Alonement

I’m delighted to welcome Sunday Times bestselling author Owen O’Kane on to the show this week. Previously an NHS Clinical Lead for mental health, Owen is now a psychotherapist and bestselling author. His books have all sorts of intriguing names, like Ten Times Happier and Ten To Zen. But when I saw the title of his latest book, How To Be Your Own Therapist, my ears pricked up. This is a podcast about alone time and how to make it better – and given that therapy is something which many of us consider valuable, but remains expensive and inaccessible to many, I thought that self-therapy, as Owen describes it, sounds like a brilliant use of your alone time. In this episode, he reveals some of the practical wisdom he shares in his latest book – plus, a little more about his own background, and what led him on the his career path, plus how he likes to spend his alone time. We discuss, among other things: How to stop living on autopilot and tune into the emotions driving your behaviourOwen’s practical, daily tips to administer ‘self-therapy’Owen shares the biggest indication, for him, that he needs some time aloneWe discover Owen’s background, and what led him to pursue this careerHow alone time helps therapists recover from the emotional toll of their job You can order Owen O Kane's latest book, How To Be Your Own Therapist, now from Bookshop.org.  You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:*  @ChezSpecter@Owenokaneten*Instagram: *@ChezSpecter@Owenokaneten*Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to ‘Me Time’, Alonement’s new, weekly series of 10-minute mini episodes from the archives. We’ll be showcasing the very best wisdom from some of our favourite former guests, in bitesize episodes designed for those smaller pockets of Alonement that you get throughout your day.          I'm kicking off with a slice of Alonement history: an excerpt from the episode with philosopher, author & School of Life founder Alain de Botton, originally recorded in November 2019. It was actually the first ever episode I recorded of this podcast, and one of the few I got to record in person ahead of the pandemic – at Alain’s office in north London. This recording happened at a time where I was still shaping my own understanding of alonement, and why it matters. Alain was challenging, in a way that proved invaluable. There’s no instant magic in taking time alone, he argued. Long periods of time alone won’t lead to self-knowledge, just like that. Essentially, we need to think about what we’re doing in that alone time, and make sure we’re spending that time in a conscious way - in order to make it ALONEMENT. In this clip, he takes us through a practical exercise we can do when we’re alone: an exercise that involves asking ourselves hard questions about our relationships, our career, and our friends – in order to work out who we are, and what we want; to tune into our intuition, rather than let our major life decisions be dictated by external influences.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Iona Bain is a personal finance expert who appears regularly on BBC Morning Live and writes a weekly column for the i Paper. She’s written two books, her second is Own It – a millennial guide to investing. On a personal level, she’s also recently made the big step of buying her first flat as a solo   buyer – a process she described to me in an email as a ‘learning curve’. In this episode, we discuss questions around solo finance – including the cost of living alone and the dreaded ‘single’ supplement’ – which, as many of you will know, is the additional cost often associated with doing things solo, from getting a hotel room to buying food in the supermarket. So many of you had specific questions you wanted me to ask Iona, so in the second half of this episode I’ll be bringing out some crowd-sourced audience questions.  We discuss, among other things: How Iona went from a musician who stored cash from gigs in a piggy bank, to a leading money expert.Iona's journey to buying her own place alone (and why she's transparent about having had help)Why our relationship with money is about more than just numbers – there's emotion involved, tooThe Single Supplement and how to navigate itHow learning to spend time alone can help us not only save, but also spend on what matters to us You can order Iona Bain's latest book, Own It, now from Bookshop.org.  You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:*  @ChezSpecter@IonaYoungMoney*Instagram: *@ChezSpecter@IonaBain*Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the tenth and final episode of season 6. This week’s episode is the second of two live recordings I did back to back at Kings Place in London – which was recorded in front of an audience. My guest is Abigail Bergstrom, the literary agent behind some of the biggest bestselling books in the past few years. More recently, at the beginning of this year, Abigail published her own debut novel, titled What A Shame. It is a beautifully-written story which explores everything from heartbreak and healing to the occult. I can testify to loving Abigail’s book so much I read the whole thing in one sitting, over the course of an evening. During our conversation, we discussed among other things the importance of turning up as your ‘best self’ for alonement (i.e not completely hungover or tired – because you wouldn’t turn up like that for a date!); the role that alone time plays in emotional healing; plus, why despite being a lover of solitude Abigail will never be taking herself off to a cabin in the woods – and feels a little bit miffed when her boyfriend goes for solo breaks in a log cabin. I hope you enjoy listening. You can order Abigail Bergstrom’s book, What a Shame, now from Amazon and Waterstones. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:@ChezSpecter@AbigailBergstrm Instagram:@ChezSpecter@abigailbergstrom Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, I have something very special for you – it’s the first ever live recording of Alonement, which was recorded in front of an audience at Kings Place in London. In what was a fairly ambitious move, I decided to record not one but two episodes back to back – which I’ll be releasing this week and next. The first guest to join me on stage was Olivia Petter, the author of Millennial Love, a brilliant memoir and social commentary on the modern dating landscape. She’s also the host of a podcast of the same name, which I’ve been lucky enough to be a guest on in the past. Oh, and your ears do not deceive you, that really is a gospel choir singing faintly at the beginning due to a slight timings clash at the concert hall – bear with us, it only goes on for the first 90 seconds. Let’s just call it divine intervention. During this episode, we discuss everything from the how-tos and how-nots of bringing solitude to your relationship to the frankly bizarre terms used to describe dating in online dating ('Cuffing'? 