Help Me Be Me

Today’s podcast is about what makes an awesome bestie so I’m interviewing my best friend of around 30 years – singer/songwriter/actress and all around wonderful girl – Zooey Deschanel. We discuss favorite childhood memories, fave dance moves, a few bestie hypotheticals, plus what qualities to look for in your own best friends! It’s basically a love fest about all our childhood memories so I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did! Xox Sarah May B. For more of my writing and the blog version of this interview, check out http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com later this week! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you go through a devastating experience like being left by someone you thought was “yours for life” it can be unearthing of everything in your world. Shaking what you want, how you feel about yourself and the future, what you feel safe with – who you feel safe with. Aside the expected affects, the pain, the mourning, this kind of experience can have some very strange effects – because when you’re taken by surprise by something like a relationship, it’s traumatic. You have been shocked. So I will hopefully tackle some of the common ones – so you can see that you’re not crazy, it’s all quite natural, as well as hopefully offer you a timeline for how you might feel. One you can follow along with – so that you can best care for yourself and allow yourself to heal and grow. If this was a long-term relationship – or even a short one but one you relied on in immense ways, the loss can make you feel you have nothing to stand on. In short, it can level you and remove all safety from your life. You might be going through worry over what will come of your life – will you remarry? Will you ever love again, trust again? Are you loveable? Am I too old, am I stupid to have trusted this person? Was I the only one who didn’t know – how didn’t I know? What’s wrong with me that I didn’t see this coming? How do I even move on with love? Woah. Yeah, that’s a lot. So slow down. It’s going to be okay. It’s time to put that aside. Now is not the time you should be thinking about the future. You should simply focus on loving and caring for yourself right now. Truly, how could you tackle planning anything other than addressing your immediate needs – you just experienced a traumatic event in your life and you are in a recovery/healing mode – that’s what you need to be aware of most. All you need to do right now is make yourself feel soothed and healthy and balanced. If you’re going through a total limbo of character and it’s freaking you out, I will go through a couple of common reactions that happen when one is put through a trauma such as yours. And yes, it’s a “trauma” which means your person is likely having a hard time integrating this new information back into your brain alongside the rest of your experiences. So in short, a big shift is happening. Don’t worry! It’s all for the good. I hope I can help you stay balanced throughout it – hang in there, friend - because I know an event like this can rock you to your core. If you want to read more of my writing on a variety of other topics – and to see the blog version of this podcast, visit: http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com Smile y’all! Sending you my love… Sarah-May B. This is for Linda, I hope you like and hang in there girl! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s that period of time when you’re not sure what to do – but nothing’s changing and you’re trying your hardest, and something better happen soon or else you just might give up. Whether you’re on a new health kick and not seeing dramatic results, or attempting to pursue a new career – often the most difficult to surmount is the master of disguise – the plateau. Oh, the old plateau will make life look pretty much the same for long enough that you start to get antsy. That you start to feel you might have already failed – or that change of course is needed – “I haven’t seen progress for quite a while - something must not be working – it must be me, why did I even think to try in the first place? This must not be right-“ or my favorite, “Silly me, I never had a chance of success in the first place…” It is this window of time – the plateau – I would argue, that is the most difficult challenge you will ever face. It’s not the last leg of the race that tricks you into stopping. It’s the time when literally the only piece of advice you need is “Keep going.” It’s this advice that’s the hardest to follow – especially when it comes to pursuits that are new – that require you go out on a limb and jump. If this is you, I am writing this to give you a much-needed push in the same direction. You must have a large gulp of Gatorade and listen to the sound of my voice – keep running. I know it’s not fun anymore, you don’t feel successful, but there was a very good reason you started this run – and now’s the time you’ve got to trust that and just keep running. Trust your own original instincts and power through. You’re on a plateau and the plateau ends – your path will eventually round a turn, and once it does, you will be able to see the finish line in the distance. Check out http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com for the blog post version of this podcast in the next few days and if you like this, please follow me on Soundcloud or review me on iTunes. Happy new year lovely friends!!! xox Sarah-May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Self-Control: Why a lack of it isn’t your fault, plus 6 tools to improve it. If you find you have a lack of willpower to do what you know is best for you when it matters the most, this is a podcast for you. I will go into the reasons why as well as a few tools to help you make progress. The episode is divided into three parts: 1. The science behind low-willpower and its effects on your life. 2. General Causes of Low-Willpower. 