Friend Forward

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what to make of not being invited to a function or hang out, this episode is for you. Being left out can hurt and make it easy to assume ill intentions, writing them off as mean or inconsiderate. But before we start cutting people off, taking a moment to try to understand the bigger picture might help manage these feelings and unveil actions that can help move friendships forward. Friendship expert and coach Danielle Bayard Jackson recently shared a TikTok on the subject that now has over 1 million views, and on today’s episode, dove deeper into each potential situation.  Danielle Social Links: You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. While there are certainly times people exclude others intentionally out of spite, rudeness or jealousy (not okay!), there are other reasons to consider as well. The hope is that hearing this list doesn’t discourage but instead offers a bit of perspective to consider while navigating and growing our female friendships. To help liberate yourself from frustration about not being invited, let’s skip the part of vilifying the person who didn’t do the inviting. The defensiveness, negativity and self-victimization will not mend the hurt feelings and only prolong the questioning of the integrity of the friendship itself. Remain Curious Try to remain curious and open about the 10 (possible) reasons, and take this as an opportunity to become a better friend, and person. To get one’s mind right about these situations, engage meaningfully and critically with each reason. If some don’t apply, that’s okay. And if some do, receive the idea holistically and be honest and gentle with yourself and the women in your friendship groups as the reflection process unfolds.  The Bigger Picture Having a better understanding of the bigger picture will help lead to better outcomes and actionable ideas. These situations can often feel like a personal attack, leading to extreme reactions and maybe even regrettable words exchanged amongst friends. This is not only uncomfortable for the offender, but can create an even more unstable feeling within the friendship. Each (possible) reason is important to consider, and may apply to past and present moments that friendships have experienced. And still, communication trumps all. Your official friendship coach, Danielle Bayard Jackson provides context for these moments of uncertainty, and gives some reflective homework to help strengthen personal relationships and female friendships. Daneille reiterates, “We can’t make our needs met if we don’t make our desires known. Don’t underestimate the need to communicate your needs”.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation with a friend where you needed or wanted to say no, but struggled to find the right way to say it? Telling anyone, especially a friend, ‘no’ can be difficult, but neglecting this truth can create more problems down the road. In this episode, friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson encourages women to assert affirmative boundaries. This tactic can help women stay true to their needs and feel more confident in their ‘no’ while maintaining strong female friendships. Danielle Social Links: You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. Saying no doesn’t have to be hard. Whether you may be afraid to say no because you simply don’t want to do something or because you can’t, the act of saying no can still leave feelings of guilt. On the other hand, if the “yes” is falsely expressed, it can leave you feeling resentful instead.  A solution? Affirmative boundaries. Here’s the formula:  Establish common ground, express your boundary, offer your form of “yes”. Friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson’s technique for setting affirmative boundaries involves ending the no statement with something uplifting and positive. Don’t be mistaken, some situations do require straightforward, unequivocal no’s. But in other cases, providing a softer negation can buffer the sting of rejection that the friend receiving it may feel. And as our friendship expert puts it, ultimately, “If we get a little more comfortable and equipped with our affirmative boundaries or affirmative no’s then it will help us to preserve our personal integrity while also maintaining connection in the friendship.” Quell the Questioning Similar to when you’re the recipient of a no, a friend’s decision can feel personal and it can lead to lots of questioning about the friendship. Questions as to whether she’s mad or not as invested. The mind can start spinning with wonders and what-ifs. When the assertion is provided in a way that’s productive – the friend clearly shares what they’re comfortable with while reassuring the other that the friendship is still good and the connection is strong – it can be more helpful and bonding than expected. Say a woman invited a group of friends to her luxurious bachelorette party, which requires a lot of personal expenses to be doled out ahead of time. For one of the ladies, this financial commitment causes stress and just isn’t possible at the moment. The friend shouldn’t feel the need to say yes and internally feel resentful or be super apologetic and ashamed that they can’t make it. It’s just a no, that may look like, “No, I actually can’t swing it, but when you’re back, come to my place and we’ll pop open some bubbly and you tell me everything!”. Showing that the friendship between women is still great and that there’s truly nothing to question or worry about. Staying True To You Social situations can also feel like a bind, but remember that it’s best to honor and be honest about your needs with the women that you care about (and who care about you too). If it’s getting too late during a night out with the girls but they’re begging you to stay, try using affirmative boundaries. No need to get fiery or aggressive with your reasoning for wanting to leave. A simple “No, not tonight but I’m looking forward to the next time” or “I’ll call you tomorrow to hear all about it.” still shows that you want to show up for your friends while maintaining your own needs. Be comfortable with taking care of yourself first, otherwise you as an individual may suffer and as a result, the connections with your friends will too. Listen to the episode to get this week’s homework. And if you need personalized support, consider booking a one-on-one session at Betterfemalefriendships.com.

