Something Positive for Positive People

This was supposed to be more positive dating experiences, but turned into me ranting about a call I was on this morning with an organization that got some funding to do something about herpes. I eventually talk about how positive of an experience we can have when negotiations go well for relationships as well as elaborate on the "Be the Best Option" episode description about animals. My Yoga alarm going off really blew it for me though. Get your at home STI Test kit here: https://shamelesscare.com/?ref=643

Speaking of managing expectations . . . Order your at home STI testing kit here: https://shamelesscare.com/?ref=643 I spoke a lot to and about how important it is for men to be the best option in the last episode, along with how our behaviors directly impact hookup culture. It’s important that we align with THE code of what it is to be a Man, identify our values and live from that space of integrity. This episode is more of . . . I took too long to write the description for this one and kind of forgot what I talked about. . . . Ok I skimmed through and remember now. So identifying your value versus increasing your value. These are two completely different things. Recognizing your value is identifying where you feel most confident and competent. For me, my value is linked to my emotional intelligence and availability as a man. Not everyone sees that to be valuable, but that doesn’t change the fact that this IS my value as it’s where I’m most confident and competent. But like all things in 2022, it’s not exactly about what you do or how good you are at it. It’s really about how you market it. A shitty value can be marketed in a great way to achieve the results you want, so what does putting yourself out there look like when you do recognize your value. Well, you put yourself in or create an environment conducive to your skills and value, an you express it. Let your integrity be the baseline. People adapt to that to be in your life or you adapt to theirs. Alignment is where there’s no need to necessarily adapt because there’s an acceptance. . . That’s too far ahead for this episode, we’ll talk about that next.

Kim is 51 years old, newly diagnosed as of January, never had symptoms, and is coming out of a 10 year period of celibacy from marriage. That is the first 20 minutes of the podcast and is QUITE the story. The rest of it we talk about an open discussion we sat in where the public health field received funding in 2021, and they want to finally include herpes in the STD prevention plans and throw some money at it. In this episode, we talk about how that went for those who weren't able to make it. We share some predictions and possible solutions for what we hope to see happen as a result of the herpes community's input.

My trip to South Africa really gave me some useful insights to incorporate into my day to day as all travels should. During my trip, I went on a Safari. It was really something to see lions, ostrich, rhinos, elephants, buffalo, giraffes, and zebras and antelope out in something like their own natural habitat. Our tour guide for the Safari would stop the vehicle and point out some of the natural laws of the species when it came to how they coexist. He spoke about how the female just is there and when she’s ready to mate, she’ll only mate with the best option. She ain’t gotta go on no healing journey, have a cleanse, get her ish together, her finances right, her body right, she just decides she’s ready to mate. What’s said here about mating can be applied to dating. It’s “I’m ready, which one of ya’ll gone come get this (insert cat emoji)”. And then the hunger games start and the most competitive suitors fight it out. As humans, our fight doesn’t look like literally killing one another. The male species is held to a different standard in the human sector. It’s also about environment. The most fit in an environment, the most respected (or feared) in an environment, the most comfortable/safe territory guarded in an environment is who the female chooses. In the animal kingdom, the female chooses what male gets to mate. She knows this so there is no added pressure on her to become fit, secure her own territory, be respected or feared by her peers. The males have to get their ish together and if they’re born with disadvantages, they do have to work harder to secure mating. The harder a female works to mate, the less the male will work to secure a mate. Now this is transitioning over into mating in 2023 which you’ll have to listen to the podcast for more details on. This and the next few episodes will be about my own dating experiences if you care for that. I’m in the process of getting interviews with health care providers for SPFPP. If you need at home STI testing, here’s the link: https://shamelesscare.com/?ref=643

I bring on my friend Emily who worked on this campaign with me advocating for sex-positive, identity validating health care. I brought Emily on to discuss the challenges that exist as patients going to providers because they've worked on this type of advocacy for years through theater and work of course. This episode serves as an accountability piece for myself to move forward with my business idea of bridging the gap between health care providers and patients by giving providers experience talking about sex and sexual health with patients. I want to bring this back because integrating our experiences post-diagnosis into early interventions of STD Prevention. This means that creating confidence navigating sex in the health care field will expand to our patients and expand in our education early on when it becomes more and more prevalent to our connections to others and I believe this outside in approach is an efficient pathway to the necessary self-sex education needed prior to exposure to an outcome that warrants questioning.

