Friend Forward

Have you ever wondered where to find your crew? What if we told you it's not a matter of joining the right clubs or pretending to be more of an extrovert? In this episode, we interview Laura Tremaine (⁠https://www.lauratremaine.com) ⁠host of "10 Things to Tell You" podcast and author of the new book "The Life Council".   You'll learn:   -why the search for an "all-inclusive" bestie might be restricting your joy -the beauty of not being everyone's everything -how to find more satisfaction in your friendship landscape   As always, stay tuned to the end for this week's homework.   A FEW NOTES:   We're currently reading "All about Love" by bell hooks for our Friend Forward Group Chat ⁠monthly book club⁠. Book a ⁠private session ⁠with host and resident friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson before she goes on break for the summer! Book Danielle to ⁠speak ⁠at your upcoming conference or event.

There are many factors that impact the health of our female friendships, but one that goes unnoticed is the dynamics of our ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. In today's episode of the Friend Forward podcast, Danielle Bayard Jackson-- female friendships coach and educator-- will break down 4 surprising ways that your man but be standing in the way of having more fulfilling friendships (whether it's intentional or not!).   Watch the corresponding ⁠video ⁠on Instagram to drop your comments on today's show. Book a private coaching session with Danielle at ⁠betterfemalefriendships.com/coaching⁠. Join our private ⁠group chat ⁠to access the full content from today's show. **Download your FREE GUIDE "⁠How to turn acquaintances into actual friends⁠"**

The latest statistics reveal that 58% of women who are childless don’t have any childless friends or family members. Who do they turn to for support? And how do their fertility journeys impact their friendships? In this episode, friendship expert and educator Danielle Bayard Jackson is joined by the founder of Chasing Creation and host of Lighthouse Women, Katy Seppi, to discuss the ways that women can who do and do not have children can find a way to maintain their friendship when fertility issues arise.  From the perspectives of both mothers and childless women,, Danielle and Katy give tips on how to navigate this territory, and explore the degrees of miscommunication and disconnect with your female friends. In this episode, you’ll learn how to: Avoid giving toxic positivity to a friend during her fertility journey Notice a friend’s  silent struggle Recognize (and mediate) lifestyle differences Explore new ways of relating Danielle Social Links: Book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. Whether a woman has started their fertility journey, remained childless, or recently became a mother, feelings of disconnect from friends and even themselves can occur. Talking through these situations with female friends may generate blanket statements like, “Don’t worry, we’ll be friends no matter what”. But, these over-simplified remarks just bury the problems at hand, and cause more splintering in friendships. So what are some ways to keep connections strong or repair the fractured relationships in our lives? If a friend is sharing their struggle with infertility, the instinctual response is to be uplifting and encouraging. “Keep trying, don’t give up, just pray on it and have hope.” This begins to sound like annoying Hallmark cards and is more dismissive of the pain than helpful. These forms of toxic positivity may come from not knowing what to say or trying to fix a problem. But your friend doesn’t need fixing, rather a space to be listened to. And if the tables are turned, communicating this need for your female friends to hold space for heavy emotions like grief or disappointment can go a long way in avoiding disconnect on both ends. Some women do not share when they begin their fertility journey, and from a friendship standpoint it can seem like they’ve distanced themselves unexpectedly. For those with children, it may be hard for some friends on this journey to be around all of the successful pregnancies, kids birthday parties or baby showers while they’re working through this experience. If something feels off in your friendships, reach out, try asking questions, listen and be supportive in sitting with that friend through their discomfort. Recognize the pieces of each friend’s life that are meaningful to them and celebrate those milestones. It won’t be the same for mothers as it will be for childless women, but these lifestyle differences don’t have to be the end of the friendships that have been around since before the kids, or a majorly successful career. And while it can be hard to balance everything, prioritizing time to catch up with your friends (uninterrupted) can keep your relationships strong. Finding new ways to relate or topics to chat about can become increasingly difficult when your worlds look nothing alike. And if a friend is going through an especially difficult time, the hurt of feeling unseen or disregarded can turn into animosity or resentment towards the friendship. Displays of attitudes or defensive aggression must be met with patience and reflection by both people. Tap back into what this person means to you and what the relationship should provide. Maybe even do a little research on what the friend is going through in an effort to understand. Frame these feelings as an invitation to connect and heal can go a long way. Sometimes friendships do end over these lifestyle changes, and it can be painful to realize that the other person cannot meet you halfway. Navigating these feelings in addition to the grief or struggle that's already present is even more challenging. But stating your intentions and desire to move forward with these friends can be powerful enough to overcome the hard times.

