Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman

Today on “The Language of Love,” I am doing a “Bites” episode! These are my quick, informative little episodes that I created for those times when you don’t have time to listen to a whole podcast but you need a little boost and inspiration during your day.For this “Bite,” I am talking about something that I think is so, so important: Befriending your own shadow. All of us have a shadow. And this shadow doesn’t have to be a negative thing. Our darkness is what can help us to reveal our light. Our wounds can be our way of healing the world.But if we aren’t aware of our shadows, if we don’t embrace and befriend our shadow sides, guess what happens? That shadow side is what drives the bus. As they say in recovery, ‘our secrets keep us sick,’ but I would take that one step further and say it’s the secrets we keep from ourselves that keep us sick. If there are parts of you that you find shameful or unlovable, and you try to hide them away and ignore them, that only gives them more power. That gives your shadow side an insidious environment of shame and fear in which to grow.When we befriend our shadow side, we take back some of its power. We put our whole selves back in the driver’s seat, instead of letting fear and shame drive the bus. But, that being said, befriending your shadow side is not just about taking back control. I truly believe our shadows are here to serve us. I know this might be difficult to accept or even consider, but if you look deeply within and ask yourself how that shadow side has served you in your life, you might be shocked to see that there was a true purpose and even a protective energy in this shadow side.Listen to this “Bite” to get my take on how we can begin to befriend our shadow and why it is so important to do so! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” I am joined by Erin Claire. Erin is a human design expert. Human design is based on your time, date, and place of birth, and it offers you a roadmap and operating model that can help you learn more about yourself and how you can be most effective in love and life.Unlike astrology, which is predictive, human design isn’t meant to tell you your future. And human design doesn’t just rely on your natal chart. It combines things like your chakras, your energy, and other philosophical and spiritual systems. It’s a very in-depth system and a tool that you can use to help amplify your life.Using a powerful algorithm, the concept of human design is an incredibly interesting way to get to your where you came from, who you are, and where you are being pulled to. On this episode you will learn:• What human design is and how it can be relevant or useful to you• What are the 5 main human design types• How you can get your own human design reading• Understanding the meaning of your human design result• How your human design result will attract certain people into your field• Discovering your ‘full body yes’ and using your body’s intuition to learn how to prioritize yourself• Why holding your own boundaries is not just good for you, but good for everyone around youAs you listen to this episode and learn more about the human design types, you are probably going to find out your result right away. Get your free report on the human design website here.If you have ever wondered about what makes you tick or how your unique energy system can impact your life, this is a must-listen episode.For a discount for your own human design reading with Erin, please use code LOVE at checkout!https://erinclairejones.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” I am sitting down for a very special Sessions conversation. During Sessions, I get to talk to real listeners just like you and give them personalized, real-time advice to help address all of their questions about sex, love, and relationships.Today I am speaking with Mary. Mary reached out to me after seeing a post I made on social media about the wounded child that can often lives within many of us. If you have trauma in your past (who doesn’t?) and you haven’t fully addressed and processed that trauma, you might too have an inner wounded child who is crying out for attention and healing.Mary shares with me some of the things that deeply traumatized her as a child, including how her mother would prioritize men over raising her children. Mary still carries that trauma with her into her own romantic life and beyond. I help her to understand how she can meet her inner wounded child and help that child heal.If the concept of an inner wounded child sounds familiar, here are some signs that you might have an inner wounded child:⧿ Fear of abandonment and/or the belief that no one will ever stay with you if they see the ‘real’ you⧿ Problematic boundaries: You let people walk all over you and reveal all your deepest secrets and vulnerabilities right away…or the flip side, you never truly let people in, even those who have known you for years⧿ You are ashamed of expressing your own emotions: People with a traumatic or troubled childhood may have learned that it was important to hide their fear or sadness or anger from the adults in their lives, and this behavior can carry on into your own adulthood⧿ You never trust anyone. You have a subconscious (or conscious) suspicion of everyone, even you: You struggle to trust your own judgement or believe your own recollections of events.