Radical Listening: Transform Your Relationships | Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener

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May 26, 2025

Christian van Nieuwerburgh, Professor of Coaching and Positive Psychology, and Robert Biswas-Diener, a renowned researcher, dive into 'Radical Listening.' They reveal how traditional active listening often misses the mark. Discover the six motivations behind listening and why half-listening can erode trust. They emphasize genuine engagement over polite nodding and share techniques for meaningful conversations, even in tough moments. Tune in for insights on deepening connections and making people feel truly valued in every interaction.

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INSIGHT

Listening Motivations Shape Focus

Listening intentions shape what you focus on in conversation, making your listening more effective.
Your goal might be to learn, validate, influence, or support, and this intention directs your attention selectively.

ADVICE

Connect Before Challenging

Begin difficult conversations by prioritizing connection and appreciation over authority.
Start by genuinely asking about the other person and acknowledging their efforts before addressing challenges.

ADVICE

Quick Genuine Care Matters

Show genuine care quickly, even with brief check-ins, to deeply support others.
Ask simple, earnest questions like 'Is there anything you need?' and 'What ideas do you have?' to demonstrate care.

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In this episode of The Art of Charm, we sit down with Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener and Professor Christian van Nieuwerburgh, authors of Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection. Together, they unpack a new framework for transforming your conversations—not with better scripts, but with sharper intention.

Drawing from psychology, coaching, and decades of research, we explore the six listening motivations, why “active listening” falls short, and how to avoid the silent killers of connection—like half-listening, politeness, and certainty.

Whether you're leading a team, navigating tough conversations, or simply tired of being misunderstood, this episode is a masterclass in making people feel truly seen, heard, and valued.

What to Listen For

[00:00:00] Introduction

[00:03:08] What is Radical Listening and how does it go beyond active listening?

[00:06:49] Six listening intentions—and how they change everything

[00:09:55] How to set the stage for hard conversations with appreciation, not authority

[00:17:34] Why quick, genuine care matters more than long, empty check-ins

[00:25:17] The myth of being a “great listener” and what most high performers miss

[00:34:33] Why watching yourself on video can instantly improve your listening

[00:38:12] What does “listening for” versus “listening to” actually mean?

[00:45:33] The real cost of half-listening—and why it breaks trust

[00:51:26] How to interject without interrupting—and why it’s actually radical empathy

Episode Takeaways:

You’re not being ignored because you're unimportant—people are stuck in half-attention. Flip the script by modeling radical listening.
Start with intention. Every conversation is a choice—validate, influence, learn, support. Know what you’re there to do.
Interruptions aren’t rude if they’re respectful. Interject to amplify, not hijack.
In your leadership, it's not what you say—it’s how you show you care. A 60-second check-in can change someone’s entire day.
Half-listening is worse than not listening at all. Either be fully present—or ask to talk later.The best listeners aren’t born—they’re trained. Develop your awareness like a skill, not a trait.

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Resources from this Episode

Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection

CoachOnAMotorcycle.com (Christian’s site)

IntentionalHappiness.com (Robert’s site)

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