Ty Tashiro, a professor of psychology and relationship expert, dives into the science behind choosing the right partner. He distinguishes between 'liking' and being 'in love,' revealing that emotional connection often outweighs looks and income. Tashiro outlines key personality traits essential for relationship happiness and stresses the need for external assessments of one’s partner. He also highlights the significance of childhood attachment styles and warns about red flags in relationships, offering a data-driven approach to selecting enduring love.
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insights INSIGHT
Being in Love
Romantic love involves both liking and lusting.
Being "in love" is an either-or phenomenon, not a spectrum.
insights INSIGHT
Components of Liking
Liking someone involves fairness, kindness, and loyalty.
These traits emerge and evolve from childhood to adulthood.
insights INSIGHT
Long-Term Love Dynamics
Liking remains constant long-term, while lust declines after a few years.
Passionate love fades for physiological reasons, not relationship failure.
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The Science of Why We're Socially Awkward and Why That's Awesome
Ty Tashiro
In 'Awkward,' Ty Tashiro delves into the nature of social awkwardness, drawing from decades of research in psychology, neuroscience, personality, and sociology. He explains how awkward individuals view the world differently and how their unique characteristics can be harnessed for success. The book interweaves personal anecdotes, real-world examples, and scientific studies to provide reassurance and valuable insights into embracing personal quirks and talents to navigate the complex social world more comfortably.
Attached
The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love
Amir Levine
In this book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel Heller explore the science of adult attachment, a concept pioneered by John Bowlby. They identify three primary attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and secure, each influencing how individuals approach relationships. The authors provide tools and communication strategies to help readers determine their own and their partner's attachment styles, navigate relationship challenges, and build more fulfilling and secure relationships. The book emphasizes that understanding attachment styles can help avoid mismatched relationships and foster a more secure and satisfying love life[2][4][5].
Whether you've been dating someone for a short time or been married for years, there's one question that can remain perennially interesting — did I choose the right partner?
My guest today has some answers to that question that aren't based on crowd-sourced anecdotes or biased personal hunches, but reams of scientific research. His name is Ty Tashiro and he's a professor of psychology, a relationship expert, and the author of The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love. We begin our discussion with the difference between loving someone and being in love with them, and how the latter comes down to a combination of like and lust. Ty shares the three elements that go into liking, and how this liking piece is really the foundation of long-lasting relational happiness, even though it tends to get underemphasized. Ty then reveals the surprisingly low ROI of factors like looks and income in relationship happiness, before unpacking the factors that do have an outsized impact in contributing to enduring love. We discuss which personality traits are predictive of relationship stability and satisfaction, which have the opposite effect, and why you need to ask your friends for their assessment of your significant other's personality, rather than only assessing it yourself. We also get into the importance of your partner's attachment style, which they learned in childhood, and two red flags to look for in your relationship.
These insights will prove super useful for those in the dating scene, but will also be of interest to those already in long-term relationships, in either affirming the wisdom of your choice of partner, or helping you identify issues that may be sabotaging your relationship and can still be addressed.
The Art of Manliness 