⧿ Conflict avoidant: You run from conflict and bury your head in the sand when people mistreat you or those you love. You want to stand up for yourself but you don’t have the tools or resources to do so.Listen to this episode and let me know your thoughts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” I am doing a “Bites” episode! These are my short-and-sweet episodes in which I answer listeners’ most pressing questions.For this “Bite,” I tackle a question from a viewer who wants to know how to deal with people-pleasing in the bedroom. Being a people-pleaser might sound like a good thing, but it is often very self-destructive for the person who is being the pleaser. They often give up their boundaries and their truth in order to satisfy the needs of everyone around them, and as my caller points out, this can even occur inside the bedroom too.So what happens if you are stuck in people-pleaser mode in the bedroom, or if your partner displays this behavior during intimacy? How can you ensure that BOTH of you are feeling valued and respected, and that each of you are truly enjoying sexual pleasure instead of just going through the motions or faking orgasms?In my own experience as a sex therapist, I have found that people who struggle with people-pleasing behaviors and codependent behaviors often have a very hard time being honest about how they really feel and what they really want. They are so used to saying “It’s okay” or “I’m fine” that they end up becoming truly isolated from what is happening inside of them. It’s easy to see how truly problematic this can be for sexual pleasure! If you are not comfortable asking for what you want, or if you don’t even know how to tune into your own body and pay attention to what is happening for you (instead of trying to feel how your partner might be feeling or wondering what they might be thinking or needing from you), it’s going to be super hard for you to get to a place where you can have fulfilling, passionate sex.So what can you do? How can you move on from people-pleasing behavior and become more vulnerable and connected in the bedroom? Tune in right now to listen to my advice for this caller. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” I am sitting down with Sonia Choquette. Sonia is a spiritual teacher and visionary guide, as well as the author of multiple New York Times bestsellers. Her latest book “Trust Your Vibes (Revised Edition): Live an Extraordinary Life by Using Your Intuitive Intelligence” is a crash course for anyone who wants to tap into their inner wisdom and call in their higher guides.Also joining us are Sonia’s two daughters. Like their mother, these women are also highly gifted and talented, and they have also recently written a book together. Called “You Are Amazing,” this self-help book is meant to help readers trust their inner magic and discover their true power.In this episode, you will learn:• What is the ‘sixth’ sense and how can we allow ourselves to be spiritually informed, even if we don’t fully trust the whole process• Understanding ‘intuitive intelligence’ and realizing that the purpose of this intelligence is to help us move forward and advance our gifts• The different ways we experience intuition and how this can be unique to each person• Learning to hear and trust your angels and spiritual guides• How to act on your intuitive guidance in a way that will build confidence and self-worthIf you have ever struggled to trust your own mind or believe in your own truth, this is a very powerful episode that can help you to realize how much intelligence your spirit really has. You have an internal guide inside of you that wants to help you achieve your soul-work, and you have angels and spirits around you that want to connect with you and help you to fulfill your mission here. We just have to get out of our own way and learn how to connect with this intuitive intelligence.Take a listen and let me know your thoughts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” I am doing a “Sessions” episode! These are some of my absolutely favorite episodes because I get to sit down with listeners like you and offer my real-time advice on your love, sex, and relationship questions.For today’s session, I am talking to a caller named Lisa. Lisa is struggling with issues with her partner, who she believes could be a narcissist. Lisa’s partner has kept her trapped in a toxic marriage (over 18 years) in which he has threatened her with financial consequences or alienating their kids if she leaves him. Although Lisa is desperate to leave, she is frightened to exit the relationship.Lisa is a self-described codependent who has always struggled with expressing her needs and standing up for herself. Although she reports that her childhood was relatively happy, as I explain to her, codependency is not a trait we develop in adulthood. It’s a trait we establish in childhood as a way to survive and cope in our family systems. In discussing her childhood with Lisa, we discover that her mother and father had a similar marriage to the one Lisa now finds herself in. Her mother spent her life serving her father and ensuring that his every need was met, and now Lisa finds herself in a similar situation.On this “Sessions” episode, I delve into codependency and the fundamental wound which can lead to codependency. I also reveal how codependency and narcissism can be two sides of the same coin. Although this might sound shocking, people who struggle with codependency can often have shades of narcissism, just as people who struggle with narcissism can also have shades of codependency.Tune into this episode of “The Language of Love” to learn more about what causes codependency and why I feel it is related to narcissism. Check out the advice I have for Lisa about leaving her marriage and healing her fundamental wounds, then shoot me your opinions on social media! I love to hear from you: And, remember, you too can do a “Sessions” episode with me if you email me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com or private message me on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s “The Language of Love,” we are doing a “Bites” episode! These “Bites” are short, pithy, bite-sized takes that are based on questions listeners like you send into me.For this episode, I am talking about love after divorce. Dating after divorce can be really tricky, not only because you and your ex might still be raw and dealing with your own complicated feelings, but also because we know that our kids are watching us and being impacted by every decision we make. As parents, our love lives