3. Tools to Improve Your Lack of it, starting today. Willpower is a particular kind of energy to exert control. With low-willpower comes a whole lot of badness. It compromises your ability to follow rules, reduces your emotional control, increases anger, anxiety, how well you do at school, the amount of traffic accidents you have, how popular you are, how successful you are. Most relevant: it’s a finite reservoir – so if you’re using it throughout the day, you tap it out. And unfortunately you can’t tell when your willpower is depleted but it’s worn down throughout the day. So universally, you have the most of it in the morning. The energy for willpower is linked to your body’s natural energy supply. That’s why dieting is a catch-22. You need energy to have willpower. Not to mention: The more you diet, the more your body learns to resist dieting. That’s why the amount of self-control you have has a large effect on work and school, but a small effect on dieting. So if you suffer most from a lack of willpower when it comes to food, fill yourself up with healthy food so your body has fuel to supply willpower. And most importantly: use the strength you have to accomplish one task at a time. When you split your energy to two different habit changes, you are likely to fail. For example, dieters are less able to quit smoking. Can’t do two things at once. It’s a finite increment of energy inside of you at all times so if you are dealing with managing a lot of pain – let’s say you are stressed or in pain, emotionally, you will likely have a huge problem stopping yourself from snacking in front of the tv at night. Picture yourself swatting away flies all day long. At the end of the day you’re going to be exhausted and likely slow down, even giving up and allowing lots of them to land. When you’re depleted, you also become more aggressive. When you have more of this energy / glucose you become less aggressive. Hence road rage! Most importantly, if you suffer from low-willpower, don’t be mad at yourself – help yourself and support your own ability to do what you know is best for yourself! Xox Sarah May B. For more of my writing and the blog version of this posting, visit http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is for anyone who is suffering the pain of loss. Loss of someone or something important in your life is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to deal with. And though it feels excruciating, it’s part of what makes your life rich – it is the other half of love. Right now you are likely struggling with what you want to believe is impossible. It feels so wrong – like such a violation of natural laws. Your brain and body also wants desperately to deny that this loss is true. That is the fear of the pain you will feel – you don’t want to look. Like you almost want to forget – to avoid confronting this truth. I must tell you that although the pain is almost unbearable, it will not kill you. You will move through it – just allow yourself to move through it a little bit at a time. Act as your own caregiver in the way you treat this managing of pain. I know it's a process that will feel like it's never ending but in reality it will be much shorter than you think, and every day it will get the tiniest bit easier. Just the tiniest bit. And one day you will once again be happy. Right now - all you can do is move through this time with grace: decide you are going to take it easy on yourself and soothe yourself in any and all ways you possibly can. The best tools I can give you are to manage the processing of the pain in small and manageable increments, so that you can remain as stable and healthy as possible. What I will (hopefully) give you: - A structure to abide for self-care. - A way to mourn so that you can continue to function and take care of yourself. This one's for Bo. I hope this helps you even a little bit! xox Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a very short guided meditation for supporting your overall level of calm and relaxation. I recco this or your own ritual if you have a high level of stress in your life or you can't seem to shut your brain off at night. Just do it first-thing in the morning or at lunch while you’re taking a walk. Anywhere really, as long as you can close your eyes and be uninterrupted for about ten minutes. If you want to learn more about why it’s important to get your mind to relax, check out the podcast on how to stop thinking so much. Hope you enjoy! xox Sarah May B. For more of my writing including the blog version of the over-thinking podcast, head over to: http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your brain start chattering and seemingly never stop? Do you feel distracted and unable to