Happy 10 year herpes anniversary to me from South Africa ya'll. Here I share more of my origin story as well as where I stand these days with my diagnosis. I fumble through the Venom/Eddie Brock and Tony Stark/Iron Man analogy I attempted to speak through and tease on Instagram. I share my backstory, useful resources I've found most helpful, and the importance of just living despite herpes.

We got an at home STI Testing kit sponsor: https://shamelesscare.com/?ref=643 use my code SPFRPP at checkout so we get that money to the non profit. Robert Johnson is the Founder of Shameless Care, judgment free health care tailored to the consensual non-monogamy community in all 50 states. Shameless Care sells at home STI testing kits in all 50 USA States, as well as medication for erectile dysfunction. Be sure to use the SPFPP link/code when you make a purchase. www.shamelesscare.com/spfpp Robert and I discuss how his own experience with an STI led him to starting this company. Very similar to SPFPP, he's serving a community he's not only drawn to, but also part of after identifying a need through his own experience which he shares with us.

Being preachy somehow flowed naturally to me this episode because boy did I let that ish rip here. I got a sense my man was seeing himself in a way that I've seen myself . . . see myself sometimes, and what I said to myself. Just check this out for some inspiration!

People praise me for being vulnerable on a regular basis and I've accepted it up until my therapist pointed out to me that people don't connect with that part of me. It didn't take long for me to grasp what that really meant because I know I've really been able to hide behind this mask of vulnerability that is Something Positive for Positive People. He pointed out to me that I'm not sharing my experience or much of anything about me, as Courtney. I've realized that is because I've accumulated this immunity to criticism through SPFPP. Who's going to give me shit about having herpes when I'm doing this so people don't wanna kill themselves? You gotta be a real dick to talk shit about me for that. But I do open up myself to the criticism that comes with sharing my own emotions and experiences as a man navigating this space and that feels right in my soul to speak that truth so here it is. I put this out here to connect with and encourage more men into this space that is crying for masculine presence and experiences.

Despite how hard I tried, herpes still came up in this conversation that had the least to do with herpes specifically out of any podcast interview I’ve done. Justine Fonte is our guest this episode. We initiate the conversation with the intention of disseminating the difference between a sex educator and a sex education advocate, but we travel down the intersections of intersectionality beyond mainstream thoughts ie race, sex, gender. As a math teacher in Houston, Texas, Justine caught on to areas of students’ learning being impacted by intersections that people are actively fighting for us to be able to turn a blind eye to because we should “let kids be kids”. The reality is that there are relationship/family dynamics, understanding (or misunderstanding) about our bodies, and their natural responses to developing, our interactions with the world around us, responsibilities, and way more than I can list that influences our ability to do math. It was a student who missed a year of math class because she didn’t know she was having a natural body development occurrence, (her period) because no one wanted to talk to her about her health. Within the intersections of HEALTH lies sexual health, which lies at another intersection of intersections that really gets tricky to navigate, which is why we need professionals who are trusted and present information that is medically accurate to create not only learning environments conducive to the students, but also equip them with the tools to understand their bodies so that they can move through the world. This episode is for anyone especially with conflicting information or beliefs about what sex ed is. It isn’t intercourse ed. People are being educated about the things that make up sex, and I believe many adults think their youth are being taught to engage in intercourse. The reality is that youth need the tools of educators so that they can tell the difference between misinformation and accurate information about their bodies and the space between theirs and others. Connect with Justine: Website: https://www.justinefonte.com/ Instagram: @ImJustineAF