Sex and Psychology Podcast

One of the most common questions I get asked as a sex educator is how to open up a monogamous relationship. People ask about this for a wide range of reasons. For example, some folks have always wanted to do it, but never knew quite how to go about it. Others just want to try something new and different, or find the idea exciting. Yet others are in long-distance relationships and seeking to provide a sexual outlet. So what do you need to know if you’re thinking about giving this a try? For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with certified sex therapist Martha Kauppi. Her private practice in Madison, Wisconsin, specializes in complex relational therapy, sex issues, and family structures. She is the founding director of the Institute for Relational Intimacy and author of the new book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients). We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: What draws people to open and polyamorous relationships in the first place? How does having an open relationship tend to work out? What are the questions you need to ask yourself if you’re thinking about opening up your relationship? What are the key things you need to discuss with your partner before opening up? What goes into a successful relationship agreement, and how do you make an agreement you can actually stick to? What is “new relationship energy” and why is this a double-edged sword in open and polyamorous relationships? What are the most common problems that arise in open relationships, and how do you deal with them? What if you open up your relationship, but one partner wants to go back to being monogamous and the other doesn’t? To learn more about Martha, visit her website here and be sure to check out her new book, Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients). *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sex is a topic that is all too often neglected in the doctor’s office. That’s unfortunate because our health affects our sex lives and, at the same time, our sex lives affect our health. We need to open the lines of sexual communication in medical settings so that we can help people to lead happier, healthier lives both in and out of the bedroom. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Dr. Michael Moreno. Dr Moreno is a family medicine physician of nearly 25 years. He is author of the New York Times Best-Selling 17 Day Diet book series and host of the Podcast WELLNESS INC. His work focuses on encouraging and sustaining positive lifestyle change. This episode offers a physician’s perspective on sex. Some of the topics we cover include: What is the role of a healthy lifestyle in having a good sex life? Why do we need to stop looking for a pill to fix every sexual problem? How much training do physicians actually get in sexual medicine? How can we make medical offices a more comfortable environment for discussing sex for doctors and patients alike? What are the most common sexual health issues that come up in the doctor’s office? Why are so many young men today reporting erectile difficulties to their doctors? How often are sexual problems based in skewed perceptions of what’s “normal” when it comes to sex? To learn more about Dr. Moreno, visit his website here and check out his 17 Day Diet book. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In long-term relationships, feelings of passion tend to be really intense in the beginning, but typically decrease over time. As a result, one of the most common questions people ask about relationships is how to get that spark back—and keep it going. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Dr. Amy Muise, an Assistant Professor at York University in Toronto, Canada who studies how couples can maintain sexual desire and satisfaction over time. We talked about the key things Amy has learned through her research, including how to keep passion alive, how to deal effectively with sexual disagreements, whether having more sex would make you happier, why cuddling after sex is good for your relationship, and so much more. Some of the topics we cover include: How can engaging in “self-expanding” activities help couples get the spark back in their relationship? Why is being motivated to meet your partner’s sexual needs crucial to maintaining passion? What happens when one partner consistently wants more sex than the other? How do you bridge a sexual divide like this? What does it mean to “positively reject” a partner’s request for sex? How do you turn down sex in a positive way? Are couples who have more sex necessarily happier than couples who have less sex? How much does what you do after sex matter? How often do people in relationships fantasize about ex-partners, and what does this mean for their relationships? To learn more about Amy, visit her website here and follow her on Twitter @AmyMuise. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What does sex and relationship therapy look like for LGBTQ patients? What are the main issues that come up, and how are they similar to or different from the issues that arise in therapy with cisgender, heterosexual clients? For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Thomas Whitfield, a sex therapist, educator, and researcher based in New York City whose work focuses on the LGBTQ population. Thomas is one of the co-hosts of the podcast The Obsessables and he has a YouTube channel called Sh*t They Won’t Tell You in Sex Ed. We talked all about common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with LGBTQ persons, as well as maintaining sexual health for sexual minorities. Some of the topics we cover include: What are the main issues that prompt LGBTQ persons to seek sex therapy? How do you help a client who may be struggling with internalized homophobia? What are the main issues that arise in LGBTQ couple’s therapy? What are the unique issues that come up in sex therapy with bisexual persons? What is PrEP and how does it work to prevent HIV? Also, how does being on PrEP impact psychology and sexual behavior? What do lesbian and bisexual women need to know about maintaining good sexual health? How do you have productive and healthy conversions with a partner about STD status? To learn more about Thomas, visit his website here and be sure to check out his YouTube channel. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sexual difficulties are more common than you might think. In fact, data from large nationally-representative surveys indicate that just over half of women and more than 40% of men report having experienced at least one sexual problem in the last year alone. The most common problem areas include issues with desire, arousal, orgasm, painful intercourse, and performance anxiety. So how fixable are these problems, and how are they most effectively treated? For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus. She is the cofounder and clinical director of Maze Women’s Sexual Health, the largest independent women’s sexual health center in the United States. For twenty years, she has overseen the treatment of thousands of women ages 18-81. Her latest book is titled Sex Points: Reclaim Your Sex Life With the Revolutionary Multi-Point System. We talk all about the novel system she created to help women understand where they are in their sex lives. We also discuss how everyone—at any age, in any situation—can have better sex. Some of the topics we cover include: Why are vibrators “the most underutilized tool in women’s sexual arsenal?” Why do we need to get away from the idea that we can fix every sexual problem simply by taking the right pill? What does it really mean to have great sex? What are the most effective treatments for low sexual desire and/or arousal? How do you treat problems with painful sex? What can be done for people who have difficulty orgasming, or who have never had an orgasm before? How do you deal with sexual anxiety effectively? To learn more about Bat Sheva, check out her website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of her latest book, Sex Points. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The COVID-19 pandemic disrupted our sexual and romantic lives in a lot of different ways over the last year, and while some of the changes that occurred are temporary, others may stick around for years to come. So what’s in store for sex and relationships in the future, post-COVID world? For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Jessica Pels and Dr. Amanda Gesselman. Jessica is the Editor-in-Chief of Cosmopolitan, the largest young women’s media brand in the world. She oversees the content and editorial operations for Cosmopolitan’s magazine, website, and social media. Amanda is the Associate Director for Research at The Kinsey Institute and she researches new trends in the romantic and sexual lives of adults around the world, as well as how technology can be used to facilitate meaningful connections. Cosmopolitan recently partnered with the Kinsey Institute to survey more than 2,000 Americans about the future of sex and relationships after COVID. The results are fascinating and were published in the April issue of Cosmo. In this episode, we explore the story behind this unique research collaboration and key findings from the survey. Some of the topics we cover include: Why are so many people suddenly prioritizing committed relationships over casual sex? Will this trend persist? How has the nature of online dating changed during the pandemic, and what will online dating look like in the future? How has this pandemic changed communication around sexual risk, and will this situation ultimately lead us to have safer sex in the future? How did people in relationships fare during the pandemic? How has COVID-19 shifted people’s attitudes toward both infidelity and consensual non-monogamy? Why were so many people experimenting with their sexuality during the pandemic? What’s the psychology behind this, and what does it mean for our sex lives going forward? To learn more about the findings from this survey, visit Cosmo’s website or check out the latest issue. You can also follow @Jessica_Pels and @angesselman on Twitter to learn more about their work. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Dr. Ian Kerner is the Sherlock Holmes of sex—he’s a detective who helps people to understand the mysteries behind their sexual problems. His approach to sex therapy begins with a simple question: “So tell me about the last time you had sex.” This question establishes the “scene of the crime,” and then it all becomes a matter of searching for the clues that led up to it. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Kerner, who co-leads the sex therapy program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in New York City. He is the New York Times best-selling author of the book She Comes First, and his latest book titled: So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex. We talk all about Dr. Kerner’s unique approach to sex therapy, how people at home can use it as a form of self-help, and general tips for improving your intimate life. Specific topics we cover include: How is sex therapy like a form of detective work? And how can this approach help sex therapists to better serve their clients? How can you better understand your own—and our partner’s—sexual scripts, and why is this a vital first step in fixing a sexual problem? What are the different frameworks for sexual desire? And what can you do if you and your partner have different desire frameworks? How is sex therapy similar or different with heterosexual patients compared to LGBTQ patients? Why is it important for us to change the way we think about our own sexual fantasies? How can you more effectively communicate about your fantasies with a partner? To learn more about Dr. Kerner, check out his website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of his new book, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

