is totally unconditional love that you never have to compete for or earn. “Self-worth is ultimately, at its core, the understanding that you are worthy of abundant love, simply because you exist. You don’t have to do anything or be anything, you’re actually perfectly imperfect exactly as you are and perfectly lovable exactly as you are. You are the unique, one-of-a-kind expression of spirit,” says Dr. Berman.So how can you begin to establish self-love? What are some ways you can create a self-love practice that will help you to elevate your energy and receive the abundance you deserve? And, for parents, how can you create a household in which self-love radiates throughout the family and your children feel loved and celebrated by you simply for existing?Dr. Berman also talks to a caller who wants to know how she can support her adult child who is going through a difficult time. How can parents of adult children help to model self-love and encourage their children to make smart decisions without being a helicopter parent?A caller also asks Dr. Berman about how to overcome childhood abuse and self-destructive coping mechanisms that are interfering with his ability to establish healthy self-love in the present and create positive relationships. How can you build self-love when your childhood was traumatic?Listen to Dr. Berman’s advice on self-love and how to create it on her this newest episode “The Language of Love.”  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down with internationally acclaimed author and lecturer Marianne Williamson.Dr. Berman’s grief journey following the death of her son Sammy has been greatly illuminated and shaped by Williamson’s past works, such as “A Return to Love” and “Tears to Triumph,” so sitting down for an interview with such a beloved soul-guide has been a longtime plan of hers.In today’s interview, Dr. Berman and Williamson talk about this incredibly difficult time that we are living in, and how crucial it is for us to stay present and engaged, rather than hiding our heads in the sand. How can you find your voice and help to promote peace and integrity when you just want to hide away from the ugliness of the world?Williamson says we must start acknowledging our own power and refusing to be silenced.In particular, Williamson believes that empaths and spiritually-minded people have a huge responsibility right now in helping to heal the world. She urges listeners to find a way to overcome the ‘overwhelm’ and tap into their amazing powers, because sitting by idly will only lead to further spiritual and physical destruction of our country and climate.“The effects of love are maximal,” says Williamson. “We [need to] stop disengaging from the political system.”  Dr. Berman and Williamson also talk about ‘The Course in Miracles,” which Dr. Berman is working through and which Williamson narrates for the audiobook. Listen to this inspiring episode and let Dr. Berman know your thoughts on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about her newfound hobby, Ecstatic Dancing. This unique form of dance is often misunderstood, and many people may not even know about this amazing, transformative form of body movement. So, together with Robin Parrish (Co-Founder and Managing Director of Ecstatic Dance LA), Dr. Berman discusses what ecstatic dancing is really all about, as well as how she has been using ecstatic dancing to cope as she moves through her grief journey after her son’s death.Ecstatic dancing isn’t about learning choreography or having the best rhythm: It’s about leaning into the changing waves of our lives, and learning how to dance and move with these ups and downs. Ecstatic dancing is all about listening to the wisdom of your body, and moving through any fears or doubts as you embrace the music within you.Ecstatic dancing has been said to lead to feelings of ecstasy or pure joy, and whether you do it alone in your backyard or with a group of friends or fellow dancers, you may find that this dance feels meditative, rejuvenating, or that it promotes feelings of serenity. In fact, ecstatic dancing has its roots in religious rituals that reach back thousands of years into human history. Listen to today’s episode to hear about the benefits and history of ecstatic dance, and how you can start grooving like Dr. Berman.Click here to learn more about Robin Parrish and Ecstatic Dance LA.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices