ADHD in marriage: How it changed a relationship (Breon and Dan’s story)
Jul 23, 2024
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Breon Gummel is a trauma nurse and a passionate advocate for ADHD awareness, while her husband Dan Gummel works in media production, bringing his insights on navigating relationships with ADHD. They share their journey after Breon's diagnosis and how it transformed their marriage. Their discussions reveal the challenges in communication and planning while highlighting the laughter that comes from understanding. They emphasize the power of community through their ADHDinners, offering a safe space for shared experiences, acceptance, and healing.
Breon's ADHD diagnosis shifted their relationship dynamics, transforming misunderstandings into clarity and improving their communication as a couple.
The establishment of ADH dinners symbolizes their commitment to building a supportive community for individuals with ADHD and fostering shared experiences.
Deep dives
Understanding ADHD Through Personal Experience
ADHD presents itself uniquely to individuals, with one person describing their mind as a 'traffic jam', where multiple thoughts vie for attention simultaneously. This realization came during discussions with a friend newly diagnosed with ADHD, significantly impacting both Breon and Dan's understanding of Breon's experiences. Breon discussed how, before her diagnosis, she believed she was merely experiencing depression due to mental struggles but later discovered that her symptoms were indicative of ADHD. The diagnosis transformed her perception of her mental state, allowing her to feel more awake and aware, and improved their relationship by providing clarity to their previous conflicts.
Navigating Differences in Perspectives
Conversations between Breon and Dan often highlight the significant contrast in their thought processes, particularly in everyday situations like driving. Breon illustrated how distractions constantly invade her thoughts, making it challenging to focus on her surroundings, while Dan can observe details without feeling overwhelmed. These differences brought about misunderstandings previously, leading to frustration for both, but the diagnosis helped them articulate and comprehend these unique processing styles. Learning to appreciate each other's perspectives has enabled them to recalibrate their expectations and avoid misconstrued judgments.
Building Community and Support
Breon and Dan's journey includes utilizing ADHD coaching, which emphasizes skill-building alongside medication for effective management of ADHD. They created 'ADH dinners' to foster community support among individuals with ADHD and their loved ones, providing a space for shared experiences and mutual understanding. These dinners emerged from a need for Dan to comprehend the dynamics of ADHD better and provided an avenue for people to share their stories in a relatable atmosphere. Their collective experiences and ongoing education emphasize the importance of community in managing ADHD, revealing personal insights and fostering positive change.
Breon and Dan Gummel are a mixed-neurodiversity married couple. After about 5 years of marriage, Breon was diagnosed with ADHD. The conflicts they’d been having as a couple took on a new shape. The more they learned about ADHD, the better they understood each other.
Now, they’ve founded an ADHD community called ADHDinner. This is where people with ADHD, and their close ones, can come together for a meal and share their experiences. You can create your own wherever you live with their free ADHDinner guide.
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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