Not every apology is a good one. Honestly, a poor, half-hearted apology from a friend can feel worse than the harm that was caused. So why does it sometimes feel like apologizing isn’t enough? Let’s look at the context more closely. Whenever one wants to take ownership of the damage done to a friend an apology is owed. Even if there’s no interest in repairing the relationship, an apology is owed. It is an extension of a person's values to show accountability for the way their behaviors may have hurt another. In this episode, we clarify what makes a good apology, and three situations in which one should NOT apologize.   - You can book a private friendship coaching session here. - Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. - We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. - To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. We often overlook the opportunity for connection with female friends through apologies. As the resident friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson sums it best, “If we all claim, ‘Hey, I want to be a better friend.’ Well, that starts with us.” So how do we make sure we’re getting the most potential to deepen our relationships, especially when going through a rough patch? Good apologies. One that uses the word apologize, acknowledges the harm done, and ends with intentions to repair and do better. Clear, intentional, and appropriately timed apologies, in the RIGHT situations. Here are some instances when an apology is not helpful. Situation #1 – Repeat Offender (Apologizer) Think about a time when a person apologized for their behavior – maybe always canceling plans or drinking too much when you all went out – but continued to do the same actions again and again. What does the apology have to offer if there’s no intention behind it to do better? What is a true friendship without trust and mutual respect? Repeatedly apologizing without any change in behavior starts to tear into the fabric of security and trust in a friend’s word, diminishing the respect they have for the other. Don’t apologize when the intention behind it is empty and untrue. Situation #2 – Getting Back to the Good Part If a friend is only apologizing to speed up the reconciliation process, they should not be saying sorry. Rushing through this moment to repair the harm one has caused a friend can be more unproductive than not apologizing at all. A person may want to quickly move forward and have their friend get over it because they are uncomfortable sitting in the hot seat. They may have an issue with being accountable, feeling threatened or called out, or responding to a heated conversation in a healthy way. Ultimately it can come across as dismissive of the friend’s feelings, and the integrity of the female friendship itself. Situation #3 – Doing Too Much This one’s for the people pleasers. When people find themselves apologizing for any instance that may leave room for another to be mad at them, there needs to be a moment to pause. Some friends offer an apology when there’s been no wrong-doing or offense. Heck, sometimes an apology may slip out towards someone who caused harm to the one apologizing. Over-apologizing in female friendship occurs when a woman wants to eliminate any possibility of her friends having issues or any negative emotions toward her. It can act as a buffer for having honest and maybe uncomfortable conversations that may ultimately deepen the friendship. If this resonates, you’ll love the episode People-Pleaser Friends with boundaries expert, Terry Cole. And as food-for-thought, friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson shares some reflective homework – What is your relationship with apologizing to other people? Think about apologies in your life recently, in a friendship context of course. Whether you’re owed one or offered one that was unproductive, what are some ways in which we hold ourselves back from strengthening our relationships with other women? And don’t forget, #AskHerOutAlready is in full effect. We want to see those pictures and read the stories.

