John Kim, a therapist and author known for his unconventional relationship advice, dives deep into the intricate world of self-relationship. He discusses the crucial distinction between the solid self and the pseudo self, urging listeners to transform their lives by focusing inward. The conversation highlights the pitfalls of codependency, the importance of love languages, and the power of vulnerability. Kim emphasizes that personal growth and understanding are essential for healthy connections, urging everyone to embrace their authentic selves in relationships.
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insights INSIGHT
Self vs. Self
You have a pseudo-self and a solid self, like Edward Norton and Tyler Durden in Fight Club.
Connect with your solid self to bring your true, authentic self to relationships.
insights INSIGHT
Outside-In vs. Inside-Out
An outside-in mindset relies on external validation, hindering genuine connection.
Embrace your solid self to form deeper, more meaningful relationships.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Finding Self Through Fitness
John Kim found his solid self through fitness and motorcycles after his divorce.
Physical activity and personal pursuits can be pathways to self-discovery.
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In this book, Dr. Gary Chapman outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which he calls 'love languages'. By learning these languages, individuals can discover their unique love languages and those of their loved ones, leading to deeper and richer levels of intimacy. The book includes practical steps and a love language assessment to help strengthen relationships. It emphasizes that people tend to give love in the way they prefer to receive it, and understanding these differences can improve communication and relationship satisfaction.
I hope you’re ready to have your eyes opened to some INTENSE AND UNCONVENTIONAL relationship advice because THE ANGRY THERAPIST is in the house this week.
JOHN KIM is my guest, and for the next hour, we’re not just talking about relationships with other people. We’re going to peel back what makes you tick and talk about THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF.
You can tell John’s approach to therapy and relationships is different just on the titles of the best sellers he’s published…I USED TO BE A MISERABLE F*CK and SINGLE. ON PURPOSE. And he’s got a new title coming out called IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU, which may be his best work yet.
Tell me those don’t make you CURIOUS about what John’s got to say.
I love John’s work because he makes people turn relationship analysis INWARD, where most people refuse to spend enough time. It’s so easy to point blame at others when relationships go bad, but often the worst enemy is THE PERSON WE SEE IN THE MIRROR every morning.
Pay attention to what John has to say about his concept of SELF vs Self. It’s the key to how you can change your life to live INSIDE OUT instead of OUTSIDE IN. You’re also going to learn more about the internal dialogs you have with your SOLID SELF vs your PSEUDO SELF.
LOVE is amazing, but love isn’t perfect. John is going to tell you how we’re challenged because we're taught that love looks like CODEPENDENCY ... and we all know the pitfalls of codependency in all parts of our lives.
As part of his contrarian thinking, John also doesn’t believe in THE ONE. Instead, he explains why THE ONE IN FRONT OF YOU is the most important relationship you can possibly have.
That leads us to talk about different ATTACHMENT STYLES, finding beauty in each other’s CONTRASTS, and loving your partner like IT’S GOING TO END AT ANY TIME.
And no discussion about relationships would be complete without John’s takes of RED FLAGS vs. DEAL BREAKERS and how you should deal with DISHONESTY and COMPARISONS in a relationship. You’re also going to get an education on what to do if you’re not feeling “IT” anymore.
After you listen to John’s wisdom, spend some time thinking more about what you can do to IMPROVE THE RELATIONSHIPS in your life, especially the relationship you have with YOURSELF.
THE ED MYLETT SHOW 
