Something Positive for Positive People

In this episode of SPFPP, we continue our discussion on what nonmonogamy can teach those practicing monogamy. Our guest reflects on how nonmonogamous relationships gave her permission to explore being single and reshaped her approach to emotional availability and intentionality in her relationships. We also discuss how having clear communication and aligned values became key takeaways that improved her monogamous connections. This conversation is part of an ongoing series exploring how nonmonogamous practices can enhance monogamous relationships.

In this episode, we dive deep into the complexities of relationships, focusing on conversations monogamous people need to be having—conversations often expected in non-monogamous relationships. Joined by a fellow herpes advocate, we explore topics such as ghosting, age differences, manipulation, and the impact of stigma on our self-esteem. We discuss the fear of disclosure, the importance of accountability, and how unhealthy relationships can sometimes divert our attention from what truly matters. Our guest shares insights from her journey through the kink community and how it shaped her communication skills, ultimately leading to a healthy marriage. We introduce the idea that the real challenge in relationships isn’t always finding someone else but learning to be vulnerable and open in communication. Stay tuned for part 2, where we’ll continue this important conversation!

The big question is “Can you sue someone for giving you herpes?”. Well, some considerations are first can you prove it? Then was it reckless and knowingly done? Our guest, Puerto Rican New Yorker, Destiny Maria, Author of the memoir, It Started with a Green Dress joins us to share the motivation for taking legal action against someone who knowingly gave her herpes. She shares the story of her herpes diagnosis, legal battle and the healing process from the heartbreak and betrayal of a friends with benefits relationship gone wrong. Destiny and Courtney discuss coerced consent, stealthing and ignoring red flags in relationships. Destiny shares the struggles she has faced coming to terms with her experience and diagnosis. The challenge of dealing with the stigma within her community. And the joys and growth that comes with being a new mother. Destiny Maria Bio: Destiny Maria is an author, educator and new mom following her Herpes diagnosis. In her memoir, It Started with a Green Dress: Overcoming Sexual Stigma, she describes how she breaks free from STI stigma. Destiny chose to pursue legal action when she learns only through her diagnosis that partner knowingly withholds his positive status from her. Since then, Destiny has developed a career as a two-timed published author and aims to further advocate within the community and women of color. She believes in practicing open and honest conversations about informative consent in order to lead healthier sex lives. Destiny continues to pursue her passion in writing and embracing her journey entering motherhood.

In SPFPP Episode 347: Who's Rejecting You?, we dive into the journey of a 37-year-old woman from Washington, D.C., who shares the emotional parallels between the grief of her marriage's end, the excitement of newfound sexual freedom, and the life-changing moment she was diagnosed with herpes. Together, we explore the complexities of dating with herpes, highlighting how dating itself can be challenging, with or without an STI. Our discussion also unpacks the concept of rejection, emphasizing the importance of maintaining high standards and seeking compatibility in relationships. Through our guest's experiences, we examine the significance of communication skills and intentionality in dating, while also reflecting on the shared struggles and challenges that go beyond herpes. Here’s the link to the herpes disclosure workshop we mentioned in the recording: https://spfpp.org/offerings/p/herpes-disclosure-workshop

In this episode of Something Positive for Positive People (SPFPP), Lauren and I dive into the multifaceted world of herpes support and advocacy. As we share our experiences, we highlight the unique challenges we face, including the disparity in perceived value between paid and free resources. Many people, unfortunately, take out their frustrations on volunteers who provide free support, not realizing the immense dedication and effort involved. We also discuss the crucial steps needed to move closer to a herpes cure from both an advocacy and support perspective. In a society that prioritizes convenience and instant results, we emphasize the need for ongoing internal work and widespread acceptance of the virus and its stigma. Only through these efforts can we pave the way for a genuine cure. Lauren, diagnosed with oral and genital HSV-1 at 19, shares her journey and the lack of resources available when she was first diagnosed. Her advocacy work on platforms like TikTok (Bubblieinblu) aims to ensure that no one else feels as lost and alone as she once did. For those interested in the latest research on herpes cure efforts, visit www.spfpp.org/herpes-cure-research. To support the continuation of our resources, please consider donating at www.spfpp.org/donate. Learn more about Lauren: Hi, I’m Lauren! Diagnosed with both oral and genital HSV-1 at 19 years old, I have spent my entire adult dating life navigating the complexities of herpes. In 2013, there were very few resources or advocates to help with dating and living with herpes, so I had to overcome many challenges on my own. I never want anyone to feel as isolated as I did, so I dedicate my free time to being a herpes advocate on TikTok (Bubblieinblu). Reddit is mylovelyladylumps69

