Polycurious 64. Should You Have Rules When Opening Up? with A & J (Part 1)
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Oct 21, 2025 A and J discuss their journey of opening their long-term relationship after menopause sparked a newfound libido in A. They share how they transitioned from a rule-focused dynamic, initially driven by J's insecurities, to a rule-free approach. The conversation reveals the complexities of jealousy, enmeshment, and self-discovery as they navigate their experiences. J reflects on personal growth and the importance of communication, while A highlights the value of self-reflection and respect in their evolving bond.
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Use Temporary Agreements, Not Judgments
- If you need restrictions while opening, admit they come from your insecurity and commit to working on them.
- Use temporary agreements to slow the pace, not to permanently control your partner's freedom.
Name The Insecurity Behind Boundaries
- Ensure both partners consent to any boundary and openly name the insecurity behind it for better growth.
- Revisit and remove restrictive agreements as comfort and self-work progress.
Long-Term Relationship Sparks Opening
- A and J met in college, moved in together after two weeks, and built a family over decades before opening up after 28½ years.
- A's surge in libido during perimenopause sparked her desire to explore sex outside the marriage, which led to conversations about non-monogamy.