Something Positive for Positive People

I really wanna shoutout Michelle Cassandra Johnson, author of the book, "Skill in Action". I attended a workshop she put together here in St. Louis at Brick City Yoga through Yoga Buzz where I won't give away much of what was shared beyond the meditation question, "Where am I from?". Meditating on this, I found myself back in a memory as if it were the present. I was in my child body experiencing the energy of the first home I lived in. The feelings made my body heavy and I managed to pull two words out of the experience that reflected the memory I was in, controlled and emotionless. This explains my pursuit of freedom and why I'm in a space of so much emotional intensity. Revisiting the environment we come from can provide insight to how we got to where we are now and that certainly is true in my experience. This yoga teacher training is bringing me into the depths of my being and I'm learning the importance of centering and connecting to oneself.

The Gray Rule: Others Can Only Treat You (at best) the Way They Treat Themselves. Over the weekend I got a little bit sick and had to sit down for a while. During that time, I spent a lot of time in my yoga books and reflecting on what I was learning. During a meditation, something that came up for me was my view on disappointment. An ongoing narrative in my life has been, “When I get excited, I will be disappointed”. This stems from my dad issue. I thought if I reframed the narratives individually in areas I experience disappointment, I wouldn’t get disappointed anymore. This is NOT the case. The shift for me occurred when I realized it was excitement that brought about ongoing disappointment, it was expectations. The reality is, that I expect others to treat me the way I want to be treated simply because that’s what we were all taught about the golden rule. Turns out, the real world just simply doesn’t work that way. We all have our own internal rules we live by. We have our priorities, boundaries, values, and standards. We behave in accordance to what’s a priority to us, not what the priorities of others are.  If we all treat others the way WE want to be treated, we are bound to be disappointed when that isn’t reciprocated. So here I present to you the SPFPP Gray Rule: “Others can only treat you (at best) the way they treat themselves. Let that sink in, and then download the latest episode of Something Positive for Positive People on your favorite podcast player and listen to me ramble through my philosophy around this. So, as you hear the word platinum in the podcast episode, swap it out with gray because there’s a platinum rule which states to treat others the way THEY want to be treated. Looks like there’s a book on Business by Tony Alessandra, Ph.D., and Michael J. O’Connor, Ph.D. if you wanna check that out. I recorded the podcast, THEN did my research. Talk about a potential lawsuit. Dodged that bullet.

At STD Engage, a conference of public health professionals hosted by the National Coalition of STD Directors, two of the hosts, Samantha and Rebecca shared the stage with an NCSD member sharing their experiences with health care providers in relation to sexual health. Rob, another host, shared their sexual healthcare horror story via video because they were unable to attend in person. Collectively, hearing these three experiences was enough for me to KNOW these had to be shared more for the sake of creating change in the healthcare space. Hearing the stories of Akua, Rebecca, Sam and Rob during the recording was powerful. Collectively, the pattern I noticed was that their experiences mirrored a lot of what I hear from other #WNAB stories from discomfort from the providers around sex, lack of bedside manner, bias from the provider, a couple of isms from the providers, providers not being up to date on STI testing protocol and the need for a way to identify sex positive, empathetic and queer friendly health care providers. One thing that stood out that I hadn’t heard much beforehand, is how much work they, as patients had to do on their end from discussing birth control options, getting throat swabs for chlamydia, accessibility and the lack of accountability for providers essentially knowing their shit.

When you received your herpes diagnosis, there was probably an intensity or absence of emotion. Whatever it was, this likely wasn't the first time you felt it. I invite you to explore the most recent time you had that feeling (or absence of feeling) if you are able to name it. Once you have the emotion and know the most recent time you felt it other than your herpes diagnosis, then see if you can identify the FIRST time you felt it. This could have come from an interaction with your early caregiver(s)/parents/grandparents/foster parents. Now that you've identified those three, you have a solid base for establishing an idea of what pattern is consistently present that the emotion emerges from. I BELIEVE (I'm trying to stop using the word hope) you'll find this to be useful.

