Today I’d like you to meet Ryan.

Ryan’s a first responder with a strong sense of fairness, and he loves to help people who need it. 

Those are both noble qualities, so on the surface it all sounds great. But as Ryan processed the end of a marriage he tried to make sense of why some things bothered him so much, and why certain patterns kept repeating in his life.

He turned to me to talk about it, and together we explored how even great qualities can cause problems when they’re driven by unresolved issues lingering beneath the surface.

This episode is definitely for you if you get enraged when people offend you, or have trouble setting boundaries. You’ll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries, and practical questions to ask yourself as you work through situations that make you mad.

You’ll also be reminded that you’re probably not broken, you probably don’t need fixing, but you, like everyone else, can still grow, improve, and mature. Remembering this can help you be more empathetic to yourself and others.

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• How to know when the high standards you have for other people are justified and when they aren’t. (8:29)
• The surprising reality behind that rage you feel and how embracing it can help you handle unprocessed resentment. (10:33)
• Why an empty chair can help you patch a damaged relationship. (13:03)
• How to set healthy boundaries so people can’t hijack your emotions and live in your mind rent free. (19:00)
• The clear difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. (19:24)
• The stunning reason society is better when people have the right to be jerks. And the nightmare result if that right is revoked. (21:55)
• The only question you need to ask to know if your anger is misplaced. (23:29)
• Why spitting on your father’s grave could improve relationships. (23:43)
• The counterintuitive way focusing on yourself makes you more empathetic. (27:56)
• “Savior Cycle”: What it is and how to know when to jump in and help, and when to stand down. (34:16)
• The Jean-Luc Picard method to process trauma. (35:49)
• The Quicksand Strategy to love somebody through their problems. (45:17)

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery