Something Positive for Positive People

November 10th is my 35th birthday and since I was 13 years old, I had been holding on to what I’ve learned to be the root of my self worth issues.. This episode is one of healing. This is the longest SPFPP podcast episode to date that I have and I feel an immense sense of “things will be different for me” now that' I’ve released the grief I’ve held on to all this time. I dedicate this podcast to the first woman to fight for me and unconditionally love me, Patricia Anne Johnson. This is the epitome of “Life is about what happens through you, not to you.”. I’m scattering your ashes digitally across the radio waves of the internet. I love you grandma and thank you for seeing me even before I was physically here.

For as long as it takes me to get to the point here, it's story time. I've had a wild week of what I thought was "People" harassing me, but ultimately I learned that it was one person. This episode is partially venting, partially a warning, partially a transparency moment. The episode will do the talking, but know that everything is okay. I don't anticipate having to take further action (thank God). While that may be the case, I don't want these disgruntled interactions I've had with these few women to impact the way I interact with people generally. I'm fine, this is part of my paper trail of the harassment & borderline fetishization/stalking/racism I've received from this individual who I will not name, and I slip in a past ghost of something that was partially damaging to my reputation that I'm choosing to let go in this episode being rleased. Playing dumb and overly humble has served its purpose. Now I just gotta set hard boundaries around how people interact with me and trust my gut. Details in the episode.

So this woman I matched with on a dating app that is not herpes focused matched with me, we lost contact, and then when we matched again she really wanted to tell me thanks for my work. She and I discussed making this into a podcast episode, and I AM SO GLAD WE DID! This was phenomenal perspective. My experience with navigating dating multiple partners is quite unique for a variety of reasons, primarily that I'm open about my status. I touch on that in the episode. Our guest who chose to be called Tuesday shares her experience with sharing her new diagnosis to her then fiance' now husband and the handful of partners they have together and separate. This is an important episode for anyone navigating non monogamy of course, but any person can see how important it is to have partners who are accepting of YOU rather than expecting them to be accepting of a thing about you like herpes. We often make herpes such a big deal that we diminish the value of who we are in our identity and THAT is what people can be attracted to, but when we do that, we deem ourselves unattractive without meaning to because our focus is on herpes, so they can only assume that's where theirs should be. Let's reframe that. Survey for folks with herpes: www.spfpp.org/survey Current herpes data: www.spfpp.org/data Patreon for support groups: www.patreon.com/spfpp Conference details: www.spfpp.org/events

I interview a 26 year old Man from Ireland who's currently traveling abroad. We connected March 2023 and he reached out mid October to share his experience on the SPFPP podcast. "Herpes isn't that big of a deal" is something that gets loosely thrown around without context and we acknowledge that had this guests' partner had a different response than what the guest received, that we'd be having a way different conversation. He shares that this is his first time telling this story, so bear with us and be gentle in the feedback. This guest is open and happy to connect with Ireland residents and more if you'd like. I can connect ya'll. Please mark May 23, 2024 for the first ever SPFPP conference which will be held online and we'll be presenting the final survey findings at this conference. You can participate in this survey if you're living with herpes by visiting www.spfpp.org/survey..

I put Marla's bio below this description but let me tell ya'll, I came in with three talking points: 1. What is the Sex Down South Conference? 2. Speaking to the intersection of pleasure and safety when it comes to sex 3. Talking about kink as a treatment for trauma I NEVER make outlines for episodes because typically the content deviates from the topic and I find myself trying too hard to stay on topic but we managed to get an hour of conversation going between us. Marla offers some examples of this with choking and I share some of my own experiences navigating not only the conference but how kink has been helpful to me navigating not just my ideas of sex, but with INTIMACY. If you've been listening to the last few episodes or following me on social media then you know I've been looking at my own relationship to sex and intimacy and invite you to do the same. Don't forget the herpes survey: www.spfpp.org/survey Don't forget weekly support group meetings but you gotta be a Patreon subscriber: www.patreon.com/spfpp Marla (she/her) is a certified sexologist, author, and sexual strategist who runs her own sexuality education company, Velvet Lips. She is also a Co-Founder of the top- rated Sex Down South Conference. She has studied human sexuality for more than 22 years and has given over 600 workshops all over the world. She has been featured on a variety of media outlets, including Netflix’s Trigger Warning with Killer Mike and Love & HipHop Atlanta. She co-wrote her first book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay with Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, which debuted in April 2020. You can learn more about Sex Down South by visiting www.sexdownsouth..com and following SDS on social media at SDSCON.

