Latter Day Struggles

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part III of XII]In this third of a multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick continue to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage.In this episode Val and Brannon address the twin evils that profoundly impact every level of identity within the LDS church from the macro to the micro levels:PATRIARCHY and it’s painful offspring, POLYGAMY.Their analysis highlights that:while patriarchy continues to be institutionally endorsed, true partnership on any level [institutionally or within a marriage] can never be fully achieved, and thatthe eternal polygamy doctrine as currently still taught by the LDS church damages real-time marriage relationships and creates a corrosive power differential between partners that makes true healthy relationships of equality impossible to achieve unless/until this doctrine is rejected by both partners.Val and Brannon invite us all [members at every level of the LDS church] to look honestly and with humility at the theological ideas that shape [or misshape] our implicit sense of worth, and work together to receive more truth and light that is more consistent with the nature of our divine parents and our Savior and their incompressible love for all of their children.The doctrines discussed in today’s episode highlight the negative impact of institutionalized gender hierarchies both on earth and in the next life. Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part II of XII]In this second of a multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick continue to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage and all of its complex  implications in the real lives of real people, often finding the “plan of happiness” feeling more like the “plan of sadness” as life progresses in ways that almost inevitably do not line up with what doctrine frames as the ideal and only way to achieve God's highest heaven. IN THIS EPISODE Val and Brannon dig into the inner experience of those who might legitimately feel like second, third, or even 'steerage' class citizens in Mormondom…the divorced, widowed, never married, and all sexual and gender minorities…basically everyone except the cisgendered, temple attending, married couple.Clearly this is a LARGE POPULATION of people internalizing messages about themselves, their place, and their value not only in the church, but also in God’s eyes in this life and throughout eternity. Val and Brannon invite us all [members at every level of the LDS church] to look honestly and with humility at the theological ideas that shape [or misshape] our implicit sense of worth, and work together to receive more truth and light that is more consistent with the nature of our divine parents and our Savior and their incompressible love for all of their children.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part I of XII]In this multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick begin to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage and all of its complex  implications in the real lives of real people, often finding the “plan of happiness” feeling more like the “plan of sadness” as life progresses in ways that almost inevitably do not line up with what doctrine frames as the ideal and only way to reach heaven.Valerie and Brannon open this series by introducing a framework for human growth that emphasizes that the primary task in life is for each of us to realize our own fullest and unique potential and that the healthiest framework within which to realize this self growth is one where one's growth is celebrated, even as it departs from one set, rigid, predetermined framework. This model makes space for ALL women and men and does not diminish one’s salvation potential based on earthly or even heavenly relationship constellation.This philosophy opens the way for persons of all sexual/gender orientations who are:single (never married, divorced, widowed),the married couple where one partner is non-religious or practices any other religion, andthe married couple where one person is expanding in the LDS faith and no longer conforming to various forms of dogma.In this more expansive way of looking at human development, God’s children are able to more fully partake in a truly all-inclusive plan of happiness. In this re-imagined plan of growth, our close relationships [intimate and otherwise] are experienced as an expansive, unconditionally loving supportive network. This sounds like heaven to us…Because this framework is grounded in realizing every human’s growth potential and infinite worth.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!This episode was recorded for "The Sisterhood Podcast" recently and takes a deep dive into issues of womanhood, LDS culture, and the vital importance of women learning how to truly be active agents of their own lives. Valerie addresses several topics including the following:the influence that the church's gendered teachings have had on some women who foreclosed early dreams and desires because they felt that these parts of themselves were "wrong",the importance of learning to claim one's own personal authority and learn to tolerate the discomfort of others' not approving of our self-affirming life's choices, andstrategies for helping children and adolescents of both genders learn how to think in complex ways thataffirm their ability to know that they are capable of connection with their own true selves and their divine creators, who can help them craft a value-driven life.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Analysis of E. Hamilton “Why a Church? [Part II of II]In this episode, Valerie looks a psychological lens to explain some of the dynamics at play between some current spokespeople for the LDS church and those who are asking for dialogue and change in a variety of areas.  As an intimate relationship therapist, Valerie frequently works with couples and helps them with struggles around the issue of power, growth, and fear. These very same concepts can be superimposed onto other relationships, and in this episode, Valerie demonstrates how some church spokespeople and many faith-expanding church members might be seen as locked in a struggle for healthy identity development, just as some individuals struggle in their intimate relationships.The good news? This is normal, expected, and the only way to relationship health in the long run.  In both settings, what begins as the perfect romance [the perfect church, the perfect lover]  MUST give way to what really "is"...which brings up grieve, protest, denial, and eventually growth, if both parties recognize that the early “romance” was based on an illusion.  