SPFPP 375: Queering Masculinity - From Performance to Presence

bell hooks defined "queer" as a way of describing oneself without being confined by fixed definitions or labels. It's about acknowledging one's authenticity and living a life that aligns with that self, even if it doesn't fit neatly into conventional categories like "gay" or "straight." For hooks, being queer also meant being at odds with societal norms and finding ways to thrive on one's own terms. 

In this solo episode, I explore how queer community, education, and presence have deeply influenced my understanding of masculinity—not by changing who I am, but by giving me the freedom to express it with more honesty, softness, and presence.

As a cisgender heterosexual Black man, I’ve found more validation of my identity in queer spaces than in the spaces I was told I “belonged” in. This episode is a reflection on that truth, especially at the intersection of Pride and Men’s Mental Health Month.

I also share how stigma—specifically herpes stigma—has been a gateway into deeper self-inquiry around identity, performance, and liberation. Using Bell Hooks’ definition of queerness as a guide, I talk about how embracing the challenge of unbecoming has brought me closer to who I actually am.

This is for anyone rethinking what masculinity looks like when it’s not measured in dominance or stats—but in connection, curiosity, and care.