don’t occur in a vacuum. Our kids are being influenced by our romantic choices, and they will use our relationships as a model for their own romantic relationships when they become adults. So, it’s no wonder that so many parents get really stressed about dating after divorce or dating as a single parent in general.No wonder concerns about dating after divorce are some of the most common questions I get from clients, friends, acquaintances, and more. We all want the best for our children, especially when we are going through something traumatic like divorce. On this episode of “Bites,” you will learn:• When is the right time to start dating after divorce• How should you introduce your kids to a new partner• How can you deal with feelings of jealousy or insecurity when your ex starts dating someone new and bringing them around your kids• How to co-parent in a conscious, informed way even when going through something as difficult as divorce and shared custody• Making sure that your new partner is the right fit for your family and a safe person to bring into your family homeThe good news is that it is truly possible for you to find love again after divorce, and for your kids’ lives to be positively impacted by you bringing a new partner into your life who is a wonderful role model. Divorce is far from the end of your love life, even if you are a parent. Listen to this “Bites” episode to get all my best advice for dating after divorce! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” I am joined by Lisa Bilyeu. Lisa is the cofounder of Quest Nutrition, a billion-dollar corporation which produces health-conscious meals and snacks. She is also the President of “Impact Theory” and the host of “Women of Impact,” a web series you can find on YouTube or listen to online. On her show, Lisa interviews women who have overcome massive difficulties and tragedies in order to make their dreams come true.I adore Lisa’s new book “Radical Confidence,” and I have recommended it to so many of my girlfriends. If you haven’t read it yet, be sure and grab a copy, because it is truly transformative and inspirational. Whether you are struggling to feel confident in your career, in your romantic life, or just in general, her book will inspire you to live authentically and chase after your wildest dreams.On this episode, I talk with Lisa about what inspired her to write this book and what she wants readers to take from it. You will learn:• How to overcome disappointment and keep showing up, even when you aren’t seeing the results you desire• How to stop ‘acting from your trigger’ and instead lead your emotions, rather than being led by them• How to create a game plan that is practical and solution-based, so that you don’t get stuck in a cloud of anger or bitternessI found this episode so inspiring and full of really actionable advice that you can begin applying to your life right now. If you’re in the need of a boost of motivation, this episode is for you! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s time for another one of our ‘sessions’ on “The Language of Love”! On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” I am doing a session with a caller named Martha. Martha shares with me a story that I think will sound very familiar to many of you: Whenever she sets a goal, she has lots of energy and motivation at first, but then she quickly finds herself getting ‘stuck’ and not having anymore forward momentum.I talk to Martha about how she can un-stuck and achieve her goals, particularly from an energetic standpoint. How can you align your energy so that you are attracting the success and abundance you desire? And why is it that we find ourselves winding up in dead-end situations where we can’t accomplish our dreams no matter how much we try?In speaking with Martha, I also find that she tends to choose men who don’t support her dreams and actively desire her success. I believe this is one of her primary wounds: Not that she has a fear of failure, but a fear of success!Does this sound familiar? Tune in and listen to my advice for Martha and join us as I do a grounding exercise that helps her to unlock the secret pain that is keeping her stuck in these dead-end relationships and unable to get her business up and flourishing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” I am doing another “Language of Love Bite.” That means I answer your questions and tackle the most common issues I hear during my work as a sex, love, and relationship expert.So what’s today’s Language of Love Bite all about? Sex after baby! How can you reclaim your sexual pleasure after you give birth? There are many issues which can arise after giving birth, even if you have a normal and healthy pregnancy and birth. Creating life takes a massive toll on a woman’s body, from her hormones to her sleep to her stress levels. So it is no wonder that many people struggle to find their pleasure again in the bedroom if they have a newborn at home.This is especially true if you are breastfeeding. While breastfeeding is natural and wonderful, it also can do a number on a woman’s hormones: In order to make breastmilk, women’s bodies essentially have to shut off their estrogen, which can mimic what happens to the female body during menopause. Even if you don’t breastfeed, it can still take a few months for your hormones to return to normal after you welcome a new baby into the world, as new moms have much lower estrogen in the following months after giving birth.Here is the good news: There are many things you can do to safeguard your sexual pleasure and enhance your intimacy, even if you have a little one at home and even if you’re still breastfeeding. Listen to this Language of Love Bite to get all of my best advice for how new moms and dads can reclaim their sexual pleasure and learn how to enjoy sex again, even when they have a newborn and limited time and energy. Give this episode a listen and then let me know your thoughts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices