Lights On with Carl Lentz

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com---In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the conversation most couples recovering from betrayal are too afraid to have. What do we do about sex? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about protection, connection, and what it actually takes to rebuild.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth. Intimacy is not a reward system. It is a connection system. And two things can be true at once. A betrayed wife can be protecting herself AND the relationship can be starving for connection.Laura shares why she chose to pursue intimacy with Carl despite the trauma, including the moment she shook so badly he had to leave the room. Carl delivers the perspective most men never hear. What it is actually like to rebuild your sexuality without any hope of intimacy at home, and why white-knuckling is not recovery.From the Gottman framework of Atone, Attune, Attach, to the 5-level ladder for rebuilding physical connection, to why compliance is not intimacy and consent is, this episode delivers practical frameworks for couples who want to stop avoiding the hardest conversation in recovery.This episode will challenge any couple who believes removing intimacy has no cost.---Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com---CHAPTERS00:00 The Conversation Betrayed Couples Avoid02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Options05:18 What Recovery Actually Looks Like For The Man10:07 Why Laura Chose Intimacy Despite The Trauma14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership16:02 The Worst Christian Advice Women Receive19:26 The Science Of Bonding Stress And Well-Being22:00 The Best Way To Stop Fighting25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Couples Need Reconnection29:50 Healthy Sex Is Not A Replacement For Recovery31:01 The Gottman Framework Atone Attune Attach34:24 Plana Partnership36:22 Attunement Tuning The Guitar Before You Play38:59 Non-Sexual Affection And The 5 Levels43:26 Relearning Touch With No Goal And No Pressure45:07 Erotic Connection Only When Both Can Say Yes46:59 Weapon Reward Or Reconnection Which Are You Using49:49 Final Reminders For Couples Rebuilding54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls YouSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.comIn this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could.Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself.From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com CHAPTERS:00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor)18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking31:44 - Plana Partnership32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today?53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays EndSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I visited Angola Prison, one of America's largest maximum security facilities, and what I witnessed broke me in the best way possible. This is Yogi. He's serving 65 years. He might be the freest man I've ever met.I went with my friend Jake Bodin from God Behind Bars to experience the first-ever daddy-daughter dance inside a maximum security prison. Men serving 40 years to life, some who hadn't hugged their daughters in decades, slow dancing with their little girls.I wasn't ready.We walked through death row. We talked to men who will never leave. And what I found wasn't despair. It was faith, peace, and freedom I've rarely seen outside these walls.Yogi got denied parole after doing everything right for 25 years. His response? "Maybe it's for one more."One more person to reach. One more life to change.This episode will challenge how you think about freedom, faith, gratitude, and what it really means to be stuck.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/—// SUPPORT GOD BEHIND BARS: https://godbehindbarsnow.com__🙏 PRAY FOR YOGIHe's been incarcerated for 25 years and leads men spiritually every single day at Angola. Add him to your prayer list.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com!In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks after betrayal: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about recovery.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed wife often has to work harder than the husband who cheated. Not because it's fair—it's absolutely not—but because staying stuck in suspicion will destroy you faster than the affair ever could.Laura shares why she had to stop being the "police officer" in her marriage and become a "peaceful observer of change." Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: if you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to ask the right questions. An honest man tells on himself.From the difference between "spotlight work" and "shadow work," to why demanding honesty when you can't handle the answers creates a dangerous cycle, this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.This episode will challenge any betrayed spouse who believes healing is the cheater's job alone.