Something Positive for Positive People

I was supposed to be in Sydney right now while a pre-recorded podcast episode automatically uploaded, but due to some necessary circumstances, I couldn't make that trip because my body told me some very important information that needed action taken immediately. This episode is my last bit of personal sharing on the podcasts, and I hope the story I share inspires you to get to the other side of your healing. I had what felt like a herpes scare again, only with a suspicious nodule on my testicles. (I got examined to learn they're not cancerous) During the waiting period I chose to reflect on my life by asking "What the fuck am I doing?", this will be a meditation on the Presence Practice recording session I do next. Here I talk about my intentions and 2 priorities - Courtney Jr and SPFPP and how that looks as I transition into running SPFPP full time taking that leap of faith. I believe for so long, I've been demonstrating healING, but not the other side of that because of a lack of intentionality. This recent health scare gave me that. I always say: Life is about what happens through you, not to you, and the last few weeks I'm sure ya'll saw me sporadically posting and talking about conferences, surveys, events, donations, website updates like a maniac, but it all came together. I just decided to use that energy of looking up things or being stuck and afraid for what I realized means the most to me. That means Courtney Jr. (Nobody's pregnant) and SPFPP (which I really need to ONLY be doing for my work). Also, join us December 20th at 1pm eastern time for a panel discussion about play parties with HSV. Safe Slut is looking to facilitate an event that is centered around stigma free play. So if you're in the lifestyle, join that podcast episode (Free for SPFPP members at $10 tier or more, but donations required for non-members) and you can be in the Q&A. Visit www.spfpp.org/events for more information

I am joined by my friend and "No Shame in this Game" documentary producer, Jolene Jo-Jo Hernandez for a very long overdue podcast episode recording. Jolene put a sign on that says "I have herpes, ask me anything" and wore it at . . . Washington Park, in New York City as part of a documentary she put together just with the intention of healing that thing that needed to be dealt with. In this episode, while you'll hear two people comfortable with their herpes statuses, understand that you are where YOU are in your journey and that is perfectly fine. Our goal here is just to nudge you a little further into the slight discomfort of seeing what you're prioritizing your diagnosis over instead of just living your life. You can connect with Jolene via email at noshameinthisgamefilm@gmail.com or www.noshameinthisgame.com Social Media: @noshameinthisgamefilm

Do you wonder where your donations to SPFPP go? Here's where you can find out! Herpes stigma survey www.spfpp.org/survey and join our newsletter for updates by sending me your email address.

Here's a solo episode where I openly explore learning out loud about what it means to be intentional and my own insecurities. Have you ever met someone like you but on the next level of that? I mean, you're ready for that, but aware enough to use words and identify what insecurities may be bubbling up to the surface around reciprocating. I talk about an experience here where... I met myself through someone and got to see those insecurities come up as pressure. Pressure is something that tends to conflict with presence. Pressure will pull you into past experiences causing a reaction in the now that don't work and imagined outcomes you can perform for that aren't fitting to the present moment. That's probably something to go more into in next week's episode. Anyways, take inventory on what you have and who you have it with and where you get it from. What you'll find is that you're practicing having those things and getting better at accepting them. If you actively choose what's NOT that, then you'll make space for different. I try to explain this here so hopefully it comes across in my rambling.

November 10th is my 35th birthday and since I was 13 years old, I had been holding on to what I’ve learned to be the root of my self worth issues.. This episode is one of healing. This is the longest SPFPP podcast episode to date that I have and I feel an immense sense of “things will be different for me” now that' I’ve released the grief I’ve held on to all this time. I dedicate this podcast to the first woman to fight for me and unconditionally love me, Patricia Anne Johnson. This is the epitome of “Life is about what happens through you, not to you.”. I’m scattering your ashes digitally across the radio waves of the internet. I love you grandma and thank you for seeing me even before I was physically here.

For as long as it takes me to get to the point here, it's story time. I've had a wild week of what I thought was "People" harassing me, but ultimately I learned that it was one person. This episode is partially venting, partially a warning, partially a transparency moment. The episode will do the talking, but know that everything is okay. I don't anticipate having to take further action (thank God). While that may be the case, I don't want these disgruntled interactions I've had with these few women to impact the way I interact with people generally. I'm fine, this is part of my paper trail of the harassment & borderline fetishization/stalking/racism I've received from this individual who I will not name, and I slip in a past ghost of something that was partially damaging to my reputation that I'm choosing to let go in this episode being rleased. Playing dumb and overly humble has served its purpose. Now I just gotta set hard boundaries around how people interact with me and trust my gut. Details in the episode.

