The Grounded Union Podcast

In this episode of Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into why addiction relapse is so devastatingly common and how couples can break free from this destructive cycle forever. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen share their raw journey through five years of repeated relapse before discovering the root-level healing that changed everything. They reveal why surface-level solutions fail and introduce their "roots and rewiring" approach - examining childhood trauma, spiritual beliefs, and life paradigms that keep people trapped. The hosts emphasize getting to the core wounds rather than just managing symptoms, challenging listeners to treat addiction recovery not as minor adjustments but as a complete life transformation. Most provocatively, they advocate for total transparency between spouses - sharing every secret, memory, and struggle without exception. Their message: true freedom isn't about willpower or accountability groups, but about digging deep into your story, rewiring your thoughts, and creating the life you actually want to live rather than one you need to escape from.Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Maui Intensive: Tap here to applyLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notifiedGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Why We’re Talking About Relapse: Brandon introduces the episode’s focus on why relapse to addiction is so common, sharing their personal five-year journey through relapse and the importance of healing at the root level.00:01:50 – Relapse Cycle and Surface-Level Healing: The historical pattern of getting caught, crying, apologizing, seeking help, and repeated relapse over months to years00:04:13 – The Need for Root System Work: Caitlyn discusses their realization that staying on the surface level with addiction was not working and that they needed to "dig way deeper" to get to the root of the issue.00:07:15 – First Root Category - Childhood Exploration: Why deep, sustainable change comes from exploring past wounds and patterns with curiosity instead of shame.00:14:55 – Tracing Addiction Back to Childhood Origins: The importance of identifying when and how addictive behaviors first appeared in childhood, and many addictions—whether porn, alcohol, food, or work—are intertwined and rooted in early experiences.00:17:06 – Second Root Category - Spirituality: How spiritual beliefs—especially from Christian upbringings—can create paradigms that normalize or even excuse relapse.00:19:32 – Third Root Category - Personal Paradigms: Assessing your beliefs about yourself, your marriage, and your ability to achieve freedom from addiction.00:22:58 – Living Free from Relapse: What it looks like to live a life free from relapse, based on their own last five years of sobriety.00:26:34 – The 30-Day Rewiring Process: Brandon details the exact steps he took over 30 days that rewired his brain and eliminated his compulsions.00:32:49 – The 4R's Technique: Brandon introduces their practical rewiring tool - Recognize the thought, Receive peace in your body, Release the old pattern, Replace with new behavior.00:34:53 – The One Thing Nobody Told Us: Sharing absolutely everything - every memory, thought, current struggle, and past experience without exception.

In today’s episode of Grounded Union Podcast, discover how to distinguish between surface-level apologies and genuine transformation. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen tackle one of the hardest questions couples face: “Does my spouse truly want to change?” Through raw personal stories of repeated betrayals, false starts, and painful honesty, they highlight the subtle yet powerful signs of authentic change. From nervous system regulation to the hard work of transparency, this episode sheds light on both red flags and green lights for anyone navigating broken trust.Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Season 2, Episode 4: Caitlyn explains that when partners ask if change is possible, it’s usually about deeper wounds, not just curiosity.00:01:37 – Brandon quotes, “When the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving, that’s when people choose change.”00:02:43 – What Real Change Requires: They emphasize that transformation is measured by consistent investment, not by promises or workshops attended.00:03:39 – Two Destructive Responses: How passivity and defensiveness sabotage connection and keep couples stuck.00:05:30 – Stuck in the Same Cycle: They reflect on years of repeating the same wounds despite therapy, church, and community.00:07:05 – Caitlyn’s Breaking Point: Another betrayal in 2019 forces Caitlyn to question if their marriage could truly survive.00:08:43 – Radical Intimacy Defined: Caitlyn sets a new standard for union: no hiddenness, no secrets, no separation.00:10:30 – Brandon Commits to Change: He agrees to strip away distractions and fully reorient his life toward healing.00:11:41 – The Six-Month Window: Real transformation requires months of consistent effort, not instant results.00:16:01 – Daily Work Over Quick Fixes: Healing came through daily accountability and practice rather than weekend intensives.00:20:00 – Radical Transparency Builds Safety: True intimacy deepened only when Brandon confessed even the “small” lapses consistently.00:26:02 – Defining a Shared Vision of Union:  Both commit to exclusivity, honesty, and a clear standard for their future together.00:35:00 – Choosing Who You Want to Become: Focus less on “how” to change and more on “who” they want to become.

