Sex and Psychology Podcast

Marriage is hard. And, in many ways, it’s harder today than it was in the past because what we’re asking of our partners now is so dramatically different than it was before. Whereas marriage used to be about meeting basic survival needs, it’s become more about self-actualization. And so if we want to understand how to make the institution of marriage better, we have to look at it in the context of our ever-changing needs and expectations. That’s why this episode of the podcast is all about the science of marriage and how to cultivate happier and healthier marriages. I interviewed Dr. Eli Finkel, a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He is also the author of one of my favorite books, The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: How and why have our expectations for marriage changed over the last century? How do we manage conflicting needs in our relationships, such as the need for excitement and surprise vs. the need for stability and security? Can opening up a monogamous marriage help to save it? How has the pandemic shaped marriage and relationships, for better or for worse? How can we make marriage better? What can you do to keep it healthy and strong? Should we be asking less of our partners? How do you keep sex healthy and hot in a long-term relationship? To learn more about Eli and his work, visit his website at elifinkel.com and check out his book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.  Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There are a lot of things people get wrong about kink, including the idea it’s inherently rooted in trauma and mental illness, that it’s abusive, and that kinky people can’t develop healthy relationships. That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about the science of kink, BDSM, and fetishes! I interviewed Dr. Richard Sprott, who studies identity development, health, and well-being in alternative sexualities and non-traditional relationships. He currently teaches at California State University, East Bay and he is co-author of the book Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: What’s the difference between kink, BDSM, and fetishes anyway? How common are kinky sexual interests? What is the link between kink and mental health? What’s the truth about how kink and sexual trauma are connected? In what ways can kink be healthy, or even therapeutic? Where do kinky sexual interests come from? Do they run in families? Do kinky sexual interests change with age? How should we think about kink—is it a sexual orientation or a leisure activity? To learn more about Richard and his work, visit tashra.org *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

People’s interest in polyamory is growing. For example, Google trends reveal that searches related to polyamory have risen significantly over the last decade. However, while interest is climbing, myths and misconceptions abound, which is why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast offers a deep dive into the world of polyamory. I interviewed Dr. Heath Schechinger. He is a Counseling Psychologist at the University of California Berkeley and also maintains a private practice. Heath is the Founding Co-Chair of the Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy within Division 44 of the American Psychological Association, and he is the Co-Founder of the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: Who’s into polyamory and what are the different “shapes” that a polyamorous relationship might take? What is “solo polyamory” and how does it work? What are the unique benefits of consensual non-monogamy? What are the unique benefits of monogamy? If you’re polyamorous and seeking relationship counseling, how do you go about finding an affirming therapist? What are the most common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with polyamorous clients? If you’re curious about exploring polyamory, what do you need to know? If you’re polyamorous, what do you need to know about maintaining healthy relationships? What’s the future of polyamory and consensual non-monogamy? Will we eventually have legal recognition of multi-partner relationships? To learn more about Heath and his work, visit his websites at drheathschechinger.com and polyamorylegal.org *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Getting into a relationship is much easier than getting out of one. People have a tendency to slide into relationships without putting in a lot of thought. But when it comes to getting out of a relationship, people may deliberate for months, perhaps years—decades even. So why is that? This episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about how we make relationship decisions. I interviewed Dr. Samantha Joel, an Assistant Professor at Western University. Her research examines how people make the decisions that grow or break apart their romantic relationships. Sam has a fascinating body of work that I am so excited to share with you! Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: Can computer programs predict who we’re going to be attracted to before we ever even meet someone? Can these programs also predict which relationships are going to stand the test of time? What are the factors that predict relationship happiness? What predicts when couples decide to break up? Are people more afraid of missing out on an opportunity for love or being rejected? Why do so many of us have such a hard time rejecting romantic prospects who aren’t a good match for us? Is having sex with an ex-partner a good or bad idea? Does ex-sex prevent you from moving on? Why is it easier to get into a relationship than to get out of one? What happens when a couple decides to open up their relationship? Does it change the quality of that relationship over time? To learn more about Sam, visit her website and follow her on Twitter @datingdecisions *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

