In this discussion, Amy Gallo, an expert in workplace dynamics and a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review, tackles the tricky issue of passive-aggressive behavior. She shares insights on understanding the motivations behind such behaviors rather than labeling individuals. Tips include using curiosity in communication and focusing on underlying concerns. Gallo warns against artificial harmony that masks conflicts and emphasizes the importance of engaging in clear dialogue to foster better workplace relationships.
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volunteer_activism ADVICE
Handling Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Avoid labeling someone's behavior as "passive-aggressive."
Focus on their underlying concern instead of their expression.
question_answer ANECDOTE
The Quiet Disagreement
Dave Stachowiak had a colleague who expressed disagreement by getting quiet and ending conversations abruptly.
He learned to recognize this pattern and respond with curiosity.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Hypothesis Testing
Use "hypothesis testing" to understand passive-aggressive behavior.
Ask questions like, "I've noticed you haven't been responding to my emails; is there something wrong?"
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In 'Getting Along', Amy Gallo provides strategies for dealing with eight common types of difficult coworkers, offering practical advice based on behavioral science research. The book emphasizes the importance of interpersonal resilience and provides principles for navigating tough relationships effectively.
HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict
HBR Guide Series
Amy Gallo
Amy Gallo: Getting Along
Amy Gallo is an expert in conflict, communication, and workplace dynamics. She combines the latest management research with practical advice to deliver evidence-based ideas on how to improve relationships and excel at work. In her role as a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review, Amy writes about interpersonal dynamics, communicating ideas, leading and influencing people, and building your career.
Amy is co-host of HBR's Women at Work podcast and author of both the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict and Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)*.
In this conversation, Amy and I discuss one of the most common questions she receives from leaders: how do I handle a colleague who’s passive aggressive? We examine what causes this behavior, how to respond to it, and what to avoid that could worsen the relationship. Plus, we discuss the intention that leaders can bring in responding to passive-aggressive behavior that will help everybody move forward.
Key Points
Don’t use the “passive-aggressive behavior” to label someone. It rarely helps and often results in more defensiveness.
Focus on the other person’s underlying concern or question rather than how they are expressing it. Not everyone is able to discuss thoughts and feelings openly.
Consider doing hypothesis testing to determine what’s next. Language like, “Here’s the story I’m telling myself…” can help everyone move forward without assigning blame.
When making a direct request, stick to the facts. Review past behavior like you’re a referee vs. a fan.
Artificial harmony is a danger spot for teams and leaders. Setting norms can help to reduce passive-aggressive behavior.
Resources Mentioned
Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)* by Amy Gallo
Interview Notes
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The Way to Get People Talking, with Andrew Warner (episode 560)
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