Empowered Through Compassion

Season 1, Episode 34, Release Date: 6-16-2024 Victoria Eagle and the IFS Telehealth Collective   Find out more about Victoria here: http://ifstherapyonline.com/victoria-eagle-ifs-therapy-in-california   This is a very special episode for me, to introduce a wonderful co-worker of mine, Victoria Eagle. She has been working at the IFS-Telehealth Collective, she is a supervisor here, and also runs group with one of the founders Paul Ginter. Find out more about these groups here: http://ifstherapyonline.com/ifs-community-groups   Victoria shared that she was drawn to IFS because of its non-pathologizing nature. She felt that she was able to see her clients (first children, then parents) through this lens of compassion and connection.    When Victoria was trained in IFS, and shared the concept of multiplicity, and helped people see the parts within them, she helps parents relate to these parts as if they were their children. Victoria sees these parts as individual clients that are walking into her office. In this way, each part is an entity that we want to get to know and appreciate.   As we accept and love our inner world, this energy also is reflected in our relationship to the outter way as well.   Victoria shared how when people are able to experience their self energy, she can see this reflected in their faces "it is as the sunshine is warming them."   Victoria shared how the IFS-TC handles diagnosing clients, and how this is a collaborative process. The diagnosing is done to describe symptoms, and help care for people. She strives to choose the least pathologizing diagnoses, and holds these diagnoses lightly.   

Seaon 1, Episode 33, Release Date: 6-9-2024 Authentic Connection with Jessica Olberz Singleton and Frank D'Amato   This has been one of those episodes which I have been holding close to my heart, and I am finally releasing it, with a deep sense of gratitude towards Jessica and Frank. They are heroes of mine who are also on a podcast journey of their own. Their podcast has been very inspirational to me. Their podcast is called, "Feel This" and you can listen to it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/th/podcast/feel-this-with-frank-and-jess/id1610951524   This podcast has authentic conversation, where the hosts show what they are experiencing in the moment. They welcome the listener into this safe space, to feel this alongside the hosts. Frank shared that he does this podcast for the simple reason that when he is doing the podcast, "I feel more connected to myself, more alive, more compassionate."   Frank shared that, Authentic Connection is a way of speaking for what is happening in the moment. We can look at 5 zones of connection...   1) Chit chat-- speaking about random things going on around us 2) It chat-- focusing on a specific topic of interest 3) Me chat-- focusing on you or me 4) We chat-- speaking about the relationship of "us" 5) Now chat-- speaking for what my experience is in this moment   Frank shared how he really loves Jay Earleys books, "Self-Therapy" especially for clients.   Frank shared how he does not believe the zones are heirarchical. Each of them can be very positive if we are being self-led. To illustrate this, Jess shared how chit-chat could be parts led, when people are using this to speak over one another, or fill up space. However, chit-chat could also be Self-led when there is attunement, and the chit-chat becomes a way of connecting with someone. Through a sense of presence, the words within chit-chat don't matter, the communication is in the experience, and the action.   Chit-chat can also be used to bring a deep conversation to a place that feels a little safer and contained.   Frank dove into the We chat realm and shared how this is often overlooked in our culture, but so important. Frank shared how "IFIO sees this realm as a place to help couple's track their experiences." This is a way to notice cycles and patterns in communication.   When we are being parts-led, we chat can look more like an argument. But, all relationships will have conflict, and being able to name "we-chat," we make more space for working through these problems. Naming what you perceive to be happening in the relationship takes vulnerability. However, this can lead to being able to feel the tangibility of the group's consciousness!    Authentic conversation (as it is named in IFIO) is the "now chat." It begins with an understanding and connection with ourselves. As I understand what I am feeling, I can then communicate this to you. Tapping into the hear and now, and the experiences within our bodies, can even lead us into a spiritual realm, as it deepens our relationship with the other person.    As Jess beautifully said; "By trusting our nervous system, and listening to it, allows us to give love and be loved. As we slow things down, we can appreciate the beauty of this, and it can feel like we are coming home to myself and others."           