'Breadcrumbing?' We're exhausted!). This was a lively and, well, live conversation, and I hope you enjoy it as much as we (and the audience) did.You can order Olivia Petter’s book, Millennial Love, now from Amazon and Waterstones.    You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:@ChezSpecter@oliviapetter1 Instagram:@ChezSpecter@oliviapetter8  Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My very special guest this week is Emma Gannon, host of the Ctrl Alt Delete podcast, one of my absolute favourite shows and the first I ever listened to. Now a prolific author of both fiction and non-fiction, Emma is a true career inspiration – and well as an example of how to live a varied, creative life. Her latest book is Disconnected: How To Stay Human In An Online World, a practical guide to finding connection and community both online and off – in a nutshell, how to make our internet with the digital world that little bit better. As someone whose online brand is so established she was once described as ‘Miss Internet’ by Emma Barnett on Woman’s Hour, Emma is a true authority on how to approach our internet age in a more rewarding way – and I loved her suggestion that true connection begins not with other people, but with a deeper fundamental connection to ourselves first. Tune in to hear our conversation, which is jam packed with insights about everything from choosing a child-free life to Emma’s top tips for solo weekends away (my favourite? Pack your comfiest slippers!). You can order Emma Gannon’s latest book, (Dis)connected: How To Stay Human In An Online World, now from Amazon and Waterstones. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:@ChezSpecter@emmagannon   Instagram:@ChezSpecter@emmagannonuk Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Become the author of your own story – that's the promise from this week's guest, Roxie Nafousi, a self-development coach and bestselling author of Manifest: 7 Steps To Living Your Best Life, who champions the power of manifesting to bring about positive transformation in your life. Manifesting is a deceivingly simple concept; in a nutshell, it means changing your thought patterns in order to bring about positive change in your life and meet your goals. But it requires not just thought, but action – explains Roxie, who talks me through the power of solo practices like journaling, vision boarding and meditating in order to think hard about what you want from your career, relationships and creative life. This definitely convinced me of the merits of the practice, which some have written off as woo-woo or unrealistic but, actually, is firmly grounded in practical, realistic steps and intentionality. Plus, yes, quality alonement – which, yes I'm biased, but I maintain is the unifying force behind most modern day personal development practice. Anyway, have a listen, let me know what you thought, and I'll be back next week with a shiny new episode. You can order Roxie Nafousi’s book, Manifest, now from Amazon and Waterstones.  You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:*  @ChezSpecter*Instagram: *@ChezSpecter@roxienafousi *Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week's guest is Isy Suttie! The comedian, author and actor best known (among Peep Show fanatics) for playing the character of Dobby on the hit British sitcom. We discuss Isy Suttie's debut novel, Jane Is Trying, together with her stand-up comedy career and relationship with fellow comedian (and alone time fan, by the sounds of things!) Elis James. What follows is a gorgeous chat about the value of integrating alone time into your professional and family life, in order to live and create meaningfully. My Peep Show obsession is now in fierce competition with my adoration for the lovely, warm & wise soul that is Isy Suttie. I also have 100x more respect for the sheer craftsmanship and art form of comedy, a career which makes Isy’s other lines of work (you know, casually writing a book and acting in an award-winning TV series) sound like a breeze, comparatively. Anyway, happy listening – Isy is a joy. You can order Isy Suttie’s book, Jane Is Trying, now from Amazon and Waterstones.  You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:*  @ChezSpecter@IsySuttie*Instagram: *@ChezSpecter*Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s guest is author and journalist Angelica Malin, who recently published Unattached: Empowering Essays on Singlehood, a curated anthology of 30 writers (including me!) exploring the experience of being single, which was published by Square Peg earlier this year. Angelica, or Jelly as I know her, just so happens to be one of my closest friends. During our conversation, we discuss how our close friendship (and having other ‘single’ friends) is one of the most important factors in navigating a happy, ‘unattached’ lifestyle – from being each other’s plus-ones at parties to empowering one another to take solo trips to Santorini (you’re going to love Angelica’s account of hers). Angelica also shares how the breakdown of a five-year-long relationship at the beginning of the pandemic led to her creating a community of single women through her work, after deciding she – and others – shouldn’t have to navigate this lifestyle in isolation. This is an intimate conversation between close friends, and I'm so happy that, through the beauty of podcasting, you can be part of it. You can order Angelica Malin's book, Unattached: Empowering Essays on SInglehood, now from Amazon and Waterstones.  You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week, Oliver Burkeman, may be many things – but he's not a productivity expert. Thankfully, the former Guardian columnist rejects both the societal obsession with productivity hacking and the idea of being an expert (he'd much prefer to be regarded as a work in progress tackling the problems he personally struggles with through his work, he tells me on this episode). While Oliver makes no lofty claims about his wisdom, I'm going to do it for him. The bestselling author of Four Thousand Weeks – a provocative title when you find out it refers to the average human lifespan – and other personal development books such as Addicted To Busy is a soothing balm to anyone who finds themselves chronically trying to do everything, and feeling inadequate in the process. During this episode, we discuss the value of taking time for yourself within a busy, people-focused life; the unexpected overlap between an obsession with productivity and spending time alone; and we also talk about why coworking spaces are the absolute best for alone togetherness. You can order Oliver Burkeman's book, Four Thousand Weeks, now from Amazon and Waterstones.  You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:*  @ChezSpecter@OliverBurkeman*Instagram: *@ChezSpecter*Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.