As seasons change, so do our friendships. And sometimes these shifts involve realizing that it’s time to move on from a friendship and break ties. If you currently find yourself mulling over this decision, have been in this situation before, or are about to enter into that space, friendship expert and education Danielle Bayard Jackson can offer some perspective. In this episode, you’ll learn how: Empathy can hold you back The dangers of maintaining the status quo Fear of your friend’s reaction can be detrimental To shift your perspective on what’s possible The bad can outweigh the good Danielle Social Links: Book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. When it’s time to break off a friendship, we can begin to experience a mix of emotions. Everything from fear, sadness, guilt, over-consideration to anger and confusion. It’s all warranted because deciding to break up with a friend can be as significant as a romantic relationship. It is important to note that this episode is not saying that you definitely need to break up with your friend. “Too many of us are already ending female friendships prematurely. But in order for us to grow and to make space available, and to make space available in our life, for new friendships, we sometimes determine that a current one is just not working.” – Danielle Bayard Jackson. But deep down, if you know that this relationship has run its course, staying can begin to cause more harm (to yourself) than good. So what’s the holdup? One of the possible reasons holding you back? Ruinous empathy. You’ll learn more about this tricky emotion in today’s episode. You may also be delaying a friendship breakup because of the fear of being mischaracterized by your friends and themselves. How does your attachment to others’ perception keep you stuck in tricky situations? Another reason you may delay breaking up with a friend is because of the fear of the friend's reaction. Anticipating a direct and active breakup with a friend can be jarring, with anxiety and stress growing at the thought of how the conversation will go. But it’s possible. Working with a friendship coach can help you develop a strategy and script that will help prepare you and calm your anxiety before entering into these kinds of conversations. To learn about 4 additional reasons why ending a friendship may be difficult, please become a member of our “group chat”.  Extended and bonus resources are always reserved for them, because they’re our VIP’s! Thinking about all of the good that is being lost with the breakup of a friendship can keep us holding on longer than we should, but sometimes ending the relationship is necessary. Your friendship expert, Danielle Bayard Jackson challenges you with a bit of homework – Think about the main reason you’ve been holding on to a friendship…What has it been costing you to stay?

