Something Positive for Positive People

I've been interviewing people with herpes since 2017. I started this platform with the intention of just keeping people with herpes from wanting to kill themselves. All these years later, we've become the leading sexual health communications resource for people navigating herpes stigma. I wanted to do something special like a fundraiser for this occasion, but things just fell through. This episode is a combination of what's for people to understand from the business side and a significant amount of my own personal experience here. I had a dream that I'm integrating into my personal existence as well as how I run SPFPP moving forward, and that's from a place of presence, choice and intention. I have been so afraid of success and failure, but those were covering up my true fear which is my damn self.

Dr. Evelyn Molina-Jacker, a family physician and sex educator, returns to discuss the STARS Talk framework for disclosing herpes status to partners. She emphasizes the importance of open communication in redefined intimate relationships, addressing safety and emotional well-being. The conversation delves into the significance of consent, nonverbal cues, and overcoming stigma surrounding STIs. Listeners are encouraged to embrace honest dialogues to foster deeper connections and navigate the complexities of sexual health with confidence.

Our guest is a woman approaching age 40 who was diagnosed with herpes at age 14. This podcast Episode speaks to the important topic of "Sexless Sex Education", a talk I give teaching youth educators to talk to youth about sex, without talking about sex. It integrates these lived experiences of people who've had a diagnosis into sex education in order to aid std prevention efforts. Much of what we learn from this guest's experience is that there was no leadership or direction, just what "not" to do, which as you'll hear in this episode is only 1 of 360 degrees of directions people can go. Take away that 1 degree of what NOT to do and you have 359 other ways people can go. We have to lead our youth otherwise they'll seek leadership from unsafe places and unfortunately we hear another reference to how common this can be like we heard on episode 97 (https://www.spfpp.org/podcast/episode-97-normalized-dysfunction). Apathy creates an environment of normalized dysfunction and we gotta do something about that as adults. I propose talking to each other and bringing back accountability. What she shares in this story is illegal and it sounds like the adults just neglected doing their job. This STI minimization isn't exclusively for people living with herpes. It isn't just for sexually active adults. It isn't just for health care providers. It isn't just for sex educators. This is for all of us. The non-sexual components of sex education are omitted from the conversation because of peoples' fears and emphasis on the intercourse element. While this is PART of sex education, it's more important that it be accepted than avoided because we so quickly throw out elements of consent, boundaries, healthy relationship management skills, and the ability to seek support in the event of a boundary or consent violation.

Our guest this week is a 21 year old who was recently like less than a week recently diagnosed with both HIV and HSV. His experience is very fresh so this podcast episode will be different than what you may be used to, but he was on board with sharing his fresh perspective which I know people are often seeking. We met today and he was willing to record today so we made it happen. Shoutout to him! I also want to point out the most incredible part of this man's story which is just how non-attached his identity is to his sexuality. I found his ability to speak to his identity to be very mature. I hope someone newly diagnosed has something to take away from this episode. Shameless Care: https://shamelesscare.com/?ref=643 for This week's $30 off your first at home STI test kit. www.viventhealth.org for free STI testing (or search free STI testing near me" for similar sites in your area)

Kit (they/them), is a 26 year old hula-hooping, neurodivergent, queer, and poyamorous person living with herpes. Originally, Kit reached out with some positive shares they wanted to bring to the podcast. I recognize them for hula hooping on IG and somehow our conversation began speaking about how a herpes diagnosis changes our relationship not just with sex, but with pleasure. What people don’t often know is that sex can go beyond the feeling of orgasm from genital contact. Kit and I discuss some elements of kink and BDSM that give us the same things we seek through sex. Feeling and being connected to another person can still happen without genital contact. Shoutout to our sponsor Shamelss Care offering ED medication AND at home STI tests (including herpes). When you use their services, use our code SPFPP at checkout and visit www.shamelesscare.com/spfpp today!

This episode is a glimpse at my 1-1 conversations I have. Moving forward, for the sake of this community, the growth of the Something Positive for Positive People non profit organization and podcast, I’m answering herpes stigma and advice related questions AFTER a donation has been received. I will point you in the direction of my available resources including the website www.spfpp.org, the spfpp podcast, and social media pages (mainly Instagram @CourtneyBrame_). If donating does not work for you, then I ask that we make this content shareable via a podcast episode interview. You can view this as an out loud “coaching/support/discovery/venting” session. I am really pushing for people in our community to get involved ya’ll. Too often I find myself getting ghosted by people who offer to be guests, or swore they’d donate or wanted to get involved, only to just disappear on me. Our guest, Taylor, (almost 30 who’s had herpes since the age of 15) is my first guest who moved forward with this. I still don’t think I answered her question, but she definitely left with some more things to consider, while also leaving her own imprint on the SPFPP space/podcast community. Here’s what you can expect as one of these guests if you choose to not donate, and that’s fine. There is plenty of material on www.spfpp.org for you to find what you’re looking for. But if you want direct access, engagement or a shortcut to the answer, please be ready to support this community.

