Something Positive for Positive People

This episode is a glimpse at my 1-1 conversations I have. Moving forward, for the sake of this community, the growth of the Something Positive for Positive People non profit organization and podcast, I’m answering herpes stigma and advice related questions AFTER a donation has been received. I will point you in the direction of my available resources including the website www.spfpp.org, the spfpp podcast, and social media pages (mainly Instagram @CourtneyBrame_). If donating does not work for you, then I ask that we make this content shareable via a podcast episode interview. You can view this as an out loud “coaching/support/discovery/venting” session. I am really pushing for people in our community to get involved ya’ll. Too often I find myself getting ghosted by people who offer to be guests, or swore they’d donate or wanted to get involved, only to just disappear on me. Our guest, Taylor, (almost 30 who’s had herpes since the age of 15) is my first guest who moved forward with this. I still don’t think I answered her question, but she definitely left with some more things to consider, while also leaving her own imprint on the SPFPP space/podcast community. Here’s what you can expect as one of these guests if you choose to not donate, and that’s fine. There is plenty of material on www.spfpp.org for you to find what you’re looking for. But if you want direct access, engagement or a shortcut to the answer, please be ready to support this community.

Aye ya'll, this podcast is fire! I interview Mike, a man in his fifties who shares really insightful and realistic experiences around disclosure. The few men who have shared their experiences on the podcast have consistently shown up with this rare perspective and give me more range to speak to the whole of our community. This was such a surprise to hear from him this morning, but he had the time and I made the time. So Mike's sister took to the Are We Dating the Same Guy (AWDTSG) Facebook Group in Denver which is 50k strong and told everyone watch out for him because he has herpes and doesn't tell women. You hear him give background on his relationship to his sister for context which I appreciate because this isn't reflective of all women by any means. It does show what a woman in these circumstances with lack of compatibility or absence of it among each other can enable. The content you're hearing me evolve into is expanding into more than herpes exclusively, and more than mental health as it pertains to mental health. Real issues are intersected at various touch points and my role in this world is to bring people's experiences out in a safe space to negotiate solutions through intentional conversation where people are safe to say what they experienced and the freedom from consequences. I'll eat that. And for those who don't know, Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 non profit organization that accepts donations to continue the advocacy efforts to integrate our lived experiences navigating herpes stigma into sex education and STD Prevention efforts.

When we prioritize the needs of the spirit, the body seems to care for itself. 35 year old Erika was diagnosed with herpes during pregnancy of her first born of her five children. This was originally going to be on my other podcast, Selfed, but herpes was a big part of this conversation unexpectedly. Erika’s youngest makes an appearance throughout. I felt this conversation was more important to have than to wait until her son maybe went to bed. As mentioned, she’s a full time working single mom, so there will be some background noise. There’s a trigger warning given for this episode in reference to abuse. We talk about a lot of real shit about men and women, abuse and bystanders, government assistance, prioritizing your mental health, and miracles and intuition. We even touch a little on relationships. You get a heavy dose of the realness here in this episode and I appreciate your willingness to come on this long ride. If you like this then you’ll like Selfed, the podcast. A note from the guest: First, thanks to my sister. She is my official “coparent “and the real MVP. That goes to my moms as well, I love you all. Second, I’m not sure what happened to me since our talk, but I feel like new pathways have opened up in my brain. So, instead of sitting here, feeling guilty about the men I can’t even publicly name to thank… this shift has inspired me to take a new look at how I relate to men in my life and the role they play in my family’s life. So I am actively engaging in new ways to introduce and maintain positive male figures around me and my kids in order to create a new narrative around what male relationships should and should not look like (and so it’s not always linked to a romantic relationship). So my thanks is to you, thank you for opening up this conversation for me and my household.

Our guest this week reached out on Mother’s Day and it happened to work out for us both to conduct this interview. This is arguably another “Spiritual significance” episode that touches on how our herpes diagnosis can challenge our faith in addition to our relationship with our sexuality and self. Our guest shares about her experience with having gotten herpes from only her third relationship AND HE KNEW ABOUT IT AND DIDN'T tell her, it was his sister. This man had her sign an NDA saying she couldn’t talk about it for 2 years ya’ll and he gave her hush money. One thing I appreciate about our guest this episode is that her experience is synonymous to the growth and development of SPFPP and myself. There was some brushing up on relationships’ evolution with age and maturity as well. We speak to the quality of intimacy carrying more weight than a high quantity of what may represent the illusion of intimacy, sex. Looking at it from the perspective of a shared and prepared meal, vs something you may get from a drive through or microwave. Something about that analogy sticks with me and I find it to be very supportive in my own ideology of the more you do and practice a thing, the better you get at it. Our guest exemplifies that with her experience being pursued as well. One piece of wisdom I’d like to leave from my great grandma that I got today was instead of looking for a partner, seek God and let him bring your person to you. I attempt to lay that out for us in a way that allows for anyone to participate in that philosophy, and I invite a Yoga perspective into it in a more digestible way.

We're closing in on episode 300 woop woop! I interview 18 year old, Grace, who is a college student who started a lil' group chat through connecting with younger folks on TikTok. I have no desire to get back on TikTok, but it seems like a necessity grrr. Our conversation challenges University health clinics and their direct roles in stigma. This highlights how teaching sexual health communication to youth can aid STD Prevention efforts. Ya'll be on the lookout for SPFPP college visits doing these talks on talking about sexual health and relationships. If you are connected to a youth run organization on campus, hit me up and we can see what it could look like to work together.