It is often said that the most important decision you make in your life is who you decide to have a relationship with—yet most of us are never really taught anything about how to make this decision. As a result, we typically learn how to navigate relationships through trial and error, but there are usually a lot of errors along the way! That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about boosting your relationship IQ by revealing the secrets of relationship success. I interviewed relationship expert Dr. Gary Lewandowski. He is a Professor at Monmouth University and author of the new book Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: How believing in the idea of a “soul mate” holds us back from finding relationship happiness. Why it’s OK—and healthy—to be a little bit selfish in your relationship. How too much closeness in your relationship can push you and your partner apart. Why you shouldn’t tell your partner, “if you love me, you’ll change.” How going for a partner who is way more attractive than you can produce a less stable relationship. Why it’s important to embrace disagreement and conflict in your relationship. Why breakups usually aren’t as bad as we think they’re going to be—and how to move on after a relationship ends. To learn more about Gary, visit his website and check out his new book Stronger Than You Think. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Although sex, dating, and relationships can bring us great joy, they also have a very dark side. For example, people sometimes lie or deceive others in order to have sex. And in dating and relationships, jealousy sometimes turns into violence. So why do these things happen in the first place? And what can we do to prevent them? I interviewed Dr. David Buss, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. He is considered the world’s leading scientific expert on strategies of human mating and is one of the founders of the field of evolutionary psychology. His latest book is titled When Men Behave Badly: The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: Why is sexual deception so common in the world of dating? What are the deeper roots behind this behavior, and what can we do about it? How many people in relationships cultivate “back-up mates” in case things don’t work out with their current partner? Why is this behavior so common? Why are we often drawn to partners with “dark” personality traits, such as narcissism? Why is jealousy “the most dangerous emotion?” If jealousy causes so many negative effects, is it really an adaptive emotion? Why is it important to consider evolutionary perspectives on human sexuality? Can adopting an evolutionary perspective help us to prevent sexual harassment and violence? To learn more about David, visit his website and check out his new book When Men Behave Badly. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Is it really true that having a greater number of sexual partners necessarily means you have a greater risk for sexually transmitted infections (STDs)? Nope! It turns out that a lot of the things we think we know about STDs are just plain wrong, which is why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about the surprising secrets of STDs. I interviewed Dr. Ina Park, an associate professor at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine. She is also a Medical Consultant at the Division of STD Prevention at the CDC, and Medical Director of the California Prevention Training Center. She is author of the new book Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: The conventional wisdom is that STDs are caused by promiscuity—but is it really the case that having more partners necessarily translates to greater risk? Is everyone equally vulnerable to STDs? Do some people have more natural immunity? How does STD contact tracing work, and what kinds of reactions do people tend to have when a contact tracer informs them that they might have an STD? Potential contestants on The Bachelor are screened for STDs before coming on the show, and a positive result is the most common reason for disqualification; however, a lot of people receive false positives because certain tests have low accuracy rates. So is this a good idea or a bad idea? Can an STD really ‘highjack’ your brain and change your sexual behavior to facilitate viral transmission? How do our constantly evolving sexual practices affect STDs? What’s the connection between pubic hair grooming and STDs? Are online dating apps responsible for increasing rates of STDs? How do you have effective conversations with a sex or dating partner about STDs? To learn more about Ina, visit her website at inapark.net and check out her new book Strange Bedfellows! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Where do our dreams come from? And what, if anything, do they actually mean? As someone who is a very vivid dreamer every single night, I have always been curious to learn more about the psychology of dreaming (including our sex dreams), so I invited a dream expert onto the podcast to explore what the science actually says. For this episode, I interviewed Dr. Dylan Selterman, a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He is a social and personality psychologist who has published several studies on the topic of dreaming. Some of the topics we explore include: Why do we dream in the first place? Does dreaming serve a purpose? How many times per night do we dream, and what are the most common dream themes? How often do people dream about sex, and why do some people dream about it more than others? Do sexual and romantic dreams reflect our waking experiences? How do dreams influence behavior in waking life, including how we feel about our partners? What do we know about lucid dreams (dreams where you recognize that you’re in a dream)? What do our dreams mean? And is there any value in analyzing them? Is there any truth to Freud’s theories on dreaming? To learn more about Dylan, follow him on Twitter at @seltermosby and check out his Psychology Today blog titled The Resistance Hypothesis. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What does an affair really look like? What do people do, say, and feel when they cheat on a romantic partner? And why do so many people commit infidelity in the first place? In this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, we take you inside an affair. I interviewed Dr. Dylan Selterman, who is a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He is a social and personality psychologist by training, who studies topics relating to attraction and dating, romantic relationships, sexuality, and dreaming. Dylan has published an extensive body of research on infidelity, and we dive into some of the key things he has discovered, including: What counts as “cheating” anyway? How common is infidelity? What are the main reasons why people cheat? And do those reasons vary across men and women? What are the most common intimate behaviors that take place during an affair? Are affairs really all about sex? How often do affairs lead to breakup? How is infidelity similar or different in same-sex vs. mixed sex relationships? Is there ever anything positive than can come out of an affair? To learn more about Dylan, follow him on Twitter at @seltermosby and check out his Psychology Today blog titled The Resistance Hypothesis. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

May is Masturbation Month, so let’s talk self-pleasure! Masturbation is a topic that has long been shrouded by secrecy and shame, and it’s well past time that we bust the harmful myths, break the taboo, and normalize self-pleasure. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Marie Aoyama, who works in the Global Marketing Department for TENGA, a Japanese-based sexual health and wellness brand enabling users around the world to celebrate self-pleasure with its innovative and diverse sex and masturbation toys. TENGA recently released their 2021 Self-Pleasure Report, which was based on a representative survey of 1,000 American adults aged 18-54. This survey offers important insights into masturbation attitudes and practices in the United States today, as well as how they have changed during the COVID-19 pandemic. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: How did self-pleasure change over the last year? Why was there a bigger drop in masturbation for women than there was for men during the pandemic? What do people actually do when they masturbate? When people fantasize during masturbation, who and what are they most likely to think about? What are the benefits of self-pleasure, and why should we think of it as a form of self-care? If people had to give up either sex or masturbation for a month, which one do you think they’d choose? (The answer may surprise you!) How many people are comfortable talking openly about masturbation? And what do we need to do to break the taboos surrounding self-pleasure? To learn more about the key findings from TENGA’s 2021 Self-Pleasure Report, see here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.  Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.