I wanna preface this episode with the disclaimer that we are talking about sexual assault/rape. This isn't in a violent form by any means, however it is still a nonconsensual sexual encounter. That's not the entire podcast topic/discussion, but enough of it to where we reference it throughout so if that triggers you, please skip this episode. I interview Laura from Zero Proof Nation who was diagnosed with herpes after being date raped by her crush. We talk about how her first sexual experience shaped her arousal to date. She sprung on my that she was bisexual as well for those who want to hear about that experience. Laura also talks about grieving a sex life she never had since she's been living with herpes since 22 years old and has only known dating with that since then, and after 2 hospitalizations from alcohol poisoning decided to be sober. Another big takeaway from this episode is that there is much more to discuss/disclose than a herpes diagnosis. We discuss a vulnerability of Laura's which is her own struggles with her finances and the trouble she may have gotten herself into. Connect with Laura on Instagram @wearesober today! You can also join our SPFPP weekly support groups for Patreon Subscribers on Mondays at 6pm pacific by visiting www.patreon.com/spfpp. If you'd rather not join Patreon, you can join the 4th Monday of each month. Men, there's a group I host weekly for now on Thursdays at 6pm pacific that you'll need to email me to be a part of. Take the HSV survey if you haven't already by visiting www.spfpp.org/survey. If on a mobile device, click the slightly visible blue box on the right of your screen to begin.

First, if you have yet to take the 2023 HSV Survey, please do so now by visiting www.spfpp.org/survey and if you are on a mobile device, once you're taken to QuestionsPro to begin the survey, you'll need to first click a slightly visible blue box on the right side of your screen in order to begin. In fact, you can do that while listening to this episode. My goal is 2k responses by 2024. Next, mark your calendars for May 23, 2024 for Something Positive for Positive People's five year anniversary. We'll celebrate with a day long virtual conference where we'll present the survey findings at. I'll share details as we lock in some guest speakers and start ticket sales. Third, SPFPP support groups will happen on Mondays at 6pm pacific time FOR PATREON SUBSCRIBERS. If you are NOT a Patreon subscriber, you can join here: www.patreon.com/spfpp and have access to the weekly support group calls where you can come vent, get feedback, ask questions and or just share space with others navigating herpes stigma. Should you not want to join, the fourth Monday of each month will be open to anyone and you can find that on the events tab of the spfpp site. Ok, now for the episode description: I have finally learned the lesson of why it is so important to have boundaries and to take care of and prioritize myself AND THEN prioritize Something Positive for Positive People/others. It only took for the same lesson to knock me upside my head from different people a few more times before I got it. I go into some detail about recent experiences that led to the creation of new boundaries I am upholding. If you want support, the options above are available to you. Outside that if you still want support or a call of some sort, I have to see that you're even somewhat invested in SPFPP before we can go into your experiences/story by seeing proof of a donation before we set up a time to talk. Now having the SPFPP book, this survey, support groups AND the SPFPP virtual conference to work on, I am choosing to focus my efforts exclusively on what supports these three things within appropriate boundaries. So if I seem like a little bit of a jerk to you it's because I know the quality of my work, support, and my organization to know it's worth being more forward on how serious I take this work.

Our guest Bette Minou (Instagram BetteMinou) is a Sensual/Alternative model who's also on the OnlyFans @BetteMinouMeow if you want to check that out for yourself. This episode is really about things much bigger than herpes that stigma can be applied to.. At the core, everyone here is just feeding their inner child who, as kids may have had many needs met, but the ones that didn't get met are what shaped our pursuits toward meeting those absent needs. Bette talks about her BPD squared as she calls it, Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi-polar Disorder, as well as Cuban culture, queerness and polyamory as she identifies as Pansexual. We didn't get to go much into the herpes but I think ya'll know by now every type of story with herpes and we're just putting different faces to it. Bette was diagnosed a year and a half ago at age 30-31 in case ya'll were wondering. But going back to stigma. We lock in to herpes stigma and STI stigma when we live in a world where it applies to many other things. So I'm glad to have a guest with so many intersecting identities represented here. Speaking of Stigma, if you haen't already gone to www.spfpp.org/survey and participated in our 2023 HSV survey to learn about your experience with stigma, support, meds, dating and disclosure, please do so. When you first open the survey, you'll be taken to the consent form where there's a tiny blue box on the right side (if using a mobile device). Click that and it'll take you to the consent form where you'll see words laid over one another. .You can zoom out to read and scroll down to start the survey. Thank you for your time. As always you can donate to www.spfpp.org today, join our Patreon at www.patreon.com/spfpp and I'm always looking for new guests to add diversity to herpes.

Mila is newly diagnosed (3 months in) and agreed to do a podcast with me not only on her recent experience not just with herpes but her shift in dating intentions. As a Pansexual woman of Mexican descent, we talk through some culture and non-mainstream aspects of attraction including masculinity and femininity. My hope is that you are able to take away the importance of maintaining and developing your value for the sake of the community. There's a difference between having needs and being needy, and as with all things, the x factor is moderation.

Chasity has been in pharmacy for 10 years and joins our series of interviews with health care professionals dispelling some conspiracy theories and speaking about stigma. One thing that stood out about our chat is that leadership, team, and environment keep coming up and I’m seeing how influential these components of the healthcare field influence one’s care they receive. We can utilize communication to set new expectations and change narratives in media about expectations of someone positive for an STI or start even sooner to get them the support that can mitigate the need for SPFPP’s existence as it initially began . . . supporting people through the mental health challenges of navigating an STI diagnosis. We need to integrate these learned communication skills SPFPP’s guests have shared into STD Prevention efforts.