Lights On with Carl Lentz

In this crucial episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz provide a survival guide for women navigating the aftermath of betrayal. Drawing from their reconstruction journey and counseling hundreds of couples, they reveal the six essential steps every betrayed spouse needs to take immediately after discovering infidelity. Laura shares her own early choices - from refusing to weaponize shame despite having every right to, to her intensive identity work at OnSite that revealed she'd lost herself long before the affair. They expose the dangerous trap of trying to police your spouse's recovery while ignoring your own healing, why poorly trained therapists can do more harm than good, and the power move of creating firm boundaries with real consequences. From why separation isn't punishment but protection for your nervous system, to the surprising statistic that shame-based communication cuts reconciliation rates by 50%, this episode is required listening for any woman asking "What now?" after betrayal. Whether you're deciding to stay or go, these six steps ensure you're making that choice from strength, not trauma. Warning: This episode challenges the common advice to "just forgive and move on" and may trigger those invested in remaining victims of their circumstances.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - What Every Betrayed Woman Needs To Know01:10 - Our Email: hello@carlandlaura.com03:12 - What She CAN'T Do (Stop Being A Shame Dealer)05:22 - "Shame Corrodes The Part That Believes We Can Change"08:06 - Why Shame Cuts Recovery Success By 50%09:56 - Step 1: Get The RIGHT Therapist (Not All Are Equal)11:12 - Warning: Bad Therapists Can Make Things Worse16:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership17:23 - Step 2: Create Separation For Your Nervous System19:30 - "Safety Must Precede Intimacy"22:51 - Step 3: Clear Expectations & Boundaries27:26 - Step 4: Be Firm On Consequences33:22 - Step 5: Invite Trusted Eyes & Ears38:21 - Plana.org Partnership38:59 - Step 6: Work On Yourself (The Game-Changer)39:52 - "The Betrayed Partner Rebuilds Identity"42:30 - Your Action Plan: Tangible Next StepsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this raw and essential episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz delivers the uncomfortable truths every man needs to hear after betraying his marriage. Drawing from his own journey through infidelity and the reconstruction of his marriage with Laura, Carl breaks down the exact roadmap that works - and exposes what doesn't. From why you should embrace lie detector tests to the power of having zero secrets, zero private conversations, and zero contact with anyone who threatens your marriage, this episode is a masterclass in accountability. Carl reveals why forgiveness took Laura three years to give (and why he didn't need it to do the work), the 24-hour grace period they instituted for catching lies, and why your response to her triggers determines everything. He shares the canned response that saved him: "I hear you, I'm sorry, I'm not going anywhere." Whether you're dealing with a full disclosure, learning patience proportional to your years of deception, or understanding why "water under the bridge" is permanently off limits, this episode provides the blueprint for men serious about redemption. Warning: This episode will challenge men who want reconciliation without radical transparency and may trigger those still hiding behind privacy in marriage.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/Chapters:00:00 - Intro00:49 - The Question Every Betrayer Asks03:18 - What You CAN'T Do (Force, Heal, Convince)05:44 - You're Not Looking For Forgiveness08:01 - Laura: "It Took Me 3 Years To Forgive"09:32 - The Full Disclosure Requirement12:39 - Step 1: Be Honest About Everything16:39 - The 24-Hour Grace Period For Lies19:03 - Step 2: Zero Contact With The Qualifier22:54 - God Behind Bars Partnership28:41 - Step 3: No Private Conversations Ever32:39 - Step 4: Patience With The Past (18-36 Months)36:27 - Step 5: Extreme Grace When She's Triggered39:55 - "I Hear You, I'm Sorry, I'm Not Going Anywhere"42:07 - Plana.org Partnership42:52 - Step 6: Live With Zero Secrets49:27 - Why Lie Detectors Are Your FriendSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the one factor sabotaging most couples' healing from infidelity: alcohol. Drawing from their own reconstruction journey and counseling countless couples through betrayal, they reveal why drinking delays recovery, blocks the exact brain functions needed to rebuild trust, and turns an already burning house into an inferno. Carl shares why he hasn't had a drink in over 2 years after realizing alcohol was filling the same void his addictions once did, while Laura opens up about how drinking amplified her triggers and suspicions. They break down the science: how alcohol reduces frontal lobe function (killing empathy and self-control), activates fight mode in your amygdala (making everything a threat), and blocks oxytocin (the bonding hormone you desperately need). From couples throwing punches after two drinks to the betrayed spouse pouring gasoline on their own fire, this episode exposes why any couple keeping alcohol in the picture struggles significantly more. Whether you're the betrayer numbing guilt or the betrayed drowning pain, this conversation reveals why that glass of wine might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural norm that alcohol helps you "loosen up" and may trigger those committed to avoiding the real work of healing.