Help Me Be Me

Hi my friends! Today’s podcast is about “badges” – or external factors that somehow take on supreme meaning in your life and dictate your self-worth – to you. Whether it’s a job, a number on the scale, a trophy or an expensive car – a badge can affect you so deeply that your whole world changes in the blink of an eye, almost like a hallucination. You might have experienced the results of wearing your badges when you’re either on a personal high or low – and the difference between the two worlds is vast and disorienting, despite how small the factors are when put in perspective. For example – let’s say you get an accolade at work: you feel like you’re a star, you’re so powerful and confident, you don’t need anyone! You don’t even need to call people back! You are that worth knowing, and everyone loves you. Maybe you more freely spend money because you’re going places! You look better in the mirror, you feel young, successful, sexy… “Man I impress everyone!” The flip side of that coin is pretty dark: when you feel you have failed at something or lack something meaningful. For example, maybe you met someone you liked and texted them, but never got a text back. Suddenly the same you will feel ugly, fat, clumsy, talentless, incapable, and perceive that everyone around you sees you as an imbecile. Suddenly this hallucination changes your interpretation of everything anyone says to you: you question whether or not your friends like you, whether or not you are smart, and even how you see your reflection. From this state of mind, you see your acne as horrendous! “How does anyone like me, at all?” And all of this happens in a split second: with one tiny bit of information, your view of yourself and your life - changes. That’s how powerful these external badges can be, and that is not how they should be. Because that is very unfair to you, to be owned by something so dumb – and it’s making you miss out on the real goods you might experience – you’re focusing on the wrong thing if you want to really understand and appreciate who you are. Which is great, and a gift of a person to know. So if you’re in a place where you feel bad about yourself based on an external definition – so much so that it has taken control of the opinion you hold about yourself– this is a podcast for you. Perhaps even listen to it twice, because if this is happening to you – this can be untrained just like any other bad habit. And you deserve for it to stop – cause you’re awesome! For the blog version, check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com later this week, and as always, smile peeps!! xox Sarah-May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is an interview with the wonderful and talented Justin Lyon – entrepreneur and all-around happy person. His ventures include Yo Gabba Gabba, The Unique Camp, Photo Fieldtrip, LuLaRoe clothing and photographer for Amelia Lyon Photography. If you’re a creative person looking to make what you love in your life into your livelihood, this is for you. We cover topics like inspiration, confidence, pursuing your dreams, spending time with your fam, being an awesome dad, working with your spouse – plus some valuable new resources out there for creators of all kinds. For the blog version of this post and the links to all we discuss, visit TeaspoonOfHappy.com later this week or check out HelloGiggles.com A couple links to get you started: https://twitter.com/justinlyon http://yogabbagabba.com http://amelialyon.net http://photofieldtrip.com http://theuniquecamp.com http://www.lularoe.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s podcast is about what makes an awesome bestie so I’m interviewing my best friend of around 30 years – singer/songwriter/actress and all around wonderful girl – Zooey Deschanel. We discuss favorite childhood memories, fave dance moves, a few bestie hypotheticals, plus what qualities to look for in your own best friends! It’s basically a love fest about all our childhood memories so I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did! Xox Sarah May B. For more of my writing and the blog version of this interview, check out http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com later this week! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you go through a devastating experience like being left by someone you thought was “yours for life” it can be unearthing of everything in your world. Shaking what you want, how you feel about yourself and the future, what you feel safe with – who you feel safe with. Aside the expected affects, the pain, the mourning, this kind of experience can have some very strange effects – because when you’re taken by surprise by something like a relationship, it’s traumatic. You have been shocked. So I will hopefully tackle some of the common ones – so you can see that you’re not crazy, it’s all quite natural, as well as hopefully offer you a timeline for how you might feel. One you can follow along with – so that you can best care for yourself and allow yourself to heal and grow. If this was a long-term relationship – or even a short one but one you relied on in immense ways, the loss can make you feel you have nothing to stand on. In short, it can level you and remove all safety from your life. You