Aye ya'll, this podcast is fire! I interview Mike, a man in his fifties who shares really insightful and realistic experiences around disclosure. The few men who have shared their experiences on the podcast have consistently shown up with this rare perspective and give me more range to speak to the whole of our community. This was such a surprise to hear from him this morning, but he had the time and I made the time. So Mike's sister took to the Are We Dating the Same Guy (AWDTSG) Facebook Group in Denver which is 50k strong and told everyone watch out for him because he has herpes and doesn't tell women. You hear him give background on his relationship to his sister for context which I appreciate because this isn't reflective of all women by any means. It does show what a woman in these circumstances with lack of compatibility or absence of it among each other can enable. The content you're hearing me evolve into is expanding into more than herpes exclusively, and more than mental health as it pertains to mental health. Real issues are intersected at various touch points and my role in this world is to bring people's experiences out in a safe space to negotiate solutions through intentional conversation where people are safe to say what they experienced and the freedom from consequences. I'll eat that. And for those who don't know, Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 non profit organization that accepts donations to continue the advocacy efforts to integrate our lived experiences navigating herpes stigma into sex education and STD Prevention efforts.

When we prioritize the needs of the spirit, the body seems to care for itself. 35 year old Erika was diagnosed with herpes during pregnancy of her first born of her five children. This was originally going to be on my other podcast, Selfed, but herpes was a big part of this conversation unexpectedly. Erika’s youngest makes an appearance throughout. I felt this conversation was more important to have than to wait until her son maybe went to bed. As mentioned, she’s a full time working single mom, so there will be some background noise. There’s a trigger warning given for this episode in reference to abuse. We talk about a lot of real shit about men and women, abuse and bystanders, government assistance, prioritizing your mental health, and miracles and intuition. We even touch a little on relationships. You get a heavy dose of the realness here in this episode and I appreciate your willingness to come on this long ride. If you like this then you’ll like Selfed, the podcast. A note from the guest: First, thanks to my sister. She is my official “coparent “and the real MVP. That goes to my moms as well, I love you all. Second, I’m not sure what happened to me since our talk, but I feel like new pathways have opened up in my brain. So, instead of sitting here, feeling guilty about the men I can’t even publicly name to thank… this shift has inspired me to take a new look at how I relate to men in my life and the role they play in my family’s life. So I am actively engaging in new ways to introduce and maintain positive male figures around me and my kids in order to create a new narrative around what male relationships should and should not look like (and so it’s not always linked to a romantic relationship). So my thanks is to you, thank you for opening up this conversation for me and my household.

Our guest this week reached out on Mother’s Day and it happened to work out for us both to conduct this interview. This is arguably another “Spiritual significance” episode that touches on how our herpes diagnosis can challenge our faith in addition to our relationship with our sexuality and self. Our guest shares about her experience with having gotten herpes from only her third relationship AND HE KNEW ABOUT IT AND DIDN'T tell her, it was his sister. This man had her sign an NDA saying she couldn’t talk about it for 2 years ya’ll and he gave her hush money. One thing I appreciate about our guest this episode is that her experience is synonymous to the growth and development of SPFPP and myself. There was some brushing up on relationships’ evolution with age and maturity as well. We speak to the quality of intimacy carrying more weight than a high quantity of what may represent the illusion of intimacy, sex. Looking at it from the perspective of a shared and prepared meal, vs something you may get from a drive through or microwave. Something about that analogy sticks with me and I find it to be very supportive in my own ideology of the more you do and practice a thing, the better you get at it. Our guest exemplifies that with her experience being pursued as well. One piece of wisdom I’d like to leave from my great grandma that I got today was instead of looking for a partner, seek God and let him bring your person to you. I attempt to lay that out for us in a way that allows for anyone to participate in that philosophy, and I invite a Yoga perspective into it in a more digestible way.

We're closing in on episode 300 woop woop! I interview 18 year old, Grace, who is a college student who started a lil' group chat through connecting with younger folks on TikTok. I have no desire to get back on TikTok, but it seems like a necessity grrr. Our conversation challenges University health clinics and their direct roles in stigma. This highlights how teaching sexual health communication to youth can aid STD Prevention efforts. Ya'll be on the lookout for SPFPP college visits doing these talks on talking about sexual health and relationships. If you are connected to a youth run organization on campus, hit me up and we can see what it could look like to work together.