Beyond Success

Most men, especially hypermasculine men, feel like therapy doesn’t work for them. Or worse yet, that therapy could never work for them.  And I get it. Not only are up to 80% of mental health workers women, but traditional psychotherapy operates through a feminine lens that further alienates masculine men.  When men go through traditional therapy, they often feel discouraged, angry, and unheard. Because the feminine approach doesn't account for their lifelong conditioning about how emotions make you weak.  But nothing could be further from the truth: Not only do emotions add all the spice to life that makes it worth living, but mastering your emotions makes you more productive and more fulfilled too.  In this episode, I explain why traditional psychotherapy often doesn’t work for men, and I reveal four ways masculine men can start to accept their emotions, undo their conditioning, and use therapy to help them accomplish their goals.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why many men are on the path that only leads to emptiness, regret, and extreme loneliness (and how to jump off this path) (1:24)  The single biggest barrier to effective therapy for men (6:14)  The “color of life” mindset shift that instantly makes you feel more okay with your emotions (7:43)  How the feminine approach to therapy practiced by most therapists renders therapy useless (and how to experience a more masculine—and effective—approach) (8:09) All men who have resistance to their emotions needs to listen here: (13:39)  This one question will start to undo your conditioning that emotions are obstacles to be avoided or solved (15:16)  How a relentless drive to be productive and successful robs you of all the joys of life and turns you into an emotionless robot (19:25)  6 ways to get buy-in from your masculine protector parts that can make therapeutic effective (and an example of how one of my clients went through this process) (22:15)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

This week’s episode is a special episode, especially if you’re an achiever (like most of our listeners are). Leon, a long-time fan from South Africa, reached out for a one-time session that doubles as a podcast interview.  While your situation might not be exactly the same as Leon’s, if you’re an achiever or struggle with abandonment issues or neediness, there will likely be several themes that apply to both your life, as well.  I treated this interview like an initial consultation. Listening will give you insights into how you could accept your inner child parts that have been filling you with emotional turmoil (even if you don’t have the same exact problems as Leon does).  Best part? Well, about a week after we recorded this interview, Leon reached out to give me an update. It blew my mind—and his initial progress will blow your mind too.  If you feel stuck, abandoned, needy, or just can’t get over your desire to achieve (because you’re unconsciously looking for love), this episode will help you get on the right path.   Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How being a “Parentified Child” forces you to take on your parent’s emotional struggles and become a needy adult (and how to break free from this restraint after growing up) (0:29)  What to do when you feel lonely on your self-development journey and constantly ask yourself when your journey will actually end (8:52)  How to start opening up and being more vulnerable when you feel like you’ll be ridiculed and judged when you do (13:01)  Why resisting reality is the most painful thing you can do (and how your life starts to change subtly as soon as you accept reality) (23:04)  How living in a single closet in a big city as a single man can present you with more exciting opportunities than having a lavish house in a small town (26:53)  Do you constantly worry that you’re not meeting your potential? Here’s why it’s impossible to fulfill your potential (40:40)  Why meeting your therapist in person is actually the worst way to leverage the therapeutic process for your self-growth (48:17)  How to stop being ashamed by your neediness (and how to use it to find the relationship you want) (1:00:09)  Why learning how to embrace sadness, anger, and fear is one of the best ways to embrace love (1:07:18)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

One problem that haunts every relationship, career, and life is falling into a victim mindset. When you blame others for your problems and fail to acknowledge your role, you remain stuck and helpless in this vicious cycle.  Worst part?  As your relationships start to crumble, you’ll likely experience a heightened sense of anxiety and depression. And if you don’t address this, your life becomes a series of missed opportunities, and unfulfilled dreams, leaving you with a sense of regret and dissatisfaction. That’s the bad news.  The good news? While it’s tough to break out of this cycle, it’s possible. And by taking full responsibility, like we discuss in today’s episode, you can improve your relationships, your mental health, and your life’s accomplishments.  It won’t be easy. Learning how to take full responsibility takes time and patience. But tuning into this episode is a good first step.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The ONLY way to break free from the stuck, powerless feeling in your relationship (0:34)  How to transform from a helpless victim into an active creator of your life (1:00)  Why blaming your partner for every argument you have hijacks your power to improve the relationship (and eventually leads to heartbreak) (2:17) The “author of your story” secret that liberates you and enhances your closest relationship (It can even save your marriage from the brink of divorce!) (2:55)  The “4 Ultimate Concerns” created by a renowned psychotherapist that can help you steer your life in the direction you want (5:45)  How to stop relying on your girlfriend or best friends to feel complete and whole (8:25)  Do this the next time you feel lonely and wish you had a partner (it’s a more effective long-term strategy that eliminates your loneliness) (9:06)  Why asking yourself this question while in a heated argument with your partner allows you to resolve conflicts faster and strengthen your bond (22:51)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

