How to Get Better at Confrontation

whatshot 5 snips

Aug 3, 2025

Confrontation might be tough, but evading it can be even tougher! Explore the intricacies of self-respect and how avoidance impacts relationships. Delve into Aristotle and Kant’s insights on navigating difficulties with kindness and truth. Uncover practical strategies for healthy communication and the significance of directness in conflict resolution. Discover the magic ratio for maintaining connections and the importance of respectful confrontation, paving the way for emotional intelligence in your interactions!

35:48

forum

Ask episode

web_stories

AI Snips

view_agenda

Chapters

menu_book

Books

auto_awesome

Transcript

info_circle

Episode notes

insights

INSIGHT

Confrontation Protects Self-Respect

Avoiding confrontation slowly erodes self-respect and agency.
Victoria Hutchins says shrinking yourself for others' comfort leads to 'finding no one at home.'

insights

INSIGHT

When Silence Causes Greater Harm

Sometimes confronting someone is the kinder act to prevent greater harm.
Victoria uses the trolley metaphor to show when stepping in outweighs staying silent.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Use Practical Wisdom Before Acting

Pause before acting and apply practical wisdom (phronesis).
Victoria recommends weighing timing, tone, and intent before confronting someone.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

The Crucial Role of Confrontation in Self-Respect and Relationships

06:37 • 12min

chevron_right

Navigating Confrontation: Balancing Truth, Kindness, and Context

18:13 • 5min

chevron_right

Mastering the Art of Confrontation for Healthier Relationships

22:47 • 10min

chevron_right

Navigating the Nuances of Confrontation

32:39 • 3min

chevron_right

#838

• Mentioned in 27 episodes

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

John Gottman

Nan Silver

This book, written by John Gottman and Nan Silver, is based on Gottman's extensive research on couples and their relationships. It outlines seven principles that couples can follow to nurture their friendship, resolve conflicts effectively, and create a shared sense of meaning. The principles include enhancing 'love maps,' nurturing fondness and admiration, turning toward each other, letting each other influence, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock, and creating shared meaning. The book also warns against the 'Four Horsemen' of criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, which can predict the demise of a marriage. Packed with exercises, questionnaires, and real-life examples, this guide helps couples improve their communication, intimacy, and overall relationship quality.

#6217

• Mentioned in 5 episodes

The Art of Communicating

Thich Nhat Hanh

In this book, Thich Nhat Hanh provides a precise and practical guide on how to communicate effectively. He emphasizes the importance of mindful communication, starting with oneself and then extending to others. The book covers key topics such as deep listening, loving speech, and managing anger. It includes examples from his work with couples, families, and international conflicts, highlighting how these skills can transform personal and global interactions. The author advocates for using mindfulness practices, such as conscious breathing, to enhance communication and reduce suffering.

#170

• Mentioned in 82 episodes

Nicomachean Ethics

Aristotle

The Nicomachean Ethics is Aristotle's most renowned work on ethics, focusing on the science of the good for human life. The text is divided into ten books and discusses the concept of eudaimonia, often translated as 'happiness' or 'flourishing,' which is achieved through living a virtuous life. Aristotle argues that eudaimonia is an activity of the soul in accordance with virtue, emphasizing the importance of reason, moral virtues, and the pursuit of excellence. The work also explores the division of the soul, the role of rationality in human life, and the ultimate goal of human activity, which is to achieve happiness through virtuous actions and a complete life.

#11854

• Mentioned in 3 episodes

Groundwork of the metaphysics of morals

Immanuel Kant

In 'Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals', Kant seeks to discover and establish the fundamental principle of morality. He argues that the only thing that is unconditionally good is a good will, and its goodness is not based on the results of actions but on the principle of volition itself. Kant introduces the concept of the categorical imperative, which states that one must act only according to maxims that could be willed to become universal laws. He derives this principle from ordinary moral thought and philosophical points about the nature of duty, emphasizing that moral laws are synthetic a priori judgments that apply to rational beings irrespective of contingent aspects of their nature.

#19620

• Mentioned in 2 episodes

On Self-Respect

Joan Didion

In 'On Self-Respect,' Joan Didion delves into the nature of self-respect, positing that it is not derived from external validation but from an internal reckoning. She argues that true self-respect involves taking responsibility for one's actions, acknowledging mistakes, and living authentically. Didion emphasizes that self-respect is a discipline of the mind, requiring the courage to face one's flaws and the ability to discriminate between what is truly valuable and what is not. The essay underscores that self-respect liberates individuals from the expectations of others and empowers them to live according to their own values and goals.

Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you.

EPISODE OUTLINE

00:00 Intro

05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect

06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect

08:47 The trolley problem (Foote)

14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically

16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle)

18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative

20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates

23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts

23:49 the Gottman institute

24:44 Confrontation don’ts

26:14 Confrontation dos

26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships

26:53 Bids for attention

27:59 Soft startups

29:08 Repair attempts

32:09 Lightning round recap

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

⁠Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961)
⁠Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE)
⁠Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)
⁠Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013)
⁠Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999)

MY LINKS

⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats!
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Home Top podcasts Popular guests Top books