-----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---Supported by Planahttps://plana.org/-----## CHAPTERS:00:00 - Is This The Right Kind of Hard?05:33 - The "You Cheated" Trump Card09:49 - Why This Takes Constant Work13:04 - Spotlight Work vs Shadow Work20:21 - The Betrayed Wife Has To Work Too27:21 - Police Officer vs Peace Observer38:59 - Plana Partnership39:54 - What An Honest Man Will Tell You51:22 - Patterns Over Promises55:47 - The Right Kind of DifficultSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Email us:hello@carlandlaura.comIn this urgent conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle an email that made them immediately stop everything and record: a woman whose husband has had over 200+ sexual encounters with prostitutes, massage parlors, and emotional affairs—yet he's calling HER controlling for asking him to stop chatting with younger women at the gym. Drawing from their own five years of rebuilding trust after infidelity, they expose the dangerous pattern that destroys second chances: the betrayer who refuses to see what's obvious. Carl reveals why any man who's broken his marriage vows cannot ask anything "outrageous" from his wife ("You could ask me to build a papier-mâché dragon and I'm doing it"), while Laura opens up about the exhausting reality of being told you're crazy when your intuition was right all along. They demolish the myth that boundaries after betrayal are "controlling" when the brutal truth is: if you cheated, you created this—every single boundary she asks for is sacred, not crazy. From why "I'm just being friendly" is the most dangerous phrase a cheating husband can say, to the therapist who tricked Carl into humility by making him assume everything he heard was right for one week, this episode validates every betrayed partner who's been gaslit into thinking their needs are unreasonable. They reveal why the betrayed person gets to be "selfish" for a season (and why that season might be 10 years), how tolerance is conditioned over time starting way before marriage, and why Carl still reports when there's a woman receptionist at his doctor's office five years later. The frame that changes everything: You can't rebuild trust while the behaviors that broke it are still being defended. And if you're the one who cheated and you're sitting there thinking "but she's being unreasonable" while defending your right to talk to other women, this conversation exposes why you're not ready to change and what that means for your marriage. Warning: This episode will challenge men who think they've apologized enough and may trigger those who've weaponized the word "controlling" to avoid accountability for their betrayal.---------Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---------CHAPTERS:00:00 - Urgent Pod: The Email That Made Us Record Immediately03:33 - 200+ Affairs And He Says She's Being Ridiculous07:16 - Nothing You're Asked Is Outrageous After Betrayal11:48 - You Created This Pattern Over Hundreds Of Decisions15:00 - The Receptionist Story: Why Carl Still Reports Everything17:09 - You Can't Rebuild Trust While Defending Old Behaviors22:00 - "I'm Just Being Friendly" Is Feeding An Old System27:40 - Controlling vs. Protecting: How To Know The Difference32:14 - Shaming vs. Setting Boundaries: The Dignity Question36:07 - What You Tolerate: Trauma, Fear, And Fatigue40:43 - What Pattern Of Mine Keeps Me Stuck In Their Pattern?43:19 - The College Boyfriend Story: How Tolerance Gets Conditioned45:40 - If Love Costs You Peace, Is It Love?47:21 - The Question Every Husband Should Ask About BoundariesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

At 47 years old and 23 years into marriage, Carl and Laura Lentz drop the most uncomfortable truth about relationships: your marriage doesn't need more love, it needs more PROOF. After surviving public infidelity that should have ended everything (200+ affairs, strip clubs, massage parlors), they expose the lie you're living: that talking about your marriage mattering is the same as proving it matters.Carl gets brutally honest: "If I looked at your phone, your calendar, your actual schedule—would it prove your marriage is your priority? Or would it prove you're full of shit?" Laura reveals how she literally set three daily phone reminders to text Carl encouragement because her brain was so rewired by betrayal that thinking positive thoughts about him required literal alarms. Consistency compounds connection. What you feed grows. And your spouse is getting the leftovers after everyone else gets your best.They reveal three investments that build marriage safety: your healthiest thoughts (stop thinking ABOUT your spouse, start thinking FOR them), your most intentional time (your schedule is a receipt showing what you actually value), and yourself (you can't give what you don't have). Carl starts every morning thinking "What does my beautiful wife need today?" before checking his phone. Laura's lock screen says "My husband is obsessed with me" to rewire her traumatized brain. Their non-negotiable 6:30pm walk: 10 minutes her, 10 minutes him, no phones.The confrontation that will expose you: "What's your most dominant thought about your marriage?" Not what you say in therapy, the actual thought loop running 24/7. Because as Carl learned: "My dominant thought for years was 'I've messed this up and it's matter of time before it explodes.' I got exactly what I thought."The truth nobody wants to hear: You didn't "fall out of love." You stopped choosing to invest. You didn't "grow apart." You fed different things. Warning: This episode will challenge the dad using "I'm too busy" as an excuse and the mom using "I'm too selfless" as a shield for staying stuck.Seven-day challenge Carl guarantees will transform your marriage: Every morning for seven days, choose one generous thought about your spouse and do one small action from that thought. Small investments made consistently build a foundation nothing can touch.