Relationships are a woman’s greatest resource. Yet so often, female friendships are stifled by the poor choices we make to manage conflict and express ourselves. This can mean gossiping, excluding, or giving the silent treatment to friends and other women instead of opening up and having a real conversation with them. Why does it feel easier to resort to these tactics to cut others down? Let’s get into it. On today’s episode we cover what relational aggression can look like in female friendships and the ways in which we can begin to notice these behaviors in ourselves.  You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. Want the full list of relational aggression tactics? We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. The phrase 'relational aggression' may be unfamiliar, but ultimately it's understood as being petty, sneaky, sideways, and displaying mean girl behavior. The working definition includes trying to cut someone down without physical aggression. While the tactic isn’t solely used by women, it's often a go-to. So much strength and power come from female friendships, that when another woman harms that connection, there’s a ripple effect, and rebuilding that network of relationships is tough work.  Friendship expert and educator Danielle Bayard Jackson shares, “If we want to begin repairing and deepening our female friendships collectively, as a sisterhood, I think we have to first get clear on what it [relational aggression] looks like, and why we do it. And then get clear on why we are sometimes guilty of also reaching for those tools when we feel threatened or hurt." So how does one face these nasty habits and add more productive behaviors to their friendship toolbox? Why be a mean girl? In the media, the mean girl is a caricature of collective behaviors. And while it may be more dramatized, the use of underhanded comments, passive aggression and snide remarks are things that everyone pulls from. Women, in particular, do this because we don't want to (and socially cannot) look difficult to work with. The aggression has to be covert, otherwise, an individual may look bad themself. Using mean girl behaviors can lend a hand to harming someone else while maintaining, or boosting another woman's perception of being easy-going or great to connect with. Culturally Cute Growing up, women are often told to 'just be nice'. Yet, nobody goes further to explain what that entails. Danielle Bayard Jackson asks the key question, "Is there room in our culture for a woman to be assertive?” So often women bite their tongues in fear of being seen as problematic, difficult to work with, overly emotional, and dismissed as overly emotional by their colleagues or peers. There are very few moments where women are allowed (or praised) to be visibly upset and/or straightforward with their issues. This can leave friendships that are unequipped and unprepared to deal with situations that require responsible conflict resolution. And those women resort to mean girl behaviors. Here's Your Homework Think about a recent time that you excluded someone on purpose, gossiped, or gave someone the silent treatment. Why did you do it? Get genuinely curious about your behavior. Were you feeling threatened? Were your feelings hurt? Did you enjoy doing it? Did you feel powerful? Ultimately, women have to begin thinking critically about why some female friendships tend to operate this way, and what we can do to make better decisions. Danielle Bayard Jackson, your resident friendship expert, hopes this episode helped bring some behaviors to light. And don’t forget, #AskHerOutAlready is in full effect. We want to see those pictures and read the stories.

Making new connections can be tough. And quick moments of interaction with strangers aren’t the greatest opportunities to make friends. But let's be real, friendships are the essence of a rich and fulfilling life. So how do we get more intentional and step out of our own way? In this episode, we chat with Ashley Kirsner, Founder of Skip the Small Talk, about constructing intentional spaces for people to come together, explore their comfort zones, and potentially develop relationships. We all start as outsiders seeking community, but with an encouraging pep talk, some self-compassion, and a flexible mindset, strangers can become acquainted. Ashley believes in the efficacy of high-quality person-to-person interaction for improving psychological health. Learn more about her work here and connect with her on Instagram.    I’d love to hear who you want me to chat with next, let me know on Instagram.  You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. Join our monthly book club. This month: ”The Measure” is the book.  Lastly, to submit your own "Girl Problems" question, visit our website OR leave Danielle a voice note (this woman loves a good voice note!) on Instagram @daniellebayardjackson. So, you go out, do activities you enjoy, and are still having a hard time finding your tribe. You may start to wonder…Where are all the cool girls at? Is it me? Am I trying too hard? Maybe not hard enough? Bridging the gap between friendly ‘hellos’ to ‘hey, I think you’re really cool and that we could be great friends’ is tough, especially with the ability to revert into the pocket-sized digital abyss just a finger-tap away. Ashley Kirsner, Founder of “Skip the Small Talk”, and Danielle Bayard Jackson, your resident friendship expert, shares some key pointers on how to overcome conversations that may feel anxiety-inducing, to help you enjoy the long-lasting friendships that are waiting on the other side. Be Your Own Hype Woman You know what they say, practice makes perfect. And in this case, the practice extends to the work that you do before you enter the room. Set the tone from the beginning – look in the mirror (or not) and give yourself a real pep talk. Lean into the mental prep work before going out so that the experience doesn't feel like a daunting task to check off of your to-do list. This isn't something that you've got to get through, it's a unique experience that you deserve to be fully present for. And maybe you'll get a few funny stories to share out of it. Nothing is perfect. Not you, not me, and not them. Give yourself some grace. Shower in self-compassion. No interaction will go perfectly smoothly, and that's okay. You may be a little awkward, but 9 times out of 10, so will the person you're talking to. Remaining mindful and aware that nobody knows what to do can ease the stress of keeping up appearances. You're allowed to feel bored, excited, annoyed, or nervous, and you don't need to attack or resolve those feelings right away. Initiate conversations to learn more about yourself, and others. Give Yourself Permission. Deeper interactions are intentional and inherently vulnerable. Sometimes we can get in our own way, confining ourselves into a mindset of what friendship should look like or how it should develop. When meeting new people, allow the conversation to unfold naturally, revealing itself to you. Focus on the process and your actions of engagement more than others. Focusing on yourself gives you, in social-psychological terms, an internal locus of control that can act as a safety blanket in moments of awkward silence or discomfort. Success doesn't have to mean leaving with your soul mate or next BFF. It can be the small wins of continuing to share connections, experiences, and quirky facts with people who are there to listen. You deserve to have amazing, fruitful friendships in your life. Ashley Kirsner, Founder of “Skip the Small Talk”, and Danielle Bayard Jackson, your resident friendship expert hope that you find loads of value from this episode. And don’t forget, #AskHerOutAlready is in full effect. We want to see those pictures and read the stories.