*Since the release of this podcast episode January 22, 2022, there have been significant changes with SPFPP, including now offering support to people seeking the spiritual significance of herpes and stigma. Please reach out regarding the Restorative Yoga and Meditation Practices we have available. - Revised Jan. 18, 2024 In this insightful episode of the SPFPP podcast, we welcome our guest, Stephanie Boyd, who candidly shares her personal story with chlamydia, including the initial misinterpretation of its symptoms. The discussion delves into the emotional turmoil and 'what if?' scenarios often encountered before disclosing a sexual health condition. We explore the complexities of reactions to herpes stigma and rejection, questioning whether the dismissal of herpes by some is merely a coping mechanism. Stephanie, who supports women with herpes in overcoming the shame associated with disclosing, offers her perspective on finding meaningful relationships post-diagnosis. For those interested in connecting with Stephanie, you can find her on Instagram at @servingwithsteph. A key focus of the episode is the intersection of sexual shame and the spiritual significance of herpes. To further understand this aspect, we discuss insights from an article exploring these themes, which can be found at Wellness Touchstones. This conversation aims to provide a deeper understanding and a new perspective on living with herpes.

The Mental Realness Mami, Mental Health Writer herself, Priscilla Maria Gutierrez, joins Something Positive for Positive People to discuss the realness of mental health. We talk about how black and brown communities are systemically placed under circumstances not condusive to their growth. We discuss eating disorders and emotional hunger, borderline personality disorder and how depression and other mental illnesses may not look the same from one person to the next.

Lorrae is here to reclaim "slut" and empower women. We discuss the We Need a Button Campaign advocating for empathetic, queer friendly, shame free care and Lorrae's experiencing shame by care providers in the past. It's important that we receive this shame free care as it creates space for providers and patients to best work together in order for the best treatment to be provided. We discuss dick pics, slut-shamers, partners disclosing their STI status, sex party etiquette, and of course changing the narrative around sluttiness. Enjoy this episode with the vibrant Lorrae Jo, Founder of Slutty Girl Problems. Bio: Lorrae Jo, the Founder of Slutty Girl Problems believes every woman deserves an awesome, loving relationship with her partner(s), her sex life, and herself - and it’s her mission to make sure that happens. Her goal is to empower women. to create the life and love they crave - with relationship, mindset, and wellness tools to live adventurous, free, and happy AF. For as long as she can remember, Lorrae’s been interested in sexuality. Since college, it’s been her passion. In kindergarten, she got in trouble for kissing boys on the playground. As soon as she learned how to use a computer, she was up late learning about sex from porn (not the best sex-ed tool, but she worked with what she had).

*Trigger Warning* Reference to childhood sexual abuse* Our guest, David Wraith, showed up in my life at a time where I thought I was the only sex positive black, non-monogamous man in the Midwest. David brought into my awareness that questioning and exploring your sexuality as a man should be liberating and not something that just automatically makes you something that isn't heterosexual and he talks us through how we can navigate that. We joke about him being a retired sex worker and we talk about how his kinks evolved after becoming widowed and there was hypersexuality in his grieving. David is a co-founder of Sex Positive St. Louis, and has the radical audacity to be himself!

Skip ahead 22 minutes for the start of the discussion. I got carried away in the intro just thanking everyone for the personal changes I've experienced alongside the expansion of this podcast. Thank you all so much for allowing me on this journey with you! This was a live recording of a co-panel discussion about herpes from a medical perspective and experience based perspective put together by Kendra Holliday, Co-founder of Sex Positive St. Louis. We talk through some HSV basics and answer a few questions. I share my experience in a room full of herpes positive, sex positive, herpes negative, risk aware, just an overall accepting crowd. Afterwards we mingled and exchanged experiences among one another and asked more questions and had some gooey butter cake. This event opened up my range of perspective to see that this is something with potential to happen again in collaboration with other sex positive communities. What was most cool to me about this was that it was such a mixed crowd and people with herpes who normally wouldn't attend something like that in fear of being "found out" managed to come socialize and get a glimpse into what it can be like to surround yourself with others who are understanding or seeking to learn about the virus and experiences people have with it. Resources mentioned: SexELDucation - Emily Depasse Penny for Your Thoughts Campaign Asking for a Friend - Rich Mancuso Projectaccept.org Cdc.gov

We hear from a Public Health Nurse who shares how using suggestive language helps her to serve communities that are challenging to connect with. People who exchange sex for survival (sex workers) and inmates have resistances to getting tested and treated. Our guest, Tessa shares some of what she's learned working with these groups. Tessa can be reached @tessa.robinson@co.washington.or.us