Stronger Marriage Connection

Our podcast today is with our guest speaker Dr. Robert Navarra. He talks about addiction and how there is hope in recovering. An interesting talking point he mentions is that recovery should be done as a partnership. He provides some helpful insights for partners in dealing with the disease of addiction that can sweep into a relationship.Timestamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who is Robert Navarra?2:44 – Fear and misunderstanding of addiction5:42 – What’s the difference between codependency and interdependency?9:34 – What partners of addicted individuals should know11:03 – Addiction impacts the relationship not just the individual just like a disease14:31 – Most common addictions15:49 – Safe levels of drinking18:50 – Rituals in relationships create connection21:52 – Resources to help with creating rituals23:39 – Understanding addictions and affairs27:53 – Couple recovery resources32:16 – Advice for partners of addicted individuals35:15 – Responding to your partner in a way that feels good to create a stronger marriage connection37:35 – The smallest unit of intimacy38:12 – Robert’s takeaway: addiction is treatable and it is preventable39:32 – Liz’s takeaway: be aware of “secondhand harm”37:00 – Dave’s takeaway: there is hope; we’re in this together, let’s do this together.About Robert Navarra:Dr. Navarra has been a Certified Gottman Therapist since 2007 and is a Master Trainer, Consultant, and Researcher with the Gottman Institute. He has trained therapists nationally and internationally and is a popular presenter at conferences, webinars, podcasts, and in the media. He has co-authored book chapters with Drs. John and Julie Gottman on Gottman Method Couples Therapy, as well as co-authoring with Dr. John Gottman three articles on Gottman Therapy for the Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy.Dr. Navarra developed a relational model of addiction assessment and treatment and has been published in textbooks and in the Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy on systemic approaches in addiction recovery. Dr. Navarra was also recorded presenting a workshop that he developed, Couples and AddictionRecovery Training, for an online class offered by the Gottman Institute that requires therapists in the Gottman Certification track program to complete. The Gottmans also invited Dr. Navarra to present his model with them at the Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference. He is currently collaborating with the Gottmans on researching the effectiveness of a workshop for recovering couples that he designed called, Roadmap for the Journey: A Path for Couple Recovery. Additionally, he teaches addiction assessment and treatment in the Graduate Counseling Psychology Program at Santa Clara University in CaliforniaInsights:Robert: If you want to reduce conflict in your marriage, then focus on the times when you’re not in conflict.Dave: There is hope. We’re in this together, let’s do this together.Liz: Be aware of “secondhand harm”.Invites:Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com

Dave and Liz talk with Dr. Matt Townsend on the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast today about how we can foster our basic needs in our relationships. Dr. Matt shares seven principles that we can use to increase our marriage connections: Safety, Trust, Appreciation, Respect, Validation, Encouragement, andDedication. By adhering to each of these principles our needs as well as our partner’s needs can be met in healthy ways.Timestamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who is Matt Townsend?3:12 – What’s going on with marriages today?4:50 – S.T.A.R.V.E.D: Safety7:39 – T: Trust9:02 – A: Appreciation12:24 – R: Respect14:20 – V: Validation16:57 – E: Encouragement20:33 – D: Dedication23:00 – Matt’s keys for a stronger marriage connection26:08 – Matt’s resources27:40 – Matt’s takeaway: it’s not over ‘til it’s over and find the power in principles29:49 – Liz’s takeaway: you have to be vulnerable to be known and loved30:16 – Dave’s takeaway: To encourage is to truly see and understand another personAbout Matt Townsend:Over the last few decades Matt has dedicated his life to the study of communication and interpersonal relationships. Matt worked as a lead presenter for the industry leader, Franklin Covey, for many years. About 20 years ago he founded the Townsend Relationship Center where he has been able to share his expertise on relationships, communication, anxiety and conflict resolution with thousands of clients ranging from individuals, married couples and parents, to large corporations such as CNN, Cox Communications, and Lockheed Martin.Dr. Matt earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Communication, a second master's degree in Human Development, and a doctoral degree (PhD) in Human Development. He is a weekly contributor to KSL TV’s show “Studio 5 with Brooke Walker”. Matt's book, Starved Stuff: The 7 Basic Needs of Healthy Relationships, is a popular pick among those searching for better relationship skills. He also has many online programs available on marriage, dealing with anxiety and parenting.Matt is active in his church and community and enjoys swimming, playing tennis and spending time with his wife, Mardi of 32 years and his 6 children, 4 in-law children and 5 grandchildren.Insights:Matt: Count the given good.Dave: Notice and be aware of the good your partner does.Liz: Barbie dolls must be as important as the little girl is in order to really make her feel that we are encouraging her.Invites:   -    Encourage your partner’s dreams and aspirations.   -    If simply feeding your marriage is still not “filling you up”, get help so you        don’t continue feeling starved.   -    While you might not be able to find power in power, you can find power in principles. Find ways to foster the S.T.A.R.V.E.D. principles in your marriage.Matt Townsend Links:Starved StVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com

On today’s podcast of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dave and Liz talk to Dr. Cole Ratcliffe about how we often get stuck in bad behaviors in our marriage relationships. Dr. Ratcliffe explains five steps that help eliminate bad behavior and provides some tips that might help increase connection in a sustainable way. Showing our partners we love them takes time and effort, but is incredibly worth it!Timestamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who is Cole Ratcliffe?2:29 – Why are annoying and bad behaviors so common?4:42 – “Helping” is not always helpful7:10 – Why we get stuck in bad behavior10:48 – Marriage is the great revealer of weaknesses14:54 – There is no justification for bad behavior17:15 – Take personal responsibility for our needs19:25 – Recognize your partner’s needs20:32 – 5 Steps to help eliminate bad behavior25:10 – Simple things to do to improve connection26:40 – How to say I love you in a personal way28:44 – Patience is the 5th step29:40 – Investment in unselfishness is the key for a stronger marriage connection31:12 – Resources from Cole Ratcliffe31:59 – Cole’s takeaway: taking time to understand gives us traction for meeting our partners emotions andneeds32:39 – Liz’s takeaway: turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies33:11 – Dave’s takeaway: don’t react to the behavior, respond to the needAbout Cole Ratcliffe:Cole Ratcliffe was raised in Springville, Utah, and completed a bachelor’s degree at BYU. He obtained a masters and doctoral degree in marriage and family therapy from Kansas State University. Currently, he teaches full-time at BYU-Idaho in Marriage and Family Studies and oversees their online program. He hastaught numerous courses in his career, such as human development, marriage, marriage prep, marriage skills, parenting, and relationship education. Dr. Ratcliffe maintains a small private clinical practice where he conducts individual, marriage, and family therapy, including discernment counseling. He has been married for 16 years to his wife Jenna and together they have 5 (almost 6) children. In his spare time, he enjoys spending time with his family, hiking, hunting, playing sports, and watching college football.Insights:Cole: Take personal responsibility for having our needs met.Dave: Don’t react to the behavior. See the unmet needs.Liz: We need to turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies.Invites:Focus on the things you can control.Respond to the need underneath the behavior.Identify the things you need to stop doing. Apologize with the proper use of the word “but”.Find a few small and simple things to increase connection that are sustainable.Be patient with yourself and with others.Cole Ratcliffe Links:- https://www.Byuido.org Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com

Our conversation today is with Dr. Jeremy Boden who talks about the importance realistic and hopeful expectation have in creating a stronger marriage connection. By committing to our partner and being aware of their needs, we can build our relationships in such a way that helps them last beyond the newlywed years.Timestamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who is Jeremy Boden?1:56 – Why would we need relationship education when we love each other so much?4:59 – Marriage is a loss of some expectations7:00 – Biggest issues newlyweds face9:26 – Intentionality is key to avoid “drifting”11:04 – Adjust expectations15:40 – Expectations will be adjusted throughout our lives16:43 – What does commitment look like?21:55 – Over-reactions can wreck our connections23:15 – S.T.O.P. technique24:40 – Resources for newlyweds26:35 – Keys to a stronger marriage connection – Safe, Seen, and Soothed29:12 – How to prepare for and navigate the newlywed years30:38 – How to choose a marriage partner32:38 – Jeremy’s takeaway: be aware of your partner33:58 – Liz’s takeaway: there is always hope35:13 – Dave’s takeaway: exercise mindful awarenessAbout Jeremy Boden:Dr. Jeremy Boden is an associate professor of family science at Utah Valley University. He teaches courses in marriage and relationships, human sexuality, family dynamics, and couples therapy in the marriage and family therapy program. Jeremy is a licensed marriage and family therapist and maintains a small private practice inProvo, Utah where he specializes in couples and discernment counseling. He's also the owner and director of the Center for Marriage Preparation which helps couples get ready for marriage through his Before We Say I Do program. Jeremy is married to his beautiful and wonderful wife, Daria and they are the parents of four children.Insights:Jeremy: Help foster a stronger connection with your partner by helping them feel safe, seen, and soothed.Dave: Compassion is the blood of relationships.Liz: Expectations for your relationship will always need to be adjusted throughout your life.Invites:   •    For the first 5 years of your marriage, commit to reading one marriage book with              your partner per year.   •    Connect once a day and date once a week with your partner.   •    Talk with your partner about what expectations might be in your wagonJeremy Boden Links:   -    https://marriageandfamilysolutions.teachable.com/   -    https://www.symbis.com/couples/   -    https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/relate-assessment Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com

On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz have a great conversation with Dr. Alex Korb talking about the little things we can do to create a stronger marriage connection. Happiness hacks start with us which then can translate into strengthening our relationships through understanding our own and other’s perceptions.Timestamps0:00 – Introduction: Who is Alex Korb?2:25 – What makes the Upward Spiral unique?7:45 – The healthy “we” starts with the healthy “me”9:10 – Our brains are wired to notice the negative and ignore consistency12:48 – Practicing gratitude; direct your attention to what you can acknowledge is good14:47 – Understanding depression and anxiety15:57 – Acknowledge that you have a perspective18:09 – Depression and anxiety are common; there is nothing broken or wrong with your brain20:53 – Why do we get stuck in bad habits so easily?24:29 – Focus on the little small tweaks for your body that create an upward spiral30:28 – Gratitude is something you can do on your own to improve your relationships34:16 – Breaking negative patterns activates reward circuits37:12 – Expressing gratitude does not have an expiration date39:22 – When to reach out to a medical professional42:09 – Any step is better than being stuck43:21 – Everyone’s perspectives are different46:20 – Alex’s takeaway: when things are feeling really bad, realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem48:33 – Liz’s takeaway: why the why48:53 – Dave’s takeaway: Doing small things breaks up relationship rutsAbout Alex KorbDr. Alex Korb is a neuroscientist, coach, and bestselling author of The Upward Spiral. He is the founder of The Upward Spiral Method where he helps smart, passionate professionals conquer unnecessary overthinking, stress, and self-doubt to unleash the brain's potential for passion, productivity, and purpose. Dr. Korb has a wealth of experience in yoga and mindfulness, physical fitness, and even stand-up comedy.InsightsAlex: All we need to do is one small step. It doesn’t have to fix everything, it just has to be better than the default of the downward spiral your brain wants to go in.Dave: A little small win can help create an upward spiral for our relationships.Liz: Understanding why something is good for me rather than being told what to do gets my attentionInvites:   •    To get out of a mental rut, take a little step to break out of your brain’s default of negative habits. Try going for a walk, stepping outside in the sun, or even standing up for a few seconds.   •    Expressing gratitude and kindness is something in your control. Write down a few things you may take for granted but are grateful for nonetheless. Doing so tells your brain to focus more on the good rather on the negative.   •    You can’t always control your feelings, but you can control your actions. Take action by saying thank you to someone that influenced you in some way, even if it was a few days, weeks, or yearVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com

