Something Positive for Positive People

In this episode, I connect with Aubri Lancaster of Ace Sex Education to discuss the lessons that the herpes community can take from the asexual community. We dive into how expanding our view of pleasure beyond intercourse can open up new ways to experience connection and satisfaction. Aubri helps us understand key concepts like graysexuality, the spectrum of attraction, and how de-centering sex can lead to a more present and fulfilling experience in relationships. Whether or not you're ace, there are valuable insights in this conversation that apply to everyone exploring sexuality. Aubri Lancaster is an independent AASECT and ANTE UP! Certified Sexuality Educator, conducting virtual workshops since 2021 and in-home adult toy parties since 2003. Aubri has presented for numerous organizations including the American Psychiatric Association (APA), the GLMA Annual Conference on LGBTQ+ Health, and Planned Parenthood of Southwest Oregon amongst others. As a Greyromantic Asexual person Aubri has lived experience and a connection to the Asexual and Aromantic communities that provides a unique perspective on the issues facing the changing landscape of sexuality and orientation today. You can find out more about Bri at www.AceSexEducation.com or on Instagram @AceSexEducation

In this episode of Something Positive for Positive People, I get personal about my experience with Yoga Therapy after being diagnosed with herpes. We go into what Yoga Therapy is, how it’s different from traditional therapy, and why it’s such a game-changer for managing the emotional and physical toll that comes with living with herpes. I also talk about the role of emotional wellness, and how yoga practices can help with stress, identifying triggers, and improving overall well-being. If you're navigating stigma and looking for another way to take care of your mental health, this episode will give you something new to consider.

In episode 354 of SPFPP, I’m sitting down with Drew Rabidoux, a licensed clinical social worker who’s made it her mission to support women living with herpes. We’re diving deep into the heavy stuff today—the intersection of herpes diagnoses and mental health, particularly how it can lead to suicidal thoughts. Drew brings her experience working with clients who feel blindsided by a herpes diagnosis, even after taking all the right precautions, and we discuss how crucial the power of choice and support systems are in pulling someone back from the brink. This episode is a deep and necessary conversation for anyone grappling with the emotional fallout of herpes and looking for pathways to healing. Additional Resources: https://www.wellnessrecoveryactionplan.com/wrap-for-life-suicide-prevention-2/

In this episode of Something Positive for Positive People (SPFPP), we dive deep into redefining sex positivity with Sol, a Black woman navigating herpes stigma, casual dating, and sexual exploration. Sol shares her journey of breaking away from vanilla sex expectations, growing up in a religious household, and finally finding her voice in the sex-positive community. She talks about how past partners pushed her toward one-sided sex, where she never felt truly heard. From unfulfilling experiences like a three-year relationship where penetration and her needs were disregarded, to a partner who enjoyed causing her pain—Sol realized that sex wasn’t something that was being done with her, but to her. That changed when she found herself in spaces that focused on mutual respect, consent, and pleasure. It led her to explore settings like sex parties, where communication about desires and boundaries is not just encouraged, but required. We discuss what it means to be pleasure positive—where the focus isn't on just saying yes or no, but on having honest conversations about needs, boundaries, and consent in a way that is safe and validating. Sol talks about how transformative it was to be in a setting where everyone asked before engaging and how that level of accountability makes all the difference. This episode sets the tone for the upcoming Safe Sex Expo, where we'll continue these discussions, offering workshops on communication, consent, and pleasure. If you’re curious about sex positivity, or just tired of the same old "vanilla" conversations about sex, this one's for you. And come check out our events like the Safe Sex Expo to learn more.

In episode 352 of SPFPP, I sit down with Aaron Thomas, a 26-year-old Black man from Pittsburgh, PA, who shares his powerful journey of navigating life with herpes. Diagnosed five years ago with both HSV1 and HSV2, Aaron dives deep into the complex intersection of race, masculinity, and sexual health in the Black community. From the hypermasculine messages he received growing up to the challenges of reclaiming his identity as a Black man living with herpes, Aaron’s story is a raw and honest look at what it means to own your narrative. We explore how his upbringing, mental health struggles, and relationships have shaped his path, and how he's turning his experience into something positive for himself and others. You can connect with Aaron on Instagram at @aa.ronn_ or email him at thomasaaron27@gmail.com