People have a tendency to think that the best sex of their life is in the past—it’s the sex they had when they were younger. So when people think about what their sex lives will look like in the future, they don’t necessarily see themselves as having much to look forward to. However, this line of thinking is all wrong. Sex can—and often does—get better with age. So what do you need to know when it comes to having great sex for your entire life? For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with author Tracey Cox. Tracey has been writing about sex for 30 years and has published 16 books, with her latest being Great Sex Starts at 50. She has been everywhere in the media, she writes a regular column for MailOnline, and she hosts a weekly radio show. Tracey also has her own line of sex toys with Lovehoney. We talk about how to cultivate good habits in the bedroom to keep your sex life hot for decades to come. We also address common sexual issues that arise and how to deal with them effectively. Specific topics we cover include: How can sex get even better as we get older? How do you start conversations about sex with your partner—and keep them going over time? Why should we stop thinking about orgasm as the ultimate goal of sex? How do you deal with body image issues that negatively impact your sex life? How do you get the spark back in your relationship when passion declines? Why is monogamy harder on women’s libido than it is on men’s? How do you deal with common sexual problems that arise with age (e.g., vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction)? How can using sex toys transform your sex life? How do you deal with a sexless marriage or relationship? To learn more about Tracey, check out her website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of her book, Great Sex Starts at 50. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Much has been said and written in the popular media about ‘hookup culture’ and the rise of casual sex. Trend pieces often portray casual sex as inherently damaging and bad for our mental health. But is this actually the case? How does casual sex really affect us? And what do you need to know when it comes to having good casual sex? For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher, speaker, writer, and consultant. She currently teaches human sexuality courses at New York University and also runs a course called Open Smarter, which helps people figure out what type of relationship is right for them based on science. In the first half of the program, we talk about Zhana’s research on casual sex, and in the second half, we discuss monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, and everything in between. Topics we cover include: What does it mean to have ‘casual sex’ anyway? What are the different forms it can take? How many people are having casual sex, and is this increasing or decreasing? How does casual sex affect us, for better or for worse? Is casual sex really as ‘casual’ as the name implies, or are people looking for more than just sex? How can people have better casual sex? How do you know whether monogamy or non-monogamy is right for you? When and for whom is it a good idea to consider opening up a relationship? If you’re thinking about opening up your relationship or exploring the world of consensual non-monogamy, what do you need to know to start out on the right foot? To learn more about Zhana and her Open Smarter course, check out her website here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

For her doctoral dissertation, Dr. Katherine Frank worked as a dancer in several strip clubs and interviewed the regulars. As a student of anthropology, it was important for her to “do as the natives do” and really immerse herself in that environment to truly understand it. And what she learned is absolutely fascinating. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Frank to give you an inside look at her research, what really happens inside a strip club, and what the people visiting these establishments are really looking for. In the first half of the program, we discuss her dissertation work and the book she published based on it, titled G-Strings and Sympathy: Strip Club Regulars and Male Sexual Desire. In the second half, we discuss her recent research on group sex, which she explored in the book Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex. Topics we cover include: Who are the men who visit strip clubs? What are their backgrounds like, and why are they visiting these clubs in the first place? (Hint: It’s about far more than sexual arousal!) How did working in these clubs change the way that Dr. Frank views the customers? How challenging is it to do a university-approved study that involves working inside a strip club? Is it really true that ovulating strippers get more tips than women on hormonal contraceptives? Why is group sex such a popular fantasy and how many people have ever done it in real life? How does consent work in an orgy? For people interested in group sex, what do they need to know when it comes to having safe and pleasurable experiences? To learn more about Dr. Frank and her work, visit her website and be sure to check out her books G-Strings and Sympathy and Plays Well in Groups. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.