On Attachment

#50: Navigating Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

Feb 22, 2023
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INSIGHT

Perfectionism as Protection

  • Perfectionism in relationships is often a protective strategy rooted in fear, shame, and vulnerability aversion.
  • It hides our authentic selves to avoid being rejected or hurting emotionally.
INSIGHT

Anxious Attachment and Perfectionism

  • Anxiously attached people use perfectionism to appear flawless to keep love and avoid rejection.
  • This leads to extreme people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and controlling others’ perceptions.
INSIGHT

Avoidant Attachment’s Criticism Strategy

  • Avoidantly attached people impose perfectionistic standards on partners to create distance.
  • Criticism protects them from intimacy and vulnerability by focusing on the other's flaws.
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