Sex and Psychology Podcast

What actually goes on at a sex research conference? A lot of people seem to have the impression that it’s just a non-stop sex party. I hate to disappoint, but that’s not the case! I’m going lift the curtain and tell you what really goes on when a group of sex researchers get together. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Shayna Skakoon-Sparling. Shayna is a postdoctoral fellow at Ryerson University who studies sexual health decision-making and sexual negotiation. Shayna and I have been going to sex research conferences together for years and, in this episode, we give you a behind the scenes look at what these events are really like. We also discuss Shayna’s research on how sexual arousal affects the kinds of decisions that people make, sexually and otherwise. Topics we cover include: What is a meeting of sex researchers really like? How are the sex lives of sex researchers similar to or different from the general population? What kinds of things will you hear about at a sex research conference that you won’t hear anywhere else? What are some of the most fascinating things we’ve learned by going to these conferences, and how have these meetings impacted our careers? How does sexual arousal affect sexual decision making? Also, how does arousal affect non-sexual decisions, including the moves that people make in a card game? How do you stimulate sexual arousal in a research lab anyway? How does a partner’s level of physical attractiveness affect people’s willingness to use (or not use) condoms? To learn more about Shayna and her work, visit her website and follow her on Twitter @shaynagram *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.  Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What really takes place behind the scenes on an adult film set? What is it like to attend an orgasmic meditation retreat? Journalist Tracy-Clark Flory has the answers. In her lengthy career covering the sex beat in the popular media, she’s gone where few of us have gone before—and she’s learned a lot about the state of our current sexual culture. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Tracy to talk about her new memoir, titled Want Me: A Sex Writer’s Journey Into the Heart of Desire. Tracy is a senior staff writer at Jezebel and her writings on sex have been published all over in the media. Topics we cover in this episode include: How did being a sex writer influence the relationship Tracy had with her parents? What was the experience of finding her father’s porn like as a teenage girl? And how do boys and girls differ in their emotional reactions to finding a parent’s porn? What has the public reaction been to Tracy sharing the most intimate details of her sex life in her writings, and how has this changed over time? How can women navigate the complex mixed-messages our culture provides around women and sex? What really happens behind the scenes on a porn set? What kinds of things do people tend to get wrong about how porn actually works? What is it like to attend an orgasmic meditation retreat? How has being a sex writer affected Tracy’s own sex life and relationships? To learn more about Tracy and her work, visit her website and be sure to pick up a copy of her new book, Want Me: A Sex Writer’s Journey Into the Heart of Desire. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Imagine there was a drug you could take to enhance your relationship or deepen your connection with your partner. Or a drug that could get rid of romantic jealousy. Or a drug that could help you move on faster after a traumatic breakup. This isn’t science fiction—these drugs are out there, and they just might be the future of falling in and out of love. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Brian Earp, who is the Associate Director of the Yale-Hastings Program in Ethics and Health Policy at Yale University and The Hastings Center. He is also a Research Fellow in the Uehiro Centre for Practical Ethics at the University of Oxford and author of the incredible book Love Drugs: The Chemical Future of Relationships. We had an absolutely fascinating discussion about love drugs (chemicals that enhance bonds between partners) and anti-love drugs (chemicals that break bonds), and all of the ethical and other implications of using medications to regulate our relationships and breakups. Questions we answer include: What is love? And what is the biochemical basis for it? How can MDMA (the active ingredient in ecstasy) help struggling partners? Could it (and should it) play a role in couple’s therapy? What does jealousy have in common with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)? And can common OCD treatments help people to get rid of pathological jealousy in relationships? How do you maintain your authentic self if you’re using drugs to facilitate connections with a partner? Should you change yourself to fit your relationship, or change your relationship to fit you? How can drugs help us to get over bad breakups? What are the implications of numbing ourselves to relationship trauma? Can drugs help people who are in love with an abusive partner to break the bond and exit a toxic situation? Should drugs be used to regulate “deviant” sexual desires and “hypersexual” behavior? Is this helpful or harmful? Will drugs be used to impose a certain sexual or relationship morality on people? What are the ethical implications of all of this? To learn more about Brian and his work, follow him on Twitter and be sure to pick up a copy of his new book, Love Drugs: The Chemical Future of Relationships. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