This week on The Grounded Union Podcast, discover how Christian disciplines like prayer, fasting, and Bible reading—despite being foundational practices—sometimes fall short in saving marriages. Hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen bravely share their journey from passionate missionaries with an impeccable "spiritual resume" to facing severe marital struggles, exposing the dangerous gap between spiritual disciplines and emotional maturity. Despite daily Bible reading, prayer, fasting, multiple church services, and even Brandon's 40-day fast, their marriage was crumbling with addiction, betrayal, and disconnection. They reveal how Western Christianity's segmented approach creates fragmented lives where spiritual practices become escape mechanisms rather than tools for authentic intimacy. This episode challenges listeners to stop hiding behind religious performance and start doing the real work of integrating shadow parts of themselves. A paradigm-shifting conversation that offers hope to couples who've tried everything "spiritual" but still feel emotionally distant from their spouse.Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (SOLD OUT)🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Introduction and Resources: The hosts introduce the episode's central question and their intention to share their own story of struggling despite practicing Christian disciplines. They invite listeners regardless of their faith background, and highlight available resources like the Grounded Nation men's community app and the Maui 3-day Marriage Intensive.00:01:57 – How We Met and Early Marriage: Caitlyn begins sharing how she and Brandon met as missionaries in Ecuador, bonded over their shared vision for ministry, and eventually got married.00:03:16 – The Vision for Ministry and Marriage: Brandon elaborates on their early vision to be lifelong missionaries, rescue women from sex trafficking, and start orphanages.00:07:24 – The Spiritual Resume: They emphasize their "spiritual resume" of church, prayer, fasting, and discipline, and how it ultimately didn’t prevent their disconnect.00:10:14 – The Segmented Christian Life: Many Western Christians live "segmented" lives, separating their spiritual self from their practical and relational selves.00:18:20 – The Gospel's Invitation to Face Pain: The gospel isn't an excuse to ignore pain but an invitation to face it, heal, and integrate every part of oneself.00:23:09 – Freedom from Cuffs: True freedom is possible if one uncuffs themselves from limiting belief systems and steps into the hope and love of Christ.00:24:47 – What Must I Do?: The common question about earning freedom challenges the idea that spirituality is about achieving or attaining.00:29:44 – The Shadow Parts of You: What is often labeled as "temptation" or "sin nature" is the unintegrated "shadow parts" of oneself that need to be welcomed and healed.00:33:54 – God is in Every Moment: Dismantling the idea of separation from God; God is present in every moment of life.

In this episode of Grounded Union Podcast, Caitlyn and Brandon Doerksen honestly navigate the difficult experience of betrayal and the long journey toward restoring safety and trust in their marriage. Season 2 opens with the couple addressing their most requested topic: how to heal when trust is shattered. Caitlyn shares her vulnerable story as the betrayed spouse, including years of repeated deception and the critical moment she established firm boundaries. Brandon explores the difference between passive and active betrayal and emphasizes that good intentions are not enough without true inner transformation. Together, they explain why wounded partners shouldn’t be expected to maintain composure, how denial covers up deeper wounds, and why many couples get caught in destructive cycles. Filled with raw storytelling and practical advice, this episode is a must-listen for those seeking hope after betrayal.Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (August 22nd & 23rd)🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:29 - Season 2, Episode 2: Brandon and Caitlyn open up about healing betrayal, rebuilding trust, and their journey to healing together.00:01:51 - Active and passive betrayal: Brandon explains the difference between overt actions like cheating and more subtle forms like emotional withdrawal.00:06:00 - Repeating deception cycles: Caitlyn shares the exhausting pattern of betrayal and false recovery that led to long-term trauma.00:09:00 - False promises and deeper harm: Brandon reflects on how surface-level commitments and dismissing Caitlyn’s intuition created further disconnection.00:20:06 - Movement as healing: Caitlyn explains how walking, swimming, and nature helped her process pain and regulate her nervous system.00:25:00 - Redefining real union: Caitlyn challenges performative marriages and emphasizes that true partnership requires mutual truth and commitment.00:31:31 - Reconnecting through embodiment: Brandon shares practical tools—cold showers, breathwork, and movement—that helped him feel again.00:34:16 - Emotional awakening as a couple: Caitlyn highlights the importance of both partners choosing to prioritize healing and emotional presence.00:40:10 - Trust takes time to rebuild: Brandon explains how rebuilding trust is an ongoing process that depends on consistency, honesty, and emotional availability.00:43:00 - Radical responsibility in healing: Brandon and Caitlyn explore how owning your part fully is key to rebuilding intimacy and lasting trust.