—----Follow Carl: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/—---CHAPTERS:00:00 - 47 Years Old: What We're Convinced About 05:12 - Investment #1: Your Healthiest Thoughts 12:35 - Laura's Daily Text Reminders 17:29 - What's Your Most Dominant Thought? 24:16 - Investment #2: Your Most Intentional Time 30:45 - You Didn't Fall Out of Love 36:08 - Investment #3: Invest in Yourself 41:52 - Why Moms Must Put Themselves First 47:33 - Seven-Day Challenge: Be the Solution 52:14 - Outpace Each Other to Change 55:40 - Proof Not Ideas: Show Me Your ScheduleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this honest conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz rip open the facade of "perfect marriages" to expose the unspoken epidemic: couples who love each other but can't stand being in the same room. Drawing from their own marriage reconstruction after losing everything publicly, they reveal why "liking" your spouse is actually harder—and more important—than loving them.Carl shares the moment five years ago when Laura looked him in the eye and said "I hate you right now," while Laura opens up about how they went from tit-for-tat scorekeeping to becoming best friends who can't wait to get home to each other. They expose the comfortable lie that love alone keeps marriages together, when the brutal truth is: without "like," you're just roommates with rings.From the Ben Franklin marriage hack that rewires your brain to like your spouse again, to why Carl leaves hats scattered across the house like breadcrumbs and Laura just stopped caring, this episode demolishes the Instagram marriage fantasy. They reveal why successful couples make "reasonable concessions" (translation: accepting your spouse's annoying traits because you actually like them), how doing favors for someone literally changes your brain chemistry to like them more, and why Carl starts every single day texting Laura before checking anything else.The frame that changed everything: Love is a commitment you make once. Like is a choice you make daily. And if you're sitting there thinking "I love my spouse but..." while your partner's jokes don't make you laugh anymore and their presence feels like work, this conversation reveals the exact path back to actually enjoying the person you're building a life with.Warning: This episode will challenge couples who've accepted mediocrity as "just how marriage is" and may trigger those who use love as an excuse to avoid the harder work of actually liking their spouse.---Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---CHAPTERS:00:00 - "I Love You But I Don't Like You Right Now"00:27 - Love Is Easy, Like Takes Work01:14 - You Can't Fall Out of Love (You Just Stopped Thinking)02:26 - The Week Everything Fell Apart03:29 - Why Liking Each Other Saved Our Marriage04:04 - From Fault-Finding to Beauty-Finding Glasses10:00 - We're A Team: The Gift of Different Strengths13:01 - Making Reasonable Concessions (Carl's Hat Trail)16:49 - The Ben Franklin Marriage Hack19:56 - Our Actions Shape Our Feelings21:00 - Do Nice Things to Like Them (Not the Other Way Around)23:02 - Laura's Text Reminders to Encourage Carl25:03 - Carl's Daily Morning Text Ritual26:20 - What Have I Done For Her Lately?27:01 - Compassionate Curiosity Builds Connection28:02 - Rupture, Repair, Build Cycle30:38 - The Like Is What Makes Marriage Fun31:43 - What Might I Discover About You Today?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Have you ever looked at your relationship or your spouse and quietly wondered, did I settle? Most people think settling means picking the wrong person, but it usually means somebody has stopped growing. In this episode of Lights On, we make the case that settling starts in the mirror, not your marriage.We explore what settling really means, how to avoid it, and how to reignite the spark in your relationship. We discuss the importance of self-growth, curiosity, and novelty in keeping love alive. We also share practical challenges to help you and your partner reconnect and grow together.Featuring:Carl Lentz https://instagram.com/carllentzLaura Lentz https://instagram.com/lauralentzChapters:00:00 - Introduction: Did I Settle? 01:28 - The Danger of Unspoken Thoughts 03:05 - Do Women Settle More Than Men? 04:47 - Have You Stopped Surprising Each Other? 06:28 - Are You Being the Right Person? 07:30 - The 5-to-1 Ratio for a Thriving Relationship 09:03 - The Myth of the Perfect Partner 11:53 - The Importance of Novelty and Shared Goals 13:55 - The Power of Commitment 16:12 - What Settling Really Means 17:27 - Self-Care and its Impact on Your Relationship 21:30 - Did You Settle on You? 24:10 - Why Men Cheat: The Trap of Novelty 26:29 - The Four Horsemen of a Failing Marriage 28:01 - The Power of Micro-Surprises 32:35 - Redefining Intimacy 34:20 - How to Rebuild Intimacy 36:31 - Putting Your Marriage First 39:06 - Challenge 1: Consistent and Concrete Connection 41:21 - Challenge 2: Novelty ExplorationA huge thank you for tuning in to Lights On. We believe that when you grow, your love grows. And when you shrink, love suffocates. Keep your lights on.