Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40

Have you ever said something with good intentions, only to have your partner hear it completely differently than you meant it? Maybe you were trying to help, but they felt criticized. You were trying to explain yourself, but they experienced you as defensive. Or you were protecting yourself, but they felt shut out. So what do you do? Too often, people get stuck arguing about what they meant instead of becoming curious about the impact they had. In this episode of Practicing Love, I talk with Allison Brenner, executive coach and founder of InnerVue, about the often surprising gap between our intentions and how other people actually experience us. Allison has spent three decades working in leadership and human development, and she brings that perspective into relationships in a powerful way: self-awareness isn't only about knowing ourselves. It's also about becoming aware of how we affect other people. We talk about why good intentions can sometimes become a shield against curiosity, how "you took it wrong" can turn a misunderstanding into a blame game, and how our automatic defensive reactions can have an impact we never intended. Rather than taking someone's experience of us as a verdict about who we are, we can become curious about our patterns: What happens in our tone when we're stressed? What do we do when we feel criticized? And does the way we show up actually create the impact we want? We also talk about reflecting on "what would it be like to be in a relationship with me?" and building trust and safety so that when something goes wrong, both people have more capacity to repair. Having good intentions matters. But if we want deeper connection, we also have to care about the impact we're having. In this episode, we explore: Why couples can misunderstand each other even when both people have good intentions How good intentions can sometimes stop us from being curious about our impact How to receive feedback without experiencing it as a verdict about who you are The question: What is it like to be in a relationship with me? Why a great relationship includes self-awareness and awareness of how others experience us How to check your intention before a difficult conversation What to do when the impact you're having isn't the impact you intended Connect with Allison Learn more about Allison and her work with InnerVue Use Discount code: PRACTICINGLOVE20 to get 20% off Connect with Shana Visit Shana's website if you are struggling with love, sex, dating, or relationships in midlife Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: WGWRQANBJDWAVVM6

How to have the sex you actually want: More Pleasure and Connection Beyond Scripts, Shame and Expectations Having great sex is not about knowing the "right" things to do. It's about discovering what actually feels good and meaningful to you. The best question to ask yourself is: Are you having the sex you actually want? In this episode of Practicing Love, I talk with Deborah Kat, relationship and sex expert, Tantra teacher, host of The Better Sex Podcast, and former professional Dominatrix. We get into what actually makes sex great, and why so many of us aren't satisfied with the script we were given about what sex is "supposed to look like." Deborah talks about the importance of aliveness over performance, and why great sex isn't about reaching a particular outcome. It can change, evolve, surprise you, and be completely different from one time to the next. We talk about: What actually makes sex great How to ask for what you want without making your partner feel pressured or criticized Why a particular fantasy doesn't necessarily need to become reality and how to discover the motivation beneath a fantasy The different ways people are wired for sex and pleasure How Tantra and kink could support your sex life Why sex in long-term relationships naturally goes through cycles How to find more pleasure and freedom What to do when your partner wants something you're unsure about How to bring up sexual desires without all the charge, disappointment, or baggage Many of my clients actually know what they want to say, but they're afraid to say it. One of my favorite themes in this conversation is that revealing more of yourself creates more intimacy, even though it feels risky. You don't have to say the "right thing." It's more about the vulnerable thing. The more honestly we discover what we want, communicate it, stay curious, and create safety for each other, the more room there is for pleasure, connection and surprise. Better sex isn't about becoming better at performing sex. It's about being truly yourself while you're having it, so you can receive and enjoy it more. Find Deborah Kat: Deborah Kat's website The Better Sex Podcast Deborah Kat on Instagram Deborah Kat on Substack Find Shana James: Quiz: What keeps you from having the best love and sex of your life? https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-sex/ Rekindle Desire: 20 reasons your wife may not want t have sex Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: OHMHFXBSHHFV307Z

Rick Broniec, author of Power Tools for Men and longtime men’s growth leader, explores sexual healing beyond performance. He discusses masculinity’s “Man Box,” shame and inherited wounds, receiving pleasure and affection, sensuality, spirituality, fantasies, consent, and honest conversations. He also shares perspectives on ethical non-monogamy, vulnerability in partnership, and finding support when intimacy gets stuck.