So this woman I matched with on a dating app that is not herpes focused matched with me, we lost contact, and then when we matched again she really wanted to tell me thanks for my work. She and I discussed making this into a podcast episode, and I AM SO GLAD WE DID! This was phenomenal perspective. My experience with navigating dating multiple partners is quite unique for a variety of reasons, primarily that I'm open about my status. I touch on that in the episode. Our guest who chose to be called Tuesday shares her experience with sharing her new diagnosis to her then fiance' now husband and the handful of partners they have together and separate. This is an important episode for anyone navigating non monogamy of course, but any person can see how important it is to have partners who are accepting of YOU rather than expecting them to be accepting of a thing about you like herpes. We often make herpes such a big deal that we diminish the value of who we are in our identity and THAT is what people can be attracted to, but when we do that, we deem ourselves unattractive without meaning to because our focus is on herpes, so they can only assume that's where theirs should be. Let's reframe that. Survey for folks with herpes: www.spfpp.org/survey Current herpes data: www.spfpp.org/data Patreon for support groups: www.patreon.com/spfpp Conference details: www.spfpp.org/events

I interview a 26 year old Man from Ireland who's currently traveling abroad. We connected March 2023 and he reached out mid October to share his experience on the SPFPP podcast. "Herpes isn't that big of a deal" is something that gets loosely thrown around without context and we acknowledge that had this guests' partner had a different response than what the guest received, that we'd be having a way different conversation. He shares that this is his first time telling this story, so bear with us and be gentle in the feedback. This guest is open and happy to connect with Ireland residents and more if you'd like. I can connect ya'll. Please mark May 23, 2024 for the first ever SPFPP conference which will be held online and we'll be presenting the final survey findings at this conference. You can participate in this survey if you're living with herpes by visiting www.spfpp.org/survey..

I put Marla's bio below this description but let me tell ya'll, I came in with three talking points: 1. What is the Sex Down South Conference? 2. Speaking to the intersection of pleasure and safety when it comes to sex 3. Talking about kink as a treatment for trauma I NEVER make outlines for episodes because typically the content deviates from the topic and I find myself trying too hard to stay on topic but we managed to get an hour of conversation going between us. Marla offers some examples of this with choking and I share some of my own experiences navigating not only the conference but how kink has been helpful to me navigating not just my ideas of sex, but with INTIMACY. If you've been listening to the last few episodes or following me on social media then you know I've been looking at my own relationship to sex and intimacy and invite you to do the same. Don't forget the herpes survey: www.spfpp.org/survey Don't forget weekly support group meetings but you gotta be a Patreon subscriber: www.patreon.com/spfpp Marla (she/her) is a certified sexologist, author, and sexual strategist who runs her own sexuality education company, Velvet Lips. She is also a Co-Founder of the top- rated Sex Down South Conference. She has studied human sexuality for more than 22 years and has given over 600 workshops all over the world. She has been featured on a variety of media outlets, including Netflix’s Trigger Warning with Killer Mike and Love & HipHop Atlanta. She co-wrote her first book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay with Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, which debuted in April 2020. You can learn more about Sex Down South by visiting www.sexdownsouth..com and following SDS on social media at SDSCON.

I wanna preface this episode with the disclaimer that we are talking about sexual assault/rape. This isn't in a violent form by any means, however it is still a nonconsensual sexual encounter. That's not the entire podcast topic/discussion, but enough of it to where we reference it throughout so if that triggers you, please skip this episode. I interview Laura from Zero Proof Nation who was diagnosed with herpes after being date raped by her crush. We talk about how her first sexual experience shaped her arousal to date. She sprung on my that she was bisexual as well for those who want to hear about that experience. Laura also talks about grieving a sex life she never had since she's been living with herpes since 22 years old and has only known dating with that since then, and after 2 hospitalizations from alcohol poisoning decided to be sober. Another big takeaway from this episode is that there is much more to discuss/disclose than a herpes diagnosis. We discuss a vulnerability of Laura's which is her own struggles with her finances and the trouble she may have gotten herself into. Connect with Laura on Instagram @wearesober today! You can also join our SPFPP weekly support groups for Patreon Subscribers on Mondays at 6pm pacific by visiting www.patreon.com/spfpp. If you'd rather not join Patreon, you can join the 4th Monday of each month. Men, there's a group I host weekly for now on Thursdays at 6pm pacific that you'll need to email me to be a part of. Take the HSV survey if you haven't already by visiting www.spfpp.org/survey. If on a mobile device, click the slightly visible blue box on the right of your screen to begin.