Sex and Psychology Podcast

In the eyes of many, pornography is inherently problematic. In fact, some have gone as far as to dub it a “public health crisis” because they see it as addictive and as one of the root causes of sexual violence. But is porn really such a major threat to individuals and to society? It turns out that science has a complex and nuanced story to tell about the effects of porn. It’s not inherently good or bad. It can have different effects on different people, and it’s important for us to understand when and for whom porn is potentially problematic, as well as for whom it has positive effects. In this episode of the podcast, I explore the science of porn with Dr. Emily Rothman, a Professor of Community Health Sciences at the Boston University School of Public Health. She has authored more than 100 peer-reviewed publications and is the co-creator of a curriculum for high school students about pornography that is used by sex educators and health teachers from around the world. She also has a forthcoming book titled “Pornography and Public Health.” We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: What is the link between porn and sexual violence? And what accounts for the fact that different studies have come to wildly different conclusions? How does porn affect teenagers? What are the potential positive and negative effects? Is pornography addictive? What do we need to be teaching adolescents about porn? What do parents need to know? And why is “porn literacy” so important? What is it like to be a porn researcher? And how do you communicate effectively about the science of porn to the public? What do we need to do to improve porn research going forward? To learn more about Dr. Rothman’s work, check out her university website here and watch her TED Talk on how porn changes the way that teens think about sex here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of her book Pornography and Public Health! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Having a threesome is one of the most popular sexual fantasies. In fact, when I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their biggest turn-ons for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that threesomes were the single most common thing people mentioned when they described their favorite fantasy of all time. However, despite the widespread appeal of this sex act, relatively few people have ever had one in real life. But just how many people have ever had a threesome before? What were their experiences like? And what do people who are thinking about having a threeway need to know? For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Ryan Scoats, who is often reported in the media as being the first person in the world to get a “PhD in threesomes.” He is currently a Lecturer in Sociology at Coventry University, and his latest book is titled Understanding Threesomes: Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: Why is there so little scientific research on threesomes, and why is this important to study in the first place? Why is the idea of having a threesome such a popular turn-on? How many people have ever had a threesome before? Are certain types of people more likely to have them than others? Why do women tend to report less interest in threesomes than men? Under what circumstances are women most interested in group sex? What are people’s experiences with threesomes actually like? And what are the most common issues that tend to come up? What happens after a threesome? What do people who are thinking about having a threesome need to know in order to increase the odds of a positive and pleasurable experience for all involved? To learn more about Ryan’s work, check out his website here. You can also pick up a copy of his book Understanding Threesomes here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

In sexual encounters between men and women, research has consistently found that there’s a sizable orgasm gap, such that men tend to reach orgasm with far greater frequency than their female partners. For example, when people reflect on their sexual experience over the past month, heterosexual men report orgasming 95% of the time, compared to just 65% of the time for heterosexual women. Interestingly, however, there’s no difference in orgasm rates when comparing gay men to lesbians, suggesting that this situation is unique to situations where women are having sex with men. So why does the orgasm gap exist in the first place? And what can we do to close it? For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Laurie Mintz, who has studied the orgasm gap extensively. In addition to running a sex therapy practice for individuals and couples, Dr. Mintz is a professor and sexuality educator at the University of Florida. She is a prolific researcher and author, having published more than 50 academic journal articles and two books, with her latest being Becoming Cliterate. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: Where does the orgasm gap come from? What steps can we take to help close this gap? How does a lack of comprehensive sex education contribute to the orgasm gap and to some of the most common sexual problems people experience? How does one know when it’s time to consult a sex therapist? What are the biggest myths and misconceptions people have about sex? Is it really true that women reach their sexual “peak” later than men? Is it really true that sex is a more emotional experience for women but a more physical experience for men? To learn more about Laurie’s work and books, check out her website here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