Valerie also talks about what happens when the initially more empowered party in the relationship does not WANT to end the "romance" stage of the relationship and she gives possible reasons for why the empowered “caregiver” struggles giving up their role when the less empowered party wakes up and begins to self define. Valerie is hoping that this episode might propose a psychologically grounded answer to the "why are they acting this way?" questions regarding recent combative discourse.Link to the speech“Why A Church?" by Kevin S. HamiltonSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Analysis of E. Hamilton “Why a Church? [Part I of II]In this special episode Valerie and Nathan respond to the recent address given by Elder Hamilton titled "Why a Church".  This episode attempts to acknowledge many potentially hurtful or harmful "take aways" that many might have experienced who are deeply committed to following Jesus Christ and who are also trying to discern if there is a place for them to worship in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as complex thinkers and committed seekers of systematic and spiritual truth.Some "take aways" [which may not be intended but nonetheless may still have been experienced] include:1)  Stay silent although in legitimate pain that is connected to membership in this church2) there is no channel for conversation, accountability, or healing between wounded members and top governing individuals3) there is no place for those who feel called to bless this organization through respectful public education, advocacy, and other efforts to invite growth, change, and an increase in love...This episode is intended to be a loving and direct response to what many members in and around the LDS church are feeling was communicated.  Healthy relationships do not demand silence or non-questioning compliance and call these demands trust, faith, and obedience. Healthy relationship in every context invites dialogue, openness, accountability, and the embodiment of true common consent.  As these attributes are practiced at all levels of the institution, our religious system may begin to heal through love.Link to the speechWhy a Church? by Kevin S. HamiltonSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: An Exploration of Queer Mormon Theology [Part III of III]In this final episode in this series honoring Blaire Ostler [scholar, author, and warrior at the complex intersection of the Mormon and Queer worlds], Val and Nathan walk through 15 suggestions given by Blaire on how we can do a better job educating ourselves and those around us on queer issues so that our queer children and adolescents feel seen, safer, and valued.Please share this entire series with those around you who may not understand the psychological costs exacted upon our own loved ones due to current Queer-phobic theology. Helping others see this issues with new eyes might protect a precious life.Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: An Exploration of Queer Mormon Theology [Part II of III]Join Valerie and author, theologian, and scholar Blaire Ostler as they tackle the beauty of speculative theology through their analysis of Blaire’s book “Queer Mormon Theology”. In this bold and beautiful book, Blaire invites her readers to consider multiple traditional Mormon-specific beliefs through a queer lens, showing us how a robust theology is ALWAYS inviting of study, questioning, and re-evaluation to become more reflective of the Savior we profess to worship. Blaire Maintains through multiple ideas and examples that we as disciplines of Jesus Christ are not only invited to widen our theological views, but encouraged to do so, actively participating in the democratic process of common consent. Listen to this beautiful conversation and find yourself a copy of Queer Mormon Theology.*** Dialogue Podcasting Network Podcast/episode referenced in this episode: “The Foyer”: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-foyer/id1589860799?i=1000550522621 Support the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: An Exploration of Queer Mormon Theology [Part I of III]In this beautiful episode, Blaire Ostler joins Valerie in an autobiographical conversation about her painful and dynamic hero’s journey reconciling within herself her queerness and her Mormon-ness, finding for herself that she could not shun either. This conversation covers the gradual unfolding of her queer identity and the pain she went through both within her body and between herself and her creators. She shares deep grief, “aha” moments, self hating moments, and moments of profound and growing self love and self acceptance. She emphasizes that this journey is HERS and that other queer people or Mormon people have the right to do their lives differently but proudly and boldly claims her own right to the path that she has chosen to walk at the intersection of two frequently unkind-to-each-other identities. Trigger Warning: this episode speaks of suicide ideation. Podcast referenced in this episode: The Foyer: LGBTQ Mormon History and TheologySupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Do I Stay Christian? Book Analysis [Part V of V]In each of these episodes, Val and Nathan go through McLaren’s 10 compelling reasons to LEAVE institutionalized Christianity and 10 compelling reasons to STAY. In this episode the two reasons discussed to LEAVE are as follows:    9) Because of its tendency to constrict intellectualism [please jump over to episode 79 of this podcast for a deep dive into the damage done due to constrictive intellectualism and many cognitive biases common to underdeveloped Christian thinking] and    10) Because Christianity is “SHRINKLING” [shrinking+wrinkling].The two final reasons discussed in this episode to stay Christian are:    9) To Free God from the dangerous image as the angry old white guy full of judgement and wrath, and    10) Because of Fermi’s Paradox and the Great Filter [yep…you’ll clearly need to tune in to have the first clue about what he means here!!]Val and Nathan respect McLaren’s straightforward, honest look at our Christian history and share in his trust that each of us is wise enough to look truth straight in the eye in order to forge our own path towards health and wholeness.Book referenced in this episode⁠Do I Stay Christian?: A Guide for the Doubters, the Disappointed, and the Disillusioned, by Brian D. McLaren⁠Faith After Doubt: Why Your Beliefs Stopped Working and What to Do About It, by Brian D. McLarenSunstone Symposium address referenced in this episode [Val’s favorite symposium address of all time]: Sunstone Magazine Podcast: E130: Own Your Religion, by Greg PrinceSupport the showSupport the show Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Access $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Access $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Gift a Scholarship Download Free Resources Visit our Website