Episode 469: When The Unconscious Takes Over Your Sex Life

19 snips

Jan 23, 2026

Juliane Maxwald, a New York psychoanalyst and AASECT-certified sex therapist, discusses how unconscious forces shape sexuality. She explores orgasm as more than a physical reflex. Shame, trauma, and spectatoring and their effects on pleasure are examined. Practical approaches to reconnecting the body, calming the nervous system, and rebuilding relational safety are highlighted.

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INSIGHT

Orgasm As Surrender, Not Just Physics

Orgasm involves surrendering control and allowing pleasure to emerge rather than forcing it.
Juliane Maxwald frames orgasm as an unconscious surrender that integrates psychological and physiological elements.

INSIGHT

Widen The Sexual Umbrella

Broadening what counts as sexual experience (sensual, sexual, erotic) widens the path to pleasure.
Maxwald emphasizes nervous-system safety and presence over solely mechanical fixes for orgasmic problems.

ANECDOTE

Mistaking Different Orgasms For Failure

A client couldn't orgasm with a partner because she tried to match her intense vibrator experience.
Viewing diverse orgasm presentations helped her realize she was already orgasming during partnered sex.

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We often think good sex mostly comes down to physical technique. But many people feel disconnected from their bodies, stuck in their heads, or unable to access desire and pleasure. And that’s something technique alone can’t fix. Today, we’ll explore how attending to unconscious factors like shame, anxiety, and trauma can open the door to deeper pleasure.

I am joined once again by Juliane Maxwald, a licensed psychoanalyst, couples therapist, and AASECT-certified sex therapist based in New York City. She has over fifteen years of experience working with individuals and couples. She is the author of the new book Psychoanalytic Sex Therapy: Exploring the Unconscious Life of Sexuality.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

Why orgasm is more than a physical response
How shame and trauma quietly shape your sex life
Why “spectatoring” kills pleasure
When trying to fix your partner backfires
How to reconnect with your body during sex

To learn more about Juliane’s work, visit her website and find her on Instagram @julianemaxwald. Listeners can receive 20% off her new book, Psychoanalytic Sex Therapy, via this link.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.