There are a lot of stereotypes about disabled persons, but one of the biggest is that they are necessarily asexual. However, that’s just not true. Disabled people have sexual wants and needs. They masturbate. They have sex. But almost no one talks about this. Sex and disability is a taboo topic that’s been on the margins for far too long, and we need to change that. For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Andrew Gurza, an award winning Disability Awareness Consultant. He has spoken all over the world on sex and disability and he is the host of Disability After Dark: The Podcast Shining a Bright Light on Disability Stories. Andrew is also developing a line of sex toys for persons with hand limitations designed to “put sexual pleasure within everyone’s reach.” We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: Why is sex and disability such a taboo topic in the first place, and why is it important for us to break that taboo? How can all of us benefit from shining a light on this subject? How is our healthcare system failing us when it comes to addressing the sexual health needs of disabled persons, and how do we change that? What are the conversations we need to be having around sex and intellectual disabilities? How is sex and disability viewed in other cultures? What can we learn from them? When and how do you disclose a disability to a potential sexual or romantic partner? If a potential partner discloses a disability to you, what types of questions and responses are appropriate? Which ones are inappropriate? How is SexTech changing the conversations we’re having about sex and disability? How is technology improving the intimate lives of disabled persons? To learn more about Andrew’s work, check out his website here. Also, you can learn about his new line of sex toys here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

There is a common tendency to think about sex as simply a person-to-person interaction. However, this view overlooks the fact that sexual identity, attraction, and behavior are all influenced by broader social and cultural systems—and these systems can have a profound impact on the way sexuality is expressed by creating power imbalances, stigma, and shame. As a result, when we talk about sex, we can’t just talk about it as if it exists in a vacuum. We need to acknowledge the systems that shape it and talk about the ways in which justice is and isn’t being served. I’ve been itching to explore this topic on the podcast and I couldn’t think of a better guest than sex therapist Shadeen Francis, a licensed psychotherapist, media personality, and author whose work spans the domains of sex therapy, emotional intelligence, and social justice. Shadeen is committed to helping people live lives full of peace and pleasure, and her work has been featured extensively in the media. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: What does “social justice” mean in the context of sex therapy? Why is it important for us to talk about social justice when we talk about sex? How is our approach to training sex therapists failing us when it comes to pursuing social justice, and what can we do about this? What does the term “normal” really mean when it comes to sex, and why is it important for us to redefine it? What is “race play” and why are some people turned on by the idea of eroticizing power differentials in the first place? What happens when people’s personal or moral values are in conflict with their sexual turn-ons? How do we reduce shame and guilt over our sexual fantasies? How do our political backgrounds and leanings shape our sexual fantasies and the way we feel about them? How can putting social justice front and center in sex therapy help us all to lead more pleasurable and fulfilling sex lives? To learn more about Shadeen’s work, check out her website here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Cuckolding is a sexual practice in which someone is aroused by the idea of watching or listening while their partner has sex with another person—and it’s a surprisingly popular sexual interest. In the survey of 4,175 Americans’ sexual fantasies I conducted for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that 52% of heterosexual men and 66% of gay and bisexual men had fantasized about this before. In addition, 26% of heterosexual women and 42% of lesbian and bisexual women reported having had this fantasy at least once. So why is cuckolding so popular? In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with sex therapist Dr. David Ley, who has literally written THE book on cuckolding, titled Insatiable Wives. He and I have also collaborated on a scientific study about cuckolding (co-authored with sex advice columnist Dan Savage), which was recently published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. Dr. Ley is a clinical psychologist based in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where he directs a large behavioral health and substance abuse outpatient program. He is also one of the media’s go-to experts on all things sex. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: What does a typical cuckolding scenario look like? What’s the difference between cuckolding and “hotwifing?” Why are so many people drawn to cuckolding in the first place? Why do some find this idea incredibly erotic, whereas others find it to be threatening? Why is there a political link to cuckolding—specifically, why do conservative men seem to fantasize about the idea more than their liberal counterparts? What has research revealed about cuckolding in same-sex relationships? Why is research on cuckolding so controversial? What’s the future of cuckolding, especially as norms surrounding relationships and marriage continue to evolve? To learn more about Dr. Ley’s work and writings, check out his website here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

In the United States, the marriage rate is near a record low, and 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Research has also found that rates of marital satisfaction have declined over time. In short, fewer people are getting married, those who do aren’t as happy as married couples in the past, and a heck of a lot of these relationships just won’t work out. So why is that? Why are relationships so hard? In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Roger Nygard about his recent documentary and book The Truth About Marriage, which examines how we can all make our relationships happier. Nygard is an accomplished filmmaker who has directed TV series such as “The Office” and “The Bernie Mac Show,” and he has edited Emmy-nominated episodes of “Who is America?” “VEEP,” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” For his documentary, he interviewed a number of sex and relationship researchers and therapists to get the answers, including previous podcast guests Drs. John and Julie Gottman. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: Why are relationships and marriages so difficult? Why do so many of us have trouble finding lasting long-term happiness? How can we improve our relationships, according to the experts? What is the role of sex in relationships? How important is it, really? How often should couples have sex? What is the role of humor in attraction and relationships? In addition, we talk about the work Roger does on some of my favorite television shows! To learn more about Roger Nygard and his documentary, check out his website here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

