Award-winning science writer David Robson discusses overcoming loneliness by understanding cognitive biases and building social connections. Topics include shared reality, evolution of social pain neurons, navigating social relationships, self-expansion, gratitude, and human social potential.
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Quick takeaways
Building strong relationships involves experiencing a shared reality that leads to increased altruism and closeness.
Loneliness neurons become active when lacking social connections, emphasizing the brain's need for ongoing connection.
Deep dives
Building Stronger Relationships through Shared Reality
Building strong relationships involves experiencing a shared reality where individuals feel the same way about events, occupying a similar stream of consciousness. Research shows that sharing intimate thoughts and feelings, such as laughing at the same jokes or finishing each other's sentences, creates a feeling that minds have merged, leading to increased altruism and closeness in relationships.
Impact of Social Pain on Relationships
Social pain, similar to physical pain, warns us of potential social exclusion, emphasizing the evolutionary importance of maintaining social connections. Loneliness neurons become active when lacking social connections, underlining our brain's need for ongoing connection.
Types of Social Relationships and Their Effects
Supportive relationships, essential for health, offer mutual understanding and support. Aversive relationships, while unpleasant, can be managed through avoidance. Ambivalent relationships, which oscillate between support and criticism, can be more stressful, leading to uncertainty and potential negative impacts on health.
Importance of Self-Expansion in Relationships
Self-expansion in relationships involves discovering new aspects of oneself through shared experiences, fostering growth and maintaining relationship vitality. Expressing appreciation and sharing successes authentically contribute to building strong connections, while avoiding comparative boasting and cultivating conviviality enhances positive interactions.
Social connections are one of the keys to a happy and healthy life, yet few of us learn how to build them.
If we’re lucky, we have family and friends who model them. But even then, our biology equips us with cognitive biases that can get in the way.
Fortunately, award-winning science writer David Robson has studied the research. He shares what he’s learned in his latest book, The Laws of Connection: The Scientific Secrets of Building a Strong Social Network.
In this conversation, he talks about the biases we hold and how we can overcome them. It’s a terrific resource for rethinking your approach to social connection.
Episode Links
How Learning about the Science of Shyness Helped Me
The Big Idea: Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Being a Mess
Interview with Marissa King on Social Networks and Social Chemistry
The Team
Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here.
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