Today Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit down with Dr. Terri Orbuch who is also known as the love doctor and discuss taking your marriage from good to great. From communication to frustration to positivity and managing money, Terri breaks things down into practical principles that anyone can apply.Timestamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who is Terri Orbuch?2:49 – Terri’s research4:32 – 46% of married couples divorce5:15 – The positive and optimistic statistic of 71% of divorced couples7:52 – Affirmations in marriage9:54 – The biggest reason relationships don’t work is frustration11:05 – Conflict, disagreements and differences are inevitable12:34 – We need to make sure we have realistic expectations14:38 – What is more important to husbands than wives?16:03 – We need to feel like we are part of a team18:44 – The 10-minute rule that partners need to practice21:43 – Excitement and passion declining is inevitable in all relationships23:15 – Do something new and novel with your partner25:26 – Three strategies to increase passion and excitement in your relationship26:37 – It is ok to take a break when you are irritated28:37 – Keep each issue or specific annoyance separate30:31 – The number one source of tension or conflict among couples is money33:00 – Happy couples focus on what’s going well, and focus on the positive35:21 – Resources37:22 – TakeawaysAbout Terri Orbuch:Dr. Terri Orbuch is a world-renowned relationship expert, author, speaker, therapist,distinguished professor at Oakland University, research scientist at University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research and media personality whose practical science based advice had helped 1000’s of people find and create the loving relationships they deserve. She is also the director of a landmark study funded by the National Institutes of Health, where she has been following the same couples for over three decades.Insights:Terri: It is all about the little things, waking up and giving affirmations or actions of affirmations. Spending 10 minutes every single day taking about something other than those four topics.Dave: The little affirmations and things are powerful.Liz: Take one issue at a time, your brain gets overloaded and overwhelmed if you try to do too much at once.Invites:   -    Take on one issue at a time within your relationship   -    It’s all in the little things, spread daily affirmations to your partner   -    Practice the 10-minute rule with your partner each dayTerri Orbuch Links:https://drterrithelovedoctor.comhttps://www.facebook.com/DrTerriLoveDr/https://twitter.com/drterrilovedr?lang=enhttps://www.instagram.com/terriorbuch/?hl=en Visit our siVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com

On today’s episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz talk with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife abouthealthy sexuality and why many struggle in this area. She also discusses how to develop the capacity for deeper emotional and sexual intimacy. She shares the number one goal she has for people who visit with her and her practice.Timestamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife2:53 – Where do you begin in your sexuality coaching with clients?3:18 – Time, sex, and money are the top three issues for newlywed couples6:10 – Marriage is a divine institution7:07 – Top insights from studies and dissertation9:40 – The number one goal is increasing people’s ability to have joy11:49 – No other relationship matters like the one right in front of me13:30 – Marriage struggles are not a problem, but a process14:30 – The perfect storm16:19 – Controlling in the marriage18:28 – What can I do to help?19:16 – There is nothing strange with differences in couples20:50 – Finding more space and respect21:35 – We love strength in people22:43 – Perfectionism is a terror that humanity will expose us as unlovable25:03 – Superwoman complex26:57 – Recognize when you are stressed or anxious28:53 – We don’t get to choose if we experience anxiety31:11 – Being willing to face truth through the looking glass of marriage32:33 – Where to go for more information from Jennifer33:26 – TakeawaysAbout Dr. Finlayson-Fife:Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. inCounseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping LDS individualsand couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexualrelationships. In addition to her private practice, Dr. Finlayson-Fife has created five empowering and highly reviewed online courses. Each course was designed to give LDS individuals and couples the tools requisite to creating healthier lives and stronger intimate relationships. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also offers many workshops and retreats where she teaches these life-changing principles in person. Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts about sexuality, relationships, mental health, and faith. She is also the creator and host of Room for Two, a popular sex and intimacy coaching podcast.Insights:Dave: Time, sex, and money are the top three issues for newlywed couples. Relationshiphappiness is often at stake with all of this.Liz: If I can’t say no, then I am not free to say yes.Dr. Finlayson-Fife: All unnecessary suffering is a part of avoiding necessary suffering. Suffering is a part of life. Decide to step into purposeful discomfort, purposeful suffering, to become stronger.Invites:   •    Make sure you can take a step back when you are following a negative pattern, askyourself, what role you have in the pattern? How are you feeding it?   •    In the chaos, uncertainty, and anxiety of life, push for what is true. Trust the proVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com