Bisexuality continues to be one of the most misunderstood and controversial sexualities. Some people don’t think it exists at all and that it’s just a transitional identity people adopt before coming out as gay. Also, even among those who recognize that bisexuality exists, many believe things about it that aren’t true, such as the idea that bisexuality necessarily means equal attraction to men and women, or that bisexuals can only be attracted to partners within the gender binary. It’s time to bust some myths about bisexuality. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Zachary Zane, a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, lifestyle, culture, and the LGBTQ community. He has a sex advice column at Men’s Health titled “Sexplain It” and his work has been published in Rolling Stone, The Washington Post, GQ, Playboy, and more. He also has a weekly newsletter, titled BOYSLUT, where he writes erotic essays. In this episode, we talk all things bisexuality. We also discuss the taboos around sex toys for men and answer sex questions submitted by my Instagram followers. Things you’ll learn include: What does it really mean to be bisexual? What’s the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality? What are the most common things people (and popular media portrayals) get wrong about bisexuality? How can bisexual people better navigate relationships in the face of bisexual stigma? How are bisexuals viewed within the LGBTQ+ community, and how can we increase bisexual acceptance? How do we break the taboo around sex toys for men? For men who are new to using sex toys, where’s a good place to start? Is simultaneous orgasm a realistic goal during sex? How can you tell if someone is flirting versus just being friendly? Why is pegging so popular? To learn more about Zach and his work, check out his website here, where you can subscribe to his newsletter and keep up with his latest writings. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

Ever hear that story about how Victorian-era doctors were using vibrators on female patients who had been diagnosed with “hysteria?” That used to be one of my favorite stories to tell in my human sexuality class. However, it turns out that the story isn’t true. It’s time to learn the real history of the vibrator—and sex toys more generally. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Hallie Lieberman, a sex historian and journalist. She is the author of Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy, and she is currently working on a book on the history of gigolos. We had a fascinating, wide-ranging conversation all about the past, present, and future of sex toys. This is one episode you definitely don’t want to miss! Here’s a sampling of what you’ll learn in this episode: How long have humans been using sex toys? What’s the earliest known sex toy in existence? Did you know that butt plugs were once marketed as a cure for asthma? (Seriously—I’m not joking!) What’s the real story of the history of the vibrator? Did you know that selling and possessing sex toys was illegal in many U.S. states until very recently—and that it’s still illegal to sell sex toys in one state? (You’ll have to listen to find out which one!) How do sex toys vary across cultures? How are sex toys going to change in the future? Can women really get “addicted” to their vibrators? Is it safe to share sex toys? Toward the end, we also talk a little about what Hallie has learned from studying the history of gigolos. To learn more about Hallie and her work, check out her website here, and be sure to pick up a copy of her latest book, Buzz, to learn more about the “stimulating” history of sex toys. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

