Julie Gottman, co-founder of The Gottman Institute, dives into the fundamentals of nurturing strong relationships. She emphasizes the importance of authenticity over conforming to a partner's expectations. The discussion explores how meaningful questions can deepen intimacy and the necessity of navigating change together. Gottman also highlights the significance of genuine gratitude and recognizing positive contributions to enhance emotional connections. Overall, the conversation advocates for continuous investment in relationships to foster lasting love and commitment.
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volunteer_activism ADVICE
Look For Kindness
Look for kindness in a potential partner, observing their behavior towards others.
Notice how they treat service staff, as this reflects their respect and character.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Assess Reliability
Assess a potential partner's reliability early on in dating.
Do they show up on time and keep their promises?
question_answer ANECDOTE
Acceptance in a Relationship
John Gottman's daughter felt accepted and comfortable being herself around her future husband.
Her previous boyfriend tried to suppress her passion for singing, highlighting the importance of acceptance.
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The Love Prescription, Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy
Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy
John Gottman
Julie Schwartz Gottman
The Love Prescription distills the Gottmans’ life’s work into a bite-size, seven-day action plan with easy, immediately actionable steps. The book is based on 50 years of research on over three thousand couples, aiming to identify the building blocks of love and provide a scientific formula for a good relationship. It offers practical advice without requiring grand gestures or big conversations, making it accessible for anyone to start from any point.
Today, I talk to John and Julie Gottman to discuss how to strengthen relationships. Dr. Julie and John share their thoughts on why we should stop being the person who we think our partners like and start being our genuine selves, what can we do to build and/or improve intimacy with our partner, and how to deal with the changes you and your partner go through without losing the connection and stay committed to each other.
Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is a co-founder and President of The Gottman Institute and co-founder of Affective Software, Inc. with her husband John Gottman. For over 40 years they have devoted their life to the research and practice of fostering healthy, long-lasting relationships through the training of clinicians and the creation of transformative products for couples around the world.
You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.comand find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
02:08 What qualities should we focus on when we start dating a person?
05:25 We are always molding ourselves in accordance to someone else’s preferences
11:09 The role of self-esteem and self awareness in healthy relationships
16:57 What happens when we limit ourselves in meeting people online
24:45 Why asking a ‘big’ question is important in building intimacy?
28:27 How do you deal with your partner and the constant changes they go through?
33:36 Finding new ways to stay connected with your partner
38:58 This is why you need to focus more on the positive aspects of your relationship
42:57 Expressing gratitude and explaining why you’re thankful ads more depth to the moment
50:00 Is there a way to know if a relationship can last?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty 