On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sitdown with Chad Ford, author of the book Dangerous Love, to discuss some tips and tools about how we can change the conflict patterns within our relationships.Timestamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who is Chad Ford?2:50 – What is dangerous love?4:57 – Dangerous love demands fearlessness; choosing love over fear6:16 – Fearlessness is being vulnerable without guarantee that your partner will be too8:49 – Nothing about conflict will change until we change11:10 – “Us-preservation” instead of self-preservation14:52 – You don’t have to agree to come up with a solution that works for the both of you17:15 – Dangerous love is meeting people where they’re at & finding a way forward together19:06 – Conflict doesn't happen to us; we’re part of a pattern in conflict21:25 – Conflict doesn’t have to be destructive; great relationships include conflict23:06 – Change without guarantee that your partner is going to change25:58 – Turn to see your partner because it’s the right thing to do27:50 – If I were to give my whole heart to my partner, what would it occur to me to do?29:04 – Fear is what keep us from giving our whole hearts32:32 – Fairness and connectedness are not the same thing33:58 – In a great marriage is harmony; you can’t harmonize with yourself35:44 – Chad’s takeaway: conflict isn’t impossible, there's always something you can do36:24 – Liz’s takeaway: we need each other in growing and developing and embracing conflict37:00 – Dave’s takeaway: slowing down to see things from their perspective createsvulnerability, compassion, and this new awareness.About Chad Ford:Chad Ford has been living five lives simultaneously for nearly 20 years. He’s been aninternational conflict mediator, a college professor, a senior consultant and facilitator for the Arbinger Institute, an executive board member for PeacePlayers and a writer, analyst and entrepreneur covering the NBA and NBA Draft for ESPN. After completing a Master’s degree in conflict analysis and resolution from George Mason University and a Juris Doctorate from Georgetown University Law School in 2000, Chad was poised to begin his career as a conflict mediator and facilitator. At BYU-Hawaii, Chad created a major and certificate program in intercultural peacebuilding, mediation and facilitation. Chad and his wife Amanda, who teaches courses in family conflict transformation and mindfulness, have worked with thousands of students from over 90 countries in the world. Chad’s work has earned him Professor of the Year honors at BYU-Hawaii and made Intercultural Peacebuilding one of the most popular programs on campus.Insights:Chad: If I want something to change, it starts with me.Dave: Heed and answer to that inner call to connect.Liz: Marriage is the ultimate self improvement project.Invites:   ●    Instead of waiting for your partner to change, recognize the part you play in conflict and sVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com

Today’s conversation is one you don’t want to miss! Listen in to the StrongerMarriage Connection as Dave and Liz sit down with Dr. Jacob Hess, a master of mindfulness, to discuss the realities of love and romance & what is hijacking relationships today.TimeStamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Jacob Hess?2:36 – What is hijacking relationships & causing couples to drift apart?4:52 – The narratives of romance - how things are “supposed” to be6:56 – What is the reality of romance?9:30 – People look to their romantic partner to somehow meet all of their needs11:26 – Allow your relationships to be human and allow your partner to be a human being14:27 – See your partner as they are, rather than how they’re supposed to be16:46 – The relationship hijack of self-absorption18:46 – Whole soul romance: when someone loves your mind & heart, not just how they feelaround you20:46 – Micro moments of love22:31 – Small things over time create a new kind of momentum for the relationship to grow24:25 – Honing the ability to show love generally, but especially to our partner26:56 – Infatuation & fireworks draw people together, committed & enduring love keeps themtogether29:31 – The difference between loving a person and loving a particular idea about love31:07 – Follow the peace, not the passion33:17 – Every marriage has waves, learn to surf them instead of fight them34:25 – Jacob’s takeaway of the day: Instead of constantly forcing