In episode 351 of SPFPP, I’m joined by Mel Moseley, a powerhouse in the world of sex positivity with a mission to reshape how we talk about sexuality. Diagnosed with HSV2 at 18 and navigating the trauma of an assault, Mel’s journey led her to a deeper understanding of what sex positivity really means. We dive into the overlooked aspects of sex positivity—how it’s often mistaken for just intercourse positivity—and explore the critical communication tools that go beyond the bedroom. Mel shares her experiences with polyamory, her path to healing through intentional communication, and why she believes that pleasure and safety are at the core of any meaningful connection. This episode is about redefining sex positivity to include the emotional and communicative aspects that are essential for all relationships. You can connect with Mel: Website: https://www.melaniemoseley.com/ Direct link to Journey to the Wild Woman - the 4 day workshop I am doing with Dr. Dacker for peri- and postmenopausal women. Thurs, Oct 24-Sun, Oct. 27, 2024 in Sunriver, OR. My Touch Positive group in Portland, OR - Hive Love Photo credit by Darina Neyret

In this episode of SPFPP, we continue our discussion on what nonmonogamy can teach those practicing monogamy. Our guest reflects on how nonmonogamous relationships gave her permission to explore being single and reshaped her approach to emotional availability and intentionality in her relationships. We also discuss how having clear communication and aligned values became key takeaways that improved her monogamous connections. This conversation is part of an ongoing series exploring how nonmonogamous practices can enhance monogamous relationships.

In this episode, we dive deep into the complexities of relationships, focusing on conversations monogamous people need to be having—conversations often expected in non-monogamous relationships. Joined by a fellow herpes advocate, we explore topics such as ghosting, age differences, manipulation, and the impact of stigma on our self-esteem. We discuss the fear of disclosure, the importance of accountability, and how unhealthy relationships can sometimes divert our attention from what truly matters. Our guest shares insights from her journey through the kink community and how it shaped her communication skills, ultimately leading to a healthy marriage. We introduce the idea that the real challenge in relationships isn’t always finding someone else but learning to be vulnerable and open in communication. Stay tuned for part 2, where we’ll continue this important conversation!

The big question is “Can you sue someone for giving you herpes?”. Well, some considerations are first can you prove it? Then was it reckless and knowingly done? Our guest, Puerto Rican New Yorker, Destiny Maria, Author of the memoir, It Started with a Green Dress joins us to share the motivation for taking legal action against someone who knowingly gave her herpes. She shares the story of her herpes diagnosis, legal battle and the healing process from the heartbreak and betrayal of a friends with benefits relationship gone wrong. Destiny and Courtney discuss coerced consent, stealthing and ignoring red flags in relationships. Destiny shares the struggles she has faced coming to terms with her experience and diagnosis. The challenge of dealing with the stigma within her community. And the joys and growth that comes with being a new mother. Destiny Maria Bio: Destiny Maria is an author, educator and new mom following her Herpes diagnosis. In her memoir, It Started with a Green Dress: Overcoming Sexual Stigma, she describes how she breaks free from STI stigma. Destiny chose to pursue legal action when she learns only through her diagnosis that partner knowingly withholds his positive status from her. Since then, Destiny has developed a career as a two-timed published author and aims to further advocate within the community and women of color. She believes in practicing open and honest conversations about informative consent in order to lead healthier sex lives. Destiny continues to pursue her passion in writing and embracing her journey entering motherhood.

In SPFPP Episode 347: Who's Rejecting You?, we dive into the journey of a 37-year-old woman from Washington, D.C., who shares the emotional parallels between the grief of her marriage's end, the excitement of newfound sexual freedom, and the life-changing moment she was diagnosed with herpes. Together, we explore the complexities of dating with herpes, highlighting how dating itself can be challenging, with or without an STI. Our discussion also unpacks the concept of rejection, emphasizing the importance of maintaining high standards and seeking compatibility in relationships. Through our guest's experiences, we examine the significance of communication skills and intentionality in dating, while also reflecting on the shared struggles and challenges that go beyond herpes. Here’s the link to the herpes disclosure workshop we mentioned in the recording: https://spfpp.org/offerings/p/herpes-disclosure-workshop