"Girl Problems" is a new segment from the Friend Forward podcast, designed to address the DMs we receive from listeners on Instagram @daniellebayardjackson and @friendforward. If you have a girl problem of your won to submit to resident friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson, feel free to visit us on socials, or contact us via our website Betterfemalefriendships.com.   Looking for a meaningful friendship experience? Come to our Tampa event on March 4!

Pursuing new female friendships may feel like a daunting task for most. The upsides are obvious- expanding your social circle, discovering new interests, and growing as a person. However, for many of us, the fear of rejection and vulnerability can hold us back from reaching out to others and forming new connections.  In this episode, we'll delve into the heart of these fears and explore four common reasons why women are afraid to initiate new friendships. From the fear of being rejected and beyond, we'll offer practical tips and insights to help you overcome these challenges and live your life to the fullest. Whether you're seeking to meet other like-minded women in a new city, are interested in connecting with one of your female colleagues more, or simply looking to expand your social circle, this episode is for you. So listen in so you can secure the courage to #AskHerOutAlready! I’d love to hear who you want me to chat with next, let me know on Instagram.  You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. Join our monthly book club. This month: ”The Measure” is the book.  Lastly, to submit your own "Girl Problems" question, visit our website OR leave Danielle a voice note (this woman loves a good voice note!) on Instagram @daniellebayardjackson. In today's episode of the Friend Forward podcast, we explore why women may be hesitant to pursue a friendship with someone they've been curious about. Our resident friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson outlines the four main reasons why women may not pursue a friendship. So what are some of the reasons? Not knowing how to initiate a conversation, fear of rejection, the feeling that you’ve put all the signals out so the rest should happen organically, and passivity. One of the main reasons women may find themselves hesitant to pursue a friendship with other women is simply not knowing how to initiate the conversation. To help overcome this, we offer the "movie trailer method." This method involves being specific and providing a preview of the experience, including a chosen time and place, a scene from the experience, and the intended duration. By doing this, women can increase their chances of receiving a positive response. Another reason women may be hesitant to pursue a friendship is fear of rejection. Fear of rejection is normal, but it's important to remember that rejection is a part of life, and it is not a reflection of one's self-worth. To overcome this fear, Danielle Bayard Jackson, resident friendship expert suggests “focusing on the outcome you desire, rather than the fear of rejection.” Another reason women may be hesitant to pursue potential female friendships is they simply believe it's not their job. It takes more than sending her a few social cues and being ‘nice’ to show her you’re interested in a potential friendship. Even in platonic relationships, it’s important to be assertive and clear on your intentions. Chances are, she may be interested in getting to know you better as well but someone has to make the first move. Why not you? If it was going to happen organically, it would have happened by now. Sometimes we just need a little push. Passivity can be a friendship ender before they really start. You may not have a Type-A personality, but showing up for the women in your life and the women you’d like to get to know better by planning activities or proactively extending invitations is important. It goes a long way when women see the effort that a friend or potential friend has put into showing them that they matter. Don’t let her do all the work, take initiative and step up because good friendships take time and effort to cultivate. Pursuing female friendships can be a nerve-wracking experience, but by using the "movie trailer method," focusing on the desired outcome instead of your fear of rejection, being assertive and intentional, you can overcome any hesitation and pursue the friendship you desire. Take our resident friendship expert, Danielle Bayard Jackson up on the new challenge and #AskHerOut Already!