a story on everybody around,let each moment with somebody be new. Let people breathe.35:16 – Liz’s takeaway: Tranquil affection - loving with great warmth & affection35:50 – Dave’s takeaway: Take something ordinary in your relationship and make it extraordinaryAbout Jacob Hess:Jacob Hess is the author of 14 peer-reviewed studies on competing narratives of difficult health and social issues, as well as a book on what’s hijacking romance, “Once Upon a Time...He Wasn’t Feeling It Anymore, and two others: “The Power of Stillness: Mindful Living for Latter-Day Saints” with Carrie Skarda, Kyle Anderson and Ty Mansfield. And with his Marxist-Atheist friend Phil Neisser, Dean of the State University of New York, “You’re Not as Crazy as I Thought, But You’re Still Wrong.” Jacob is a former board member of the National Coalition of Dialogue & Deliberation, and writes for Deseret News and Public Square Magazine about making space for thoughtful, good-hearted people to find understanding (and affection) while exploring together the deepest of disagreements. Jacob has taught Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and helped create online mindfulness-based recovery programs for depression/anxiety (Lift) and sexual compulsivity (Fortify) that have reached 200K in 155 countries. He is currently working with Impact Suite on a mental health fitbit and with The Council for Sustainable Healing on ways to encourage families to build a healing sanctuary at home to counteract depression and anxiety. Jacob is a happy father of five, partner of one amazing gal – and mediocre goVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com

On today’s episode, Dave and Liz are joined by Clay and Sonja Arnold, relationalcoaches and communication experts, to discuss safe conversations - what they are and how couples can use them to decrease negativity and foster more connection in their relationships.Timestamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who are Sonja & Clay Arnold?2:23 – What exactly is a safe conversation & how did it get started?4:56 – Sentence Stems - phrases used to keep us from triggering negative responses6:09 – “Is there more about that?”8:28 – Make an appointment to talk with your partner first; ask “is now a good time to talkabout [blank]”11:03 – Why is effectively listening to our partner so difficult to do?14:04 – Couples should strive for zero negativity in their conversations16:25 – Owning your mistakes & making repairs quickly19:05 – Address the negativity in your relationship; don’t ignore it because it’ll just stack up22:33 – Imago Therapy - what it is & how it affects who we choose to marry24:56 – If our spouse grows, we grow26:48 – Conflict is growth waiting to happen29:01 – Don’t ever stop having fun with your partner31:37 – Empathy is about trying to connect with your partner & find out what they’re feeling33:26 – Always be willing to learn35:15 – Sonja’s takeaway: Don’t feel like you're lacking because of your struggles. Don’t struggleby yourself. Reach out. Don’t go it alone.35:39 – Clay’s takeaway: Be willing to learn and grow individually and in your relationship36:10 – Liz’s takeaway: Ask your partner if it’s a good time to talk about something and thenstart with a compliment36:50 – Dave’s takeaway: Own your bad - your behavior, your attitude, and your dramaAbout Sonja & Clay Arnold:Relational coaches for 22 years, Sonja and Clay have worked with individuals, families and couples around the world. Theirs is an integrative, neuroscience-based approach for life planning and inter-personal growth for relationships of all kinds. They offer workshops and consultations with clients including business and religious leaders, coaches and therapists, medical professionals and more - the strategy being that by providing skills to one person, a ripple effect will occur as people practice the skills in their work lives, congregations, families and communities. Sonja and Clay have been married for 43 years and have 4 grown children and 5 grandkids. They live with their grand dogs in Arlington, Texas.Certifications include: Safe Conversations® Senior Trainers, Life Coaching Institute Senior Trainers, Tony Robbins Mastery University graduates, Amen Clinics Brain Health and the Well Life Coaching Certification. Sonja graduated with a degree in Education/Deaf Education and Clay in Communications/Pastoral Counseling.Insights:Sonja: Conflict is growth waiting to happen.Clay: We have to feel safe enough to connect in order to really communicate.Dave: You don't necessarily avoid conflict but you bring things up and handle them incompassionate ways.Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org Podcast.stongermarriage.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/ Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/ Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.com http://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com