Hello Monday with Jessi Hempel How to Say No: The Psychology of Defiance with Dr. Sunita Sah
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Dec 1, 2025 
Dr. Sunita Sah, a behavioral scientist and author, dives into the power of saying "no" as a pathway to reclaiming autonomy. She explores the discomfort associated with declining requests and introduces the concept of insinuation anxiety, revealing how it affects our workplace dynamics. Sah suggests a five-stage model for managing defiance and highlights the importance of aligning our refusals with personal values. With practical strategies, she encourages listeners to practice defiance as a crucial skill for confidence and clarity.
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Raised To Be The 'Good' Child
- Dr. Sunita Sah recounts growing up rewarded for obedience and being known as a "good" girl.
- That early compliance sparked her fascination with people who could defy and led to her research on speaking up.
Defiance Reframed As Value Alignment
- Dr. Sunita Sah reframes defiance as acting in alignment with your true values under pressure.
- This shifts defiance from a negative rebellion to a principled, positive stance.
Defiance Carries Unequal Costs
- Defiance is experienced unequally: social privilege lowers its cost for some people.
- People from less dominant groups face higher penalties yet may need to defy more to match their needs.