For most of us, our experience with sex education centered primarily around preventing sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies, with pleasure being mentioned rarely or not at all. In other words, few of us ever learn anything meaningful about how to have good sex. We also don’t typically learn how sex might change with age, or how to deal with common sexual difficulties. Fortunately, the Sex and Psychology podcast is here to give you the sex ed that you definitely didn’t get in school! For this episode, I interviewed journalist Michael Castleman, who has covered sex research and therapy extensively in his 46-year writing career. He has written more than 2,000 magazine and web articles, answered more than 12,000 sex questions, and published 17 books, which—together—have sold more than 2 million copies. His latest book is titled Sizzling Sex for Life. Michael is a wealth of knowledge about all things sex, and we cover a lot of ground in this episode. Topics we explore include: What do people at different stages of life (young adults, middle-age adults, and seniors) need to know in order to have better sex? How do you start productive and healthy conversations about sex with your partner(s)? How do you tell a partner what you really want in bed? How can sexual enhancers and novelties—sex toys, lubricants, sexy underwear, and more—make our sex lives better? What do LGBTQ+ folks need to know about better sex? And what can lesbians teach all of us about great sex? Why do so many seniors explore kink for the first time in older age? How does BDSM help people cope with chronic illnesses? What is the average penis size, and does penis size really matter? Is it normal for people in relationships to masturbate? What are the most common questions and concerns people have about sex? *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Kissing is one of the most common sexual and romantic activities, and it’s often people’s very first partnered sexual experience. Surprisingly, though, kissing is something that is rarely studied by sex researchers—and when it is, it’s often lumped in with affectionate behaviors, like cuddling and hand-holding, rather than sexual behaviors. So what do we know about kissing? For example, what is it that makes a kiss good or bad? And can science teach us how to become better kissers? In this episode of the podcast, I did a deep dive into the science of kissing with Dr. Ashley Thompson, who is an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Minnesota Duluth. She has published more than 40 academic papers on sexual and romantic relationships spanning a wide range of topics, including infidelity, consensual non-monogamy, gender, kissing, and more. Questions addressed in this episode include: How often do people in romantic relationships kiss on average? When do people usually have their very first kiss? And how do they tend to look back on that experience? Does it make us smile—or cringe? Why do we kiss? What are the primary motivations for kissing, and how do they differ across gender and personality? How important is kissing, and what are the potential benefits of it? Is the first kiss in a relationship really a make-or-break moment, as it is so often depicted in the media? How important is that first kiss, really? What makes a kiss good? What makes a kiss bad? Can you learn to become a better kisser? What does science tell us about good kissing? To learn more about Dr. Thompson and her work, check out her website here. Also, be sure to follow her on Twitter @psycashley. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

As a sex educator, one of the topics I get asked about most often is anal sex. This isn’t surprising, given that this subject usually isn’t discussed at all in most people’s sex education courses—and, if it is, it’s usually just described as a very high-risk activity. Also, if you look for information online, you’ll inevitably encounter a lot of conflicting reports and it can be hard to know what to trust. So what do you really need to know? What do people tend to get wrong about anal sex, and how can you have safer and more pleasurable encounters? For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Evan Goldstein, who is the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, a leading private practice specializing in an elite standard of sexual health and wellness care for the modern gay man. He is also the founder of Future Method, a sexual wellness company bringing science into anal sexual health. We had a wide-ranging discussion about all things anal, and this episode is for anyone—regardless of gender or sexuality—who has explored or is interested in exploring this activity. Topics covered in this episode include: How many people are having anal sex? Why do so many people find anal stimulation to be pleasurable? Also, what do we know about prostate-induced orgasms? Does anal sex really cause long-term damage to the body? What’s the difference between the anal sex you see in porn compared to what it’s like in real life? Is it normal for anal sex to be painful? How can you make anal sex a safer and more pleasurable experience? What do people need to know about anal douching? Is it necessary? And what’s the safest way to do it? To learn more about Dr. Goldstein and his work, check out his medical practice here. Also, be sure to check out his Future Method products, designed for science-backed sexual wellness. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist and leading expert on polyamorous families with children, dives into the world of polyamory. She uncovers how common myths—like the notion that polyamorous relationships are purely about sex—distort understanding. Discussion points include the emotional development of children in poly families and how they actually thrive. Dr. Sheff also tackles the complexities of jealousy versus 'compersion' and the unique family dynamics that come into play, all while promoting a more nuanced view of consensual non-monogamy.

A lot of people seem to be under the impression that men’s sexuality is simple. They see men as being perpetually horny and DTF and as always wanting more sex than women. They also tend to see sex as an inherently physical experience for men, having little do with emotions or intimacy. However, it turns out that this way of thinking about men and sex is all wrong. For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray, who holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the University of Guelph and is a Registered Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in Winnipeg, Manitoba. She is author of the book “Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, & Relationships.” We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: Is men’s sexuality as simple as we’ve been led to believe? Is women’s sexuality more “complex” or “complicated” than men’s? Do men have a higher sex drive than women? What factors influence libido and sexual desire in men? Is sex a more emotional experience for women than it is for men? Why do so many couples struggle with sexual initiation? What are some tips or strategies that can help when it comes to initiating sex? What do we know about sexual desire in gay, bisexual, and other sexual minority men? Are the sexual struggles and challenges they face similar to or different from those experienced by heterosexual men? To learn more about Sarah’s work, check out her website here. You can also pick up a copy of her book Not Always in the Mood here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.