Soul Gum

Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you.EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect 06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect 08:47 The trolley problem (Foote)14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically 16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle) 18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates 23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts23:49 the Gottman institute 24:44 Confrontation don’ts26:14 Confrontation dos26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships26:53 Bids for attention27:59 Soft startups 29:08 Repair attempts32:09 Lightning round recapMENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE ​ ⁠Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961)​ ⁠Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE)​ ⁠Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)​ ⁠Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013)​ ⁠Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999)MY LINKS​ ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Discover the essential habits that transform you into a great conversationalist. Learn how to view conversation as a skill that can be developed through practice. Dive into the art of asking open-ended questions and leaving room for the unexpected. Embrace authenticity and navigate awkward moments to deepen connections. Realize that meaningful conversations can open doors and foster friendships in an era where genuine interaction is rare. Get ready to enhance your conversational confidence and engage more meaningfully!

Feeling stuck? Discover how philosophical insights from the likes of Kafka and Sartre can illuminate your path to freedom. Explore the paradox of choice and how prioritizing experiences over information can help you grow. Learn to embrace imperfection as a stepping stone to confidence. Delve into the absurdity of life, and find meaning even in chaos. By addressing outdated expectations and absurd situations, you can reclaim control and reconnect with your true self.

19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed every transformation followed a sacred three-step pattern. In this episode, we walk through the three metamorphoses of the soul from Nietzsche’s 1883 work Thus Spoke Zarathustra. We’ll talk about why a chapter of chaos might be necessary to become your fullest, truest self, and how Nietzsche’s stages apply to modern life. This episode is for you if you're experiencing or anticipating a big shift, no matter whether it relates to your career, relationships, creativity, spirituality, identity, or everything at once. If you’re feeling lost, restless, or ready for reinvention, this one’s for you.EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro06:34 The camel spirit 11:32 The lion spirit 17:25 The child spirit 25:40 Lightning round recap 26:43 ChallengeMY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Thought daughters, this one’s for you. This episode is your guide to keeping your mind fed all summer long. In it, I share the note-taking system that’s changing my life, a 10 minute morning routine that primes your brain for creative work, recs for intellectually stimulating podcasts, books, and newsletters, and more. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro02:14 1. Take notes  06:57 2. Write by hand08:42 3. Get out of your echo chamber11:01 4. Remember the Zeigarnik effect 14:54 5. Change your conversation norms18:08 6. Practice hard attention21:11 7. 10 minute morning rule22:33 8. Chew your brain food23:54 9. Show what you don’t know26:20 Newsletter recs 27:41 Philosophy podcast recs28:08 Poetry recs29:40 Lightning round recap 

So your life just changed. Maybe you moved, your relationship ended, or you quit a job. You've found yourself in new territory without your usual routines, roles, or scripts. You're Googling “who even am I?” every night.Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In this episode, I’m sharing 8 things I wish I knew during past seasons of change in my life. The in-between is uncomfortable, but it's also full of possibility. If you’re in a messy middle right now, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 03:35 How to follow your intuition 06:38 How to know the right choice10:50 The effect of your ego14:10 The impact of who you keep close 19:27 The importance of confrontation23:21 The impact of tiny choices 26:40 How to shift into the next chapter 28:59 Hard versus wrong SOURCESSmoke filled room study Balloon study bell hooks, all about love Audre Lorde essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and ActionChurning of the ocean story from the Mahabharata 

How you spend your weeks is how you spend your life. In this episode, I walk through five powerful philosophical, psychological and spiritual concepts—including Nietzsche’s eternal return, Aristotle’s golden mean, the planning fallacy, and Parkinson’s Law—that will help you create a weekly routine you love. I also let you in on my own weekly routine, including a Sunday night ritual to rewire your brain and my top tips for planning weeks that change your life. EPISODE OUTLINE04:21 Nietzsche’s eternal return12:27 Aristotle’s golden mean 19:04 The jar principle & Parkinson’s law23:16 “I don’t have time” vs. “it’s not a priority”25:28 The planning fallacy (Kahneman) 31:59 Dharma37:22 My weekly routineMY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

The bad news is you’re always going to care what people think. The good news is  it doesn’t have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other people’s opinions steer your every move, this one’s for you.EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural07:14 2. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do 16:07 3. You should care what some people think 18:16 4. Not caring what people think ≠ not caring about people19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually26:21 6. You don’t know what people think30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are35:32 8. You care more about other people’s opinions when you don’t have your own37:28 9. It’s okay to want to be with people who make you feel good39:27 Lightning round recap42:29 ChallengeEPISODE LINKS• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz • Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl • The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga• The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir• The Art of Living by Epictetus • Spotlight Effect Study • Social Rejection Triggers Physical Pain Brain Centers • Surgeon General's Report on the Health Impact of Loneliness MY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Exploring the concept of self, the discussion dives into philosophical thoughts from Freud to Sartre, highlighting how our childhood shapes our identities. The 'cool chill girl' stereotype reveals the tension between societal expectations and personal authenticity. Jung's ideas on masks and shadows shed light on our hidden selves. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own journeys towards honesty, questioning how much of themselves they truly own versus perform. It’s a deep dive into the struggle for genuine self-expression in a conformist world.

Feeling stuck? This discussion tackles that all-too-common rut, exploring emotional challenges following major life transitions. A practical three-step roadmap is laid out: firstly, clarifying your personal story to reframe setbacks; secondly, making small, manageable plans to regain momentum; and lastly, extending grace to yourself during tough times. With personal anecdotes and insights on resilience, this talk inspires listeners to embrace imperfections and take actionable steps toward renewal.