Better female friendships are earned, and for some, may require a change in behavior and habits. As every one of us is a multifaceted, busy human being just trying their best to remain happy and have meaningful relationships, we may not notice when we’re getting in our own way. So what are some steps women can take to be better friends to the important females in their lives? In this episode, you’ll learn: How to stop and notice the expectations that your friend’s life choices should mirror your own The importance of expressing affirmative boundaries How to set an expectation of direct communication To treat your friendships with just as much love as your romantic relationships Danielle Social Links: You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. If you’re looking to experience more joy, freedom, and depth in your female friendships, these small changes in behavior and approach to the women who are cared for in your life are game-changers. Sometimes friends must lead by example for the relationships that they want to maintain and get life from.  We Are NOT The Same, and That’s Okay Research suggests that it IS very important for women to have similarities and symmetries in their friendships. This falls into other areas of our lives like our romantic relationships, but it is interesting to note that this relationship trait is more expected from women than men. So if this research holds, how do women determine when their female friends are no longer fitting the expected mold? Whether it pertains to their health choices, parenting styles, partner, or financial decisions, there’s always at least one moment when one must take a step back and be real – yes, my friend does have different behaviors and opinions than me. This may come as a no-brainer to most. One may think, of course, my friend can make different choices, and I’ll respect the person that she is regardless of whether we have different views. But what happens after that realization? Does one begin reconsidering that female friendship off the bat? Or maybe it happens slowly, through emotional withdrawal, pangs of jealousy, passive attempts at controlling, or underlying judgment. Do these differences begin to diminish the woman’s character? Friendship expert, Danielle Bayard Jackson, challenges everyone to stop and notice the expectation that you’re friends' life choices should mirror your own.  Express Yourself If you’re not new, but true to this podcast, you may remember the episode, TikTok, or social posts that discussed the importance of affirmative boundaries in friendships with women. To recap, the action of expressing boundaries to people you care about can come across as rejection, and therefore cause some reluctance to do so. This is where affirmative boundaries shine – give your friends your form of yes instead of a hard, unproductive no as a response. It is possible to erect boundaries that protect your sanity while maintaining an honest and progressive conversation with your friend. Skip the Passivity Most women can tell when something is a little off. The ultrasensitive emotional radar begins to beep, but there’s a tinge of uncertainty that one may be reading too deeply into something, or trying to make sense of the subtext and unspoken glances, tones, and feelings. It can drive everyone crazy. One way to combat this? Nip it in the bud and be direct in asking, can we talk about whatever it is that’s going on? Best to address the situation sooner rather than later, and be upfront about the security within the relationship. Spread The Love Romance doesn’t have to be limited to relationships with sexual partners. Give yourself permission to enjoy those feelings of excitement, delight, and elation that your female friends bring to life as well. Try practicing direct communication in these moments too – don’t just praise her in your head or to others. Send that just thought of you text or tell that woman how much you love their look. 9 times out of 10, we all appreciate loving gestures. Female friendships and relationships of all kinds require a level of self-awareness, compassion, and commitment to growth. Do yourself and your female friends a solid and try practicing some of these behaviors that will help nurture the relationships in your life. Rome wasn’t built (or maintained) in a day, and neither are in-depth female friendships.

Ready to get out of the group chat and into a group trip? Summer is approaching, and it’s time to stop talking about the friend-cation and get ready to make it happen. Though, this can be easier said than done, especially when it’s more than two or three female friends trying to coordinate. So what are the best ways to get over the barriers of planning a group trip?  Friendship expert and educator Danielle Bayard Jackson is joined by Theresa Chu-Bermudez, the Owner of Get Out! Custom Travels, LLC to share some tips and tricks to make trip-planning easier.  In this episode, you’ll learn: Why a travel advisor helps you take the work out of planning and coordinating Two mistakes friend groups make when planning a trip 3 places to visit this summer (especially if you’re a woman of color) For more tips, follow Theresa on instagram as well to learn more. Danielle Social Links: You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. Here are a few things to understand before booking your trip:  Travel Advisor vs. Travel Agent Travel advisors allow for a more customized trip for you and your female friends, versus an agent who deals in taking orders and doing the booking. And a bonus – travel advisors can help gauge safety and comfort levels for women, people of color, solo travelers and more.  For the People Pleasers Without a travel advisor, the group chat can really become a hassle. And this one is especially true for those friends who are the people-pleaser type. Accommodating everyone’s needs and coming to a consensus can take forever, and too many opinions is never as helpful as it seems.  Overplanning For women who are taking the lead on coordinating the vacation schedule, this is a common problem to run into. You may be trying to add so many activities during the trip for the sake of keeping busy, trying not to be bored, or making sure that everyone gets to do what they want. In the end, all of your friends end up exhausted with the packed schedule, and may be cranky, grouchy and unable to enjoy the time away. Not planning enough flexibility can make the vacation feel like more work rather than a relaxing adventure. Remain Objective Be real with your friends about what each other wants to get out of the trip. Understand each woman’s comfort levels with budget and intention for joining the group.

Welcome to "Girl Problems" a new weekly segment from the Friend Forward podcast. Today's episode addresses a listener question about feeling limited in her friendships because of her lifestyle as an entrepreneur. Tune in as resident friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson offers a few helpful insights.   If you want to submit a problem of your own, visit us at ⁠Betterfemalefriendships.com ⁠or on Instagram at⁠ @friendforward.⁠ To book a private session with Danielle, visit ⁠Betterfemalefriendships.com/coaching⁠ and check-out our new "fast track" services.

One common reason women offer for why they don’t engage more in their friendships is because of a lack of time. For many of these women, the lack of time is due to their obligation to manage a busy household. They may have serious “mom guilt” or feel overwhelmed after tending to all of the familial duties that are unnecessarily placed on the women. Women in general, globally, are doing more domestic labor than their male counterparts and it continues to impact their capacity to fully engage in their female friendships. In this episode, Laura Danger, equitable domestic labor educator, advocate & coach joins your friendship expert and educator, Danielle Bayard Jackson to recognize how much there is an imbalance of shared labor in the home and the ways in which women’s relationships are affected. You can learn more about her work on Instagram and TikTok.  Danielle Social Links: You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. At first glance it may be confusing to make the connection between female friendships and equitable domestic labor (and fair partnership). But take into account that a majority of American households are still dealing with this imbalance. And in cis, hetero-partnerships, women are doing 2-3x more domestic labor on average. The toll this takes directly impacts the ways that women can engage in their friendships – whether it’s having the physical time, emotional availability or mental capacity to deepen new and existing friendships. So what do we do about it? If you’re partnered, a mother, single or childless, there is opportunity for conversation and compassion to have a more supportive domestic and social life. Understand The System Despite what was told to little girls, research doesn't show women being more capable at nurturing or household duties than men. To change cultural norms, both genders must acknowledge inequity and address the issue, leveling the playing field in the home. How It Impacts Our Female Friendships Research reveals that women’s friendships are more fragile than men's, breaking under perceived violations. One reason is women's higher household responsibilities, leaving less bandwidth for "elective" friendships. For many overworked women, friendships go first. Resolutions Within Relationships Develop communication between partners for a standard of care each is capable of. Try Fair Play Method by Yves Brodksy – have clear expectations in domestic partnerships, avoid gatekeeping information, and create opportunities for sharing responsibility. Resolutions Within Friendships A good conversation with friends helps. Encourage dialogue for support and empowerment. Remind friends that you're there for them and appreciate the relationship. “Just because you’re capable, doesn’t make you obligated.” – Laura Danger Reflect on limiting mindsets affecting female friendships and domestic partnerships. Danielle Bayard Jackson offers homework to understand mom-guilt and domestic labor imbalances. Share thoughts with Danielle on Instagram or at betterfemalefriendships.com.

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what to make of not being invited to a function or hang out, this episode is for you. Being left out can hurt and make it easy to assume ill intentions, writing them off as mean or inconsiderate. But before we start cutting people off, taking a moment to try to understand the bigger picture might help manage these feelings and unveil actions that can help move friendships forward. Friendship expert and coach Danielle Bayard Jackson recently shared a TikTok on the subject that now has over 1 million views, and on today’s episode, dove deeper into each potential situation.  Danielle Social Links: You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. While there are certainly times people exclude others intentionally out of spite, rudeness or jealousy (not okay!), there are other reasons to consider as well. The hope is that hearing this list doesn’t discourage but instead offers a bit of perspective to consider while navigating and growing our female friendships. To help liberate yourself from frustration about not being invited, let’s skip the part of vilifying the person who didn’t do the inviting. The defensiveness, negativity and self-victimization will not mend the hurt feelings and only prolong the questioning of the integrity of the friendship itself. Remain Curious Try to remain curious and open about the 10 (possible) reasons, and take this as an opportunity to become a better friend, and person. To get one’s mind right about these situations, engage meaningfully and critically with each reason. If some don’t apply, that’s okay. And if some do, receive the idea holistically and be honest and gentle with yourself and the women in your friendship groups as the reflection process unfolds.  The Bigger Picture Having a better understanding of the bigger picture will help lead to better outcomes and actionable ideas. These situations can often feel like a personal attack, leading to extreme reactions and maybe even regrettable words exchanged amongst friends. This is not only uncomfortable for the offender, but can create an even more unstable feeling within the friendship. Each (possible) reason is important to consider, and may apply to past and present moments that friendships have experienced. And still, communication trumps all. Your official friendship coach, Danielle Bayard Jackson provides context for these moments of uncertainty, and gives some reflective homework to help strengthen personal relationships and female friendships. Daneille reiterates, “We can’t make our needs met if we don’t make our desires known. Don’t underestimate the need to communicate your needs”.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation with a friend where you needed or wanted to say no, but struggled to find the right way to say it? Telling anyone, especially a friend, ‘no’ can be difficult, but neglecting this truth can create more problems down the road. In this episode, friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson encourages women to assert affirmative boundaries. This tactic can help women stay true to their needs and feel more confident in their ‘no’ while maintaining strong female friendships. Danielle Social Links: You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. Saying no doesn’t have to be hard. Whether you may be afraid to say no because you simply don’t want to do something or because you can’t, the act of saying no can still leave feelings of guilt. On the other hand, if the “yes” is falsely expressed, it can leave you feeling resentful instead.  A solution? Affirmative boundaries. Here’s the formula:  Establish common ground, express your boundary, offer your form of “yes”. Friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson’s technique for setting affirmative boundaries involves ending the no statement with something uplifting and positive. Don’t be mistaken, some situations do require straightforward, unequivocal no’s. But in other cases, providing a softer negation can buffer the sting of rejection that the friend receiving it may feel. And as our friendship expert puts it, ultimately, “If we get a little more comfortable and equipped with our affirmative boundaries or affirmative no’s then it will help us to preserve our personal integrity while also maintaining connection in the friendship.” Quell the Questioning Similar to when you’re the recipient of a no, a friend’s decision can feel personal and it can lead to lots of questioning about the friendship. Questions as to whether she’s mad or not as invested. The mind can start spinning with wonders and what-ifs. When the assertion is provided in a way that’s productive – the friend clearly shares what they’re comfortable with while reassuring the other that the friendship is still good and the connection is strong – it can be more helpful and bonding than expected. Say a woman invited a group of friends to her luxurious bachelorette party, which requires a lot of personal expenses to be doled out ahead of time. For one of the ladies, this financial commitment causes stress and just isn’t possible at the moment. The friend shouldn’t feel the need to say yes and internally feel resentful or be super apologetic and ashamed that they can’t make it. It’s just a no, that may look like, “No, I actually can’t swing it, but when you’re back, come to my place and we’ll pop open some bubbly and you tell me everything!”. Showing that the friendship between women is still great and that there’s truly nothing to question or worry about. Staying True To You Social situations can also feel like a bind, but remember that it’s best to honor and be honest about your needs with the women that you care about (and who care about you too). If it’s getting too late during a night out with the girls but they’re begging you to stay, try using affirmative boundaries. No need to get fiery or aggressive with your reasoning for wanting to leave. A simple “No, not tonight but I’m looking forward to the next time” or “I’ll call you tomorrow to hear all about it.” still shows that you want to show up for your friends while maintaining your own needs. Be comfortable with taking care of yourself first, otherwise you as an individual may suffer and as a result, the connections with your friends will too. Listen to the episode to get this week’s homework. And if you need personalized support, consider booking a one-on-one session at Betterfemalefriendships.com.