In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen dive deep into a widely debated and often shame-filled topic: being attracted to people other than your spouse. The conversation is sparked by a viral social media post that drew thousands of comments and opposing viewpoints, which the hosts read and respond to throughout the episode. They challenge the common narrative that men are "biologically wired" to be attracted to other people, arguing instead that this is a learned belief system. The discussion gets to the core of why this is such a painful topic for many couples, revealing it often stems from a lack of mutual commitment and a shared vision for the marriage. The hosts offer a surprising revelation: it is possible to create a relationship where you are only attracted to your spouse. This episode provides actionable advice on how to build a stronger, more committed union by shedding old beliefs and intentionally creating the marriage you desire. (Watch the Instagram reel that sparked this episode.)  Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (August 22nd & 23rd)🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 –  Welcome to Season 2! The hosts start the season with an overview of today’s topic: attraction outside of marriage—and why it's such a hot-button issue. 00:01:40 – Is It Normal to Be Attracted to Others?: Caitlyn reflects on how taboo this conversation is, especially in Christian spaces, and shares her initial thoughts about normalizing attraction.00:06:14 –  The Viral Post Reactions: They read through viral Instagram comments: some encouraging, some skeptical, and others just plain spicy—highlighting diverse audience reactions. 00:06:56 – Recognizing vs. Being Attracted: The difference between recognizing someone is attractive and being attracted to them.00:10:07 – Why Isn’t This Message Taught?: The hosts reflect on the church's silence around emotional integrity in attraction and why this conversation threatens the status quo.  00:25:13 –  The Pinball Machine of Attraction: Every decision begins with contemplation, and even a "harmless" attraction can lead to a deeper desire for connection that ultimately causes a separation in a relationship.  00:28:12 – The Three Roots of Attraction: The core areas that contribute to attraction: past experiences, consumption, and limiting beliefs. 00:35:25 – Unpacking the "Biologically Wired" Argument: Brandon and Caitlyn dismantle the argument that humans are "biologically wired" to be attracted to others by explaining that what we're exposed to and what we consume shapes our beliefs. 00:47:43 – Desire, Disconnection & Avoidance: Brandon reflects on how Caitlyn’s full-hearted devotion exposed his own avoidant behavior and emotional disconnection, and why that pattern was painful to confront.00:56:23 –  This Wasn’t Easy—But It Was Worth It: This level of transformation was born from deep pain and discomfort, especially in the wake of betrayal.

Explore the raw journey of transformation in marriage, where change can't be forced. Discover how self-accountability and open communication serve as catalysts for healing. The hosts delve into personal struggles with betrayal and disconnection, revealing the importance of confronting uncomfortable truths. Learn how embracing responsibility and fostering empathy can rebuild trust and intimacy. This discussion isn't just about saving a marriage; it's about awakening to a fulfilling partnership through personal growth and shared vision.

Discover why your relationship might feel emotionally flat and disconnected. The hosts explore the hidden layers behind emotional distance, sharing personal stories of their own relationship struggles. They emphasize the importance of reducing screen time to foster genuine connections and suggest practical activities like spending time in nature. Honest communication and embracing mindful living are key to rekindling intimacy. Listeners are encouraged to undertake a transformative 30-day journey to reconnect with themselves and their partners.

Explore the transformative power of emotions in healing relationships. Discover how emotional numbness is learned, not innate, and learn to embrace vulnerability. Personal stories illustrate the journey from disconnection to intimacy, aided by movement and open communication. Practical exercises guide couples to reconnect through shared memories and daily affirmations. The importance of empathy and active listening is emphasized, offering tools for deeper emotional connection and understanding.

The hosts tackle the intricacies of sexual brokenness in relationships, emphasizing healing through authentic intimacy. They delve into overcoming shame and addictions, exploring the transformative journey toward connection and trust. Personal stories highlight the shift from objectification to genuine understanding of partners. They advocate for vulnerability in communication, aiming to rebuild after betrayal. This insightful discussion encourages listeners to confront societal narratives about sexuality and embrace their true selves for deeper connections.

Delve into the intricate dynamics of sexual wholeness and its impact on relationships. The hosts share their personal journeys through sexual brokenness, highlighting the necessity of transparency and communication. Discover how societal beliefs about attraction can disrupt intimacy and the significance of personal responsibility in overcoming challenges. Explore the complexities of relapse and the healing power of vulnerability, offering practical strategies for couples to foster deeper connections and confront their sexual histories.