Resident friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson shares an unscripted, unedited, vulnerable message for "Friend Forward" listeners.   Follow along with her and the team at Betterfemalefriendships.comor on Instagram @friendforward.

In this week's "Girl Problems" segment, we respond to an Instagram DM from a young woman who's realized that if her partner popped the question, she wouldn't have any female friends to include in her wedding party. Listen in as resident friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson responds. To those who offered their opinion's on this week's episode via Instagram stories, tune in-- you may hear your feedback included!   Book a personal coaching session at Betterfemalefriendships.com/coaching Book Danielle to speak by contacting Sam at info@tellpublicrelations.com Follow Danielle on Instagram at @daniellebayardjackson

A ‘people pleaser’ is literally the antithesis of what we all want to be known as. We see how people-pleasers are portrayed in television and film and we cringe at the display of their desire to be accepted and their tendency to somehow, always be available. But it’s often said that the things we most detest in others may be the attributes we wrestle with most knowingly or unknowingly within ourselves. If you know people-pleasing is a struggle for you and you’re tired of being resentful of others based on actions of your own volition, or you know someone who struggles and aren’t quite sure what specific words of wisdom to impart, this episode is for you.  I am joined by Psychotherapist and Author, Terri Cole as she shares insight into what people-pleasing is, the root of the issue, the risks it poses to ourselves and our relationships, and how to stop.  Terri has a passion for helping women liberate themselves with boundaries to break the cycle of overfunctioning. You can check out Terri’s book here, she’d love to connect with you over on Instagram. I’d love to hear who you want me to chat with next, let me know on Instagram.  You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. Join our monthly book club. This month “The Measure” is the book.  Lastly to submit your own "Girl Problems" question, visit our website OR leave Danielle a voice note (this woman loves a good voice note!) on Instagram @daniellebayardjackson. What is People Pleasing?  According to Terri, most of us were raised and praised to be self abandoning codependents, to be people pleasers, because this gave us positive feedback in childhood. Being “nice”, self-sacrificing, and putting on a smile for everyone is praised as a virtue and is something that’s particularly expected of and projected onto women and young girls.  However, it’s not a virtue. When people pleasing manifests as chronic, pathological, or compulsive, then it’s dishonest — not just to whoever is receiving it, but also to yourself. What we're really doing is giving the people in our life corrupted information about who we are, what we like, how we feel about things, and all under the guise of being “nice.”  The Risks of People Pleasing Disordered emotional boundaries are the foundation of People Pleasing because it forces us to prioritize the wants, needs, desires, and feelings of others above our own. This doesn't mean we should be rude. It doesn't mean we should be super self-absorbed. But the truth is the only person who can make sure that you get your needs met or that you are seen and known accurately in life, in your friendships, and in the world, is you. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser What you think, what you want, who you actually are, matters. It's the only thing you have in this life that is unique to you. This is what makes you you.  Small changes create sustainable transformation. It's not about immediately being different in your friendships or grabbing a bullhorn and telling everyone there’s a new boundary sheriff in town.  You must take the time to figure out your likes and your dislikes. If you do your Resentment Inventory, you'll see what friendships and relationships need your attention. As Eleanor Roosevelt said: ‘nobody takes advantage of you without your permission.’  If someone thinks that you’re just looking for an argument, share this:  “I’m looking for connection, truth, honesty, mutuality, respect. If you tell me the truth about how you feel, I feel like you respect me. And if you placate me with pleasantries because of your own fear, I feel like that's a compulsive action you're doing for you, but it's not good for the friendship.”