The Great Man Within

#111: I’d like to tell you about one of my biggest failures as a leader.   I got my first big break to move from individual contributor to sales manager in 2013 while working for Prudential.   The job was intimidating and exhilarating:   At the fresh-faced age of 34, my responsibility was to lead 7 men to knock down a collective $1.4 billion sales goal.   All 7 of these salespeople were men (which is an important factor to this story).   One of my strategies was to transform the individualistic sales team dynamic from “7 guys on 7 separate islands…”   …to a cohesive, powerful unit.   I wanted to lead a group of brothers who supported one another, called each other forward and genuinely reveled in the other man’s success.   In the first few years of leading this group, that’s exactly how they developed.   These guys let their guards down.   Showed vulnerability.   Shared their winning formulas that they’d previously kept close to the vest.   This group genuinely cared for each other.   Some of the men closed the biggest deals of their 2- or 3-decade careers.   Others had their best sales years ever.   The seasoned sales guys were actively mentoring the greener sales guys.   It was a thing to behold.   And then one of the men left to go to a competitor.   I had a vacancy to fill.   By far, the most qualified person to fill his role, was a woman.   We hired her immediately.   But now I had a problem.   The culture she was stepping into was built on 2 years of men exclusively working with other men.     During those two years, we’d grown to love having that bond of brothers.   Some of these guys had never experienced being part of a group of other men where they felt they could let the guard down, be supported and talk about men’s issues that typically weren’t welcome in the workplace.   We weren’t the locker room talk guys.   Sure, we were more casual in our language, talked a lot about sports and had open conversations about life’s ups and downs with respect to marriages and dating.   But even though we weren’t crossing any lines, these same dynamics wouldn’t always be appropriate in a mixed setting.   And that’s where I could see my failing:   I had not prepared our team for evolution.   As an immature leader, I did not have the awareness, nor did I set the expectation that one day our team would evolve to a place of greater diversity.   I had not spoken to the team about the fact that we should be excited for and welcome that evolution because that would give us an opportunity to grow together.   Instead, it felt like that day of evolution kicked the door down without warning, and I hadn’t prepared myself or the team for it.   I feared the men would experience this evolution as a loss.   A loss of their freedom, a loss of their bond and a need to go back to being “buttoned up.”   I feared that the men would unconsciously resent our new female team member through no fault of her own, but simply because she represented a need to change.   I feared that the 6 remaining men would maintain their own “club” of separate text message chains and inside jokes that would create a barrier between them and a fully inclusive team experience for our new female member.   I had not sown the seeds for an environment of inclusion where anyone – like the best candidate – could quickly step in, feel welcomed and thrive.    I had not built a culture of the future.   This all could’ve gone terribly wrong because of my failings and immaturity as a leader.   But I got off easy.   Our new team member happened to be a 20-year veteran of Prudential. She already carried a tremendous amount of respect from the men on our sales team.   The men on our team were excited to have her, and they welcomed her aboard quickly.   After a few hiccups and bumps in the road that accompany most evolving team dynamics, we found our new rhythm and established a new culture and team identity.   But looking back, I know on some level she must’ve felt “different.”   Not just the type of “different” that comes from being the one outlier in terms of gender, but because of her stepping into a pre-existing culture and intangible energy that hadn’t been built with consideration of her.   I wonder how that must’ve felt for her – already trying to sell in a man’s game, and maybe also feeling like she wasn’t fully at home, even in her own home.   I wonder if she ever truly felt 100% supported by me or the rest of the team.   These are questions to which I may never know the answers.   I know on some level that I failed her.   In turn, I failed other women who aspired to be salespeople.   Could they look up at me and the culture I was creating and say, “I want to be part of that team…because I know I’d thrive there.”   I doubt it.   And that’s one of my greatest failings as a leader.   A Great Leader creates environments where you and those you care about can thrive.   Especially for men leading in male-dominated environments, it’s our duty to raise our awareness.   We must be aware that our advantage in numbers alone creates an imbalance in power dynamics, opportunities for growth and chances to create meaningful bonds.   We must be committed to leading beyond what is just comfortable, easy and natural for us…   …and seek to set a higher standard of inclusion where the best talent feels welcome, supported and set up to thrive.   Unlike how I did in my first role as a leader.   I can tell you one thing for certain:   I have not, nor will I ever, allow that to happen again under my watch as a leader.   A Great Leader creates environments where you and those that you lead can thrive.   The lynchpin to creating such environments, is inclusion.

#110: Imagine this: A hoity toity consulting company is interviewing all of the women in your business ecosystem. I’m talking your colleagues, clients, bosses, direct reports, staff… They are asked only one question: “When you think of a male ally, who immediately comes to mind?” Would you be one of the men they named? A Great Man creates environments where you and those you care about can thrive. This is what male allies do in the workplace.  Male allies contribute to workplace environments where women feel supported, where their efforts are valued and where they have equal access to advancement opportunities.   Today’s interview is with Organizational Psychologist – and 20 year veteran of male dominated businesses – Rachana Bhide, who teaches us how to become a top notch male ally of women in the workplace.   In this Episode: The characteristics of a great male ally (16:14) The subtle but important distinction between a mentor and an ally (40:20) How to better understand the psychology of men in the workplace (7:43) Why and how women benefit from highlighting the best male allies in the business (44:58) How to seek and secure a male ally that champions your career (48:36)   Who is Rachana Bhide? Rachana Bhide is the founder of Corner of the Court Project, which is a series of women’s stories featuring male allies and the positive impact these men have had on their careers and lives Rachana has a master’s degree in organizational psychology from Columbia University which is where her passion for gender dynamics in the workplace was born She’s spoken at Lean In NYC and was the opening keynote speaker for the Women of Silicon Valley Conference in 2019   Rachana’s Website: The Corner of the Court Project   Connect with Rachana on LinkedIn: Click Here   Rachana’s Keynote Speech at The Women of Silicon Valley Conference: Watch Here   Rachana’s Articles:  5 Ways Men Can Be Great Allies for Women’s Careers 6 Things Great Male Allies Do Design Thinking and Your Career

#109: “Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?”   This is a quote from Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Big Magic.”   It’s one of the most important books of my life.   It sits next to Outwitting the Devil and Man’s Search for Meaning on my bookshelf.   Speaking of magic, here are some of her other magic wisdom bombs from the book:   “The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.”   “The courage to go on that hunt in the first place – that’s what separates a mundane existence from a more enchanted one.   “I’m talking about living a life that is driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.”   “My fear became boring to me, because it was the same thing every day.”   Gilbert goes on to say, fear and creativity are like “conjoined twins,” as evidenced by the fact that she can’t take a “single step forward without fear marching right alongside it.”   But she teaches us that we should be curious about our fear. Befriend it. Fear holds keys and opens portals to your greatest potential.   Get curious about your fear. There’s untapped creativity and power there.   As Gilbert says:   “A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life.”   -DQ

#108: Excerpt from King, Warrior, Magician Lover” by Robert Moore:   “Compulsive personalities are workaholics, constantly with their noses to the grindstone.   They have tremendous capacity to endure pain, and they often manage to get enormous amount of work done.   But what is driving their nonstop engines is deep anxiety.   They have a very slim grasp on their own worthwhileness.   They don’t know what they really want, what they are missing and what they would like to have.”   Moore is describing the man I was for most of my life.   I have compassion for that guy, because he didn’t know any better.   It was only on the inner work journey did I discover the truth:   Compulsion is not the same as drive.   -DQ   PS – Thanks to TK for the conversation that inspired this episode. ;-)

#107: We’ve all heard the adage: “Behind every great man is a woman.” Fellas, it’s high time for: “Behind every great woman, is a man helping her light to shine.” In today’s episode, I share with you the 3 lessons I’ve learned from coaching and running retreats for high-performing women in male dominated environments. Listen intently… …the Great Man Within you will want to hear this.   -DQ PS – If you want access to the “off the grid” Design Your Future 15-episode podcast series for women, go to: www.DoInnerWork.com/resources

#106: “Routine, in an intelligent man, is a sign of ambition.” – W. H. Auden Your morning routine is the rudder of your ship.   It determines the quality of the 16, 17 or 18 waking hours that follow.   Most men have never consciously designed their morning routines.   A Great Man knows that he must win the day, if he plans to win his life.   Winning the day, starts with designing your morning routine.   In This Episode: The 3 benefits a good morning routine produces in your life 10 questions to assess the quality of your present morning routine 3 steps to design your morning routine

#105: The #1 reason people will resist your leadership is distrust.   People will distrust your leadership if they don’t believe you have their best interests at heart.   The most obvious way to demonstrate you don’t have their best interests at heart:   You fail to see them, acknowledge them or understand them.   During the COVID-19 era, I’m still seeing smart leaders failing to see, acknowledge and understand the people that they lead…   …by continuing to make the same mistake over and over again that I spoke about weeks ago.   I expose that mistake in today’s episode so you can avoid making it…   …as you continue refining what it means to be a strong, conscious and trustworthy masculine leader.

#104: Here are three questions to ask yourself about how your workdays are currently designed:   Is your day structured to support your best energy?   Is your day structured to facilitate the execution of your most important work?   Do you have regular blocks of time (90-120 mins) to dedicate to your most important work?   If you can use a tune up on any one – or all three – of these areas, then today’s 15 minute episode has got you covered.   -DQ

#103: For the last two years, David Waldas has been my personal coach. We’ve spoken weekly, without fail, for over 100 consecutive weeks. He’s been an essential guide on my journey in so many areas.   It’s been through my work with David that I stopped running a business.   He’s helped me build a movement, with a big mission:   To inspire 10 million men to walk the path of inner work over the next 10 years.   He’s also helped me understand how to build a life where I can pursue massively important work AND also experience joy in the journey.   (That’s a revelation for me, and most men, btw).    Today, Bryan and I shine a light on David’s work, so that you can learn how to build a powerful life through aligned living.     In this Episode Why it’s misguided to want to “go back to normal,” after COVID and how you can architect an elevated new future instead Why so many men experienced The Dip in weeks 4 and 5 of quarantine How the concept of taking the “Next Right Action” will make everything in your life easier and more impactful Why most people are externally referenced – 90% of their focus is external, and only 10% internal – and why leaders need to learn how to flip that dynamic to be truly powerful, grounded visionaries Today is also the first time that Bryan and David…who’ve heard about each other for two years…finally get to meet one another. Bryan gets a taste of a coaching from David at the end of the episode   Who is David Waldas? David is an executive coach who does two types of work: Leadership Training for Visionaries Visionary Training for Leaders He is the author of Insight, Influence and Flow, a guidebook for high performing leaders   Resources David’s Website: www.DavidWaldas.com David’s Book: Insight, Influence and Flow on Amazon

#102: Every Sunday I give you a 60-90 second review of each of the previous week’s podcast topics.   In case you missed it, here are the episodes we recorded this week:   Monday: Calling for a Men’s Mental Health Revolution feat. Sam Webb Tuesday: Are You Brave Enough to Lead Your Friends Wednesday: You Are Being Initiated Thursday: Put a Pause on New Consumption Friday: How to Handle the Motivation Dip Saturday: What’s Bringing You Joy These Days?   Tuesday through Friday were solo recordings, and Saturday’s episode was with Bryan and I.   You can always access the entire list of podcasts here:   The Great Man Within On Apple Podcasts: Click Here The Great Man Within On Spotify: Click Here