People have a tendency to assume that those who are kinky and/or polyamorous must have sexual communication all figured out. However, just like anyone else, they face their own set of sexual and relationship problems—problems that sometimes require professional help. In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Shamyra Howard, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker based in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and author of the book Use Your Mouth: Pocket-sized Conversations to Simply Increase 7 Types of Intimacy in and out of the Bedroom. Shamyra specializes in treating clients who have sexual and relationship identities that fall outside of the mainstream, including LGBTQ+ persons, those who are into kinky or BDSM sex, and those who identify as polyamorous. This is one of my favorite episodes I’ve recorded so far, and we cover a lot of ground, including: What are the main issues that prompt people with kinky/BDSM interests to seek sex therapy? How do you negotiate boundaries and consent in the BDSM scene? What is “race play” and how do people cope with anxieties around eroticizing racial dynamics? How do people who enjoy dominant-submissive dynamics in their sexual encounters create balance in their day-to-day relationships if they only desire those dynamics in a sexual context? What are the main issues the prompt people in open, polyamorous, or swinging relationship to seek sex therapy? How do you manage jealousy in a consensually non-monogamous relationship? Why is it important for people who are polyamorous to find time for themselves? What kind of training do sex therapists get when it comes to kink/BDSM and consensual non-monogamy? How does one find a therapist or professional who is kink- and/or polyamory-affirming? To learn more about Shamyra Howard, check out her website (On the Green Couch) here or follow her on Instagram or Facebook @SexologistShamyra. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

One of the most common relationship problems that drives couples to therapy is a sexual desire discrepancy, where one partner wants more sex than the other. In fact, about 1 in 4 people report having experienced this in the past year alone. This can be a longstanding pattern or issue in a relationship, but it can also emerge when one partner loses desire over time. So how do you deal with this situation effectively? In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Dr. Lyndsey Harper, an Ob/Gyn at the Texas A&M College of Medicine and founder of the new mobile app Rosy. Dr. Harper developed Rosy as a tool to help women who are dealing with low sexual desire and desire discrepancies. Low sexual desire is the single most common sexual difficulty reported by women, with about 1 in 3 women reporting it in the last year. Low sexual desire is less common among men, but still prevalent: specifically, it’s reported by about 1 in 7 men in the past year. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: What are the factors that influence sexual desire, and how are they similar or different for men and women? Why are desire discrepancies so common in long-term relationships? What is the role of medication in treating low sexual desire? Can pharmaceuticals help to fix a loss of desire? How can technology (including mobile apps like Rosy and telehealth services) help people deal with desire problems? We also talk about some of the most common myths and misconceptions people believe about sex and sexual desire. To learn more about Dr. Harper, see here. To learn more about Rosy or to download the app, see here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

What are the most common sexual fantasies in America? Where do our fantasies come from, and what do they say about us? And how can we communicate more effectively with our partners about our fantasies? In order to answer these questions, I conducted the largest and most comprehensive study of sexual fantasies ever in the United States. I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans from all 50 states ranging in age from 18-87 and wrote a book about the nature of sexual fantasies in the U.S. today, titled Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. In this episode of the podcast, I describe some of the key things I learned from this research, while also telling you the story behind the book (it was a long process!). I also share how writing this book completely changed my life. I’m excited to announce that the paperback edition of Tell Me What You Want comes out this month and is available for purchase through Amazon and your favorite booksellers. I’m offering some bonus materials to those who order the paperback edition, including an extra chapter that delves into the psychology behind some of the less common sexual fantasies, as well as some fun infographics. Learn more and claim your bonus here. Tell Me What You Want is also available as an e-book and an audiobook (narrated by yours truly—and I talk about what the experience of narrating an audiobook was like in this week’s podcast). I’m also pleased to say that there is now an interactive exhibit based on this book showing at the Erotic Heritage Museum in Las Vegas, so if you ever happen to find yourself out that way in the future, but sure to check it out!. For a behind-the-scenes look at the exhibit, check out my Instagram page. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.  Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.