Season 1 Episode 32, Release Date: 6-1-2024 Daily Parts Meditation Practice ® with Michelle Glass   Michelle Glass is Level 3 trained IFS practitioner, who has written the wonderful book, "Daily Parts Meditation Practice®." She is a Soul Collage facilitator as well as a Spiritual Emergence Coach. She leads Daily Parts Meditation Practice® (DPMP®) Workshops. She has also spent 7 years as the Editor for the magazine, "Foundation for Self-Leadershp."   Find out more about Michelle here: http://thelistenerllc.com   Michelle also collaborates with Sentur App. Find out more about this here: http://www.sentur.app   Michelle also has been teaching the integration of IFS for guides working with psychedelics. Find out more about this work on Michelle's website here: https://www.michelleglass.com/   Michelle spoke about her book, and how she believe (and practices) checking in with her part each day. In this way, she has been able to cultivate a deep relationship and connection with each one of her parts.   Michelle quoted A.H. Almaas, who has said, "The fundamental thing that happened, and the greatest calamity, is not that there was no love or support. The greater calamity, which is caused by the first calamity, is that you lost the connection to your essence."   Michelle shared that for her, when she experienced trauma, the worst part was how this made her question how there could be a higher power, or God, when such horrendous things could happen to people.   IFS was a way that Michelle was able to reconnect to this higher power. IFS was such a meaningful model to her, in part, because of its non-pathologizing nature.    Michelle was drawn to IFS because of its non-pathologizing nature.    Thanks Michelle for such a meaningful conversation and connection!    

Season 1, Episode 31, Release Date: 5-28-2024 Drawing into self to Survive and Thrive with Ruth Culver   Ruth Culver is an Integrative Hypnotherapist, IFS Practitioner, and Internal (IFS) Constellations She also created and leads workshops on IFS intuitive Drawing, and "Drawing into Self," Internal Constellations, and her "Survive and Thrive Spiral."   Ruth spoke about her work in hypnotherapy, and how IFS allows up to really understand a system so we can get permission from protectors before rattling exiles (very similar to how IFS can also aide EMDR).   Also, Ruth said that for some of her clients, the Ventral Vagal state did not feel like they were "tolerating" difficult things, it felt more as if they were "accepting" and feeling OK through the difficulties.   We spoke about "freeze" state, and how this felt like active energy, which is sometimes missed in descriptions. Ruth said, "This is very different than collapse, it is more a thought of, I got to do something about this, but I can't"     I (David) questioned if each part has their own autonomic nervous system of their own. Ruth's answer was that yes, and they are all reacting to a larger nervous system in the body. "The parts take on their roles in response to this larger nervous system."   When we check in with parts, in IFS, we are in effect reprograming each of their nervous systems. In this way, repetition is very important. In some ways, this feels a lot like reconsolidating the part's memories.   We spoke about spirituality, and Ruth shared that her journey has been more about being rather than doing. She shared that she has been involved with family constellation work, which really started through absorbing some of the practices of South Africa, and how they were interacting with ancestors.   Ruth shared how family constellation work was tuning into somatic energy, where there would be a group of participants and they would help represent family members and ancestors. Ruth broadened this to include internal parts of systems as well.    Ruth shared how you could feel a connectedness within the group and a form of synchronicity. Almost as if the group was a jazz band, listening and improving with one another! Again, Ruth shared how IFS brings a lot of safety to this technique.   We spoke about the similarities of this practice to Psychodrama, and Ruth shared that she believes "Constellations goes one step further." There is more unconscious work being done, and less containment (not guiding participants how to act or what to say). Therefore, good preparation becomes vital.   Ruth said she creates safety by (1) slowing things down, and (2) staying curious. When exiles show up, it is OK because we can see them, and ask them to wait. As Cece Sykes says, "we can send them little golden threads." We can say to them, I might not be able to get to you right now, but I see you. This can be very healing!   We spoke about "Drawing into Self" and how healing it could be to have parts express themselves through color and movement on a page. This taps into preverbal and nonverbal modes of communication, and then we can do IFS through the intuitive drawing.    When we share this with partners, we also learn how to really listen to what someone is sharing. Ruth has put together many protocols for this. She has found that this externalizes parts.   She also has workshops on her Survive and Thrive model. "Its all about safety and connection."

Season 2, Episode 33, Release Date: 5-27-2024 Self-led Sexuality with Patricia Rich   Today I had the pleasure of speaking with Patricia Rich, a licensed clinical social worker, certified IFS therapist and consultant, and a certified sex therapist and supervisor. She is insightful and knowledgeable on how IFS and sex therapy could be merged together for therapy and healing.    We spoke about the irony in our field where people come to find connection, vibrancy and aliveness. All of this can be found within our sexual energy, but often sexuality is exiled from the therapy office, and our field in general. If we welcome this sexual energy back into our lives, it can lead to more embodiment, and the vibrancy andd aliveness we are looking for.    In IFS, we speak about Self-energy within us that has the 8 C's-- Compassion, Courage, Curiousirty, Connectedness, Creativity, Confidence, Calm, and Clarity. When we feel this Self-energy, we can also tune into a Sexual energy that may be experienced as qualities of Self. There is a beauty to Sexual energy, as well as wisdom.   Patricia also shared how she believes that all of our parts also have sexual energy that they can assess. When bringing IFS into sex therapy, we want to understand how our parts are interacting with these sexual forces, and listen to what they have to say. A lot of times we will listen to some of our parts when it comes to our sexual feelings, but not others. Patricia says she wants to help find a way for clients to welcome all parts into this conversation.   Just as we have Self-energy, Patricia also believes that we all have a beautiful sexual energy within us, "And this could never be broken or destroyed within us." As we open up to this self-led sexuality, we are able to open new doors of creativity, passion and excitement.   To help us tune into this sexuality within our parts, Patricia recommends taking a "beat: and checking in with out (B)ody and breath, (E)motions, (A)ctions, (T)houghts, and (S)elf wisdom. If we could take a pause (BEAT) and allow ourselves to be conscious and aware of these 6 parts of us, we can connect to some of our inner wisdom.   Patricia has also come up with The Six S's of Sexual Energy:   You can access a free graphic of the SIX S's here:   http://www.patriciarich.com/6sgraphic   She has workshops to help people better understand how to work with these 6 S's as well as to help people connect sexuality with IFS.   Find out more about Patricia's work, and some wonderful opportunities here:   https://www.patriciarich.com/  