Join a fun discussion about the art of disclosing herpes status in intimate relationships. The hosts mix humor and personal insights as they navigate societal stigma and the emotional hurdles of sharing personal information. They explore the STARS Talk framework and emphasize the importance of open communication. A playful mock conversation adds a lighthearted touch, demonstrating how to approach sensitive topics with ease. Ultimately, the importance of confidence and community support shines through as a vital part of fostering meaningful connections.

Episode 289 of Something Positive for Positive People is the trigger warning I shouldn't have to make. If any of what I say comes as a surprise to you, I don't think you really get the gist of what my work is about. Herpes is what led us here, but getting through it is going to require some self-evaluation of identity. The psychology of the self-image is what I challenge people on. Everyone should be triggered by this podcast's existence until you get to a point of challenging what that trigger is. I believe that same intense energy that comes from our fight or flight response is the same energy that can be utilized to trace the trigger to the source of it which is the trauma. I done worked too damn hard on myself to get to this place of being able to just exist for someone to tell me something I say MIGHT be triggering to someone. Especially when this podcast is about health, and I ALWAYS speak about health, I'm supposed to shut down sharing my experience because someone might what? Be challenged and take different action? I'm willing to take the gamble that someone views me differently or chooses to pursue support from another resource. But in all honesty with the way people come and go (as they should) I don't think I'll be listening to anyone who isn't doing one of those four letter F words I mention in this podcast to me. That all aside, SPFPP is no longer paying for people to get therapy. All donations go toward the ongoing functioning of the organization to integrate the communication skills of people with lived experience navigating STI diagnoses into STD Prevention efforts. Visit www.spfpp.org for more information.

Keya, The Alkaline Traveler and I speak about healing from herpes. That's it. Listen to the episode. You can connect with our guest @TheAlkalineTraveler on Instagram and TikTok. Holler at her to join the Telegram group. Her dms are open and the YouTube is coming soon (and will be under the same name).

Sexual health is mental health. You’ll hear me say this throughout several episodes of Something Positive for Positive People. What happens when your sexual health is influenced by something that isn’t caused by sex directly? While this episode is not about herpes, we see herpes stigma show up in Jaclyn’s shared experiences as she navigated 10 years of seeking out treatment and a diagnosis for something that significantly impacted mental health, relationships, ability to have intercourse, and her general sense of well-being. Through listening, we see a whole different angle of how relationships are impacted by not just sexual health but genital accessibility as a way of connecting in relationships. One thing I see as a commonality between Lichen Sclerosus (Vulvar presenting) and genital herpes specifically in women is this overcompensating in relationships to please a partner at the expense of one’s own pleasure for the sake of maintaining a relationship. The endurance of less desired sex to accommodate an area where learned communication skills through sex education can support us. It’s not “normal” to have pain with sex and we don’t know where to go in a lot of these cases for consultation or treatment. I believe this podcast episode will offer up a general sense of direction even if you yourself may not experience these symptoms described. I share my own experience with a partner of mine who takes anti-depressants and attributes that to her difficulties with orgasm from clitoral stimulation. It’s difficult for her to climax and she requires the setting on her vibrator that sounds like a lawn mower for a long time to achieve orgasm. Given my understanding through self education of genital health, in an attempt to explore more options for her pleasure, I lifted the clitoral hood and noticed some difficulty with its retraction similar to someone with an uncircumcised penis during retraction who may show phimosis symptoms (difficulty retracting foreskin). Wow all my jobs really do help me with this work! So we were able to have some communication around that and her own pleasure sense was expanded from that communication. Not only that though, but sexual health as pleasure ties into genital health as a practice. We should be touching ourselves, our bodies, knowing their sensations, cleaning them, checking in with those parts for what our baseline is. If something is off, seek guidance. Going back to the part about relationships, one thing I know people living with herpes can learn here is that communicating in relationships as a whole is important and difficult. Disclosing your status is one thing, but once you move forward, each time you maybe shouldn’t have sex due to outbreaks, that could bring up fear of them leaving for a more accessible partner. You could feel as if you’re not doing “enough” according to what the expected norms are going into the relationship. Again, sexual health is mental health. What’s key here is that we have communication skills to negotiate and navigate conversations to set and manage expectations with not just sexual partners, but also our health care providers, our friends, and anyone around us. I’m grateful for Jaclyn’s work in this space and hope that you find some value in this podcast episode. The timing here is great because I’m interviewing health care providers to learn how patients can better navigate the system and the stigma. You can connect with Jaclyn on Instagram at thelostlabiachronicles to learn more about Lichen Sclerosus, seek support, guidance and direction and more by visiting her linktree: https://linktr.ee/thelostlabiachronicles

Many conversations I've been having these past two weeks have been around not sharing your positive herpes status with a partner. Summer is rapidly approaching and I want ya'll to be intentional with your interactions to ensure you get the outcomes you want. This episode covers the topic of not disclosing and is just the guidance I've consistently given to people who've reached out to me just venting about how unfair it is. What people need to understand is that not disclosing isn't about herpes, it's about intimacy. We prioritize the illusion of intimacy at the detriment of our integrity when we don't disclose, and this has way more of a long-term impact on us than we realize when it comes to REAL intimacy and connecting. We get better at what we practice. So if we practice not being vulnerable, we get better at not being vulnerable. When we practice doing so let's say . . . during disclosure, yes we get better at that, but we also get better at vulnerable conversations that make us more emotionally available and connected.