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - Why Alcohol Makes Healing Impossible03:16 - The Truth: Betrayal Pain Never Fully Goes Away05:47 - Why Couples Who Drink Struggle MORE10:15 - Trading One Addiction For Another14:36 - "I Lost Everything - Don't Take My Wine!"21:47 - We Found ZERO Studies Showing Alcohol Helps23:43 - Your Brain On Alcohol: The 3 Effects24:44 - God Behind Bars Partnership29:15 - When Drinking Leads To Physical Fights35:34 - "Sit In Your Sh*t" - Rehab Wisdom40:08 - "Alcohol Doesn't Help You Feel, It Helps You Rehearse"43:51 - Plana.org Partnership49:07 - Laura's Message To Women In PainSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with James Sexton, one of America's most renowned divorce attorneys, for a conversation that could save your marriage. After 25 years representing high-profile divorces, James reveals the three guaranteed ways men destroy their marriages - and why 56% of all marriages end in his office. This isn't your typical relationship advice; it's a masterclass in reverse psychology from someone who's seen thousands of marriages collapse.James breaks down the death spiral that leads couples from "I do" to "I'm done," the shocking statistic that 86% of divorced people remarry within 5 years, and why most people love their choices more than their children. From the simple act of "seeing" your spouse to the dangerous habit of keeping score, this conversation exposes the patterns that predict divorce with startling accuracy.Whether you're newlyweds, struggling in your marriage, or simply want to understand what really makes relationships work, this episode delivers hard truths wrapped in hope. Carl and Laura share their own journey through infidelity and recovery, while James provides the roadmap to avoid becoming another statistic.Warning: This episode contains frank discussions about marriage failure, infidelity, and the kind of honest conversations most couples never have about what it really takes to stay together.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Follow James at: https://www.instagram.com/nycdivorcelawyer/Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/CHAPTERS:00:00 - INTRO02:08 - The Shocking Marriage Statistics Nobody Talks About11:25 - The 3 Marriage Killers Every Couple Does20:10 - God Behind Bars Partnership20:47 - Stop Seeing Your Wife: The First Marriage Destroyer26:41 - Frame Everything Critically: The Communication Killer34:55 - Keep Score: The Transactional Marriage Trap40:25 - Plana.org Partnership41:06 - The Death Spiral: How Marriages Collapse Slowly, Then All at Once49:23 - When Do You Feel Most Loved? Laura's Answer Will Surprise You57:38 - Marriage as Ecosystem: Why It's Not About Fairness1:04:50 - Who Gets Screwed Most in Divorce? The Uncomfortable Truth1:09:32 - Rolling Your Eyes: The Silent Marriage KillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this powerful episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the brutal reality of living under constant criticism and reveal the mental framework that saved their sanity. For the first time, they share why they almost didn't start this podcast – paralyzed by fear of opinions – and how one harsh comment from a stranger about their vacation nearly derailed their confidence. Laura opens up about her unshakeable ability to see past cruel comments to the pain behind them, while Carl admits to DMing his haters (and why he stopped). They discuss the shocking science that your brain processes criticism like physical pain, why it takes 5 positive interactions to heal from 1 insult, and the "Access to Influence Filter" that changed everything. From the MLB player who wept on the field after an insult about his deceased mother to JK Rowling's 12 rejections before Harry Potter, this conversation reveals how the wrong feedback can imprison you while the right feedback can launch your destiny. Whether you're drowning in family criticism, paralyzed by social media comments, or trying to protect your kids from a harsh world, this episode offers the exact tools to stay soft-hearted without being destroyed.