Season 2, Episode 32, Release Date: 5-15-2024 Anti-Racist Psychotherapy with David Archer   Today I had the pleasure of having a compassionate conversation with David Archer, an Anti-racist clinical Social Worker. He is a couples and family therapist, and an advocate for racially oppressed and LGBTQ+ community.   David has written many books, including his newest book, "Transforming Complex Trauma: Reflections on Anti-Racist Psychotherapy."    David has a revolutionary vision, which transforms society in a very positive and healing way. As we heal ourselves, we simultaneous increase the compassion that we are able to give to others, according to David.   David shared how we can view time as circular and malleable. We journey with clients, and help shed light on the past, and work to understand what they would like to manifest for their future.   EMDR is bringing back indigenous knowledge of a mind-body-spirit connection. Also, interconnectedness is a natural way that humans have lived for most of our existence.    We spoke about how capitalism is an inherently insecure system, as it rests of the idea that there is never enough. It is one of the three evils according to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. The other two are racism and extreme militarism. When we are committing acts of violance, there is a level of dissociation that is taking place. There are elements within society that encourgae us to shut down and not pay attention. When we start paying attention, compassion grows.   Being alive, and breathing is an expression of love!   Whenever we create an exile, there is some form of dissociation taking place. We are cut off from some of our feelings. When we feel safe, we can tap into the infinite creativity within ourselves. Mental health is helping people have options for who they choose to be.   For David, we need to resist thinking in binaries. He shared how we have to break the ideas of labels, such as mental health. Instead, we can understand how mental health is a fluctuation of states.   I questioned how David stays so positive, and he said, "I am never alone. I always have my ancestors with me."   Experiences can always be pathways to connect to divinity, even difficult experiences. As trauma therapists, we go on this journey with clients, to help them dive into the abyss of trauma.   David shared, "I bring in music, rhythm, religion, because I want to create a therapy that does not look or feel like therapy." Instead of there being a hierarchy of the therapist over the client, the client chooses the method of healing. With this power, the client has a new experience of having choice, and a juxtaposition is created.   We spoke about RAP-- Rhythm and Processing. This a beautiful process that David has written about in his new book, "Tranforming Complex Trauma."     

Episode 31   Sara Avant Stover: www.saraavantstover.com   We speak about her wonderful new book: Handbook for the Heart Broken: A Woman's Path from Devistation to Rebirth.   It was such a pleasure speaking with Sara. I hope you enjoy our compassionate conversation as much as I did!    Warmly,   David  

Season 2, Episode 30, Release Date: 5-4-2024 IFIO with guest Toni Herbine-Blank   Today I have the pleasure of sharing my conversation with Toni Herbine-Blank, MS. RN, C-SP. She is a Clinical Specialist, Psychotherapist, and Senior Trainer for the Center for Self-Leadership. Toni began training students in Internal Family Systems Therapy in 2004 and since then has been instumental in designing programs and writing curricula for Levels 1 and 2 IFS training programs.   Toni has been in private practice since 1996 specializing in the treatment of couples and individuals. In 2009, after designing a training for IFS therapists to apply the model to couples therapy, Toni offered the first Intimacy from the Inside Out (c) Training Program in Boston, MA. Since then the program has been received with great enthusiasm across the United States.   Whereas IFS focused on the internal aspects of an individual, IFIO focuses on the interdependance our internal system and external relationships. We turn inward (known as a "YOU-turn") to help us in our connections ("RE turn" to relationship).    Toni shared how the heart of her model is "Courageous Communication." When we feel healed, we open up to conversations. In this way we can stay connected with our minds and hearts, and are able to tune into how we might be impacting other people in the conversations.   Within intimate relationships, there is mutuality, as well as exploration. Although skills and tools could be extremely helpful, we need to have a critical mass of self energy in order to access these skills. Self-energy helps us listen and speak from our hearts.   We spoke about how Shame is a verb. When we have difficulty connecting and commnuicating with one another, we can explore what is coming up within us, and there is always some path that connects us back to shame, shamfulness or shaming behaviors. Shame is a "rolling" energy, where we sometimes replicate within our systems what is done to us. Additionally, what we do to ourselves, we do to others.   In IFIO we are "helping people free themselves from the myth of Unloveability."   Through IFIO we earn the trust of our internal system, and in this way recognize who we can extend this trust to in our external world. As these people are welcomed into our internal universe, we co-constuct authentic and meaningful connection. 

