In a dynamic conversation, conflict expert Amy Gallo shares her insights on preparing for difficult discussions. She emphasizes the importance of viewing conflict as a collaborative opportunity while maintaining a focus on shared goals. Gallo advocates for honesty in acknowledging the challenges of tough conversations and encourages empathy to understand opposing perspectives. Techniques for framing interactions strategically, rather than relying on a scripted approach, are also discussed, enhancing the listener's ability to foster constructive dialogue in any environment.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Accidental Email
Amy Gallo accidentally sent a harsh email to a client, revealing her true feelings.
The client responded with generosity, asking why Amy hadn't addressed the issues directly.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Constructive Mindset
Acknowledge that conversations might be difficult, but frame them constructively.
Focus on what you can learn and view conflict as collaborative problem-solving.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Shifting Perspectives
Examine the story you tell yourself about the conflict and consider alternative explanations.
Visualize yourself and your colleague on the same side, tackling the conflict together.
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First published in 1936, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie is a timeless guide to improving interpersonal skills. The book is divided into four main sections: Six Ways to Make People Like You, Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, and Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Carnegie's principles emphasize the importance of genuine interest in others, active listening, and avoiding criticism and argument. The book offers practical advice on how to build strong relationships, communicate effectively, and influence others by aligning their self-interest with yours. It has been a cornerstone of personal development and business success for generations[2][3][5].
HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict
HBR Guide Series
Amy Gallo
Amy Gallo: HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict
Amy Gallo is an expert in conflict, communication, and workplace dynamics. She combines the latest management research with practical advice to deliver evidence-based ideas on how to improve relationships and excel at work. She is the author of the Harvard Business Review Guide to Dealing with Conflict*, a how-to guidebook about handling conflict professionally and productively.
In her role as a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review, Amy writes frequently about a range of topics with a focus on interpersonal dynamics, communicating ideas, leading and influencing people, and building your career. She is also co-host of Harvard Business Review’s Women at Work podcast, which is in its sixth season.
In this conversation, Amy and I discuss some of the key strategies that have emerged from her research on the most effective ways to prepare for conflict. We explore why a larger strategy is more important than a script, how to plan out your message, and the value of taking the other side’s perspective.
Key Points
Be honest with yourself that a conversation may be difficult, but also seek a constructive way to frame it.
Take your counterpart’s perspective, but don’t assume you know everything they are thinking.
Plan your message by appealing to a shared goal.
Focus your efforts on framing the larger strategy and outcome rather than a specific script or phrases.
Avoid scripting out a conversation, but have clarity on how you will start and the 2-3 points you need to convey.
When conflict emerges in the organization, leaders are wise to lean into it rather than shutting it down in the moment.
Resources Mentioned
Harvard Business Review Guide to Dealing with Conflict* by Amy Gallo
Harvard Business Review’s Women at Work podcast
Amy Gallo’s website
Related Episodes
How to Manage Abrasive Leaders, with Sharone Bar-David (episode 290)
The Way Into Difficult Conversations, with Kwame Christian (episode 497)
The Way Out of Major Conflict, with Amanda Ripley (episode 529)
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