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - The Science: Your Brain Treats Criticism Like Physical Pain06:52 - Why We Almost Didn't Start This Podcast (Fear of Opinions)10:21 - The Vacation Photo That Triggered 1000 Critics15:31 - God Behind Bars Partnership16:08 - "You're Not Soft, You're Human" - The MLB Player Who Broke Down19:27 - The 5-to-1 Rule: Why Criticism Hits Harder Than Praise24:15 - Laura's Superpower: Seeing Past Comments to Pain29:33 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected30:14 - The Access to Influence Filter (5 Questions That Changed Everything)35:48 - JK Rowling's 12 Rejections & Pharrell's "Happy" Almost Never Happened40:22 - "Don't Prepare Kids for YOUR Negative World" - The Parenting Truth45:36 - Why Carl Used to DM His Haters (And What Made Him Stop)50:18 - Building Boundaries: You Don't Have to Drink Every Opinion Offered53:41 - The Final Truth: Critics in the Stands vs Players on the FieldSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this raw and unprecedented episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down for an exclusive interview with Blaine Bartel, a former megachurch pastor who built one of America's largest youth ministries before losing everything due to a 23-year secret addiction. For the first time, Blaine opens up about the moment his double life was completely exposed, the "terrifying grace" that shattered his world in 24 hours, and the brutal honesty required to rebuild from absolute rock bottom. They discuss everything from the difference between recovery and resurrection, why churches abandon fallen pastors, and the uncomfortable truths about what really happens when ministry success collides with hidden shame. From the shock of losing his marriage and ministry to discovering what true freedom actually looks like, this conversation reveals how one man died to everything he was and found life again. Whether you're struggling with addiction, wondering if restoration is possible, or simply curious about what real redemption looks like, this interview offers hope without sugarcoating the cost. Warning: This episode contains discussions about sexual addiction, ministry failure, and the kind of honest conversations most people never have.---Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/---Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/---CHAPTERS:00:00 - Blaine's Background: From Ministry Success to 23-Year Secret03:33 - "God Issued a Warrant for My Soul" - Complete Exposure in 24 Hours05:09 - "You'll Never Get Free" - The Doctor's Devastating Prediction06:45 - Recovery vs Resurrection: The Moment Everything Changed08:20 - "Jesus Makes Dead People Alive" - True Heart Transformation10:45 - Death Before Resurrection: Why the Cross Comes First12:43 - Why Pastors Fall So Hard and the Problem of Quick Comebacks17:34 - GOD BEHIND BARS PARTNERSHIP18:18 - The Loneliest Moment: When Everyone Cuts You Off24:28 - Carl's Story: Being Completely Shunned by Hillsong Church30:41 - Why Churches Choose Brand Protection Over Restoration36:14 - The Day They Finally Lifted Their Heads Again39:16 - PLANA.ORG PARTNERSHIP40:16 - Jesus Washing Feet: The Vision That Changed Everything43:37 - Understanding Addiction: The Three Greatest Fears of Every Man48:31 - Brain Chemistry vs Willpower: Why "Moral Failure" Misses the Point52:38 - Sacred Rituals: Bridging the Gap Between Inspiration and Transformation59:15 - Vision for the Man vs Vision for the Career: What Really Matters1:02:48 - How to Safeguard Your Life: Full-Throated Confession and CommunitySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this transformative episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz confront the uncomfortable truths that most people spend their entire lives avoiding. Together, they reveal the three hard truths that saved their marriage and transformed their lives: why you're 99% responsible for your problems (and solutions), why the relationship with yourself determines everything else, and why comfort is slowly killing your growth. Laura opens up about watching Carl face his emotional illiteracy, while Carl shares his therapy breakthrough discovering the childhood emotion that controlled him for decades. They discuss everything from why your spouse can't fulfill all your needs to the dangerous lie that prayer alone will fix your problems, and why men who can't name their emotions become volcanoes waiting to explode.This raw conversation exposes the victim mentality that keeps people stuck, the mirror test that changes everything, and why BBLs are the perfect metaphor for our culture's addiction to shortcuts. Whether you're tired of your own excuses, stuck in the same patterns, or ready to stop waiting for someone else to save you, this episode offers the brutal honesty needed for real transformation. Warning: This episode contains hard truths that will challenge your comfort zone and may trigger those committed to their victim stories.