Season 2, Episode 29, Release Dte: 4-28-2024 Healing the Folks Who Live Inside with Esly   I hope you enjoy my conversation with Esly Regina Cavalho as much as I loved having it! Esly holds a Ph.D. in psychology, and she is a Brazilian- American clinical psychologist. She is an EMDR Trainer of Trainers, and she is a trainer with distinction in Psychodrama, Sociometry, and Group Psychotherapy. She offers training to integrate EMDR with Role Therapy. She is an author, and president of multiple agencies. She has been a major impact with bringing EMDR -- and it's integration with Role Therapy --  to Brazil, and around the world!   Registration is open for the Esly's Professional Intervention Program for Adversity (PIPA), group exercises based on AIP theory. Check out more here:  www.traumaclinicinternational.com/courses/pipa   EMDR Basic Training, in English but with an international team: www.traumaclinicinternational.com   You can watch Esly's Youtube video explaining EMDR here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=rg842qP83yc   It was wonderful speaking with Esly about psychodrama, and how this helps increase: Our creativity The ability to think on our feet Confidence and stage presence Understanding other perspectives through role reversal   We spoke about surplus reality, and Esly explained how this is a psychodramatic term for an imaginary place where we can create anything we want. This is a place were traumas can find resolutions.   We spoke about two types of time: (1) chronological time and (2) a particular moment in time. Esly shared how EMDR helps us take trauma our of a particularly moment (which is eternally repeating) and bring it to chronological time, and sent back to the past.   Esly's wonderful saying, "Without healing there is no holiness."   Esly also shared her beliefs that, "If you get stuck, look for the trauma."   I love how Esly describes her "psychodynamic interweave" for EMDR. In this way, she allows us to change our story, and help roles develop.    Esly has brought her work to: Ecuador, Bolivia, Costa Rica, Venezuela, Columbia, Angola, Mozambique and Ethiopia. Esly's PIPA's program has been extremely well received, and very successful.    Find out more about EMDR and Psychodrama at Esly's websites. As Esly shared, both models are very powerful healing modalities, but could also cause a lot of damage if not done correctly.    Esly's training are for licensed professionals, and she is creating more for paraprofessionals.  

Season 2, Episode 28, Release Date: 4-12-2024 IFS and EMDR with guest John Clarke   Today I have the pleasure of speaking with John Clarke. John is a fellow podcaster, and has created the show, "Going Inside, Healing Trauma from the Inside Out." He is a trauma therapist who uses evidenced based models of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Somatic Experiencing (SE). You can find out more about John on his website: www.johnclarketherapy.com   John was introduced to EMDR first, and then when he learned IFS, he saw this as a big game changer. EMDR gave him a deeper perspective of memories, and then, IFS helped give him a deeper understanding of parts of our system that holds these memories. There is also an understanding of the parts that feel that they have to protect (and sometimes exile) these more vulnerable parts.   John has a podcast and show named, "Going Inside." This is his second show that he has created, and with this show he is hoping to reach out to anyone who has an interest in therapy and wants to understand more about some of the amazing trauma models that are out there.    We spoke about how IFS is seen as a psycho-spiritual model, particularly with its understanding around Self-energy. John shared how when he spoke with Seth Kopald, they discussed how children have so much Self-energy, and John can see this in his daughter.   As we get older, we start developing shame. John shared that helping people recognize and deal with their shame is such a big part of the work that we do. A lot of our work is around sitting with people when they come to therapy, and taking the time to help them understand their parts, and befriending their parts. It this way, we can also help others unpack some of the profound fears that they are carrying, that they are not good enough, and that if other people really saw them, they might end up alone.    John shared how hard it could be for people who have been traumatized to be able to accept the moment, and trust that things will work out-- because this hasn't happened in their past. This can trigger the difficult emotions in their body.    What are the purposes of emotions? What does pathology exist? John shared how he feels that IFS model is so beautiful because it encourages us to turn to the parts that have these intense emotions, and understand and listen to the wisdom that these parts are trying to give to us.   Thank you John for our lovely conversation. I am looking forward to speaking with you again, on your podcast :)