might be going through worry over what will come of your life – will you remarry? Will you ever love again, trust again? Are you loveable? Am I too old, am I stupid to have trusted this person? Was I the only one who didn’t know – how didn’t I know? What’s wrong with me that I didn’t see this coming? How do I even move on with love? Woah. Yeah, that’s a lot. So slow down. It’s going to be okay. It’s time to put that aside. Now is not the time you should be thinking about the future. You should simply focus on loving and caring for yourself right now. Truly, how could you tackle planning anything other than addressing your immediate needs – you just experienced a traumatic event in your life and you are in a recovery/healing mode – that’s what you need to be aware of most. All you need to do right now is make yourself feel soothed and healthy and balanced. If you’re going through a total limbo of character and it’s freaking you out, I will go through a couple of common reactions that happen when one is put through a trauma such as yours. And yes, it’s a “trauma” which means your person is likely having a hard time integrating this new information back into your brain alongside the rest of your experiences. So in short, a big shift is happening. Don’t worry! It’s all for the good. I hope I can help you stay balanced throughout it – hang in there, friend - because I know an event like this can rock you to your core. If you want to read more of my writing on a variety of other topics – and to see the blog version of this podcast, visit: http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com Smile y’all! Sending you my love… Sarah-May B. This is for Linda, I hope you like and hang in there girl! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s that period of time when you’re not sure what to do – but nothing’s changing and you’re trying your hardest, and something better happen soon or else you just might give up. Whether you’re on a new health kick and not seeing dramatic results, or attempting to pursue a new career – often the most difficult to surmount is the master of disguise – the plateau. Oh, the old plateau will make life look pretty much the same for long enough that you start to get antsy. That you start to feel you might have already failed – or that change of course is needed – “I haven’t seen progress for quite a while - something must not be working – it must be me, why did I even think to try in the first place? This must not be right-“ or my favorite, “Silly me, I never had a chance of success in the first place…” It is this window of time – the plateau – I would argue, that is the most difficult challenge you will ever face. It’s not the last leg of the race that tricks you into stopping. It’s the time when literally the only piece of advice you need is “Keep going.” It’s this advice that’s the hardest to follow – especially when it comes to pursuits that are new – that require you go out on a limb and jump. If this is you, I am writing this to give you a much-needed push in the same direction. You must have a large gulp of Gatorade and listen to the sound of my voice – keep running. I know it’s not fun anymore, you don’t feel successful, but there was a very good reason you started this run – and now’s the time you’ve got to trust that and just keep running. Trust your own original instincts and power through. You’re on a plateau and the plateau ends – your path will eventually round a turn, and once it does, you will be able to see the finish line in the distance. Check out http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com for the blog post version of this podcast in the next few days and if you like this, please follow me on Soundcloud or review me on iTunes. Happy new year lovely friends!!! xox Sarah-May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Self-Control: Why a lack of it isn’t your fault, plus 6 tools to improve it. If you find you have a lack of willpower to do what you know is best for you when it matters the most, this is a podcast for you. I will go into the reasons why as well as a few tools to help you make progress. The episode is divided into three parts: 1. The science behind low-willpower and its effects on your life. 2. General Causes of Low-Willpower. 3. Tools to Improve Your Lack of it, starting today. Willpower is a particular kind of energy to exert control. With low-willpower comes a whole lot of badness. It compromises your ability to follow rules, reduces your emotional control, increases anger, anxiety, how well you do at school, the amount of traffic accidents you have, how popular you are, how successful you are. Most relevant: it’s a finite reservoir – so if you’re using it throughout the day, you tap it out. And unfortunately you can’t tell when your willpower is depleted but it’s worn down throughout the day. So universally, you have the most of it in the morning. The energy for willpower is linked to your body’s natural energy supply. That’s why dieting is a catch-22. You need energy to have willpower. Not to mention: The more you diet, the more your body learns to resist dieting. That’s why the amount of self-control you have has a large effect on work and school, but a small effect on dieting. So if you suffer most from a lack