Sex education vs intercourse education AKA abstinence based sexual education vs. Comprehensive sexual education:What is the real purpose and value of comprehensive sexual education?How does the lack of understanding and access to information aid in the spread of misinformation and stigmatization seen on social media in response to sex/ STI positive content?Sex educator Tara Ransleben (@TR_Sexuality) shares her experience of growing up with oral HSV 1 and learning about it in her adult years. She discusses how she deals with online trolls and the challenges of censorship, navigating internal and external stigma while also managing romantic relationships.Also discusses the differences between in person and online engagement/advocacy and the benefits of both experiences. Follow me on social media @CourtneyBrame

Allie runs an organization called Beyond Herpes dedicated to empowering women through the herpes stigma. Allie and Courtney connect and discuss what it’s like to run organizations dedicated to educating, advocating and empowering those diagnosed with herpes and the struggles small organization face trying to bridge large gaps.Allie shares her story of contracting genital HSV during the first month of being sexually active and how that affected her mental and spiritually.Allie and Courtney have an in depth discussion about the difference between men and women when it comes to relationships, engaging in sexual activity and when dealing with an STI diagnosis. They also discuss the benefits of self exploration, values, discipline and alignment when it comes to life and romantic and platonic relationships. About Allie: Allie's Bio: Allie Mazur is the founder of Beyond Herpes, a company with a mission to bring hope, healing, and confidence to those suffering with a Herpes diagnosis. She is a coach who empowers people to overcome the fear and shame often associated with herpes.  As a world traveler, surfer, and nature enthusiast, she inspires others to embrace their one extraordinary life! To inquire about her 1:1 support sessions and group programs, you can reach out to her via her website at www.livebeyondherpes.com.  You can connect with Allie the following ways: Website: https://www.livebeyondherpes.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allie_beyond/ Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondherpes_with_allie

Ya’ll know how much we value consistency at Something Positive for Positive People. My previously recorded podcast for this week want able to be edited in time so Dakota and I, (@getrealwithdakota on Instagram) had a lil’ impromptu recording on the drive to my first beach trip on the East Coast! Something she and I have overlap on in our work is rejection. Her coaching clients deal with a lot of similar experiences the people I support through herpes stigma do, so with our experiences combined, we decided to co-facilitate a virtual workshop on the art of rejection handling. I’ll get that link active by 7/12 and you can register at Spfpp.org/events. If you’re an Spfpp member, remember all virtual events are included with your membership. To become a member visit Spfpp.org/membership. I look forward to putting this together and supporting you all on navigating rejection in a healthy way. In this podcast we share some various expressions of rejection and learn a new word, spurn, which is the type of rejection people with herpes more commonly fear. If you wanna learn how to healthily handle rejection, check back on the events tab and join us for this virtual workshop. Check out Dakota’s website as well…. Www.getrealwithdakota.com

I often tell people how important it is that we not identify with our herpes diagnosis ONLY for me to look up and realize I've been doing this very thing myself. On today's episode, I speak to changing this, and what it looks like for you to change it as well. If you struggle with herpes stigma and want different for yourself, check out Something Positive for Positive People for resources to help you through the emotional and psychological impacts that come with a diagnosis.

This is such a beautiful full-circle moment. I interview Lindsey, who I met early on after starting the podcast and we talked about an upcoming disclosure she had with someone she liked. We lost contact and then a few years later, I opened my Facebook and saw this person I recognized but wasn't exactly sure how, had just gotten married. I went to our messages and saw our last correspondence was about a disclosure so I asked "Hey is this the guy?" and that turned into the discussion we're having here today. Hear our guest Lindsey talk about staying in relationships too long, finding marriage despite having herpes, the importance of aligning in relationships, being willing to walk away, step-parenting, and pregnancy. I was thrilled to be able to have this conversation with our guest and hope you get something useful out of it as we have from the conversation!