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 -  Your Spouse Cannot Fulfill All Your Needs 06:00 - Truth #1: You Are 99% The Problem AND The Solution09:31 - The Victim Mentality & Morgan Wallen's Easy Way Out21:24 - God Behind Bars Partnership22:02 - Truth #2: The Most Important Relationship Is With Yourself27:20 - Why Repressed Emotions Make You a Volcano33:02 - Carl's Therapy Breakthrough: The Terror He Carried for 5 Years37:03 - Plana.org Partnership: Help for the Unexpected37:49 - Truth #3: Growth Only Happens Outside Comfort40:33 - BBLs & Ozempic: Why Shortcuts Always Fail43:55 - "Prayer Without Work Is Just Wishful Thinking"46:05 - The One-Week Challenge: Live as Your Best Version49:17 - "The Hard Truth Is I Love You"See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this raw and unprecedented episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down for an exclusive interview with his wife Laura – the woman who chose to stay when 99.9% of people said she should leave. For the first time, Laura opens up about the moment that made her stay, the day-by-day survival strategy that saved their marriage, and the brutal honesty required to rebuild after betrayal. They discuss everything from losing their entire friend group to why Laura went to therapy for Carl's mistakes, and the uncomfortable truths about what really happens in intimate moments after infidelity. From the shock of discovering a hidden life to Christmas alone while Carl was in rehab, this conversation reveals how two people rebuilt from ground zero. Whether you're navigating betrayal, wondering if trust can be restored, or simply curious about what real redemption looks like, this interview offers hope without sugarcoating the cost. Warning: This episode contains discussions about infidelity, trauma, and the kind of honest conversations most couples never have.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/CHAPTERS:00:00 - "Why Didn't You Walk Out On Me?" The Opening Question02:02 - The Phone Call That Changed Everything: Carl's Childhood Trauma Revealed05:04 - "One Day at a Time" - The Marriage Contract That Saved Us09:01 - When Laura Reads the DMs (And Why Carl Has to Leave)10:47 - The Brad Pitt Test: Would She Have Left?11:53 - God Behind Bars Partnership12:30 - Losing Our Church: The Friends Who Never Called15:31 - How Laura Relearned Her Intuition After Betrayal17:01 - The Beach Conversation That Sent Carl to Rehab18:49 - Christmas Alone: When Healing Meant Separation20:55 - "Laura Must Have Known" - Addressing the Cheap Shots24:41 - Why "Biblical" Advice Almost Destroyed Us30:13 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected30:54 - The Friends We Lost (And Why It Feels Good Now)38:42 - "Do You Worry I'll Cheat Again?" The Hard Question42:11 - What She Really Thinks During Romantic Moments45:23 - Euphoric Recall: The Addiction Truth Nobody Talks About48:27 - Why Brutal Honesty Builds More Trust Than Perfect Answers50:22 - The People Who Judge the Loudest Hide the Most53:29 - Open Marriages, Honesty & Why Context MattersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this deeply personal episode of Lights On, a father sits down with his wife Laura and daughter to reveal the unconventional family culture that has their kids choosing couch time over parties. They dive into the "corny" traditions that actually work, why confrontation leads to clarity, and how making awkward topics conversational changed everything. From discussing porn at the dinner table to the "no snitch" rule they completely reject, this family shares raw insights on raising emotionally intelligent kids who actually want to be home. Whether you're struggling to connect with your teenagers or wondering why family dinners matter, this conversation offers practical wisdom mixed with laugh-out-loud moments and surprising tears. Warning: This episode might challenge everything you think you know about "appropriate" family conversations.00:00 - Family Culture & Why Our Kids Choose Us Over Parties (Intro)00:53 - Summer Jobs, Stripper Poles & Love Island Drama04:30 - The Father's Day Dinner That Changed Everything11:10 - Why "Corny" Family Traditions Actually Work20:47 - How Close Families Can Be Annoying (The Warning)21:47 - God Behind Bars Partnership22:23 - Confrontation Creates Clarity: Our Family Rules31:02 - The Power of Family Dinners (Harvard Study)40:30 - Breaking the "No Snitch" Culture44:41 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected45:23 - Why We Talk About P*rn at the Dinner TableFollow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode, Carl and Laura Lentz reveal what the growth phase of healing actually looks like after 4.5 years of intensive therapy work. Discover why growth includes failure, conflict, and moments of joy - and why most people quit before reaching this transformative stage. Carl shares his experience completing a rigorous 4.5-year therapy program and why consistency over convenience became the key to lasting change. Laura breaks down how to navigate conflict as a sign of growth rather than regression, and why you need trusted voices (not each other) to tell you when it's time to move forward. They expose the hard truth about dragging reluctant spouses into healing work and reveal why 60-75% of couples who commit to intentional repair work stay together. This isn't about perfection - it's about building a life where even your failures become fuel for something better.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.