of willpower when it comes to food, fill yourself up with healthy food so your body has fuel to supply willpower. And most importantly: use the strength you have to accomplish one task at a time. When you split your energy to two different habit changes, you are likely to fail. For example, dieters are less able to quit smoking. Can’t do two things at once. It’s a finite increment of energy inside of you at all times so if you are dealing with managing a lot of pain – let’s say you are stressed or in pain, emotionally, you will likely have a huge problem stopping yourself from snacking in front of the tv at night. Picture yourself swatting away flies all day long. At the end of the day you’re going to be exhausted and likely slow down, even giving up and allowing lots of them to land. When you’re depleted, you also become more aggressive. When you have more of this energy / glucose you become less aggressive. Hence road rage! Most importantly, if you suffer from low-willpower, don’t be mad at yourself – help yourself and support your own ability to do what you know is best for yourself! Xox Sarah May B. For more of my writing and the blog version of this posting, visit http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is for anyone who is suffering the pain of loss. Loss of someone or something important in your life is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to deal with. And though it feels excruciating, it’s part of what makes your life rich – it is the other half of love. Right now you are likely struggling with what you want to believe is impossible. It feels so wrong – like such a violation of natural laws. Your brain and body also wants desperately to deny that this loss is true. That is the fear of the pain you will feel – you don’t want to look. Like you almost want to forget – to avoid confronting this truth. I must tell you that although the pain is almost unbearable, it will not kill you. You will move through it – just allow yourself to move through it a little bit at a time. Act as your own caregiver in the way you treat this managing of pain. I know it's a process that will feel like it's never ending but in reality it will be much shorter than you think, and every day it will get the tiniest bit easier. Just the tiniest bit. And one day you will once again be happy. Right now - all you can do is move through this time with grace: decide you are going to take it easy on yourself and soothe yourself in any and all ways you possibly can. The best tools I can give you are to manage the processing of the pain in small and manageable increments, so that you can remain as stable and healthy as possible. What I will (hopefully) give you: - A structure to abide for self-care. - A way to mourn so that you can continue to function and take care of yourself. This one's for Bo. I hope this helps you even a little bit! xox Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a very short guided meditation for supporting your overall level of calm and relaxation. I recco this or your own ritual if you have a high level of stress in your life or you can't seem to shut your brain off at night. Just do it first-thing in the morning or at lunch while you’re taking a walk. Anywhere really, as long as you can close your eyes and be uninterrupted for about ten minutes. If you want to learn more about why it’s important to get your mind to relax, check out the podcast on how to stop thinking so much. Hope you enjoy! xox Sarah May B. For more of my writing including the blog version of the over-thinking podcast, head over to: http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your brain start chattering and seemingly never stop? Do you feel distracted and unable to focus? This is for anyone who is trapped in chronic thinking. Like your brain won’t seem to shut up and it’s getting a bit noisy up there. I will cover the what, the why, and most importantly, the solution. There are about 10 different super silly tools to get you started. And apologies in advance - I also drop the F-bomb. (Just once!) This is for Cindy – and it’s a great topic. Thanks for suggesting this girl! Check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com for the blog post with all my references and research -it will be live later this week. Smile peeps! xox Sarah-May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’re in the process of retraining your brain out of negative thought patterns, sometimes you can get discouraged – thinking it’s never going to work. That’s when you can get stuck dwelling in the fact that you are stuck in a negative mindset. What a vicious cycle! This is an emotional power-up for if you’re getting discouraged with the change you are trying to make in your own bad habits. Maybe you’re trying to train yourself to focus on happiness, to stop worrying, or to be simply calm and still. Whatever it is – this is to soothe that fear and get you back on track – which is where you are already, whether you can see it or not! I hope you like and if you want to read more of my writing or read my book, head to http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com I send you my love and vibes of positivity! Smile peeps!! xox Sarah-May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices