The Great Man Within

#121: “Men are taught over and over when they are boys that a wound that hurts is shameful. A wound that stops you from continuing to play is a girlish wound. He who truly is a man keeps walking, dragging his guts behind. Our story gives a teaching diametrically opposite. It says that where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be.” Robert Bly, from his book Iron John     Viktor Frankl has inspired and healed millions from the wounds he suffered in the Holocaust.   Daryl Davis is a black man who has helped 200 KKK members turn in their robes, hoods, and hatred due to examining a racist wound he experienced as a boy.   Jim Kwik is the world’s #1 authority on memory and retention, teaching the top actors/actresses in Hollywood how to memorize their lines…after growing up with the label of “the boy with the broken brain.”   As men, we are hesitant to label any of the pain we’ve experienced – physical, mental, emotional, sexual or spiritual – as a “wound” that we’ve yet to resolve…   …because we believe that will make us less than men.   A Great Man knows the opposite is true.   A Great Man knows his genius, strength and power can be found deep within his wounds.   If, he has the courage to examine them.   In today’s episode of The Great Man Within podcast, we will examine them together.   -Dominick

#120: Hello my brother. If you’re like me, your biggest fear is living out the definition of hell: At the end of your life, the man that you became, meets the man you could have become. The one thing standing in the way of you living out your fullest potential: fear. Today’s guest – Ben Aldridge – shares his story of how crippling anxiety and acute panic attacks threatened to derail his life. Until he decided to design the Year of Adversity – befriending and facing his fears through the tackling of 43 challenges that he designed himself that shattered his self-imposed limitations and blew the ceiling off of what he previously thought his potential to be. Here’s here to help you do the same. Ben went from living a safe, small, uninspiring life… …to becoming Jason Bourne. Who is Ben Aldridge During Ben’s Year of Adversity he learned how to pick locks, solve a Rubik’s cube in under a minute, memorize a deck of cards after seeing it only once He’s taken ice baths and swam in the British sea during winter, he’s eaten repulsive insects and learned how to have a conversation in Japanese…all in one year. Ben is now the author of How to Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable: 43 Weird and Wonderful Ways to Build a Strong and Resilient Mindset Ben is a full time guitar teacher and executed these 43 challenges in his spare time Hell, during quarantine Ben has already climbed the equivalent of Mount Everest in his apartment staircase (which took 2,000 trips up and down) and run a backyard marathon in his 26 foot long garden, which took over 4,000 shuttles In this Episode How to listen to your fear and anxiety, and allow it to direct you to deepen your strength and courage…not to cling to safety How the philosophies of Stoicism, Buddhism, Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Fixed/Growth Mindsets were essential to him having the tools necessary to execute these 43 challenges How Ben brainstormed and ultimately chose these 43 challenges How to brainstorm and design your own challenges Why your “anti-bucket list” is a great place to start Resources Book: How to be Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable Instagram: @DoThingsThatChallengeYou Ben’s Workshop: MindBodySpirit Well Being Festival Website: https://www.benaldridge.com/   The 43 Challenges Embrace the cold Learn a language Complete a long-distance walk Memorize a deck of cards Acupuncture Run a race Solve a Rubik’s cube Climb a mountain Become an early riser Wales’ longest train station Sleep in a bivvy bag No painkillers Pick a lock Eat something unfamiliar Complete an obstacle course Meditate Fold an origami crane Public speaking Read a technical book Make exercise harder Fight a fear Whistle with your fingers Fasting alk to a stranger Beep test  Driving skills  Summon adrenaline  Queue unnecessarily  Learn a difficult yoga pose  Cook a new dish  Complete a triathlon  Get naked  Try a new sport  Juggle three balls  Induce vertigo  Upgrade your diet  Skip like Rocky  Digital fasting  Learn a magic trick  HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) Sleep on the floor  Have an outrageous clothes day  Via ferrata

#119: “The Wild Man is closer to a meditation instructor than he is a savage.” -Robert Bly, Iron John   Think of it this way:   Man #1 He lacks an energy in his life. He has little vitality to offer. He is stifled, yet abides by, “the rules.” He is, what you might describe as, “life preserving.”   Man #2 He has that sparkle in his eye. He creates, generates and advances forward. He isn’t opposed to civilization, but he’s not completely contained by it either. He is undeniably “life giving.”   The difference between Man #1 and Man #2:   Man #2 has accessed his Wild Man.   Your Wild Man is your guide to examine your wounds, weaknesses, failings, fears and insecurities…   …and turn them into your greatest sources of power.   As poet, storyteller and NY Times Best Selling author Robert Bly would say,   “Accessing the Wild Man requires a willingness to descend into the male psyche and accept what’s dark down there…including the nourishing dark.”   When I accessed my Wild Man 6 years ago, my entire life trajectory changed.   I was no longer interested in safe. I was no longer interested in playing by other people’s rules. I was no longer interested in settling.   My Wild Man wouldn’t allow for it.   The Wild Man takes you to your scariest places…   …and brings you back deeper, stronger and more alive.   You are more confident. You are more trustworthy. You are more ready to live your fullest potential.   Today, we take our first steps into the concept of Accessing Your Wild Man.   I’ll see you down there. ;-)   -DQ

#118: How much of your definition of “what it means to be a man” was consciously chosen by you?   Most men drift through life absorbing the antiquated definitions of masculinity given to him by media, Hollywood, porn, sports, parents, friends…   …anyone and everyone but himself.     When a man has not defined what it means to be a man, he: He does not know what he stands for He gets pushed around by others’ definitions of masculinity He cannot be fully trusted, because he does not trust himself   In today’s The Great Man Within podcast episode, we kickstart an ongoing exploration into the journey of defining “what it means to be a man,” on your own terms.   I pose three questions:   What is the definition of “The Patriarchy,” and how is that different than “masculinity?” What are the key characteristics of “boy psychology?” What are the key characteristics of “man psychology?”   I leverage the wisdom of Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette’s King, Warrior, Magician, Lover to guide us in this discussion.   -DQ

#117: Whether you know it or not, you wear your inner emotions on your face. And our guest today, Dan Hill, is an expert at translating your facial expressions. He’s a pioneer in the growing field of what’s called “facial coding.” He’s written 8 books on the power of emotions, including Famous Faces Decoded, where Dan breaks down the emotions on the faces of 175 celebrities, CEOs, athletes and US Presidents. Bill Gates #1 facial emotion? Contempt. Barack Obama’s #1 facial emotion? Joy. Donald Trump’s #1 facial emotion? Sadness. As we’ve spoken about many times on this show, a Great Man develops emotional fluency: The ability to feel an emotion, name an emotion, be with that emotion, and express the emotion. Another critical step on that journey is to be attuned to the emotional expressions of others – an essential ingredient to refining your leadership and forging deeper relationships. In Today’s Episode The 7 core emotions we display on our faces The #1 emotional facial indicator of a high-performing CEO and athlete The #1 emotional facial indicator of whether a marriage will fail The 3 most prevalent emotions on Donald Trump’s face The #1 emotion on Obama’s face before his campaign…and the two emotions that emerged deep on his campaign trail The 4 levels of happiness How we as men can leverage our natural born ability as visual creatures to train our attention to detect micro expressions of emotions on other people’s faces Who is Dan Hill Dan Hill is PhD, author, speaker, trainer and expert in the arena of reading emotions and decoding facial expressions He’s consulted over 50% of the world’s top 100 B2C companies He’s been on Good Morning America, The Today Show, Fox, CNN and ESPN He’s spoken in over 25 countries and been featured in Time, WSJ and on the front page of the NY Times

#116: “It is easier to sail many thousands of miles through cold and storm and cannibals…than it is to explore the private sea, the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans of one’s being alone.” Henry David Thoreau, Walden     Henry David Thoreau wrote these words during his 2 year and 2 months of solitude living an isolated cabin in Walden, Massachusetts.   I reckon* our last 2 months enables us to more deeply appreciate what HDT means by this.   Back when things were “normal,” one of the chief complaints I heard was being life being “too busy.”   Now, it’s not stimulating enough.   It seems that no matter the conditions…   …we’re always somewhat discontent.   I know this feeling quite well. Although not as well as I used to.   These last 5 years I’ve cultivated a deep practice of solitude:   The art of finding peace, contentment and joy through being with one’s self.   These last 8 weeks have brought deep pain to my heart for those who have lost tremendously.   This time has also brought me a welcome opportunity to get to know myself better at the deepest of levels.   For the first time in my life, I can tell you…   …I am deeply proud of who I see.   And just as importantly…   …I finally enjoy hanging out with just me.   I want that for you too.   Doing the inner work…will make that inevitable.   Let’s walk that path together.   -DQ   *shout out to my Aussie readers

#115: “Mature men need to admire other men, living and dead. We especially need to have contact with older men whom we can look up to.” Robert Moore and Douglass Gillette, King Warrior Magician Lover   I received an email from one of our readers a few days ago who shared the following:   “At some point after 40, I accepted that mentors and leaders may not be in the cards for me after my only {older male} mentor died earlier this year.”   This saddened me.   The idea of a man going through some of the most challenging and transformative years of his life…   …without the guidance or counsel of someone who had been there before…   …is upsetting and unacceptable to me.    Why is it that most men in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s have no “wise elder” male mentor to look up to?   Where have all the wise male mentors gone?   We need our wiser, older brothers. Our older, wiser brothers need us too.   In today’s episode, I share with you the story of the wise elder who had the greatest impact on my life as a young man (ages 18-22):   Dean Richard Mateer, University of Richmond.   He taught me, with so very few words, what it meant to elevate from boyish behavior. He called me forward to a standard of healthy masculinity that sits at my core today. He showed me what it was like to be a leader.   I love you, Dean Mateer.   We need more of you. -DQ

#114: I’ll invite you to take a pause from whatever you’re doing to join me in a 60-second exercise.   This exercise may be the very difference…   …between looking back at yourself a year from now…   …and feeling immense pride about how you’ve shown up during these tumultuous times…   …or disappointed with yourself.   I’d like you to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 for each of these questions:   I’m proud about how I’ve shown up as a leader in my work over these last 2 months.   I’m proud about how I’ve shown up as a leader in my family/relationships over these last 2 months.   I’m proud about how I’ve led myself over these last 2 months.   Now take a look at the scores you gave yourself.   Which one requires the most immediate need of upgrade?   This is your area of focus for the next 7, 10 or 30 days.   One year from now you will look back at today’s version of you.   Will you be proud of him?   The choice is yours, today.   -DQ

#113: “We are kept from our goal, not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal.” - Robert Brault, quoted by Gary Keller in The One Thing   In 1997, when Steve Jobs came back to a struggling Apple (after having been ousted from the company he formed) …   …he took Apple’s product suite from 350 products down to 10 in a period of two years.   I’m sure those 350 products all had a reason for existence, and likely even some pretty talented people attached to them.   But 350 products confused the market, scattered resources and diffused their collective potential.   We all know how that process of simplification turned out.   When it comes to Finding Purpose in your life, a similar simplification process must take place.   Your life often gets more complicated than it needs to be. (I’m speaking as a notorious, but rapidly rehabilitating, over-complicator.)   If you truly want to live an extraordinary life of Purpose…   …the trivial many, must give way to the vital few.   -DQ   *The last line inspired by Joseph Juran in The One Thing

#112: “Grit is passion and sustained persistence applied toward long-term achievement, with no particular concern for rewards or recognition along the way.” Angela Duckworth   I had the honor of interviewing 14 highly successful women – most of whom had built careers in male dominated businesses – for the Design Your Future Podcast Series.   Here are 5 things they taught me about grit:   Resiliency is invaluable when playing the long game.   Spending a 20, 30, 40-year career in male dominated businesses can feel like a lifetime of swimming upstream…of playing a perpetual away game. It’s exhausting. Learning the skills behind building resiliency is essential for long term, sustainable success.   Know when to put down the armor.   Not every context of life is a battlefield. The things that make you awesome at the board room table can also make you shitty as a husband, dad or dating partner.   Grit, and only grit, can be reckless.   Without a conscious recovery strategy or work life harmony strategy, burnout is right around the corner.   We are stronger together.   The proliferation and growing success of women’s business groups have made progress in areas where there have been long ignored inequities. While there is much more work to be done…these groups have proven that we are stronger together than on our own.   We can do a better job rewarding and recognizing.   Duckworth’s definition of grit includes this qualifier “with no particular concern for rewards or recognition along the way.” In my 14 interviews, I found that many of these women had no concept of how inspiring and empowering they were to other women. Maybe if we recognized these amazing women more often, they’d know.   For a deeper dive into each of these categories, this episode has got you covered. -DQ