TED Talks Daily Why venting doesn’t help you deal with anger | Jennifer Parlamis
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Aug 16, 2025 Jennifer Parlamis, a social psychologist specializing in conflict resolution, challenges the myth that venting helps with anger management. Instead, she emphasizes that curiosity and understanding are far more effective. Parlamis discusses how our interpretations of situations can intensify anger and offers practical tools for better emotional regulation, such as meditation and constructive communication. By exploring these ideas, she provides a refreshing perspective on managing emotions and improving relationships.
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Stroller Story Reveals Misattribution
- Jennifer Parlamis describes noticing her husband push their daughter's stroller with one hand and becoming angry.
- A conversation with her father revealed a situational cause she had not considered and defused her anger.
Anger Is Built By Attributions
- Anger is constructed by our brain through causal explanations we assign to events.
- Those attributions create a self-reinforcing cycle where blame increases anger and anger increases blame.
Anger Pushes You To Act
- Anger creates action tendencies that push us to do something.
- Venting is one of those actions but it does not necessarily reduce the anger that motivated it.