Jayson Gaddis - ”Getting to Zero” - How to master conflict resolution in your important relationships
Nov 14, 2023
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Jayson Gaddis, author of 'Getting to Zero', provides practical wisdom on conflict resolution in relationships. Key takeaways include taking ownership of actions, emphasizing feeling understood in conflict resolution, and finding inner harmony. They also discuss the concept of LUFU, or listening until the other person feels understood. The podcast explores advances in understanding relationships, navigating conflict, and the value of authentic connections.
Approaching conflict with ownership of actions is key to constructive outcomes.
Truly making someone feel understood has a powerful impact in conflict resolution.
Exploring inner conflict and practicing self-discovery are essential for personal fulfillment and growth.
Deep dives
The Importance of Conflict Repair and Self-Reflection
Conflict repair is crucial in relationships as it allows for growth and learning. The speaker shares how his own experiences led him to realize the significance of repairing conflicts in relationships. He emphasizes the role of self-reflection in understanding one's own contribution to conflicts and the importance of taking personal responsibility. Learning about oneself and resolving conflicts with a partner is an ongoing process that requires empathy, vulnerability, and a commitment to repair.
Understanding Conflict and Typical Triggers
Conflict is defined as a rupture, disagreement, or unresolved disagreement between two people. The podcast explores various scenarios that often lead to conflict, such as too much distance or closeness, superficial disagreements, and differences in tone or expression. It highlights the importance of recognizing how these triggers impact individuals and relationships. By understanding common conflict scenarios, individuals can better navigate and address conflicts in a conscious and effective manner.
Steps to Responding to Conflict Consciously
The speaker emphasizes the importance of consciously responding to conflicts by choosing to either speak or listen first. They present a framework for effective communication where speaking involves taking personal responsibility and using 'I' statements rather than blaming. Listening entails actively engaging with the speaker, using a three-step process: validation, empathy, and owning one's role in the conflict. The goal is to create a safe space for open dialogue, connection, and resolution.
The Role of Trauma and Shame in Conflict Resolution
The speaker discusses how trauma history and unacknowledged shame can hinder effective conflict resolution. Trauma and past experiences often shape individuals' reactions and defense mechanisms in conflicts. The need to be right, defend oneself, or avoid vulnerability can stem from unprocessed shame. Addressing these underlying factors enables individuals to engage in conflict resolution with greater empathy, openness, and personal growth.
The Inner Conflict and Fulfillment
The speaker highlights the inner conflict many individuals experience as they navigate personal growth and authenticity in relationships. The conflict arises from past conditioning and the need for approval, often leading to a disconnect from one's true self. Exploring this internal conflict is essential for achieving fulfillment. The speaker encourages individuals to become aware of their true desires, prioritize belonging while also feeling known, and embark on a journey of self-discovery and relationship-building.
These days, I only fire up the podcast for people who I believe to be truly world-class at what they do.
@jaysongaddis is one of those people.
His book “Getting to Zero” provides a practical framework to master conflict resolution in our important relationships.
Jayson offered up a ton of practical wisdom about how we can approach conflict consciously, tips for effective communication, and how to navigate the inner turmoil that challenges our personal fulfillment and growth.
Here are 📌4 key takeaways from our chat…
1. 🎯 Taking ownership: Jayson explained how approaching conflict with ‘ownership’ of actions is key to constructive outcomes. This involves stepping out of the victim mentality and acknowledging one's contribution to the situation, even when we think the other person is at fault.
2. 💡 Cognitive Empathy versus Feeling Felt: He shed light on the distinction between understanding someone’s feelings (cognitive empathy) and truly making them feel understood, emphasizing the latter's powerful impact in conflict resolution.
3. 📚 Inner Conflict Resolution: Jayson discussed the concept of inner conflict deriving from compromising our true selves for acceptance. He also provides practical outlets and practices to bring harmony to the inner and outer worlds.
LUFU - LUFU means that you make a commitment to Listen to the other person Until they Feel Understood. It is a simple way to sharpen your listening skills in high impact conversations.
If these snippets piqued your interest, tune into the episode for deeper insights and tips.
You’ll walk away from this chat with a new lens on difficult conversations. You will learn how to face conflict as an opportunity to grow personally and create deeper understanding in your important relationships.
Enjoy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snbuEYtvINQ
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