When someone asks us to do something we don’t want to do, we often say yes even though we want to say no, because we think that saying no will feel terrible. But my guest, Dr. Vanessa Patrick, says the opposite is true: we actually feel great when we say no.So why do we have such a hard time doing so?Today on the show, Vanessa, who’s the author of The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life, answers that question and more. She shares how to categorize the asks you get into quadrants to determine whether you should say yes or no to them. And she explains how to give an “empowered refusal” — a no that’s phrased in a way that makes it less likely to create offense or pushback — so you can start saying no to the things that don’t matter, and spend more of your time on the things that do.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Article: How to Firmly Say No Without Coming Off Like a JerkAoM Article: A Better Way to Say NoSunday Firesides: Give the Gift of NoAoM Article: Quit Being a Pushover: How to Be AssertiveAoM Article: There Is No Indispensable ManConnect With Dr. Vanessa PatrickVanessa’s websiteVanessa on LinkedInVanessa on TwitterVanessa on IGVanessa’s faculty page 

Saying no can seem risky. We worry about offending others, damaging relationships, or hurting our own reputation. But as Vanessa Patrick says, no is an empowering word that gives us greater agency in our lives.Saying no “is not a rejection of the other person,” says Patrick, a professor of Marketing at the University of Houston. Instead, it allows you to set boundaries and “[give] voice to what you believe and what you care about.” In her book, The Power of Saying No, Patrick introduces what she calls “empowered refusal,” a way of saying no that’s rooted in one’s identity, values, priorities, and preferences. “An empowered no,” she says, “is about us, not a rejection of the other person.”In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Patrick and host Matt Abrahams explore how to use the power of no, how to move from strategy forming to strategy implementation, and how to resist momentary pleasures that distract us from our larger goals.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Become a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

Matt reflects on the top 10 takeaways from the podcast episodes, including making observations, avoiding jargon, saying no, overcoming FOMO, considering audience listening, and understanding human filters for better communication.

Vanessa Patrick: The Power of Saying No Vanessa Patrick is the Associate Dean for Research, Executive Director of Doctoral Programs, a Bauer Professor of Marketing and lead faculty of the Executive Women in Leadership Program at the Bauer School of Business at the University of Houston. She has been recognized with a number of awards for both scholarship and teaching and was named one of the top 50 most productive marketing scholars worldwide by the DocSig of the American Marketing Association. Vanessa was appointed as a Fulbright Specialist (2019-24) by the U.S. Department of State, Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs. She is a prominent scholar in her field and serves on editorial and policy boards of leading academic journals. She is currently an Associate Editor for the Journal of Marketing Research and the Journal of Marketing and she's the author of The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You in Charge of Your Life*. Most leaders know that it’s important to say no to requests that aren’t the right use of time and resources. But how do you navigate this when the other party is likely to respond in a difficult way? In this conversation, Vanessa and I explore the patterns of difficult askers and how we can do a better job of responding when we’re interacting with them. Key Points We all have both marigolds and walnut trees in our lives. Marigold protect and strengthen us - walnut trees crowd out our time and interfere. Difficult askers often confront us with face-to-face requests, use their home court advantage, and insist on an immediate response. Pushback is normal and expected. It’s helpful to view it as a hurdle to overcome vs. something to avoid. Either way, we will spend the energy. Resentment is a helpful indicator that difficult askers are taking too much power. Establish personal policies that provide guidelines so you can proactively come back to values when considering requests. It’s helpful to consider advance requests in the context of fulfilling the commitment immediately, otherwise we’ll continue to feel the pressure of resentment and Resources Mentioned The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You in Charge of Your Life* by Vanessa Patrick Interview Notes Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes How to Say No Without Saying No, with Lois Frankel (episode 471) How to Speak Up, with Connson Locke (episode 546) How to Help People Speak Truth to Power, with Megan Reitz (episode 597) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

In this episode, Vanessa Patrick shares a strategy for saying "no" inspired by one of the most famous people in the world, and one of the best at saying "no"—Oprah Winfrey.