Tenacious Parts: Befriending Grief, Anger, and Hope with Audrey Davidheiser
Oct 11, 2024
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Audrey Davidheiser, a licensed psychologist and certified IFS therapist, delves into the intricate relationship between grief and anger. She highlights how these tenacious parts protect our legacies and emphasizes the importance of befriending rather than fighting them. Audrey discusses the multi-dimensional nature of grief, exploring its connections to cultural background and trauma. She also reveals that every part of us grieves differently, urging listeners to welcome all emotions in the healing process.
Understanding and befriending tenacious parts like grief and anger allows for deeper emotional healing and personal growth.
Cultural background plays a significant role in shaping our emotional experiences, influencing how we navigate grief and legacy burdens.
Deep dives
Transformational Learning in Therapy
The episode highlights the significance of transformational learning within the realm of therapy, particularly through the lens of internal family systems (IFS). It promotes the upcoming 2024 IFS Virtual Conference, which serves as a platform for both seasoned practitioners and newcomers to deepen their knowledge and engage with leading experts. By participating in workshops and talks, attendees can gain insights into how IFS can enhance personal and professional growth. This emphasis on collective learning underscores the power of community in healing and therapy.
Cultural Perspectives on Healing
Audrey Davenheiser shares her unique cultural background as an Indonesian and how it informs her therapeutic practice. She articulates the importance of respecting familial and ancestral ties, especially when working with clients holding legacy burdens. By drawing from her collectivistic roots, she fosters an understanding of loyalty in familial relationships, allowing clients to navigate their emotional struggles more effectively. This cultural insights add depth to her approach, showing that understanding one's background is crucial in the therapeutic process.
Navigating Grief and Loss
Audrey shares her personal experiences with grief, particularly following the sudden loss of her father. She recounts the transformative impact of the IFS model in processing her emotions and navigating her grief journey. This model highlights that all parts of oneself are welcome in the grieving process, allowing individuals to embrace their feelings without judgment, whether those feelings are sadness, anger, or confusion. Audrey encourages others to acknowledge and validate their grief, emphasizing that every individual's process can be unique and multifaceted.
The Role of Angry Parts in Healing
The discussion delves into the significance of acknowledging and honoring angry parts within individuals, especially concerning grief and trauma. Rather than viewing anger as a negative or disruptive force, Audrey explains that it often arises from a place of protection for something valuable. By inviting these angry parts to share their perspectives, therapists can help clients access deeper emotions and facilitate healing. This approach fosters a respectful relationship between the self and various parts, allowing for a more comprehensive understanding of one's emotional landscape.
In this week’s episode I chat with Audrey Davidheiser, licensed psychologist and Certified IFS therapist and IFSI-approved clinical consultant about working with grief and anger through the Internal Family Systems lens.
We discuss:
How tenacious parts like grief and anger hold on, often because they feel they are protecting something important, like legacy or family loyalty. What can we learn by befriending these tenacious parts rather than fighting them?
How your cultural background can influence your emotional experience, and how you can work with legacy burdens in your healing process
Grief as a multi-dimensional experience – it's not just about sadness, but can include anger, regret, or even relief
Religious Grief and Trauma – how religious trauma can exile parts of ourselves, such as those feeling grief or anger, and the need for compassionate acknowledgment of them
All parts grieve differently and how to welcome all parts into the grieving process. How can understanding the different ways we grieve help us heal?
Honoring angry parts – befriend anger by understanding its role in protecting something important
IFS and Grief – how IFS uniquely holds space for grief
Favorite Quotes:
“It's not just that everybody grieves differently, but every part of you grieves differently as well.”
"Angry parts are there because they are protecting something valuable.”
About Audrey Davidheiser: Audrey Davenheiser is a licensed psychologist, certified IFS therapist, and the author of the forthcoming book, Wholehearted Grieving. She specializes in working with trauma survivors, with a focus on grief and spiritual abuse.