How would your relationships be different if you could experience the world from the other side of the gender divide, and understand how a man or woman (whichever you are not) feels and experiences life? Would it bring more compassion for the things that irritate you? Today's guest has something very few people can offer: a real life perspective on living as both a woman and a man. Since Jason Hill transitioned he has experienced radical shifts in how people perceive him, how he's treated professionally, how much emotional vulnerability feels accessible, how his sex drive changed, and even how much physical affection is available to him. In this fascinating conversation, we explore what those experiences reveal about men, women, love, sex, emotional intelligence, and the invisible expectations we place on each other. We talk about: How Jason has been treated as more intelligent and receiving more professional opportunities as a man The pressures men can carry with the expectations to provide, earn, protect, and prove their worth Why having male privilege doesn't mean life is always easy What women usually don't see about men's vulnerability to violence, rejection, and emotional isolation Why so many men are touch-starved, and how sex can become one of the only socially acceptable forms of affection The surprising ways we're socialized differently as men and women Why emotional intelligence can be learned How to make the goal of conversations understanding what is actually happening for another person, rather than winning the argument What greater empathy across genders could make possible in our relationships Jason's story invites us to hold multiple truths at the same time: men benefit from systems of privilege and still experience profound pain, loneliness, objectification, and pressure. Women suffer from discrimination and often have assumptions about men that can make it harder for men to feel loved and understood. The more we're willing to get curious about those contradictions, the more possibility we have for love. Because emotional intelligence isn't about becoming better at arguing your side. It's about becoming better at seeing the person in front of you. Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: ELRUV6G8JHUP8JAW

Dating feels brutal for so many relationship-ready singles, especially over 40. In this episode, Shana James talks with Adam Cohen Aslatei, CEO of Three Day Rule, about how AI is reshaping modern matchmaking and how AI makes it easier for people to date and find real, emotionally available love. They explore dating burnout, why the apps are failing people, the power of intentional dating, and how AI can even support deeper human connection. A must-listen for those who want to stop unconsciously swiping and start consciously dating and creating meaningful relationships. Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life! Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: IHVPCN3F5C1BO2Q0

We explore what happens when being "the one who saves" starts costing you connection with yourself and others. Brent Perkins joins me to unpack how overgiving and self-abandonment can masquerade as love, and what it really takes to move from trying to be the hero to letting yourself be human. You'll learn to give without depletion, create agreements instead of expectations, and practice the art of receiving love as fully as you give it. Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life! Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: WGWRQANBJDWAVVM6

What happens when the woman you love stops wanting sex? For many men, a fading sex drive feels like rejection, loneliness, or even a sign that the relationship is dying. You may wonder: Am I still attractive? Does she still want me? Did I do something wrong? After more than 20 years of coaching men and couples, I've found the answer is usually more nuanced. Women often don't stop wanting sex. They stop wanting the sex they've been having. As women move through midlife, many become less willing to settle for intimacy that feels rushed, disconnected, predictable, or focused primarily on their partner's experience. Hormones and health can certainly play a role, but there's another piece that often gets overlooked: desire is relational. In this episode, I explore a different way of understanding desire—one where it isn't something one partner has and the other needs to get back. Desire is something two people create together. I share six ways I've helped couples co-create more connection, pleasure, and passion, including becoming a student of your partner, slowing down, moving beyond one-dimensional sex, creating experiments instead of expectations, and learning not to take differences in desire personally. If your sex life has faded, I hope this episode gives you something you may not have had in a while: hope that the best intimacy of your relationship can still be ahead of you. Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: X6DOTPWFPO5ZGZDX

Jamie Smart, bestselling author and coach who teaches clarity-based frameworks, explains why relationships drift and how shifting your view changes your partner’s appearance. Short stories and coaching examples show how insight, not trying harder, breaks cycles of being right. He describes moving from self-protection to creating true love and offers simple practices that transform connection.

Everyone talks about "baggage" in dating. But what does that actually mean? If you're dating in midlife, chances are you—and everyone you meet—have lived through heartbreak, divorce, health challenges, parenting, financial ups and downs, grief, or complicated family dynamics. The goal isn't to find someone without baggage. It's to discover whether your lives, values, and emotional realities are compatible enough to build something beautiful together. In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with relationship and intimacy coach Karen Bigman to explore what baggage really is, how to recognize the difference between deal breakers and manageable challenges, and why self-awareness is far more important than finding a "perfect" partner. Together we explore: Why everyone in midlife brings some form of baggage into dating How to tell the difference between compatible and incompatible baggage Why knowing yourself matters more than following dating rules When to communicate your needs, boundaries, and relationship history How divorce, children, finances, family dynamics, and health challenges affect dating Perhaps the biggest takeaway is this: Your past doesn't have to determine your future. What matters is how consciously you understand yourself, communicate your needs, and choose relationships that honor who you are today. Because dating isn't about finding someone with no baggage. It's about finding someone whose life, values, and humanity fit well with yours. About Karen Bigman Karen Bigman is a relationship and intimacy coach, sex educator, and host of the Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50 podcast. She specializes in helping men navigate dating, intimacy, midlife sexuality, and relationships with greater confidence, honesty, and self-awareness. Through coaching, courses, and education, Karen helps people create more connected, authentic relationships in the second half of life. Learn More About Karen Website: https://taboototruth.com Podcast: Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TabooToTruth Resources from Shana Take the quiz to find out what gets in the way of finding love: Find Love Quiz Join the Honest Dating Guide waitlist: https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/ Schedule a consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: FTDWN40V3UIZ5PJL