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when one of the most influential pastors in America falls from grace? And what does redemption look like on the other side of scandal?As lead pastor of Hillsong Church NYC, I preached to thousands every Sunday, counseled celebrities and athletes, and became the face of a new generation of church leadership. Then, in November 2020, everything came crashing down.I was fired from Hillsong Church following revelations of moral failures and breaches of trust. What followed was a media firestorm—tabloid headlines, public shame, and the dismantling of everything I'd built over two decades of ministry. My marriage was on the brink. My reputation was destroyed. My calling was questioned.But this isn't just a story about a fall. It's a story about what comes after.In this conversation, I'm sitting down with my wife Laura, and our friends Mike and Natalie Todd from Transformation Church, to talk about everything. The scandal. The restoration process. The accountability. The pain our family endured. The friends who stayed. The critics who won't forgive. And the biggest question: Should I return to ministry?We're not avoiding the hard questions. We're talking about disqualification, forgiveness, celebrity pastor culture, what real restoration looks like, and whether someone who failed publicly can lead again. This is raw, unfiltered, and honest.Whether you believe in second chances or think some lines can't be uncrossed, this conversation matters. Because at the end of the day, we all mess up. The question is: what happens next?——Featuring:Mike Todd https://instagram.com/iammiketoddNatalie Todd https://instagram.com/natalietoddCarl Lentz https://instagram.com/carllentz Laura Lentz https://instagram.com/lauralentz—Chapters:00:00 - Introduction: First Time on Stage in 5 Years 04:10 - The Importance of Friends in the Fire 09:03 - The Night Everything Changed 14:30 - Why Mike & Natalie Stepped In When Everyone Else Left 24:20 - Laura Speaks: Walking Through Public Scandal 32:40 - The Biggest Mistakes We Made & What We'd Change 37:10 - How We Rebuilt Our Marriage After Everything Fell Apart 41:25 - The Celebrity Pastor Problem Nobody Talks About 45:30 - Lessons From the Fire: What We Learned in the Darkness 49:15 - Don't Wait Until Everything's Burning Down 52:56 - Be the Church Outside the Building 54:33 - When Friends Saved Mike: The Spit Hit the Fan Story 58:23 - Final Prayer: Friends Who Step Into the Fire—A huge thank you to Mike and Natalie Todd for creating the space for this conversation.Their friendship, grace, and willingness to step into the fire with us has been one of the greatest gifts of our lives. This is what real friendship looks like.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com!In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with 24-year-old Phoebe Enterman, founder of Plana - the app that's quietly solving America's adoption crisis. Moving from Brisbane, Australia to Las Vegas with nothing but conviction, Phoebe reveals the shocking truth: while 2 million couples desperately wait to adopt, less than 1% of unplanned pregnancies result in adoption. She exposes how both Planned Parenthood's structure and the pro-life movement's judgment have failed women who need real help, not politics.Laura and Phoebe dive deep into the reality facing women with unplanned pregnancies - from the 65% of Christian women who hide pregnancies from their church out of fear, to the Harvard study showing 80% of women reconsider abortion when fathers stay present. They demolish the myth that adoption isn't chosen due to lack of families (there are 36 waiting families for every adoptable infant) and reveal the real problem: women don't know adoption is even an option in the digital age.From Phoebe's personal story of why her grandmother's teenage pregnancy drives her mission, to Carl's explosive take on Christians who picket abortion clinics but won't pay a single mother's rent, this conversation transcends the tired abortion debate. They unveil how Plana's beautiful, wellness-focused app is replacing crisis-branded shame with actual solutions - connecting women to families, resources, education, and support all in one place.Warning: This episode challenges both pro-life advocates who stop caring after birth and pro-choice supporters who only offer one choice. If you're more invested in your political stance than actually helping women and babies, this conversation will make you uncomfortable.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/CHAPTERS:00:00 - Opening: Beyond Politics to Real Solutions04:20 - Meet Phoebe: Why a 24-Year-Old Left Australia for This Mission08:26 - The Personal Story Behind Plana12:07 - Carl's "What's Your Name?" Moment on The View15:36 - Inside an Unplanned Pregnancy: What Women Really Face22:51 - The Church Problem: 65% Hide in Shame27:05 - The Adoption Mystery: Less Than 1% When Millions Wait32:16 - Why Adoption Lost to Better Marketing38:59 - How Plana Works: The App Tour43:15 - Planned Parenthood's Business Model vs. Plana's Approach48:33 - The Father Factor: 80% Reconsider When Men Stay52:40 - A Call to Churches: Beyond Voting to Action57:14 - How to Support: The $9 MovementSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.