focus? This is for anyone who is trapped in chronic thinking. Like your brain won’t seem to shut up and it’s getting a bit noisy up there. I will cover the what, the why, and most importantly, the solution. There are about 10 different super silly tools to get you started. And apologies in advance - I also drop the F-bomb. (Just once!) This is for Cindy – and it’s a great topic. Thanks for suggesting this girl! Check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com for the blog post with all my references and research -it will be live later this week. Smile peeps! xox Sarah-May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’re in the process of retraining your brain out of negative thought patterns, sometimes you can get discouraged – thinking it’s never going to work. That’s when you can get stuck dwelling in the fact that you are stuck in a negative mindset. What a vicious cycle! This is an emotional power-up for if you’re getting discouraged with the change you are trying to make in your own bad habits. Maybe you’re trying to train yourself to focus on happiness, to stop worrying, or to be simply calm and still. Whatever it is – this is to soothe that fear and get you back on track – which is where you are already, whether you can see it or not! I hope you like and if you want to read more of my writing or read my book, head to http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com I send you my love and vibes of positivity! Smile peeps!! xox Sarah-May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a podcast for relief from the self-inflicted pain called Regret. If you suffer from a chronic problem of regret – or you have a major life-defining regret, this is a podcast for you. The most important part is it’s not about what it’s about. It’s a ruse! I am going to try to logically dismantle if for you, because I do not have regret – ever. It’s not because I don’t mess up, it’s because there’s no such thing as an undo button and regret is a worse sin than the original mess up. It’s like burning something valuable and throwing opportunity in the trash. Quite simply? It’s really a bad habit – and it’s not about what it’s about. You are punishing yourself for having to learn a lesson the hard way. Why? You want to feel bad because you feel like it’s warranted: Like penance. It's a trained-in compulsion, your mind naturally assigns it. It has nothing to do with the thing you regret, itself. As your life exists only in the present. You are deciding (unconsciously of course) to relive the thing you dislike, that happened in the past. That is illogical: and most importantly - it is worsening something negative by wasting valuable energy and focus on it. Continuing to create waste! That is the real problem. It’s like building a bonfire in the center of your living room because you accidentally burned a hole in the couch. Often, source of your regret is totally unrelated. They are old residual feelings of low self worth. It's a go-to label for all resonant feelings of pain. You get that sinking feeling of pain that creeps over you, and you think, “what is this about? Oh yeah – I am sad because I ruined my interview..” when in reality, it’s from when you were in school and you got in trouble all the time. The feeling is really tied to, “I’m a bad kid.” Regardless of the source – it’s an automated reaction that must be deliberately undone. Starting now! Please join me!! Xox Sarah may B. This is for Angelica. Thank you for this awesome topic! I know it’s a big one. :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

OR Building friendships worth growing for a lifetime. In this podcast I go over the three essential ingredients to good friendship so that you can train yourself to choose great ones. I also cover nine general rules for being a great friend to yourself and others – as well as ways to find friends that are perfect for you. So if you are looking to make new and better friendships that you can invest in for a lifetime, this is a podcast for you. This is for Catherine – (thanks girl!) She wrote, “Can you talk about what it means to be a good friend – and ways to practice that.” Catherine - I know your question was more general than the topic above. I chose to take this angle because I think it’s a good way to force yourself to choose better relationships, despite your conditioned-in blinders. Just like with anything else – a job, a marriage, or anything really, we bring our old rusty eyeballs into a relationship – and often we can’t tell how we are being blinded by those issues and experiences. Sometimes they can compromise our ability to choose the right people for the right reasons, or give and to receive the fruits of friendship. In other words, they get in the way of smart and self-loving decision-making. So I am going to present this to you in a way that hopefully will allow you to approach friendship from an intentional perspective so that you can build mutually beneficial and powerful friendships that bring value to your life and the others who are out there right now, in need of a friend like you. If you likee, check out the Teaspoon for more of my writing- as well as my books. And if you prefer to read, this will be posted as a blog later on this week. Smile peeps! xox Sarah May b. http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices