Latter Day Struggles

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part V of XII]In this very personal next several episodes in this series on the LDS theology of eternal marriage and its implications, Val and Nathan talk about their own marriage and how both individually and as a couple they have experienced plenty of soul-struggle in an effort to find the path that celebrates both relational intimacy (in all of its forms) as well as deep commitment to one's own and the others' personal growth.Val and Nathan walk through a timeline that follows their early more orthodox beliefs and practices in marriage and family, its impact, the accompanying suffering (different, but significant for each of them) and their eventual (and ongoing) change of paradigm.This paradigm shift has changed everything...from the way they self define, spend their time, and see themselves interacting in the world--as actors and creators of their own precious lives.Books referenced in this episode: Living An Examined Life, by James HollisThe Way to Love: The Last Meditations of Anthony de Mello: Image Pocket Classics, by Anthony de MelloSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part IV of XII]In this fourth part of their ongoing series on the complexities of the LDS doctrine of eternal marriage, Val and Brannon tackle yet another tough but important facet of this subject: the possible engines that drive us all too often…Here are just a few of the many examples they explore in this episode: 1] FEAR:The fear of the eternal consequences of not marrying.The fear of divorce and it’s stigma in this life and implications in the next life.The fear of sharing faith expansion with a frightened partner. The fear of ruining one’s eternal family by one’s spiritual expansion experiences.2] SHAME:The shame coming with the silence when we feel compelled to not doubt.The shame of destroying our marriages as we evolve and grow and internalize that we are “betraying” our partners, parents, children, posterity.Val and Brannon’s deepest desire is to expose the IMPACT of our current theology and its massive implications on individuals striving to be in healthy connection with the LDS church.Their believe is that as the church has shaped us, it is our divine business to help reshape the church when there is evidence that one of its foundational theological concepts inadvertently wounds and estranges us from our divine identities.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Join Valerie in her analysis of the recent breaking news regarding the financial settlement between the LDS church and the United States Securities and Exchange Commission regarding tithing holdings.  In this episode Valerie breaks down the following:An analysis of why, in a healthy relationship between ANY two parties [including between an individual and their church], one party does not decide unilaterally that ANY "matter is closed" especially in situations that involve a sacred breach of trust.What needs to happen after a violation of trust between two parties to heighten the possibility that trust can be restored. A proposal that the chief truth claim of the LDS church makes it vulnerable to struggles with honesty, transparency, and accountability.The correlation between institutional perfectionism, underlying shame, and struggles with honesty, transparency and accountability.A breakdown of valid and integrity-based victim responses that might follow a breach of trust when the perpetrating party chooses not to be transparent or accountable upon discovery of broken trust.An invitation to step into the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ, admit wrongdoing, and activate the potential for relational healing between the institution and the parties betrayed (both God and the tithe-paying membership of the LDS church).Research Mentioned in this episode:Books:Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith, by Linda King NewellThe Challenge of Honesty: Essays for Latter-day Saints, by Frances Lee MenloveHelpful Links:SEC Order Against Ensign Peak and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day SaintsPodcasts: At Last She Said It | What About Tithing?Latter Day Struggles | Episode 35: The Shadow of Joseph's Polygamy and its ongoing Institutional ReverberationsMormon Stories Podcast | 1732: LDS Church Fined $5 Million for Hiding Money w/ Mark PugsleySupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part III of XII]In this third of a multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick continue to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage.In this episode Val and Brannon address the twin evils that profoundly impact every level of identity within the LDS church from the macro to the micro levels:PATRIARCHY and it’s painful offspring, POLYGAMY.Their analysis highlights that:while patriarchy continues to be institutionally endorsed, true partnership on any level [institutionally or within a marriage] can never be fully achieved, and thatthe eternal polygamy doctrine as currently still taught by the LDS church damages real-time marriage relationships and creates a corrosive power differential between partners that makes true healthy relationships of equality impossible to achieve unless/until this doctrine is rejected by both partners.Val and Brannon invite us all [members at every level of the LDS church] to look honestly and with humility at the theological ideas that shape [or misshape] our implicit sense of worth, and work together to receive more truth and light that is more consistent with the nature of our divine parents and our Savior and their incompressible love for all of their children.The doctrines discussed in today’s episode highlight the negative impact of institutionalized gender hierarchies both on earth and in the next life. Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part II of XII]In this second of a multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick continue to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage and all of its complex  implications in the real lives of real people, often finding the “plan of happiness” feeling more like the “plan of sadness” as life progresses in ways that almost inevitably do not line up with what doctrine frames as the ideal and only way to achieve God's highest heaven. IN THIS EPISODE Val and Brannon dig into the inner experience of those who might legitimately feel like second, third, or even 'steerage' class citizens in Mormondom…the divorced, widowed, never married, and all sexual and gender minorities…basically everyone except the cisgendered, temple attending, married couple.Clearly this is a LARGE POPULATION of people internalizing messages about themselves, their place, and their value not only in the church, but also in God’s eyes in this life and throughout eternity. Val and Brannon invite us all [members at every level of the LDS church] to look honestly and with humility at the theological ideas that shape [or misshape] our implicit sense of worth, and work together to receive more truth and light that is more consistent with the nature of our divine parents and our Savior and their incompressible love for all of their children.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part I of XII]In this multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick begin to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage and all of its complex  implications in the real lives of real people, often finding the “plan of happiness” feeling more like the “plan of sadness” as life progresses in ways that almost inevitably do not line up with what doctrine frames as the ideal and only way to reach heaven.Valerie and Brannon open this series by introducing a framework for human growth that emphasizes that the primary task in life is for each of us to realize our own fullest and unique potential and that the healthiest framework within which to realize this self growth is one where one's growth is celebrated, even as it departs from one set, rigid, predetermined framework. This model makes space for ALL women and men and does not diminish one’s salvation potential based on earthly or even heavenly relationship constellation.This philosophy opens the way for persons of all sexual/gender orientations who are:single (never married, divorced, widowed),the married couple where one partner is non-religious or practices any other religion, andthe married couple where one person is expanding in the LDS faith and no longer conforming to various forms of dogma.In this more expansive way of looking at human development, God’s children are able to more fully partake in a truly all-inclusive plan of happiness. In this re-imagined plan of growth, our close relationships [intimate and otherwise] are experienced as an expansive, unconditionally loving supportive network. This sounds like heaven to us…Because this framework is grounded in realizing every human’s growth potential and infinite worth.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!This episode was recorded for "The Sisterhood Podcast" recently and takes a deep dive into issues of womanhood, LDS culture, and the vital importance of women learning how to truly be active agents of their own lives. Valerie addresses several topics including the following:the influence that the church's gendered teachings have had on some women who foreclosed early dreams and desires because they felt that these parts of themselves were "wrong",the importance of learning to claim one's own personal authority and learn to tolerate the discomfort of others' not approving of our self-affirming life's choices, andstrategies for helping children and adolescents of both genders learn how to think in complex ways thataffirm their ability to know that they are capable of connection with their own true selves and their divine creators, who can help them craft a value-driven life.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Analysis of E. Hamilton “Why a Church? [Part II of II]In this episode, Valerie looks a psychological lens to explain some of the dynamics at play between some current spokespeople for the LDS church and those who are asking for dialogue and change in a variety of areas.  As an intimate relationship therapist, Valerie frequently works with couples and helps them with struggles around the issue of power, growth, and fear. These very same concepts can be superimposed onto other relationships, and in this episode, Valerie demonstrates how some church spokespeople and many faith-expanding church members might be seen as locked in a struggle for healthy identity development, just as some individuals struggle in their intimate relationships.The good news? This is normal, expected, and the only way to relationship health in the long run.  In both settings, what begins as the perfect romance [the perfect church, the perfect lover]  MUST give way to what really "is"...which brings up grieve, protest, denial, and eventually growth, if both parties recognize that the early “romance” was based on an illusion.  Valerie also talks about what happens when the initially more empowered party in the relationship does not WANT to end the "romance" stage of the relationship and she gives possible reasons for why the empowered “caregiver” struggles giving up their role when the less empowered party wakes up and begins to self define. Valerie is hoping that this episode might propose a psychologically grounded answer to the "why are they acting this way?" questions regarding recent combative discourse.Link to the speech“Why A Church?" by Kevin S. HamiltonSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Analysis of E. Hamilton “Why a Church? [Part I of II]In this special episode Valerie and Nathan respond to the recent address given by Elder Hamilton titled "Why a Church".  This episode attempts to acknowledge many potentially hurtful or harmful "take aways" that many might have experienced who are deeply committed to following Jesus Christ and who are also trying to discern if there is a place for them to worship in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as complex thinkers and committed seekers of systematic and spiritual truth.Some "take aways" [which may not be intended but nonetheless may still have been experienced] include:1)  Stay silent although in legitimate pain that is connected to membership in this church2) there is no channel for conversation, accountability, or healing between wounded members and top governing individuals3) there is no place for those who feel called to bless this organization through respectful public education, advocacy, and other efforts to invite growth, change, and an increase in love...This episode is intended to be a loving and direct response to what many members in and around the LDS church are feeling was communicated.  Healthy relationships do not demand silence or non-questioning compliance and call these demands trust, faith, and obedience. Healthy relationship in every context invites dialogue, openness, accountability, and the embodiment of true common consent.  As these attributes are practiced at all levels of the institution, our religious system may begin to heal through love.Link to the speechWhy a Church? by Kevin S. HamiltonSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: An Exploration of Queer Mormon Theology [Part III of III]In this final episode in this series honoring Blaire Ostler [scholar, author, and warrior at the complex intersection of the Mormon and Queer worlds], Val and Nathan walk through 15 suggestions given by Blaire on how we can do a better job educating ourselves and those around us on queer issues so that our queer children and adolescents feel seen, safer, and valued.Please share this entire series with those around you who may not understand the psychological costs exacted upon our own loved ones due to current Queer-phobic theology. Helping others see this issues with new eyes might protect a precious life.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website