On Attachment #43: "How do I navigate the tendency to lose myself in a long-term relationship as anxiously attached person?"
Jan 26, 2023
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Why Losing Yourself Happens
- Anxiously attached people commonly lose themselves because they prioritize connection above other life areas.
- This priority shapes decisions, time allocation, and energy toward the relationship over self-oriented activities.
The Constant Tallying Habit
- The anxious person constantly tallies how much time away from their partner activities will cost the relationship.
- That calculation narrows their life to things that keep them available and close to their partner.
Love Or Fear Produce The Same Outcome
- Losing yourself can be driven by love or by fear of losing the partner, including control, certainty, or trust issues.
- Both motives produce the same narrowing outcome even if the underlying feeling differs.