Latter Day Struggles

Send us a Positive Review!In this episode Valerie addresses a listener's request to address her faith crisis grief from a psychological perspective.  Valerie uses this episode as an opportunity to talk about her own grief process both preceding her decision to start this podcast as well as her ongoing experience working through the grief that comes when our worlds are turned upside-down by faith and trust crisis.  She shares 10 specific points regarding your grief as you valiantly struggle with your own personal experience.The ten points that she discusses are as follows:Your extreme emotions are completely valid under the circumstances.  Our variation of faith crisis holds many classic components of "discovery trauma". Pay attention to your "window of tolerance" and practice self care using Dan Siegel's 4 pillars of emotional health.Process your grief in connection with safe others, even one person.  Do not grieve in isolation. Use your growing catalog of resources to find understanding about the nature of the crisis.  Seek sources that encourage your unique experience and are neither apologetics oriented or inflammatory.  Realize that your experience is far from unique.  The church is going through a major shift and there are more than you think worldwide who are with you. Reflect on other brave reformers who can give you strength and courage Recognize how the church has instrumental in the creation of your character and identity in ways that have actually propelled you in this direction of growthRecognize with self compassion the many ways in which your experience in the church has handicapped your ability to tolerate the struggles of faith crisisLook for the tender mercies of God in upholding you through these struggles When the time is right, notice that love has the power to heal while anger and hate has only the power to destroy, ourselves and others. This episode is in preparation for a special 5 part series where Valerie and Nathan are going to break down the GROUND-BREAKING LDS Faith Crisis Report that was presented to top LDS church officials in 2013.  Please SHARE this podcast.  Help educate others about struggles and possible solutions of our faith.   Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Join Nathan and Valerie as they tackle another listener question.  In this episode they address that haunting and refusing-to-die statement about how the prophet will never lead the church astray.  Many of us in our orthodox days took this as a given and simply applied the blinders when something didn't feel congruent with this.  Now it is time to take a look at where that statement came from, some context about why it was said, and some thoughts regarding "prophethood" as being more "state" oriented than "trait" oriented [jump into the episode and Val will explain more about this!], and finally how paradoxical but possible it is for the well-intended misdirection of leaders to actually help us hone in on our own God-given discernment skills.  Are you SHARING this podcast far and wide??  THANK YOU!!Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!In this episode Valerie and guest co-host and fellow relationship therapist Brannon Patrick talk about the goodness and badness that happens at the hands of well-meaning but not-professionally trained bishops in a system where they are often expected [and endeavor] to run a three ring circus in their office consisting of marriage counseling, trauma recovery, addiction counseling, grief work, and complex mental health issues.  And mind you these bishops are often your average accountants, mechanics, or farmers.  Why does the church put people in these precarious positions?  And what harm is done as members expect this and as bishops earnestly try to provide this flavor of the modern-day miracle?  Val and Brannon break down the problems and walk through some simple solutions that require emotional intelligence and humility and both sides of the desk. **This episode does not address issues of bishops and the reporting of abuse. Please see episode #36 for more on this.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!In this episode Valerie and Nathan tackle an excellent and challenging question from one of you listeners regarding how to handle their child's upcoming 8th birthday and eligibility to be baptized into the LDS church.  Many parents feel positively confused...wanting to integrate the "good stuff" of this faith tradition into their homes and family life while also wanting to be cautious about how, what, and when to teach their children in ways that reflect their own newly developing (and more complicated) understanding of the church.In short--none of us wants to set our children up for a faith and trust crisis down the road.  Val and Nathan break down several thoughts about this topic and offer advice that they wished someone had shared with them when their kids were younger!  Please rate and review this podcast and SHARE it!Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!In this episode Valerie walks you through a historic tragedy to demonstrate what happens when a community is trained to obey authority over honoring common sense, conscience, and sound judgment.  Valerie takes you back to the 1970s and recounts LDS church headquarter's handling of the national Equal Rights Amendment [ERA] and how large numbers of church members gladly relinquished their own wisdom and judgement in the service of loyalty to the institution.  After tracing these fascinating events, Valerie shares several thoughts about what this cautionary tale can teach us about the dangers of a society that struggles cultivating in its membership spiritual discernment, psychological freedom, and agency to act according to conscience.  Even when earnest authority figures sincerely feel that they are protecting us by assuming the role of collective conscience governing personal, spiritual, and political choices, it is always our divine right and responsibility to own our own sacred consciences and act accordingly.Book referenced in this episodeThe Mormon Hierarchy: Extensions of Power, by D. Michael Quinn Please SHARE this episode! Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!In this episode Nathan and Valerie break down some research called the "Systems Justification Theory" that shines a light on why most people choose the status quo over the hard work of challenging the systems we know need reformation. The theory highlights four key reasons why we cling to status quo: We feel reassured by the familiarity of our own institutional mess and will suffer in silence before deciding to manage the discomfort of pushing backIn the face of outside threat, we salute. Institutions sometimes heighten a sense of outside threat to engender loyalty. We are wired to find safety in belonging to a tribeWe hope and wish for better days ahead.  We try to believe that this problem is just temporary.  Books referenced in this episode:The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively, by Todd B. Kashdan, PhDSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Diagnosing Spiritual Abuse [Part III of III]Nathan and Valerie break down 3 more indicators of a system (church or family) that is struggling on some level with spiritual abuse. The scholarship used in this episode comes from non-Latter-Day Saint researchers looking at religious systems in general and pointing out specific features of the churches that tend to perpetuate the most unrighteous dominion.The 3 points that they cover in this episode are as follows:A culture of paranoia:  Where doctrine and practice focuses on how others do not understand and will not understand until they become part of the group. This also includes a culture referring to "the world" as dangerous and something to be feared.  Misplaced loyalty:  A hyper-focus on loyalty to the institution and its leaders instead of the true focus being on Jesus Christ and his atonement.Secretiveness: A culture that is very concerned with managing its image and therefore has many layers of security to protect it from "the world". These secrets are often justified by leadership who holds a condescending view of the laity, feeling that they wouldn't understand.Val and Nathan do not view systems struggling with spiritual abuse as intentionally malicious, but rather they see these struggles typical of systems that operate under some level of fear. As we each better understand what spiritual abuse looks like, we can shine a light on these struggles and encourage our system to overcome these tendencies. Please share this episode!Articles/Book referenced: ⁠14 Signs of Spiritual Abuse, by Mark DeJesus⁠⁠The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church, by David Johnson and Jeff Van VonderenSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Diagnosing Spiritual Abuse [Part II of III]Nathan and Valerie break down 3 more indicators of a system (church or family) that is struggling on some level with spiritual abuse. The scholarship used in this episode comes from non-Latter-Day Saint researchers looking at religious systems in general and pointing out specific features of the churches that tend to perpetuate the most unrighteous dominion. The 3 points that they cover in this episode are as follows: Tendency for the institution to hover over personal decisions in the lives of the membership  Heavy financial expectations with minimal transparency or accountability about funds received  A general culture perpetuating the institution holding the "exclusive truth" from and about God.Please share this episode! Articles/Book referenced: ⁠14 Signs of Spiritual Abuse, by Mark DeJesus⁠⁠The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church, by David Johnson and Jeff Van VonderenSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Diagnosing Spiritual Abuse [Part I of III]Nathan and Valerie break down 9 consistent markers of spiritually abusive systems [family or churches]. The scholarship used in this episode comes from non-Latter-Day- Saint researchers looking at religious systems in general and pointing out the specific features of the churches that tend to perpetuate the most unrighteous dominion.The 3 points that they cover in this episode are as follows: Heavy emphasis on charismatic leader who becomes the ultimate spokesperson on all spiritual issues. This includes tactics that minimize the humanity of the leadership body and maximize of focus on the humanity of the membership, with little to no checks and balances amongst the leadership, and a leadership that is not representative of a cross-section of the membership.  Legalistic beliefs and accompanying focus on PERFORMANCE: right performance, enough performance, and the adequate measurement of performance.A system of unspoken rules that no compliant member articulates [due to fear of punishment], but everyone knows.  Articles/Book referenced: 14 Signs of Spiritual Abuse, by Mark DeJesusThe Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church, by David Johnson and Jeff Van VonderenSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!In this episode Valerie honors feminist writer Kynthia Taylor and unpacks an excerpt from her essay called "The Trouble with Chicken Patriarchy".  She follows up with thoughts on how as a therapist she sees the damage done to both men and women in the prescribed and deeply embedded gender roles that the church inherited in its 19th century inception and has in many ways expanded upon as the world has evolved in the opposite direction. Val breaks down how the roles of provider, protector, and presider creates guilt and shame in some men whose lives do not unfold according this "check list" and how the mixed messages of the church (becoming more flexible in some ways with women's roles but not actually changing anything in the power structure of the church) creates confusion, frustration, and struggle in spiritually developing and socially conscious individuals of both genders.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website