When was the last time you felt true joy and fulfillment in your life?  For many achievers, this is something that they never experience. Each achievement and accomplishment is followed by another pursuit, always keeping happiness just out of your reach.  The worst part?  This relentless pursuit of success makes finding lasting happiness and fulfillment impossible.  But it’s possible to break free from this toxic cycle. In fact, there are 5 simple ways to help you break free from this cycle that I reveal in this episode.  If you’re constantly feeling like something’s missing in your life no matter how much you achieve, listen to this episode now. Your future self will thank you.  Show Highlights Include: How chasing achievements leaves you unhappy and unfulfilled (even if it boosts your self-esteem in the short term) (1:04)  The “Deranged Tree” secret for ignoring societal standards that keep true happiness always out of reach (6:57)  The cold, hard truth about why your successes feel hollow and isolating (12:16)  Asking yourself this simple question can help you discover your ultimate purpose in life (15:46)  The “Karma Yoga” method that forces you to become fully present in the moment (16:49)  How to deeply understand what brings you true joy and fulfillment with this simple weekly exercise (18:00)  Why reading books for pleasure is one of the quickest ways to shift out of an anxious state of being and into a calm one (20:54)  The “dancing with the music” mindset shift that leads to healthier relationships, better mental health, and more joy in your day-to-day life (23:26) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Neediness plagues every relationship, and achievers tend to be more needy than other people. Why?  Well, the achiever’s desire to achieve often stems from neediness itself. Achievers think they have to earn every bit of love and approval in their lives. And then the success you achieve from this mindset tricks you into believing that this is a good trait.  However, look closely into a successful achiever’s life, and you’ll see that no matter how much they achieved, there’s a deep void of loneliness in their lives. Look closely into their relationships, and they’re riddled with neediness.  But you know what?  Listening to this week’s episode is a good first step to help you take off the mask of achievement that leads to loneliness and neediness.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious “Do More” trap achievers fall into to eliminate their neediness that only makes it surge (0:42)  3 survival strategies you tried as a kid and how they still dominate your behaviors today (4:05)  How needing external validation poisons every relationship you have from the inside out (7:38)  Why success serves as a mask for your deepest insecurities (and how to take the mask off) (9:38)  A key questions achievers must ask themselves to stop feeding their neediness (14:33)  Downloading this app is the first step towards eliminating your neediness (23:22)  Will you lose your edge if you stop striving for success and achievements? (26:54)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Learn about the 6 secrets to attract and keep a woman in a relationship, including understanding what women are attracted to, the importance of self-improvement, and the complex dance of attraction and commitment. Discover why wealth isn't the key to attraction and how emotional connections play a vital role in fostering genuine allure.

Explore the fear of failure and how it hinders personal and professional growth. Learn how to overcome this fear by embracing both modern and ancient wisdom. Discover practical strategies, mindfulness practices, and the importance of self-love and acceptance. Unlock a more fulfilling life by viewing failure as a stepping stone to something greater.

There’s a certain problem that touches the core of men’s struggles, but it often flies under their radar. This problem sabotages intimacy, confidence, and connection, leaving only anxiety and depression in its wake. I’m referring to sexual shame—and it’s something that happens to men both unconsciously and consciously.  That’s why in this episode, I’m going to help you understand where sexual shame comes from, why it has persisted over centuries, and give you the roadmap to break free from these chains.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How sexual shame not only sabotages intimate moments, but also shatters your confidence, connection, and authenticity (2:00)  This quick mindset shift is the first step towards overcoming your sexual shame (3:00)  The weird way studying philosophy and ethical theory can wipe away the seeds of sexual shame inside you (8:29)  3 theories that explain why men feel sexual shame (and how understanding these theories helps you conquer your shame) (10:39)  How religiously-induced sexual shame lingers in your psyche long after you leave the religion (and how to root it out from your subconscious completely) (18:55) 4 ways sexual shame manifests in intimate relationships (24:58)   Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

One of the best ways to become more attractive to women, to feel more fulfilled in your life, and to generally boost your happiness is by building up your internal self-worth. But this practice is easier said than done. And men today often make the mistake of trying to build their self-worth on external sources, like needing attractive women to be attracted to them. This not only backfires, but creates an unrelenting source of neediness that’s waiting to poison any relationship they get into.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? Even if you rely on external validation for your self-worth today, it’s possible to fix this. I did this myself after building my persona on external validation, going through an existential crisis, and attempting suicide.  But you don’t have to go through these same struggles if you listen to this episode.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how you can cultivate a sense of value and self-worth that’s rooted in yourself. You’ll learn how shifting this mindset not only makes you more attractive as a person, but also leads to healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life. And I’ll share some practical tips for starting your internal self-worth journey today.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The “world within” secret for building authentic, unshakeable self-worth that doesn’t hinge on anyone’s opinion of you (1:55)  Where does the need for external validation come from and how does it spoil a relationship from the inside out? (2:53)  Why “shame-based programming” from your childhood keeps you stuck in the friend zone (and how to avoid putting yourself in the friend zone) (9:13)  How pegging my own self-worth to how women viewed me led to me attempting suicide (and how to prevent making the same mistakes in your love life) (13:03)  The proven “AFR” method for creating your own source of validation instead of relying on external sources (16:42)  3 practical ways to start uncovering your emotional wounds that prevent you from building internal self-worth (and how to easily turn these into a daily routine) (20:28)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Discover how Complex PTSD affects relationships and dating life, plus ways to mitigate its impact. Learn about the insidious nature of 'mundane traumas' and how therapeutic coaching groups can support healing. Explore real-life examples of how CPTSD manifests in careers and relationships, and the importance of rebuilding trust and establishing boundaries in relationships for those affected.